Jokes Book Collection Part Ii Part 62

The Top Ten Reasons Computers Must Be Male.

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and s.h.i.+ny until you bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right b.u.t.tons.

5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but n.o.body's home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter!

The Top Ten Reasons Computers Must Be Female.

10. Picky, picky, picky.

9. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.

8. Beauty is only sh.e.l.l deep.

7. When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing"

6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.

5. They always turn simple statements into big problems.

4. Smalltalk is important.

3. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.

2. They make you take the garbage out.

1. Miss a period and they go wild!

Greek Island Jokes ...

Q: What's the cleanest Greek Island in the Med?

A: Domestos.

Q: Which Greek Island is totally flame proof?

A: Asbestos.

Q: Which Greek Island makes you fell really tired?

A: Knackeredos.

Q: What's the gayest Greek Island in the med?

A: Lesbos.

Q: Which Greek Island will make your wrist ache?

A: Tossos.

Q: Which Greek Island will satisfy even the largest lady?

A: d.i.l.d.os.

Q: Which Greek Island can guarantee you s.e.xy fun?

A: s.h.a.ggos.

Q: Which Greek Island reminds your girl friend what to wear?

A: Knickos.

Q: On which Greek island should you avoid the kebabs?

A: Pukeos.

Q: What Greek Island has food that'll leave you feeling stuffed?

A: Paxos.

Q: Why was the brush late for work?

A: He over swept.

Trick or treat.

Little Johnny goes trick or treating at Halloween dressed as a pirate.

He knocks at Mrs Smith's door and when she opens it and sees him she looks around in mock terror.

"Captain Johnny!" she says, "Where are your buccaneers?"

"Under me F**king hat!" he replies.

The genie.

A guy finds a bottle on a beach and after a few rubs out pops a genie in a puff of smoke.

"I'm the genie of the bottle and I can grant you two wishes, what'll it be?"

"Two wishes, eh? Well I want to be hard and get all the a.s.s I want." He replies.

"Your wish is my command," says the genie as he turns the guy into a plastic toilet seat.

Lazy Workmen.

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."

Nine hands went up.

"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man.

"Too much trouble," came the reply.

The ventriloquist and the blonde.

A young ventriloquist is touring small town pubs and clubs. One night he's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair. She shouts, "OK pal, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Blonde women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you that keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community. It's your kind that continue to perpetuate discrimination against blonde women in the name of humour."

Fl.u.s.tered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, but the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little b.a.s.t.a.r.d on your knee!"

Bad Drums.

Two cowboys are riding along a trail in the mountains when they suddenly hear tom toms beating very close by.

"Oh! That doesn't sound good," says one cowboy to his pal.

As soon as the words are spoken, an Indian jumps out from behind a tree and says, "Yeah well, our regular drummer is off sick."

The medical.

A man goes to his doctor and tells him that his wife doesn't want to have s.e.x with him any more. The doc tells the guy to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife is at the doctor's and he asks her what's wrong.

The wife tells him, "For the last 7 months every morning I take a cab to work. I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' so I take or what."