Tilea’s Worries Chapter 31

First of all, Shura no Kuni, or the Land of the Shura.

It’s a term that was made popular through Hokuto no Ken (Fist of the North Star) and was basically a brutal land of warriors, kind of like Sparta but where everybody learns magical kung fu.
On the internet, there’s this tongue-in-cheek joke where f.u.kuoka is referred to as ‘Land of the Shura’ because of all the gang wars that have been going on over there over the last few decades.
Oh, and ‘Shura（修羅）‘ is another term for ‘Asura’（or Ashura in j.a.panese: 阿修羅）.

http://www.thewire.com/global/2012/04/handouts-hand-grenades-yakuza-gang-war-leads-explosive-bounty/50624/
http://www.j.a.pantoday.com/category/national/view/boy-finds-hand-grenade-in-f.u.kuoka-rice-field

More on f.u.kuoka ^

Chapter 31 – “Shall we have tea?” (Opening)

Because I scolded them, Timu and Pervert(Nielsen) began to work with fervour. It seems like it was worth it, huh? Although Timu’s smile was still a little cramped, she matured enough to deal with customers. But well, she had a cheerful personality before the onset of her chuunibyou, so I think if she got serious it would be really easy for her to deal with customers.

Also, what was surprising was Pervert(Nielsen). Before, you could see traces of arrogance in his att.i.tude with customers, but after I scolded him, his att.i.tude became a lot softer. And what’s more, perhaps he was getting used to it because he was doing his work smoothly as well.

The result of that was…

“Tilea-chan, has Nielsen-san not come yet?”

“I think he’ll be here soon.”

“Aahh, how wonderful! Enough that I’d want to swap my husband for him.”

“Truly, truly. If he lured me with those refres.h.i.+ng eyes of his, I’d divorce my useless husband in an instant.”

Lately, Pervert(Nielsen)’s popularity has been sky-rocketing amongst all the obachans in the neighbourhood. It’s true that just his appearance as a dandy ojisama is good. Instead of the Korean Actor boom amongst the obasans in j.a.pan, a Pervert(Nielsen) boom is sweeping Beruga Town.

“Tilea-chan, Nielsen-san isn’t single after all, right?”

“I’ll bet not. I’m sure he has a wonderful wife!”

“I kind of want to see her.”

Whoa, whoa, ladies, this might betray your expectations, but he’s a virgin.

“Tilea-chan, where is it that Nielsen-san lives?”

“I’m sorry. It is personal information, so I can’t tell you.”

“Personal information? What do you mean? Come on, don’t say something so stiff and just tell us.”

R-, Right…

Even if I say ‘personal information’, the people in this world wouldn’t understand the concept, would they.

Then should I just tell them?――Hang on, thinking about it carefully, I have no idea where Pervert(Nielsen) lives either. During the interview with him he kept speaking nonsense, and I got so angry that we never settled anything.

“The truth is I don’t know either. I’ll ask him next time.”

“”Please do.””

Huu~ Why do I have to act like Pervert(Nielsen)’s manager? I want to tell them to ask him themselves, but they’re guests so I don’t want to offend them.

And what’s more, Pervert(Nielsen)’s age has finally come. It’s fine if I help him out a little, right? You never know where you’ll find the one, after all. Even Pervert(Nielsen) might be cured of his chuunibyou if he settles down and starts a family.

While I was pondering this, the door to the shop opened.

It was the lady-killer in question.

“Morning, Niel. You’re early today too, huh.”

“You appear splendid on this day as well, Tilea-sama.

“Kyaa, Nielsen-san is wonderful as well, today!”

“What a refined voice!”

With Pervert(Nielsen)’s arrival, the obachans grew excited, standing up at once and surrounding him. A whole flock of women coming to receive him.

“You ladies are beautiful as always. Please continue to patronise Restaurant 『Berum』 as you see fit.”

“Goodness, to call me beautiful♪”

“Hearing Nielsen-san say that makes everything seem like it’ll be okay.”

