The Fading Away of Our Youth (So Young) Vol 2 Chapter 12.2

TO OUR YOUTH THAT IS FADING AWAY: PART 2, CHAPTER 12.2

 

Chen Xiao Zheng closed his eyes, this was what he had wanted for so long, the warmth which he had long ago already been afraid to request? If G.o.d (more like being from above) asked him right now, what he would be willing to exchange to keep this moment? He would say, “Everything.”

Truly, his academic achievements, his wealth, his future, even his home life. He could do without anything, he only needed her, only this moment of warmth. He wasn’t a reckless/desperate person, but right now he wants nothing more.

He felt her hand gently stroking the back of his, a little bit hesitantly, and he was almost afraid to breathe, afraid that him, as a man, would cry because of this. He repeatedly asked his heart, Chen Xiao Zheng, what outstanding virtues do you have, to have reached this happy day… …

Her hand found his ring finger, then his middle finger, lingering over them.

“A Zheng… …” She murmured again.

“I’m right here, I’m here.” He replied in a low, soft voice.

Zheng Wei only held onto his middle finger, and the ambiguity made him blush, and he almost lost his mind, to the extent that he almost missed her quiet words.

“Is there something missing here?”

“Huh?”

“Is it maybe a ring?”

… …

He didn’t know how long he took to digest her words, and in the dark, his hand which was on her face slowly withdrew. She grabbed onto his hand again, her smile just as sweet as before, and intimately, just like before when they were in love, bantered, “Answer me.”

He didn’t say anything, and slowly, slowly lowered his head, and felt the temperature of her hand slowly falling, letting him feel cold to the bone.

Her smile was still there, but it became extremely listless. “You know, that moment just now, I actually had some expectations, I wish you had said, Wei Wei, I don’t understand what you’re saying, or, you would shake your head.”

She suddenly felt no longer sad, maybe it was from the tears she had cried at the dinner table, everything had already been concluded, when she had heard those maybe true, maybe false rumors, she had instantly awoken. She wasn’t listened to, but she understood him too well. Her trying to seek confirmation now, spelled out her last hopes, and she was only waiting for it to completely die out.

“Don’t be like this, A Zheng.” She saw how hurt he was, and wanted to comfort him. “Is she the type of girl that’s suitable for you, who can help you level out your big building? If she is, I’m really happy for you, you finally found her.”

He didn’t put up any fight, this was the life that he had chosen, but he hadn’t antic.i.p.ated that he would be able to experience the sweetness just now in his entire lifetime again, kindling a hope in him, waking up from the most beautiful dream, of course there’d be pain.

His silence further showed his despair and his giving up.

Zheng Wei hadn’t seen her, she was looking far away, almost as if she was saying to him, and saying it to herself. “Maybe you know too, I’ve never imagined what a Zheng Wei who doesn’t love you would be like. The years that you were gone, even in my most painful moments, I never hated you, because the happiness that you had given me didn’t lose out to the pain from your leaving. After you left, I still had some thoughts. I could continue going on blind dates, marry someone, and after defending (treasuring/guarding) my memories for a life time, the day I turn
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ed old, I would’ve already forgotten your leaving long ago. I would simply tell my descendant, when I was younger, there was a man who loved me, and he gave me the happiest few years. But then you returned, and this time you helped me, I not only hate you, but I also completely can’t stand you. Chen Xiao Zheng, I can finally stop loving you. For this, you deserve my gratefulness.”

She thought she was crying, but she actually wasn’t. Freeing oneself was a positive thing, the fire that had burned, buried deep inside her heart for those 4 years, no one could see it, but it never went out. Everything was good now; he had provoked it out, and put it out with his own hand. Other than Chen Xiao Zheng, who else could extinguish the fire in Zheng Wei’s heart?

When he lifted his head his face was wet, and he trned around, using his other hand to wrap around hers, as if under the cross, and tried one last time. “If I said that I was with Ouyang for a special reason, would you believe me?”

Zheng Wei said softly, “I can’t believe you time after time, I can’t… … ” She said, one word at a time, watching the light in his eyes slowly fade, eventually cold.

Maybe they should’ve already understood long ago, there wasn’t a Little Jade Dragon in the world anymore, and that proud and aloof youngster who she had loved regardless of the dangers, had already left his youthful years behind a long time ago. The two currently sitting across from one another, were Zheng Wei and Chen Xiao Zheng, Secretary Zheng and a.s.sistant Manager Chen, an ordinary woman and a man on the earth who were getting worn down day by day. Similar to how a song, paused at the most joyful moment, wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but they were too greedy, stubbornly thinking they could keep on singing, but in the end discovering that they couldn’t bear the tune.

“I’ll leave then.” Zheng Wei said. “We still have to go to work tomorrow.”

“Yes, we still have work tomorrow.” In the past, we both thought that we could die for love, but love couldn’t kill a person, it will only stab you in the place you hurt the most, and after we feel like weeping yet we have no tears, after we’ve tossed and turned restlessly, after we’ve had the illness so long we become the doctor, after we’ve become steel. You are not the wind, and I am not the sand, no matter how much we linger we cannot reach that faraway place. After wiping our tears, tomorrow morning, we still have to work.

“I’ll take you home.”

She laughed, seeing him finally able to control himself, and stood up.

He was a smart person, after saying things till it’s like this, saying it again had more meaning. The things we are doomed to lose, have been lost. But the earlier it dies, the earlier it reincarnates.

“No need, you leave.”

“It’s already this late, how can I leave you alone here?”

“I’ll let you go. Chen Xiao Zheng, if you still have some lingering affection, then leave now, because before going to work tomorrow, looking at you for more than a second will still be really painful for me.”

His open face was silent for a moment, and then he began to pick up his phone to make a call.

“Who are you calling?” Zheng Wei asked.

“Taxi company.”

Zheng Wei pointed at her nose and said, “Don’t make me tell you to get lost.”

He left, and she remained in her original spot, and stooped down, taking deep breaths. The weather was nice, the night air was cool, who cared about this kind of corner, where two hearts quietly died in the darkness. She tried to stand up, but then she realized everything around her was spinning. How much she had drank, she herself knew well.

At a time like this, the first person she thought about was still Ruan Ruan, but after dialing her number, no one picked up. When she dialed the home phone, still no one picked up. She slowly walked a few steps, her head feeling heavier and heavier, and she had no choice but to sit back down again. Vaguely, all she remembered was that she finally got through to someone’s phone (as in, they finally picked up). And when the other person said, wei (like, h.e.l.lo?), she began to sob. “I’m at G University, come quickly.”