Spirit Hotel Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Matchmaker (Part 1)

Isefel turned his head, black irises fixing on the object of his attention. Feisha suspects that Isefel had actually raised himself a little bit, because Feisha had to crane his neck in order to maintain eye contact. The height difference easily made Isefel look more imposing, which didn't do wonders for Feisha's request.

Isefel was truly a despicable being.

Feisha resolved to not let him have his way and scrambled to stand up immediately, sweeping his sight over the head of black hair. Isefel, on the other hand, did not move at all and instead remained staring forwards - Feisha's stomach.

"Reason?"

"My life is currently filled with impoverishment, frustration and distress." Within one month of his stay at Noah's Ark, he had already piled up a debt of one and a half thousand to the hotel, seven hundred and fifty of which was to Hughes.

"Rejected," Isefel replied nonchalantly.

"Why?" Despite not expecting Isefel to agree, Feisha was annoyed nonetheless at the curt reply.

"People whose lives are filled with impoverishment, frustration and distress tend not to be overweight."

After delivering the flawless fatality, Isefel resumed swimming. This was to be done daily as per G.o.d's Will, but to be honest Isefel didn't think that it helped him at all.

———————————-

He resurfaced after an hour to the sight of Feisha, still daydreaming at the edge of the pool.

"I will not be changing my mind." He made to leave, dripping water onto the ground.

Feisha followed silently.

Ignoring the person behind him, Isefel strode lightly into his room; this floor was unique from the others in that apart from the pool, the only other room was Isefel's bedroom. Thankfully, there was nothing that stood out in particular with it, which eased Feisha's mind somewhat.

"I'm here to ask for your help," Feisha quickly said upon seeing Isefel enter the bathroom.

"Your mentor is Hughes."

Seeing no other option, Feisha shoved himself between Isefel and the bathroom door. "You know, I think you're more well-read." Sorry, Hughes, I'm just sucking up to him a bit.

Isefel looked at Feisha's armful of books. "You really believe that I know more about the language of the invisible race than an actual invisible person?"

"…Yeah, it'll be a real reflection of your intelligence." Feisha decided that if Isefel refused again, he was going to cling onto to Isefel's waist and physically stop him from taking a shower. He had readied himself to pounce when Isefel replied-

"Very well."

"Err," Feisha paused. "I mean- great! I'll- uh, I'll be waiting outside."

He felt kind of disappointed, actually. He had imagined that Isefel's abs would have a similar feel to a Simmons mattress, but now he'll never know for sure.

Hearing the sound of a running shower behind the door, Feisha wandered around the room. Despite having the same layout, Isefel's room clearly had a sharper palette. White curtains, black bedsheets, black and white closet; even the lamp gave off a snowy white glow. The entire room was minimalistic to the point of being monotonous, much like Isefel's way of speech.

Come to think of it, Gin could probably donate a few of his roses to liven this room up a little.

The door opened and a suit-clad Isefel emerged, backed by waves of steam pouring out from behind him.

"Do you hang your suits in the bathroom?" Wouldn't it get damp from the steam?

"No."

Feisha pointed at Isefel's getup. "But you're wearing…"

Isefel held up a hand and instantly, a set of neatly hanged dress uniform appeared in his hand.

A pause.

Perhaps it was time for Feisha to abandon the narrow-minded human mindset of getting clothes from a closet.

Isefel put the clothes back. "What did you need to ask?"

At this, Feisha excitedly opened the book in his hand and pointed at the symbol he had noticed earlier. "Does this character mean 'the'?" The time has come for him to awaken the prodigy within.

Isefel glanced at it, and replied unhurriedly, "That is a symbol. It serves a similar purpose to your full stop."

Feisha sighed in disappointment. "You made it too complicated…"

———————————-

Aside from the perpetual monotone, Isefel was actually a pretty good teacher. At the very least, he was patient, a fact Feisha was very satisfied with.

In reality, all Feisha did was sit there and listen while Isefel translated everything.

One piece of information caught his attention.

"So what you're saying is that within the werewolf race, there's a disease going around that makes them crave human flesh and blood when they see the full moon."

"Yes."

"Why can't they cure it?" asked Feisha. "Don't the worlds all have pretty good relations.h.i.+ps with each other? Can't you just ask G.o.d to do something about it? Instead of being triggered by seeing a full moon, the disease can be triggered instead by a square moon."

Isefel's face twisted into a weird expression, sending Feisha into a panic:

"I was joking, I was joking. Please don't actually cut the moon down to a cube; the astronauts will fall off the edge."

"Sorry, you can go take a drink if my joke was too dry for you."

Maybe it'd be better if he just stopped talking.

"That is enough for today," Isefel finally said, closing the book and handing it back to Feisha.

"Then I'll be back tomorrow," said Feisha reluctantly. Walking to the door, something suddenly occurred to him:

"Wait, correct me if I'm wrong but- isn't the day after tomorrow a full moon? Doesn't that mean the werewolf guests that checked in today will…?" Feisha's pretty sure that he was the only human on Noah's Ark.

"Yes." Isefel confirmed his death penalty with an emotionless expression.

"Apparently they're staying for five days."

"Yes."

"I think it'd be a great idea if you cut the moon down, actually," said Feisha, on the verge of tears.

