After. Part 30

Dr. Bacon nods. "Of course. Devon's primary painful reality-or the event that triggered everything else that followed-occurred when she first engaged in s.e.xual activity. When she denied this fact to herself-the fact that she ever had s.e.x at all-then the natural extension of this primary denial was avoiding the subsequent reality. This subsequent reality was the resulting pregnancy from that one s.e.xual encounter."

"But, Dr. Bacon, in today's society, teen s.e.xual activity is rather rampant. TV, movies, and popular music generally portray s.e.x as something positive, an experience to strive for. So why would Devon feel so negatively about having engaged in s.e.xual activity herself?"

"I believe shame played a major role," Dr. Bacon says. "When you hide something, or deny that something occurred, it's generally because you are ashamed."

"Yes, but what would Devon have been ashamed of?"

"During my sessions with Devon, I learned that Devon had viewed herself in a very particular-very rigid-way. She desperately needed to see herself as someone diametrically different from her mother."

"But isn't it common for teenage girls to have issues with their mothers? To want to be different from them? Sometimes to the extreme?"

"Yes. It's very common in adolescence to define oneself in terms distinct from one's same-s.e.x parent. It's an important component of the ident.i.ty's development process. But Devon was extremely strict in her definition of self. She had constructed some stringent rules for herself with not much wiggle room."

"And what were these rules, Dr. Bacon?"

"Devon's mother had been a teen parent herself; she had Devon when she herself was sixteen. And as Devon grew up, her mother entered into relations.h.i.+p after relations.h.i.+p with a variety of men. She paraded her s.e.xuality in front of Devon in a manner that Devon both resented and feared. She watched her mother struggle financially. She witnessed firsthand the result of forgoing an education; her mom had earned her G.E.D. eventually, but never attended college. Devon was terrified of repeating this family history. So, she came up with Rule Number One for herself-avoid any s.e.xual activity altogether. When Devon succ.u.mbed to it-broke her own rule-in her mind she had failed beyond forgiveness. She was so ashamed that she completely blocked out the memory of it. If she couldn't remember it, then therefore, in her mind, it never happened."

"Was Devon aware of the various forms of contraception?"

"Yes, we briefly discussed that. She'd learned a lot about birth control over the years during s.e.x education cla.s.ses at school and from her cla.s.smates. And also from her mother, incidentally. Devon's mother was generally very open about s.e.xuality."

"Then why didn't Devon use it?"

"Well, if she had used a form of birth control, such as taking the pill or purchasing condoms, then this would be admitting to herself and others that she planned to have intercourse. Her self-imposed rule would never have allowed that."

"Okay, so just to quickly recap, Dr. Bacon, in your opinion, Devon's mind kicked into denial mode because she couldn't deal with the fact that she had had s.e.x. Because she had convinced herself that the s.e.xual relations.h.i.+p never occurred, she could then rationalize away the possibility that she might be pregnant."

"Exactly." Dr. Bacon nods. "And to throw another factor in the pregnancy denial equation, an interesting phenomenon that occurs in most of these cases is this: the pregnant woman's family and friends also deny the existence of a pregnancy. They don't want to see it, either, for their own reasons. So they are complicit in the denial; they reinforce it. In Devon's case, n.o.body confronted her with her pregnancy. Not her mother. And not one of Devon's peers confronted her-no teammate or teacher or cla.s.smate or coach. If anyone suspected a pregnancy, they certainly didn't step forward."

"What about the physical changes that occur during a pregnancy? The weight gain, the missed periods, the fatigue and vomiting. And as the pregnancy progresses, the enlarged abdomen that's unique to pregnancy. How do these women maintain the denial at that point?"

Dr. Bacon shrugs. "It's pretty simple, actually. Don't we all try to hide the extra ten pounds we've packed on over the Thanksgiving to New Year holiday season? We put on the bulky sweats.h.i.+rt and looser jeans. It's the same with these women; they attribute their changing bodies to weight gain." Dr. Bacon pauses. "The issue of a missed period is reasonable, too. It's common for teenaged girls to experience irregular periods anyway. In Devon's case, she's a girl who's very athletic and exercises at an exceptionally intense level. A female athlete often experiences a disruption in the menstrual cycle; this is a menstrual disorder called amenorrhea. It's usually due to an imbalance of caloric intake. Not enough calories taken in to compensate for the calories burned during exercise. So when Devon started missing her monthly period, she really wasn't anxious about it. It had happened before."

