The Rolliad Part 52

_March_ 5th.--Bill in a Committee--Members begin to smell mischief--don't like it--PITT took fright and shammed sick--was obliged to speak myself--resolved to do it once for all--spoke four hours--so have done my duty, and let PITT now get out of the sc.r.a.pe as well as he can.

_March_ 7th.--PITT moved to recommit the bill--talked about checks and the const.i.tution--believe he's mad. Got into a d.a.m.ned sc.r.a.pe about cotton--second time I've been detected--won't speak any more.--N.B.

Not to let BARING come into the Direction again.--FOX spoke--PITT could not answer him, and told the House he was too hoa.r.s.e--forgot at the time to disguise his voice.

_March_ 9th.--Got THURLOW to dine with us at _Wimbledon_--gave him my best Burgundy and Blasphemy, to put him into good humour.--After a brace of bottles, ventured to drop a hint of business--THURLOW d.a.m.ned me, and asked PITT for a sentiment--PITT looked foolish--GRENVILLE wise--MULGRAVE stared--SYDNEY's chin lengthened--tried the effects of another bottle.--PITT began a long speech about the subject of our meeting--SYDNEY fell asleep by the fire--MULGRAVE and GRENVILLE retired to the old game of the board, and played push-pin for ensigncies in the new corps--Grenville won three.--Mem.--To punish their presumption, will not let either of them have one.

THURLOW very queer.--He swore the bill is absurd, and my correspondence with those cursed Directors d.a.m.ned stupid.--However, will vote and speak with us--PITT quite sick of him--says he growls at every thing, proposes nothing, and supports any thing.

N.B. Must look about for a new Chancellor--Scott might do, but cants too much about his independence and his conscience--what the devil has he to do with independence and conscience--besides he has a snivelling trick of retracting when he is caught in a lie--hate such puling fellows--GEORGE HARDINGE not much better--must try him tho'--will order him to speak on Wednesday.

Took PITT to town in my chariot--drove to Berkeley-street--got PITT to the door, but he would not come in--lounged an hour with CHARLOTTE--promised her a company in one of the new regiments for a disbanded private of the Horse Guards.--Why not order the whole House to be qualified at DRUMMOND's, and charge it to the Company's secret service?

_March_ 10th.--Sent for TWINING--when he came, had by me a large bason of his SOUCHONG--drank it without a wry face--the most nauseous black draught I ever swallowed--swore it was excellent--quoted a sentence from CICERO, which I got from PRETTYMAN for the occasion--promised to put TWINING on my House-list next year, give him one of the Chairs, and put the Tea-Trade under the Secret Committee--TWINING to procure a requisition for a General Court--gave him hints for a speech--to abuse Baring d.a.m.nably.

Called at WHITEHALL--took away the last letters from CORNWALLIS, that PITT may not see them before they are _properly copied_ out by my private Secretary.--Left orders for PITT and SYDNEY to follow me to my house, where they would find my dispatches for India ready for signing.

_March_ 11th.--Dined with the Directors--almost too late; _London Tavern_ not near enough.--Mem. to order the Directors in future always to dine in my neighbourhood, and allow them to charge the additional coach-hire to the Company--Why not buy a _long stage_ to carry them about wherever I may want them?

PITT frightened when we got into the City, lest the mob should hiss--talked about _Grocers' Hall_ and better times; asked me if I was not glad they were going to pull down _Temple bar_, and hoped there would be no further occasion for it.

Tried to prevent his being melancholy--threw a s.h.i.+lling among the blackguards--would not do--no huzzaing. N.B. Not to forget to make the Chairman repay me, the money being disbursed in the Company's service.

Got to the LONDON TAVERN at six. Drew up my Commissioners in the pa.s.sage, and gave them their orders--told PITT to follow next to me, and bid MULGRAVE speak in his upper voice, and be affable.--Tried to laugh as we entered the room--MULGRAVE put us out by one of his growling sighs--d.a.m.n the fellow! must get rid of him.--Told DEVAYNES to laugh for us all--did it well--make him Chairman next year.

Dinner good--don't see why we should not dine with them always.--N.B.

Ordered twelve dozen of their claret to be carried to _Wimbledon_--LUs.h.i.+NGTON grumbled, and asked by what authority I did it.--A very troublesome fellow that--remove him.

PITT peevish and out of spirits; ordered MOTTEUX to sing a song--began "_Ah si vous pouviez comprendre._" PITT turned red, and thought the Chairman alluded to some dark pa.s.sages in the India Bill--endeavoured to pacify him, and told the _Secret Committee_ to give us a soft air; they sung in a low voice "_the cause I must not, dare not tell_"--MANs.h.i.+P groaned, and drank Colonel CATHCART. By G--, if I thought he meant to betray me, I'd indict him for perjury!--Somebody struck up "_if you trust before you try._"--PITT asked if the Directors wished to affront, him, and began a long harangue about his regard and friends.h.i.+p for the Company;--_nine_ Directors offered to swear for it--told them they need not--bowed, and thanked me.

