Southern Boys: Finding Gavin Part 6

A long silent pause filled the room, before she spoke again.

"I know you're awake, don't avoid me. You know I'm not leaving until we talk," she stated.

I slowly opened my eyes, but still chose to continue to avoid hers. I couldn't look at her, because if I did, I knew that it would come rus.h.i.+ng in. I would have to remember the loss of my and Gavin's baby.

We all have those people in our lives that we can't hide things from. No matter how hard we try, they can read us like a book. Kori was one of those people, and I knew I wouldn't be able to pretend that I was okay. Not with her, because she would see right through me.

"Look at me," she said.

I shook my head and buried my face in my pillow like some child. I guess I felt that, if I ignored the entire situation long enough, it would eventually just disappear.

"Please talk to me," she pleaded. I buried my face even deeper into my pillow, continuing to hide with the hope that she would just give up.

Kori wasn't that kind of girl, though, and I knew that. I just wished this time she would be.

"You can ignore me all you want. You can push me away. h.e.l.l, you can even run from me," she stated, pus.h.i.+ng on my shoulder and causing me to finally face her. My lips trembled as her eyes bored into mine.

"But I will follow you. I will stand by you and force you to face this. I love you, and I refuse to watch you suffer alone. I'm here for you." She reached forward, gripping my face in her hands. "I am not going anywhere, no matter how hard you fall. I will pick you up every G.o.d d.a.m.n day if I have to."

Tears ran down my cheeks, and I fought back the urge to let it all out. I sniffled and narrowed my eyes at her.

"Go ahead and get p.i.s.sed. Yell at me. Scream. When you're all done and you've got all that anger out of you..." She paused, narrowing her eyes at me in return. "I will still be by your side, holding you up."

The tears were impossible to hold back. My body shook, and I tried with everything I had to hold it all in. I fought until I no longer had the fight in me, and all at once...I broke.

I sobbed and she pulled me close. "Let it out, let it all go." She soothed my cries by rubbing my back gently.

"He left," I cried. "He just walked out and I haven't seen or heard from him since. He was so angry about me not telling him. I think he hates me and that hurts so much." I continued to cry. "I needed him and he left. I wanted him to hold me and tell me that we would get through it together, but he left."

Kori pulled back and looked at me closely. "Gavin?" she questioned me, and I nodded my head in reply.

"Um, I've only seen him once, the day I got back into town. From the looks of it, though, he isn't doing all that well, either." She paused as if she were thinking something over, debating whether to continue with what she'd planned to say.

"What?" I asked.

"He, uh, he was sporting a pretty good s.h.i.+ner on his left eye," Kori whispered.

My stomach tensed and my chest burned. "What?"

Kori shrugged, "I didn't ask, and he didn't offer any explanation. Daddy said he has been real quiet and withdrawn. I think he's hurting too, Mar. Maybe he just doesn't know what to say." She slipped off her sandals and slid back further on the bed. "Maybe he's having a real hard time with all this too." She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe he has regrets."

I hung my head and closed my eyes tightly. Could that be true? Was Gavin as saddened by all of this as I was? Could I have been wrong about why he left?

Kori and I spent the next hour talking and crying. She continued to soothe my overwhelming sadness, and I continued to put on like I was gonna be fine.

After Kori left, I held my phone in my hand, twisting it around nervously. I debated calling Gavin, but every time I started to dial his number, I hung up before it rang.

Finally deciding that what I needed to say shouldn't be said over the phone, I jumped into the shower. After slipping on something comfortable, because I honestly didn't feel like getting all fancied up, I forced myself to drive to Gavin's.

Pulling into the familiar driveway, my stomach began to flutter. I pushed forward, pulling my car in alongside of the big black beast. Memories of the very first time Gavin touched me flashed through my mind every time I saw that truck.

One single light glowed in the front window. I sat back for a moment, wondering exactly what he was doing inside. Was he lounging on the couch, watching TV? Or maybe he was asleep, all peaceful and relaxed.

Taking in a deep, calming breath, I stepped up onto the front porch and lightly knocked on the door. I stood there, looking down at my feet and giving myself a much needed pep talk. My heart was racing with antic.i.p.ation and complete regret for the way things had been handled between us. It was as if every time we took one step forward, we were then shoved back ten more.

The sound of the lock on the door caused me to look up quickly. Gavin's frame filling the opening made my knees weak, but not because of some overwhelming l.u.s.t-filled desire. It was the simple fact that he looked back at me with such sadness. It was written all over his face, and I instantly wanted to wrap myself around him and comfort him. I wanted to take his sadness away. I wanted us both to heal these painful feelings we were carrying.