"So Devon denied engaging in any s.e.xual activity. And she denied the possibility of pregnancy. But Devon was pregnant all along, Dr. Bacon."

"That's right."

"So, in your expert opinion, what happened when the time came for her to finally give birth?"

"All right, think of it this way: if anybody sitting in this room, let's say the Honorable Judge Saynisch, for instance, suddenly had a baby burst from his body-"

"Objection!"

Judge Saynisch shakes his head disparagingly. "Have a sense of humor, Mr. Floyd. I, myself, am intrigued by the proposition. Continue, Dr. Bacon."

Dr. Bacon nods. "Thank you. Now, if Judge Saynisch suddenly gave birth to a baby, it would be an extremely shocking, not to mention emotionally wrenching, situation. Wouldn't it? Remember, for eight or nine long months, no pregnancy existed in Devon's mind. For the average woman, during that same nine-month period, she'd be thinking about her baby-what will its s.e.x be? What will it look like? What should I name it? But for Devon, there was no baby. She formed no bond with that unborn child. So, when the baby finally arrived, this 'thing' she'd been hiding from everybody, including from herself, is inexplicably there. To her, it's not a living being. It's something she must continue to hide. So, she placed it in a garbage bag and threw it away. And, voila, the denial continues. Out of sight, out of mind."

Devon is staring at Dr. Bacon. Listening to this is like looking in a mirror. Like staring at her own reflection. But how does the doctor know all this? Devon hadn't told her most of those things. She'd told Dr. Bacon about her mom, about growing up. About her middle name, Sky, and how it made her feel. She'd answered Dr. Bacon's questions as fully as she could. But she's never told anyone, not even Dom, what she'd experienced That Night.

"For most of the women who have abandoned their newborn babies shortly after giving birth and leaving them to die," Dr. Bacon is saying, "the reality that they've carefully constructed for themselves comes cras.h.i.+ng down around them. The moment of birth is the moment they realize everything they've believed to be true about themselves was a lie. It's not a matter of planning to kill their newborns, it's a matter of panic-"

For the women who have abandoned their newborn babies . . .

Others have done this? How did Devon not know that?

A small relief sweeps through her.

She's not the only one.

Dr. Bacon was on the stand for over an hour, answering both Dom's and Mr. Floyd's intricate questions. When she stepped down, Judge Saynisch asked for the probation officer's risk a.s.sessment. The woman sitting over on the far side of the courtroom stands up and carries a thick file over to one of the women at the base of the judge's bench. And, as with Dom's exhibits, the woman places a sticker on it and hands it up to Judge Saynisch.

"Thank you, Ms. Gustafson," the judge says. "You may be seated."

Devon watches as the probation officer returns to her seat at the far table. Devon pulls her legal pad toward herself, picks up her pencil. Writes, She didn't even say anything! Why no ?'s Dom scribbles back: All in her report. No need. The J will read it.

"All right," the judge says. "We're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel here. You've got any closing comments there, Mr. Floyd?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

Judge Saynisch glances at his watch. "It's currently three thirty-seven, Counsel. Unless there are no objections out there, I'd like to carry on." He looks around the courtroom wearily. "Object now or forever hold your peace."

"No, Your Honor," the prosecutor says. "I have no objection."

"Neither do I, Your Honor," Dom says.

"Very well. Mr. Floyd, keep it very brief. Note the emphasis on the word very. Drive on."

Mr. Floyd adjusts his bright blue tie, then stands.

"A child began her life in a garbage bag, Your Honor," Mr. Floyd says. "And her mother put her there. Her graveyard was to be a landfill in Graham, Was.h.i.+ngton." He pauses. "The baby's destiny was for a Tacoma Waste Management truck to pick up and take her to the Tacoma Landfill in South Tacoma. There, she was to join the other residential trash, be put through a compactor, and weighed. Just a mere six pounds, ten ounces, Your Honor, of the two hundred fifty-thousand tons of trash that crosses the scales at the Tacoma Landfill annually. After that, a tractor trailer was to haul her away to the Graham Landfill, where she would've found her final resting place." He pauses again. "But instead, Your Honor, fate intervened. You've heard today from Mr. Jacob Bingham and his Labrador retriever, Darko, who found the baby. . . ."