LE MESURIER begged our attention to a little French Air, "_Sous le nom de l'amitie en finesse on abonde_"--cursed _mal-a-propos_.

PITT swore he was insulted, and got up to go away. The Alderman, much terrified at what he had done, protested solemnly he meant no offence, and called G.o.d to witness, it was a very harmless song he learnt some time ago in _Guernsey_--Could not appease PITT--so went away with him, after ordering MULGRAVE not to let SYDNEY drink any more wine, for fear he should begin talking.

PITT desired the servants to put out the flambeaux, as we went through the city--(a sad coward!) asked me if I did not think FOX's a very able speech--sighed, and said he had promised to answer it to-morrow--wished however to do nothing in a hurry--expressed much diffidence in his own abilities, and paid me many compliments--thought I had a fine opportunity to shew my talents--a.s.sured me he should think nothing of waving _his_ right to reply; and that he had not the least objection to letting _me_ answer FOX--begged to decline the offer.

N.B. He seemed very uneasy and much frightened--never knew him _diffident_ before--wish to-morrow was well over.

Came home--opened a bottle of champaigne which I brought in the carriage with me from the Directors' dinner--looked over my list of _levee_ men--found nine field officers yet unprovided for. Wrote to ROSS, enclosing the copy of a letter to be sent to me from Lord C----LL--S requiring more King's troops--finished my bottle and went to bed.

_March_ 12.--Went to the levee--He looked surly--would hardly speak to me--don't like him--must have heard that I can govern INDIA without consulting him.--Nothing ever escapes that _d.a.m.ned_ fellow SHERIDAN!

Between four and five went to the House--worse than the levee--PITT would not speak, pretended it was better to wait for FOX--put him in mind of the excuse he made at the end of the last debate, and his _promise_ to answer _calumnies_--don't mind promises--a d.a.m.ned good quality that--but ought to consider his friends--GEO. HARDINGE spoke in consequence of my orders--forgot I was sitting below him--attacked Lord NORTH's administration--got into a cursed sc.r.a.pe with POWIS--won't do for CHANCELLOR--why not try BURGESS?--SCOTT defended what he had said in the last debate--made it worse than ever--quoted from DEBRETT's debates--talked about an _adder_--thought he was alluding to PITT--our lawyers somehow don't answer--ADAM and ANSTRUTHER worth them all--can't they be bought?--_Scotchmen!_--d.a.m.ned strange if they can't--Mem. to tell ROSE to sound them.

ADAM severe on me and the rest that have betrayed Lord NORTH--a general confusion all round PITT--no one to defend us--VILLIERS grinned--GRAHAM simpered--MULGRAVE growled--by G--d I believe PITT enjoyed it--always pleased when his friends get into a sc.r.a.pe.--Mem.

to give him a lecture upon that--MULGRAVE spoke at last--wish he'd held his tongue--SHERIDAN answered him--improves every day--wish we had him----very odd so clever a fellow shouldn't be able to see his own interest--wouldn't venture on a reply myself, for fear of another lick from that clumsy boor Sir EDWARD ASTLEY--said my long speech was dull and tiresome--what's the matter with the fellow?--used to vote with us--believe LANSDOWN's got him.--Mem. to tell STEELE to look out for another Member for the county of Norfolk.

Jogged PITT--told him SHERIDAN's speech _must_ be answered--said, _I_ might do it then, for he _couldn't_--PULTENEY relieved us a little, pretending to be gull'd by the _checks_--too great nonsense to have any effect on the House.--b.a.s.t.a.r.d forgot his last abuse of PITT, and talked again about confidence; but was against the Bill--what's confidence without a vote?--came to a division at last--better than the former--had whipped in well from SCOTLAND--the House seems tired--hope we shan't have much more of this.

Mem. to give orders to MANNERS to make a noise, and let n.o.body speak on third reading--a very useful fellow that MANNERS--does more good sometimes than ten speakers.

_March_ 14th. G.o.d's infinite mercy be praised, AMEN! This is the last day that infernal DECLARATORY BILL stays in the House of Commons--as for the _Lords_--but that's no business of mine; only poor SYDNEY!--Well--G.o.d bless us all--AMEN!

Got up and wrote the above, after a very restless night--went to bed again--but could not sleep--troubled with the _blue devils_--thought I saw POWIS--recovered myself a little, and fell into a slumber--Dreamt I heard SHERIDAN speaking to me through the curtains--woke in a fright, and jumped out of bed.

Went down stairs--found some of the DIRECTORS waiting in the hall--_d.a.m.ned their bloods_, and told them this was all their doing--informed me a General Court was called by the enemy--bid them make such a noise, that n.o.body might be heard--DEVAYNES undertook it--ordered the SECRET COMMITTEE to stay, and sent the rest about their business.

