The Rolliad Part 21

"I was sitting one evening (as indeed I was wont to do when out of cash) astride the ball.u.s.trade of Westminster-bridge, with my favourite little dog under my arm. I had that day parted with my diamond windmill.--Life was never very dear to me--but a thousand thoughts then rushed into my heart, to jump this world, and spring into eternity.--I determined that my faithful Pompey should bear me company.--I pressed him close, and actually stretched out, fully resolved to plunge into the stream; when, luckily (ought I to call it so?) that charming fellow (for such he then was), Sir Cecil WRAY, catching hold of Pompey's tail, pulled him back, and with him pulled back me.--In a moment I found myself in a clean hackney-coach, drawn by grey horses, with a remarkable civil coachman, fainting in my Cecil's arms; and though I then lost a little diamond pin, yet (contrary to what I hear has been a.s.serted) I NEVER prosecuted that gallant Baronet; who, in less than a fortnight after, with his usual wit and genius, dispatched me the following extempore poem:

While you prepar'd, dear Anne, on Styx to sail-- Lo! one dog sav'd you by another's tail.

To which, in little more than a month, I penned, and sent the following reply:

You pinch'd my dog, 'tis true, and check'd my sail-- But then my pin--ah, there you squeezed _my_ tail.

_Ninth volume of Mrs. George Anne Bellamy's Apology, now preparing for the press_.

_Testimony of the great Parts of_ CONSTANTINE, LORD MULGRAVE, _and his Brethren_.

MR. BOSWELL.

"Among those who will vote for continuing the old established number of our Session Justices, may I not count on the tribe of Phipps.--they love good places; and I know Mulgrave is a bit of a poet as well as myself; for I dined in company once, where he dined that very day twelvemonth. My excellent wife, who is a true Montgomery, and whom I like now as well as I did twenty years ago, adores the man who felt for the maternal pangs of a whelpless bear.

For my own part, however, there is no action I more constantly ridicule, than his Lords.h.i.+p's preposterous pity for those very sufferings which he himself occasioned, by ordering his sailors to shoot the young bears.----But though _I_ laugh at _him_, how handsome will it be if _he_ votes against Dundas to oblige _me_.

My disliking him and his family is no reason for his disliking me--on the contrary, if he opposes us, is it not probable that that great young man, whom I sincerely adore, may say, in his own lofty language, "Mulgrave, Mulgrave, don't vex the Scotch!--don't provoke 'em! G.o.d d.a.m.n your ugly head!--if we don't crouch to Bute, we shall all be turned out; G.o.d eternally d.a.m.n you for a stupid boar! I know we shall!

Pardon me, great Sir, for presuming to forge the omnipotent bolts of your Incomparable thunder."

_Appendix to Mr. Baswell's Pamphlet on the Scotch Judges._

_Testimony of_ NATHANIEL WILLIAM WRAXALL, _Esq. his great Merit._

LORD MONBODDO.

"Since I put forth my last volume, I have read the excellent Ode of Mr. Wraxall, and was pleased to find that bold apostrophe in his delicious lyric,

"Hail, Ouran Outangs! Hail, Anthropophagi!"

"My principles are now pretty universally known; but on this occasion I will repeat them succinctly. I believe, from the bottom of my soul, that all mankind are absolute Ouran Outangs. That the feudal tenures are the great cause of our not retaining the perfect appearance of Ourans--That human beings originally moved on all fours--That we had better move in the same way again--That there has been giants ninety feet high--That such giants ought to have moved on all fours--That we all continue to be Ouran Outangs still--some more so, some less--but that Nathaniel William WRAXALL, Esq. is the truest Ouran Outang in Great Britain, and therefore ought immediately to take to all fours, and especially to make all his motions in Parliament in that way."

_Postscript to Lard Monboddo's Ancient Metaphysics._

_Testimony of the Great Powers for Poesy, innate in_ MICHAEL ANGELO TAYLOR, _Esq_.

DR. BURNEY.