Hahh~ All these shrill voices. I’m happy that we have more customers, but I’m worried this will inconvenience the other customers.

And also I don’t know what’s going to happen if these obachans find out that Pervert(Nielsen) is actually a chuuni NEET…

“Huu, ignorance is terrifying.”

While watching Pervert(Nielsen) and the obachans, I accidentally mumbled what was on my mind.

“Truly.”

Perhaps she heard what I said, because Timu agreed with me.

Ooh, so you think so too, Timu!

Of course. Since Timu’s close with Pervert(Nielsen), of course she knows what he really is.

“If these obachans knew his real self, they’d be shocked speechless, huh.”

“It is exactly as you say, Oneesama. Deceived with just Nielsen’s acting and appearance, with no idea of what he truly is. Truly a group of fools.”

Timu, your tongue is pretty sharp, huh. But just like Timu says, I’m not sure how to feel about these women being infatuated with Pervert(Nielsen) when they already have husbands.

This situation is just like those obachans in my past life that were hooked on Korean stars.

But well, there’s no magazines or television in this world, so I guess it can’t be helped that they got excited when a dandy older gentleman appeared out of nowhere. Basically it’s like when housewives go kyaa kyaa over celebrities.

“There isn’t much entertainment in this town, so Niel is one of their only stimulations, huh.”

“Oneesama. Both Nielsen and I are ready to sortie at any time. The moment you give us the green-light, we shall immediately dispose of our masks of falsehood and bestow upon these insolent fools a most severe stimulation.”

“I-, I see. I know you’re unhappy about these obachans, but try to hold back in front of them, okay?”

“Of course. I shall not carelessly reveal my true ident.i.ty.”

Timu seemed to hum “Hm hm!” as she answered proudly.

…Full throttle chuunibyou as usual, huh. That’s fine, but should I start thinking about a way to deal with this?

But well, chuunibyou isn’t something you can solve quickly, so I’ll have a slow think about it. The issue right now is Pervert’s popularity.

Ooh, that Pervert(Nielsen) is even getting flowers. Even calling him a celebrity wouldn’t be exaggeration now.

And like that, from early in the morning, droves of Pervert(Nielsen)’s fans came by wave after wave. Pervert(Nielsen) politely handled each and every one of them, paying attention to the reputation of our shop. It looks like it’s finally sinking into him that he’s a member of our staff.

Alright. I should praise him as his superior. If I acknowledge his work during break-time, I’m sure his motivation will go up.

And so, once the morning peak hour pa.s.sed, the customers stopped coming. It’s about time to take a break.

“Timu, Niel, want to take a break now?”

“”Understood.””

I call them over to have a breather. And when I did, Pervert(Nielsen) guided Timu and I over to a table before nimbly preparing tea and snacks.

Ooh, not bad!

“Niel, you’re pretty good.”

“Your praise humbles me.”

Mn, mn. Not bad for a former NEET. Looks like my training was worth it.

“Nielsen is not only my guard, but my butler as well. Odd-jobs like this are his specialty.”

“I seee~ That’s amazing.”

It’s true that his appearance is pretty butler-ey. Timu, I think you have a good eye for this. Only, it’s a little fujos.h.i.+-ish. If you add ‘fujos.h.i.+’ on top of ‘chuunibyou’, Oneechan is going to have a hard time healing you.
And Timu is being a chuuni as always. What am I supposed to do?

Speaking of which, now that I think about it I just realised that I haven’t actually asked in detail about what kind of delusions these two are up to. I might find out some hint on how to heal them. Let’s try asking.

“Timu, you said that you were one of the Six Demon Generals of the Demon King Army, right?”

“Yes. I am a former member of the Six Demon Generals, and currently a general of the Evil G.o.d Army.”

GUHOH-! I-, I just remembered…

Right now Timu’s position is a traitor who left the Demon King Army to join the Evil G.o.d Army. By the way, the Evil G.o.d was me, right?

d.a.m.ned Timu. Apparently she really took a liking to the phrase “Evil G.o.d”. In my old life, I liked it too, after all. I really know how she feels. I knew it. Timu’s chuunibyou really is quite deep. This probably isn’t something I can solve just by listening to her.