"I'm so sorry," my voice cracked with my apology. "I never meant to hide it. I'm just so sorry you found out the way you did. And I'm so sorry that I,,," he didn't let me finish. Gavin reached out and pulled me against him tightly.

His hot breath fanned out over my chest as he buried his face in my neck. "I'm the one that's sorry. I was an a.s.s." His voice was m.u.f.fled, but I could still make out his words. "I should have been supporting you, not arguing with you. What you had just gone through was enough, and all I cared about was that I didn't know."

As he pulled his face back away from my neck, I instantly missed his warmth. His eyes looked back on mine, glossy and pained. "The truth is I was floored; it shocked the h.e.l.l out of me. I never expected to walk in and hear that you had lost a baby I didn't even know you were carrying. Then I was broken from the news. You were carrying my child, my baby, and there you were in that hospital bed, looking so lost. I couldn't fix it and that killed me."

"There isn't anything we could have done to change what happened," I stated, and he nodded his head. He knew I was right, but it did not dull the pain of our loss.

"I think we have both really made a mess of things. We haven't really done any of this the right way." Our eyes connected, all filled with such hurt. He whispered, "Will you stay so we can talk? I feel like we have a lot of things we need to say to one another."

I nodded my head in agreement. Following him inside, I closed the door behind me. He led me to the couch and I took a seat next to him.

Gavin reached out for my hand and took it into his. "I think it's safe to say that I have no hope of walking away from you." I s.h.i.+fted my eyes from our hands to his face. "I don't even think I could if I tried. I've thought a lot over this last week. I know that you're not her. It really is unfair of me to judge every other woman based on Nicole's actions."

Gavin's throat bobbed as he swallowed hard, before he continued. "I haven't treated you right. I've pushed and pulled so much over this last year that I'm surprised you haven't run in the opposite direction by now."

I sat staring at him in silence. Gavin never shared is feelings. He was set in his ways about the things he wanted and didn't want. So sitting there before him, listening to him, I couldn't speak. I didn't want to miss a word of what he was saying to me.

"I want to start over, completely. I want us to have a fair shot. I don't wanna drag all the garbage from my past along with us. I'm just hoping that I haven't done so much damage to us that it's irreversible." Still holding my hand securely in his, he lifted it to his mouth. Placing a soft kiss on my palm, he then brought it to rest over his rapidly beating heart.

"I want to start over too," I whispered. "You weren't the only one that did things wrong."

Lifting me onto his lap, he held me close. He buried his face into the crease of my neck, and we sat like that, just taking in the feeling.

Chapter Thirteen.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened to your eye?" I asked Gavin as my head lay on his bare chest. He had insisted that I stay the night, telling me that he needed me close. Hearing him say that felt so nice. He said it was time we start healing, I couldn't have agreed more.

I lifted my hand up to trail my fingertips across his eyebrow, which held a small cut and a fading bruise. He closed his eyes with my touch. Leaning in toward my hand, he gripped my wrist and pulled my hand to his lips, feathering a soft kiss across my palm. I loved it when he did that; it gave me a warm feeling throughout my body. He then brought it to rest on his chest, holding it in place with his own.

"It's not important," he whispered.

I rose up and kissed his jawline, as I slid further up his body. "You're wrong," I replied. "It's very important. Please tell me."

There was a long pause as Gavin looked down at me, with a look of longing written all over his face.

"Do you promise you won't get mad?" he asked me.

How in the h.e.l.l could I promise that? I was pretty d.a.m.n sure that whatever he had to say would make me mad.

As I narrowed my eyes, he chuckled at my obvious response. I wasn't gonna make that promise.

"Okay, darlin', just listen 'til the end before you get all fired up." Gavin's grin grew even bigger when I raised my eyebrows. I was trying to tell him to get on with it, because now my interest in the matter was through the roof.

"After I left your room that day at the hospital, I walked outside. Your momma was walking in and she recognized me." He paused, and for a moment I imagined my sweet momma slugging Gavin. The thought of it made me laugh.

"Now, I know my momma doesn't have it in her, so who slugged ya?" I laughed at his expression.

"No, your momma didn't hit me." He chuckled and then took in a deep breath, before continuing. "But your brother did."

I instantly began rising up off of his chest and he gripped me tighter, pulling me back to him. "I said let me finish it all before you go off half-c.o.c.ked." I groaned in frustration and he chuckled, his chest shaking against my cheek.

"Fine, but when you're done, I promise you I'm gonna lose my boot in Colt's a.s.s," I stated with aggravation.

"I had no idea he was your brother until later, but, baby he was just being protective. He thought I was the cause of your being in the hospital. I mean, in a way I was, but not how he was thinking." He took a deep breath. "He swung first and then your momma flipped out on him."