Isefel just stared at him blankly. "You cannot see the moon from Noah's Ark. That's why they come to this place every month."

Silence.

"…Why the f.u.c.k didn't you say that earlier?" Feisha's face immediately returned to normal. "Good night!"

———————————-

Regardless of Isefel's claim, Feisha decided to ask Antonio about it just in case. He should be an expert on this topic, right?

Antonio burst out into mocking crackles as soon as Feisha finished asking his question. "Are you r.e.t.a.r.ded or something? Can't you tell by looking at me?"

Immediately, Feisha backed away. "Don't tell me, you…"

"Heheh, he's actually patient zero." The sound of Gin's ridicule came from behind him. Seeing as there was nowhere for him to run, Feisha decided to accept his fate.

"Why do you always have to stand behind people?"

"Because you never turn around," Gin quipped.

"…Where's Hughes?"

Gin's expression gained a trace of caution. "Why do you ask?"

"He's my mentor, of course I have questions I need to ask him." The duh went unsaid.

"Unfortunately he's very tired right now, hehe. You're going to have to wait till tomorrow."

Feisha felt ashamed of his past, twisted perspective. No matter how you looked at it, Asa and Darhk would make a better couple than Gin and Hughes.

Out of nowhere, Gin leaned in, tone darkening: "Do you still remember what I said to you when we first met?"

"No. I just remember an octopus desperately wriggling on Hughes' shoulder."

"Good. Hughes is mine."

Feisha rolled his eyes at Gin and turned to walk away. It's been a while since he graduated kindergarten, there was really no need for him to repeat the experience. Gin jogged a bit to catch up.

"What do you think about Antonio?"

"Other than the fact that he'd have improper thoughts about me under the full moon? Nothing." He still felt weird about it despite being safe inside Noah's Ark.

"Then you should just have improper thoughts back at him."

Feisha paused in his steps. "Have improper thoughts back at him?"

Gin nodded, smiling mockingly.

"But even if I dared to eat werewolf meat…who's going to cook it?" Antonio's the only chef here.

"…That's not what I meant by improper thoughts. What I'm trying to ask is, have you thought about pus.h.i.+ng him down, marking him…"

Wide-eyed, Feisha stared at Gin in horror, almost as if he'd grown an extra head.

"What kind of expression is that?" Gin scoffed indignantly.

"The normal expression anyone would make after hearing you speak."

"Okay, fine- if you're worried about him bursting into a bout of rabies…you can consider Dea."

Seeing Feisha freeze in surprise, Gin pushed on: "Hehe, don't think I haven't noticed you blus.h.i.+ng around him."

"Are you trying to start a gay bar?" asked Feisha, resigned.

"Why do you ask?"

"Why else would you be so enthusiastically promoting members.h.i.+p cards? I'm very poor, you know. In fact, I've got quite a hefty debt on my shoulders already. You've come to the wrong person if you're looking to net some members.h.i.+p fees."

"Who said that I wanted to sell members.h.i.+p cards? I'm just looking out for you and your year at Noah's Ark." As well as making sure that Feisha stayed far, far away from his Hughes. Seriously, every single human that had ever set foot in this place before Hughes got put as mentor acted like deer in headlights; why did Hughes have to get saddled with this guy?

"I told you, I'm not gay."

"Hmph, are you saying that you've never had improper thoughts about Dea?"

Just as the words left Gin's mouth, Dea turned a corner into the hallway.

Silence.

Gin felt kind of awkward.

"…I'm very sure that I've never ever thought about grilling him," Feisha replied after a while.

Translator's notes

After delivering the flawless fatality, Isefel resumed swimming.

The original line here was something along the lines of "Feisha has been K.O'd!" so I threw a Mortal Kombat reference in there.

Feisha disappointedly sighed, "You made it too complicated…"

A full stop in Chinese is "。", and the invisible people's language uses one big circle surrounded by four smaller circles as their full stop. Here, Feisha laments at how they added too many circles in.

"Sorry, you can go take a drink if my joke was too dry for you."

What Feisha actually said: 对不起，如果你觉得冷的话，就把翅膀伸出来捂捂吧duì bù qǐ, rú guǒ nǐ jué dé lěng de huà, jiù bǎ chì bǎng shēn chū lái wǔ wǔ ba (lit. Sorry, if you feel cold, you can extend your wings and cover yourself)

This is because the quip Feisha made about cutting down the moon is considered in Chinese a 'cold joke' – a joke that funny by virtue of being not actually funny at all (credit: urban dictionary). Basically, it's similar to a Dad joke both in the style of humour (i.e. terrible) and the reaction it garners from the audience; which is to say, looks of disgust. In Chinese culture, the general response to such a joke would be to s.h.i.+ver from pure revulsion because of how bad the joke was, thus Feisha's helpful suggestion for Isefel to cover himself a little.

Tip: Remember the Chinese version this scene. It gets referenced waaaaaaayyyyy later.

"No. I just remember an octopus desperately wriggling on Hughes' shoulder."

Feisha's talking about how Gin kept grabbing at Hughes when they first met, likening Gin's fingers to tentacles on an octopus.

"…I'm very sure that I've never ever thought about grilling him," Feisha replied after a while.

What Feisha says here is not grilling, but 红烧hóng shāo (lit. to braise [meat]).