Jokes For All Occasions Part 25

You’re reading novel Jokes For All Occasions Part 25 online at LightNovelFree.com. Please use the follow button to get notification about the latest chapter next time when you visit LightNovelFree.com. Use F11 button to read novel in full-screen(PC only). Drop by anytime you want to read free – fast – latest novel. It’s great if you could leave a comment, share your opinion about the new chapters, new novel with others on the internet. We’ll do our best to bring you the finest, latest novel everyday. Enjoy!

"Deer guvner, if youve heared wat ive heared youve heared youve heared a lie."

HEAVEN

The clergyman in the following story probably did not mean exactly what he said, though, human nature being what it is, maybe it was true enough.

A paris.h.i.+oner meeting the parson in the street inquired:

"When do you expect to see Deacon Jones again?"

"Never, never again!" the minister declared solemnly. "The deacon is in heaven!"

HELP

The farmer found his new hired man very unsatisfactory. A neighbor who chanced along inquired:

"How's that new hand o' your'n?"

"Cuss the critter!" was the bitter reply. "He ain't a hand--he's a sore thumb."

A savage old boar got into a garden, and was doing much damage. When two men tried to drive it out, the animal charged. One of the two climbed a tree, the other dodged, and laid hold on the boar's tail. He hung on desperately, and man and beast raced wildly round and round the tree.

Finally, the man shouted between gasps:

"For heaven's sake, Bill, climb down here, and help me leggo this ornery old hog!"

HELPFULNESS

Many a mayor is a friend to the people--just like his honor in the following story.

A taxpayer entered the office of the water registrar in a small city, and explained himself and his business there as follows:

"My name is O'Rafferty. And my cellar is full of wather, and my hins will all be drowned intirely if it ain't fixed. And I'm here to inform yez that I'm wantin' it fixed."

It was explained to the complainant that the remedy for his need must be sought at the office of the mayor, and he therefore departed to interview that official.

After an interval of a few days, O'Rafferty made a second visit to the office of the registrar.

"Sure, and I've come agin to tell yez that my cellar is now fuller of water than ever it was before. And I'm tellin' yez that I want it fixed, and I'm a man that carries votes in my pocket."

The registrar again explained that he was powerless in the matter, and that the only recourse must be to the mayor.

"The mayor is ut!" O'Rafferty snorted. "Sure and didn't I see the mayor?

I did thot! And what did the mayor say to me? Huh! he said, 'Mr.

O'Rafferty, why don't you keep ducks?'"

HEN

The customer asked for fresh eggs, and the clerk in the London shop said:

"Them are fresh which has a hen on 'em."

"But I don't see any hen."

The clerk explained patiently.

"Not the fowl, mum, but the letter _hen_. _Hen_ stands for _noo-laid_."

HEREAFTER

This is the dialogue between a little girl and a little boy:

"What are you bawling about, Jimmie?"

"I'm cryin' because maw has wented to heaven."

"That's silly. Maybe she hain't."

Little Alice questioned her mother concerning heaven, and seemed pleased to be a.s.sured that she would have wings and harp and crown.

"And candy, too, mamma?"

The mother shook her head.

"Anyhow," Alice declared, "I'm tickled we have such a fine doctor."

HEREDITY

The woman, who had a turn-up nose and was somewhat self-conscious concerning it, bought a new pug dog, and petted it so fondly as to excite the jealousy of her little daughter.

"How do you like your new little brother?" she asked the child teasingly.

The girl replied, rather maliciously, perhaps:

"He looks just like his muvver."

HIGH PRICES

Two men were talking together in the Public Library. One of them said:

Jokes For All Occasions Part 25

You're reading novel Jokes For All Occasions Part 25 online at LightNovelFree.com. You can use the follow function to bookmark your favorite novel ( Only for registered users ). If you find any errors ( broken links, can't load photos, etc.. ), Please let us know so we can fix it as soon as possible. And when you start a conversation or debate about a certain topic with other people, please do not offend them just because you don't like their opinions.


Jokes For All Occasions Part 25 summary

You're reading Jokes For All Occasions Part 25. This novel has been translated by Updating. Author: Anonymous already has 697 views.

It's great if you read and follow any novel on our website. We promise you that we'll bring you the latest, hottest novel everyday and FREE.

LightNovelFree.com is a most smartest website for reading novel online, it can automatic resize images to fit your pc screen, even on your mobile. Experience now by using your smartphone and access to LightNovelFree.com