Gavin reached down and tilted my chin up, so we were now looking into one another's eyes. "That's why I left. I thought it would be better if I let things cool down for a bit."

He traced my cheek bone with his thumb and brought his hand to rest on the side of my face. The tenderness in his touch caused a warmth to fill me.

"I made Leann keep me in the loop about how you were doing. I also made her promise to keep it quiet. You didn't need any more to deal with than what you already had," he confessed.

That moment, snuggled up against him with his gaze focused just on me, felt surreal. I had been longing for so long to have a moment like this.

"Don't be angry with him; he was worried and scared. It happened, and then I could tell he instantly regretted it. We just need to focus on healing from this." His voice was just above a whisper as he continued to stare into my eyes so tenderly. "I need us to move forward, and the past is in the past."

I just nodded my head in agreement; I didn't want to sour the moment. I just wanted to commemorate every second of it.

I walked straight up to Colt and shoved against his chest. He stumbled back a couple of feet, but not because I was strong enough to move him. He moved backward only to get away from me. Given the size of the big ole' knucklehead, my tiny frame was nothing in comparison to his.

"What the h.e.l.l was that for?" he asked, holding his hand out before him and silently telling me to back off.

"You punched him," I snarled.

I could see the moment it all settled in his mind by the expression on his face. "s.h.i.+t," he sighed.

"Yeah, s.h.i.+t is right. You're on my s.h.i.+t list for sure. You big ole' a.s.s. What the h.e.l.l were you thinking, anyway?" I spat and turned around to walk toward the sink. I needed to calm down and just take a breather.

I had spent the entire night with Gavin. We slept side by side peacefully snuggled together. It was the best sleep I'd had in weeks. He held me close and kissed me gently, making promises that things would be different from now on. He promised he would no longer push me away, he would only hold me close. I, in turn, promised to accept it without questioning his dedication to us.

I left Gavin's house this morning feeling a little more whole than I had in weeks.

My entire mood s.h.i.+fted the moment I got home and found my brother walking toward me. I snapped at him and let my anger fly.

"I'm sorry. d.a.m.n, I'm truly sorry. I acted out before I knew the truth." He threw his arms out to his sides in frustration. "All I heard was you were in the hospital and the guy responsible for the mess was with you. You know small towns and their d.a.m.n gossip. When I saw him walking out, I went off."

Colt took a step toward me, and I turned from the sink to face him. "Momma already laid into me about it. She cold-c.o.c.ked me right there in the d.a.m.n parking lot of the hospital. I'm a grown a.s.s man and my momma set me straight; s.h.i.+t, that's punishment enough."

"Do you know what an a.s.s I felt like after I realized I had punched the guy for no reason?" he asked. "Don't be mad at me, Mar, please, I truly am sorry."

I knew Colt meant well, and he never would intentionally hurt me. I could tell he was sorry for his actions. But Gavin and I seemed to have enough obstacles to overcome without adding to the mix.

"You need to apologize to him." I looked up at him with complete formality. "Face to face, you owe him that."

When he nodded his head, I walked past him, playfully poking him in the ribs.

"I'm sorry, Mar. Really sorry," he said.

"I know you are." I answered.

d.a.m.n knucklehead.

Chapter Fourteen.

Gavin I had been busting my a.s.s for the last four hours, only pausing to grab a drink on occasion. I wanted to get my s.h.i.+t done as quickly as possible.

Maria didn't know it yet, but I had plans for her. I told her last night that things would be different from here on out. I meant every d.a.m.n word. So getting out of here at a decent time was a must.

"You got a minute?" I heard a deep voice holler from behind me.

I spun around, only to come face to face with Colt, Maria's brother. If I said I was surprised, I'd be lying. I knew Maria would lay into him the moment she saw him. No, I never expected him to show up here, but I did expect to see him eventually.

I nodded my head and dropped the bale of hay I was currently holding.

"It seems I owe you an apology," he stated.

I stared back at him without giving any sign of forgiveness. "You don't owe me nothing. I don't need an apology."

"Yeah, well, uh, Maria ain't gonna let it fly. There was a lot of threatening before I left. Something about a boot and my a.s.s," he chuckled.

I found myself smiling too-picturing her standing before her brother, her hands placed on her hips, warning him about kicking his a.s.s.

"Listen man, I am sorry. Not because my sister told me I had to be, but because I truly made a mistake. I know that now. I ain't afraid to own up to my mistakes. I jumped the gun and I hope we can move past it."

He held his hand out toward me, and I looked down. I took a few seconds to let it settle before reaching out mine in return. Shaking his hand, I nodded my head. "No worries, it's all good. You were trying to protect her. I respect that."