I shall myself compose Mr. Taylor's Ode----His merit I admire----his origin I have traced.--He is descended from Mr. John Taylor, the famous Water Poet, who with good natural talents, never proceeded farther in education than his accidence.--John Taylor was born in Gloucesters.h.i.+re.--I find that he was bound apprentice to a Waterman--but in process of time kept a public house in Phnix-alley, Long-acre[1]. Read John's modest recital of his humble culture--

"I must confess I do want eloquence, And never scarce did learn my Accidence; For having got from Possum to Posset, I there was gravell'd, nor could farther get."

John wrote fourscore books, but died in 1654. Here you have John's Epitaph--

"Here lies the Water Poet, honest John, Who rowed on the streams of Helicon; Where, having many rocks and dangers past, He at the haven of heav'n arrived at last."

There is a print of John, holding an oar in one hand, and an empty purse in the other.--Motto--_Et habeo_, meaning the oar--_Et careo_, meaning the cash.--It is too bold a venture to predict a close a.n.a.logy 'twixt _John_ and _Michael_--Sure am I,

If Michael goeth on, as Michael hath begun, Michael will equal be to famous Taylor John.

I shall publish both the Taylor's works, with the score of Michael's Ode, some short time hence, in as thin a quarto as my Handel's Commemoration, price one guinea in boards, with a view of John's house in Phnix-alley, and Sir Robert's carriage, as Sheriff of London and Middles.e.x.

[1] This anecdote was majestically inserted in my ma.n.u.script copy of Handel's Commemoration, by that Great Personage to whose judgment I submitted it. (I take every occasion of shewing the insertion as a good puff.--I wish, however, the same hand had subscribed for the book..) I did not publish any of the said alterations in that work, reserving some of them for my edition of _The Tayloria_.

_Testimony for_ PEPPER ARDEN, _Esq.--In Answer to a Case for the Opinion of_ GEORGE HARDINGE, _Esq. Attorney General to her Majesty._

I have perused this Ode, and find it containeth _eight hundred_ and _forty-seven_ WORDS--_two thousand one hundred_ and _four_ SYLLABLES--_four thousand three hundred_ and _forty-four_ LETTERS[1].--It is, therefore, my opinion, that said Ode is a good and complete t.i.tle to all those fees, honours, perquisites, emoluments, and gratuities, usually annexed, adjunct to, and dependant on, the office of Poet Laureat, late in the occupation of William Whitehead, Esq.

defunct.

G. HARDINGE.

[1] See the learned Gentleman's arithmetical Speech on the Westminster Scrutiny.

_Testimony in Favour of Sir_ RICHARD HILL, _Bart_.

LORD GEORGE GORDON.

_To the_ EDITOR _of the_ PUBLIC ADVERTISER.

MR. PRINTER, I call upon all the Privy Council, Charles Jenkinson, Mr. Bond, and the Lord Mayor of London, to protect my person from the Popish Spies set over me by the Cabinet of William Pitt.--On Thursday ult.

having read the Ode of my friend, Sir Richard, in a print amicable to my Protestant Brethren, and approving it, I accordingly visited that pious Baronet, who, if called on, will verify the same.--I then told Sir Richard what I now repeat, that George the Third ought to send away all Papist Amba.s.sadors.----I joined Sir Richard, Lady Hill, and her cousin, in an excellent hymn, turned from the 1st of Matthew, by Sir Richard.--I hereby recommend it to the eighty Societies of Protestants in Glasgow, knowing it to be sound orthodox truth; for that purpose, Mr. Woodfall, I now entrust it to your special care, conjuring you to print it, as you hope to be saved.

Salmon begat Booz-- Booz begat Obed-- Obed begat Jesse, so as Jesse begat David.

AMEN.

And I am, Sir, Your humble Servant, GEO. GORDON.

_Testimony in Favour of_ MAJOR JOHN SCOTT'_s Poetical Talents._

WARREN HASTINGS, _Esq._

_In an Extract from a private Letter to a Great Personage._

"I trust, therefore, that the rough diamonds will meet with your favourable construction. They will be delivered by my excellent friend, Major John Scott, who, in obedience to my orders, has taken a seat in Parliament, and published sundry tracts on my integrity.

I can venture to recommend him as an impenetrable arguer, no man's propositions flowing in a more deleterious stream; no man's expressions so little hanging on the thread of opinion.--He has it in command to compose the best and most magnificent Ode on your Majesty's birthday.