After breakfast wrote to HAWK----Y, and begged his acceptance of a _Lieut. Colonelcy, 2 Majorities, a Collectors.h.i.+p, 3 Shawls_ and a piece of _India Muslin_ for the young ladies--sent back one of the _Shawls_, and said he'd rather have another _Collector's place_--d.a.m.nation! but it must be so, or SYDNEY will be left to himself.--N.B. Not to forget THURLOW's _Arrack_ and _Gunpowder Tea_, with the _India Crackers_ for his children.

MULGRAVE called to know if I wanted him to speak to-day--told him not--had enough of him last time.

Went down to the House--ANSTRUTHER played the devil with all our _checks_ and _guards_--serves us right for introducing such nonsense--GEORGE NORTH asked when I meant to open my budget--said, when the RAVENSWORTH arrives--pray G.o.d she be lost! Mem. When I do open my budget, to state all the accounts in _Tales, PaG.o.das_, and _Mohurs_--has a fine effect on the country gentlemen, and prevents many impertinent observations.

Waited very patiently for PITT's _promised answer_ to FOX's _calumnies_ till eight o'clock--fresh inquiries about it every minute--began to be very uneasy--saw OPPOSITION sneering--SHERIDAN asked PITT if he was _hoa.r.s.e_ yet--looked exceedingly foolish--pitied him, and, by way of relieving his aukward situation, spoke myself--made some of my boldest a.s.sertions--said a good thing about "_A Mare's Nest_"--coined a few clauses, which I a.s.sured the House were in Fox's Bill, and sat down with much applause--was afterwards unfortunately detected in every thing I had said, and universally scouted by all sides.--Mem. I should not have got into that sc.r.a.pe, if I had not tried to help a friend in distress.--N.B. Never to do it again--there's nothing to be gained by it.

As soon as I recovered myself, asked PITT whether he really meant to answer FOX, or not--Owned at last, with tears in his eyes, he could not muster courage enough to attempt it--sad work this!--N.B. Observed GRENVILLE made a note, that a man need not be an orator, to be _Chancellor of the Exchequer_--he seemed pleased with the precedent.

Nothing left for it but to cry _question!_--divided--only 54 majority--here's a job!

SHERIDAN read a cursed malicious paper, in which he proved PITT an impostor: and that what FOX had openly demanded, the _Board of Controul_ had secretly stolen.--Brother Commissioners all turned pale--was obliged to rub their noses with _Thieves Vinegar_, and then slunk out of the House as fast as I could.----N.B. Believe OLD PEARSON's a sneering son of a b.i.t.c.h--tried to whistle as I went through the lobby--asked me if I was unwell--d.a.m.n his impudence.

Came home in a very melancholy mood--returned thanks in a short prayer for our narrow escape--drank a gla.s.s of brandy--confessed my sins--determined to reform, and sent to WILBERFORCE for a good book--a very worthy and religious young man that--like him much--always votes with us.

Was beginning to grow very dejected, when ROSE called to inform me of an excellent scheme about BANK STOCK--a snug thing, and not more than twenty in the secret--raised my spirits again--told the servant I would not trouble Mr. WILBERFORCE--ordered a bottle of best burgundy--set to it with ROSE, hand to fist--congratulated one another on having got the DECLARATORY BILL out of our House--and drank good luck to SYDNEY, and a speedy progress through the Lords.

INCANTATION,

FOR RAISING A PHANTOM, IMITATED FROM MACBETH, AND LATELY PERFORMED BY HIS MAJESTY'S SERVANTS IN WESTMINSTER.

_Thunder. A Cauldron boiling.

Enter three Witches._

_First Witch_. Thrice the Doctors have been heard, _Second Witch_. Thrice the Houses have conferred.

_Third Witch_. Thrice hath SYDNEY c.o.c.k'd his chin, JENKY cries--begin, begin.

_First Witch_. Round about the cauldron go.

In the fell ingredients throw.

Still-born Ftus, born and bred, In a Lawyer's puzzled head, Hatch'd by Metaphysic Scot, Boil thou in the' enchanted pot.

_All_. Double, double, toil and trouble; Fire burn, and Cauldron bubble.

_Second Witch_. Skull that holds the small remains Of old CAMDEN's addle brains; Liver of the lily's hue, Which in RICHMOND's carcase grew; Tears which stealing down the cheek Of the rugged THURLOW, speak All the poignant grief he feels For his Sovereign--or the Seals; For a charm of powerful trouble, Like a h.e.l.l-broth, boil and bubble.

_All_. Double, double, toil and trouble, Fire burn, and Cauldron bubble.

_Third Witch._ Clippings of Corinthian bra.s.s From the visage of DUNDAS; Forg'd Address, devis'd by Rose, Half of PEPPER ARDEN's nose; Smuggled vote of City Thanks, Promise of insidious BANKS; Add a grain of ROLLO's courage, To enflame the h.e.l.lish porridge.

_First Witch_. Cool it, with LLOYD KENTON's blood.

Now the charm is firm and good.

_All_. Double, double, toil and trouble, Fire burn, and Cauldron bubble.

_Enter_ HECATE, _Queen of the Witches._