…Okay. Now’s a good chance. While I’m listening to her delusions, I’ll also speak frankly today. We’ll have proper communication as sisters, and I’ll try looking for a plan to fix this. First we need to begin talking, or nothing will get anywhere.

“Timu, is there anything you want to ask Oneechan? I’ll tell you anything today.”

“Let me see. There is something that I would like to ask of you, Oneesama.”

“Yep, yep. Try it.”

“I would like to hear about your exploits as Dark Matter-sama.”

GAHUH-! T-, Timu, what are you asking all of a sudden…

But I said that I would tell her anything. It won’t do to lose her confidence. No matter what kind of dark history it may be…

“Timu, I told you a little about my past life before, right?”

“Yes. I received quite a shock when I heard about it. Please allow me to hear in more detail.”

“Detail huhh~ Where on earth should I begin.”

“Well then, the country that you lived in, ‘j.a.pan’; what kind of place was it?”

“Let’s see~ It was a much harsher place to live in than where we are now.”

After all, Beruga Town is peaceful, everybody is kind to me, and I even have a warm family. Although j.a.pan was modern, there was all this pressure from entrance exams and finding employment looming over me, so it was a pretty hard place to live in.

“So as expected, it truly was a world embroiled in battle and chaos…”

Battle…?

Well, there is that saying that ‘life is a battle’, I guess. In particular, life as an unemployed virgin was basically hard mode.

“Mhm. And I was born in a place called ‘Land of the Shura’ that was particularly harsh.”

“Goodness! I sense from the name that it must have been incomparable to even the Demon Realm that I was born in.”

“Yeah~ It was even scarier than the demon realm. There were dokyun popping up everywhere, after all.”

“‘Dokyun’ you say! As I recall, that refers to beings that possess the same quality and strength as the Demonic Evil Three?”

“Yeah, basically the same type as those three. Like I told you earlier, they were just absolutely everywhere, so n.o.body knew what to do about it. What’s more, some of them even had these terrifying explosive weapons called hand grenades.”

“Tilea-sama, from what I hear, can I take it to mean that ‘hangreh nayd’ is something similar to the Explosion spell?”

“Nielsen, Oneesama said that it was terrifying. How could it possibly be similar to a mere Explosion spell.”

“Yes. It is true that although Explosion can harm a dragon, it could hardly pose any threat to a being of Tilea-sama’s level.”

“Umu. I infer that a ‘hangreh nayd’ must be a forbidden magical weapon of a level that could damage her. Oneesama, is that correct?”

“Haha. Far from damage, if I got caught up in the explosion I’d die in an instant, you know.”

“WHA-!? A weapon that could consign a being as great as Oneesama in a single blow!? Truly unbelievable!”

“Mn. Actually when I saw the warning leaflets about watching out for hand grenades, I couldn’t believe it either. ‘Seriously!? Eh-!? Is this some joke!?’ I thought, but… it was the truth. What’s more, sometimes they just dropped them on the side of the road, too.”

Their expressions were filled with shock.

Mn, I know exactly how you feel. When I first heard about it, I was terrified for a while too. I was needlessly worried about a dokyun suddenly pulling one out and throwing it as a joke, after all.

I ended up reincarnating, but I wonder how the Land of the Shura is doing right now. Are the people doing well? I wonder if everybody needs to wear bulletproof vests when heading outside now…

“Then, Oneesama, how did you deal with ‘hangreh nayds’?”

“For better or for worse I died before ever seeing one.”

“I see. How terrifying. So Oneesama fought her whole life in a nation filled with such weapons. I think I am beginning to understand why you are as strong as you are, Oneesama.”

“Huhu, that’s right. I had a really hard time, you know. Is there anything else you would like to hear?”

“Yes. As I recall, you were a ‘niit’, correct?”

GEFUH-! T-, Timu, that was quite a jab. I almost lost consciousness.