Mr. Floyd continues his speech, but Devon is stuck with the image he'd created in her mind-that tiny baby, the one who was lying on the bathroom floor between her legs, being crushed by a trash compactor within a black plastic bag. The tiny face, the miniature hands and feet. The small mouth.

Had she really meant for that to happen?

Standing in the doorway, the cramps start. She grips the doorframe with her left hand, leans against it. In her right hand is the trash bag.

IT's out, she thinks. Why does it still hurt so much?

She glances over at the sink.

There IT is. Slumped inside the basin like a rubber baby doll.

Devon slowly steps toward it, her breath ragged. The pain is subsiding again.

She looks down.

IT is still. The eyes half-opened. Blood smeared along one side of the white porcelain basin, where the tiny body had slid.

The pale skin is covered with something. White goop, like cream cheese.

Devon feels the puke rising in her throat, turns, and heaves.

She collapses onto her hands and knees. Grabs the towels she'd already tossed on the floor. Sops up the blood and puke and urine and whatever else has pooled on the linoleum.

The pain comes again.

"Oh, G.o.d!" she sobs. She clenches her teeth. "Please! Please make it stop!"

She lies down on the towels, soaked with the filth, clutching her stomach and groaning until the pain finally fades again.

She glances up at the sink, panting; the small limbs motionless. Then she thinks she detects movement. Yes, a little foot appears, kicks up then back down and out of sight.

Then she hears a wail.

"OhG.o.dOhG.o.dOhG.o.d!" She frantically seizes the garbage bag, starts shoving soiled towels into it. She picks up the cleanest towel, a white one.

That white towel she holds twisted in her hands.

Then she stands, leaves the bag at her feet. Approaches the sink.

Peers into it.

IT is there. The legs moving. The hands. The mouth opened and howling.

She hesitates a moment, watching.

Then drops the towel over IT.

She holds her breath and pulls the towel upward, scooping with both hands, IT snug inside.

Looks down at the open black trash bag, bends at the waist, and places the bundle into it.

Grabs the wastebasket beside the toilet. Dumps it. The stripped toilet paper roll and tampons she'd used to try to stop the blood from running down her legs, they tumble into the bag, too.

She lugs the bag into the kitchen, pulls out the trash container under the sink. Upends it, too. Not much is there. The frozen concentrate orange juice container, the Tim's chips bag, the crumpled newspaper pages.

She ties the bag shut.

She doesn't hear anything, doesn't feel anything, doesn't think anything. She picks up the bulky black bag, hauls it out of the kitchen. Across the living room past the ratty recliner. Opens the door, leaving it ajar. Takes the steps down to the parking lot and into the alley.

She finds the trash can, the same one she finds every morning when taking out the trash.

Yanks up the lid.

Other trash bags are already stuffed inside-black and brown and gray ones.

She closes her eyes, drops her bag in with the others.

Places the lid back.

And quickly turns away.

She looks up at the sky; it's started to drizzle.

"You've also heard today, Your Honor," Mr. Floyd is still pontificating, "from the respondent's coach and from her employer. You've read the letters that the Defense has submitted. Again, more people who described their distress over the respondent's refusal to reach out for their help-help they would've freely given had the respondent simply asked for it. You've learned from her primary care physician, Dr. Katial, that when faced with an opportunity to seek medical care, the respondent instead refused it. She attempted to deceive her doctor when she told him that she had started her menstrual cycle that morning, even going so far as to wear a sanitary napkin in her underwear for emphasis. She hid her pregnant body in oversized clothing. She misled her coach, describing in detail two injuries she supposedly sustained and their fictionalized treatment plan. All these facts point to one central theme: that the respondent had a plan to deliberately hide her pregnancy and then, after the baby was born, to dispose of its body in the trash can behind her apartment complex. At any point, the respondent could have changed her own course. At any time she could have relinquished her plan. But she didn't, Your Honor, and that's why we are here today."