So you remembered. Even though it would’ve been fine to just forget that word…

“Y-, Yes. I was a NEET…”

“Did your other ‘niit’ compatriots also possess power like yours, Oneesama?”

“Power? ――Well, it’s true that we were a like-bunch. There were lots of chuunibyou around me, you see.”

“Oneesama, what does ‘chuuneebyoh’ mean?”

“Speaking simply, Timu, they’re people who think and behave like you and Niel.”

“Hahh… Something that Nielsen and I have in common… In other words, ‘chuuneebyoh’ are those who strive for martial prowess, correct?”

“Mm~mm, weelll, if you want to make it sound cool, then I guess so. But chuunibyou isn’t a word of praise, you know.”

“When one pushes too far into the martial realm, they may lose sight of everything else and trip over themselves. This is particularly obvious in Nielsen and I when we become too heated up. Can I take that to be the meaning of your words, Oneesama?”

“Hm, something like that. Right. When you’re too much of a chuunibyou, you lose sight of everything else. In my past life, I was that kind of person. I was too much of a chuunibyou and always ran rampant, after all.”

“Goodness. To think that the ever calm and collected Oneesama had such a past…”

“Huhu, I’m sure it’s unbelievable to you, but it’s the truth. But you know, it’s because I had such failures in my old life that I’m trying my best to reflect on it now.”

“As expected of Oneesama. The reason that you never fail to be cautious, despite your mighty power, is because you had such experiences, isn’t it.”

“That’s right. It’s really rough when you’re too much of a chuunibyou.”

“Were you a ‘chuuneebyoh’ for a long time, Oneesama?”

“Uu-, t-, that’s right. So you know, Timu? I want you to hurry up and fix that part of yourself.”

“I see. But most of your techniques were created during your period as a ‘chuuneebyoh’, right, Oneesama?”

“Yes. I told you before as well, but almost everybody joins a company, you see. Unless you were a NEET, you wouldn’t have the free time to come up with techniques.”

“Then although I may be called a fool, I wish to live in the same way that you did, Oneesama. I also wish to be a ‘niit’ that masters the martial realm.”

Wh-, What did she say? Timu, please don’t suddenly announce to your family that you want to be a NEET!

Aaah, oh my G.o.d!

Even though I explained how stupid it was to be a NEET, it’s like Timu looks up to them now.

“Timu, I’ve told you many times already, but ‘NEET’ isn’t a word of praise. It was normal in my last life to work for a company.”

“I see. If I recall correctly, in ‘j.a.pan’ it was normal to subordinate oneself to a ‘companee’.”

“Right, right, so you remember.”

“Oneesama. Though you may call me a fool, is it not fine to be a ‘chuuneebyoh’? I will not deny the person you once were, Oneesama. Although it seems that you regret it, I am very proud of you. Any normal person would submit themselves to the ‘companee’, correct? I respect you from the bottom of my heart for not even once becoming a slave to a ‘Companee’, Oneesama!”

“I feel the same way, Tilea-sama. The many splendid divine skills you have demonstrated are the fruits of your life as a ‘NEET’.”

GUHAAAH――! A BRUTAL HITTTT!

Y-, You guys, you’re actually real demons, aren’t you?

You keep hitting my vitals with such accuracy.

Right now Oneechan’s Life Points are being taken away.

“Y-, Yes, that’s right. I was a NEET who never once went to work.”

“Nielsen, we shall learn from Oneesama’s example. Never bending to society, we will single-mindedly walk down our own paths. In particular, doing such a thing in the Land of Shura was no ordinary feat.”

“I will model myself exactly on Tilea-sama’s ‘chuuneebyoh’.”

Hah, hah, hah, I thought this would be a break, but instead I took some heavy damage. Please just cut me a break already.”

GUHAAAH――! A BRUTAL HITTTT!”
A brutal hit(痛恨の一撃; terrible hit) is a recurring element in Dragon Quest. It’s basically critical hit, but when monsters. .h.i.t your party.