Mr. Floyd continues to talk, but Devon doesn't follow his words anymore.

Because what he'd just said strikes her as the complete truth. At any time she could have changed her own course, he'd said.

"Thank you, Your Honor," Mr. Floyd finally says, and returns to his seat.

At any time . . .

When Mr. Floyd is seated, Devon notices him make a quick gesture under the table. He draws his fist toward himself and mouths the word, "Yes!"

Judge Saynisch nods at Dom. "Defense? You may commence."

Devon hears the prosecutor chuckle.

Dom stands. "A plan, Your Honor. That's what I've been hearing this entire day from the state. That Devon Davenport had this nefarious plan to murder her baby. But where does the evidence point? It doesn't point to a nefarious plan, Your Honor. If anything it points to a lack of a plan. I'm not going to rehash everything that went on in this courtroom today. But you've heard Dr. Bacon testify about the role of denial in abandonment cases such as this one. You're heard Dr. Bacon describe the basis for Devon's denial-her shame, the fear of following in her mother's footsteps. And how Devon tried to protect herself by constructing strict rules for herself. The primary rule, Your Honor, was never to allow herself to engage in any s.e.xual activity. Earlier today, Devon's soccer coach, Mr. Dougherty, testified how very hard Devon is on herself, that she hates to make mistakes and doesn't cut herself any slack. The evidence, Your Honor, doesn't paint Devon as a cold, calculating premeditating murderer, but as a panicked child who couldn't allow herself to fall short of her self-imposed, rigid standard."

Dom paces in front of the defense table. "I'm not going to lecture you about the Kent factors, Your Honor; you are well aware that these factors must be considered when deciding matters regarding where a juvenile should be tried. But I would like to quickly highlight those few that are particularly relevant to my client's case."

Dom goes on to discuss Devon's rehabilitative potential, based on the probation officer's evaluation in her risk a.s.sessment report. Dom emphasizes Devon's home life, which created an atmosphere that would breed Devon's brand of denial. Dom reminds the judge about Devon's academic and athletic achievements, her potential as a Division I soccer player. She talks about Devon's nonexistent criminal record prior to the incident.

"One of the main Kent factors that pertains to my client, Your Honor, is the calculus between societal protection from the respondent versus rehabilitation services for the respondent. The adult system has limited resources for rehabilitating its inmates. In contrast, the juvenile detention system was designed for it. The adult prison system does not offer its inmates therapeutic or psychiatric care, but the juvenile detention system does. Defendants within the adult criminal system are sentenced to prison, in part, to protect society. But how will society be protected if Devon is eventually placed there? Society actually stands to gain from someone as bright and determined as Devon if she is given the opportunity for therapy. Devon will go on to lead a productive life. Devon will go on to be a more effective adult. But she needs therapy, Your Honor. Give her a future. Allow her to remain under the jurisdiction of the juvenile court system. Thank you, Your Honor."

Dom returns to her seat.

Judge Saynisch clasps his hands under his chin. He surveys the courtroom. "I have looked at all the evidence presented to me today, and I've heard the witness testimony. And I am happy to announce that I have arrived at a decision."

Devon's heart picks up. Already? No recess for him to think about it? Devon feels Dom s.h.i.+ft in her seat. Devon glances side-long at her; Dom's face is calm, but she's gripping her pen so hard that her fingertips are white.

Devon peeks over at Mr. Floyd behind his table in the center of the room. He's wiping his hands on his pinstriped pants. One foot jiggles up and down.

Judge Saynisch looks down at a paper in his hands. "Pierce County's Juvenile Court will"-he glances around the courtroom again for dramatic effect-"retain jurisdiction of the respondent, Devon Davenport, in the case of State versus Davenport. The respondent will remain in custody here at the Remann Hall Juvenile Detention Center until trial."

Dom's expression doesn't change behind the wire-framed gla.s.ses, but Devon notices a puff of air escape between her lips.

The prosecutor clenches his jaw.

"I'll get with my clerks," Judge Saynisch says, "and we'll set a trial date. This court is adjourned."

The gavel bangs through the courtroom.

"All rise!"