Our Deportment Part 12

All the guests should secure introductions to the one for whom the dinner is given. If two persons, unknown to each other, find themselves placed side by side at a table, they may enter into conversation without an introduction.

ARRANGEMENTS OF GUESTS AT THE TABLE.

When dinner is announced, the host offers his right arm to the lady he is to escort to the table. The others follow, arm in arm, the hostess being the last to leave the drawing-room. Age should take the precedence in proceeding from the drawing-room to the dining-room, the younger falling back until the elder have advanced. The host escorts the eldest lady or the greatest stranger, or if there be a bride present, precedence is given to her, unless the dinner is given for another person, in which case he escorts the latter. The hostess is escorted either by the greatest stranger, or some gentleman whom she wishes to place in the seat of honor, which is at her right. The host places the lady whom he escorts at his right. The seats of the host and hostess may be in the middle and at opposite sides of the table, or at the opposite ends. Husbands should not escort their wives, or brothers their sisters, as this partakes of the nature of a family gathering.

DINNER A LA RUSSE.

The latest and most satisfactory plan for serving dinners is the dinner _a la Russe_ (the Russian style)--all the food being placed upon a side table, and servants do the carving and waiting. This style gives an opportunity for more profuse ornamentation of the table, which, as the meal progresses, does not become enc.u.mbered with partially empty dishes and platters.

DUTIES OF SERVANTS.

The servants commence, in pa.s.sing the dishes, one upon the right of the host and one upon the right of the hostess. A master or mistress should never censure the servants at dinner, however things may go wrong.

Servants should wear thin-soled shoes that their steps may be noiseless, and if they should use napkins in serving (as is the English custom) instead of gloves, their hands and nails should be faultlessly clean. A good servant is never awkward. He avoids coughing, breathing hard or treading on a lady's dress; never lets any article drop, and deposits plates, gla.s.ses, knives, forks and spoons noiselessly. It is considered good form for a servant not to wear gloves in waiting at table, but to use a damask napkin, with one corner wrapped around the thumb, that he may not touch the plates and dishes with the naked hand.

SOUP.

Soup is the first course. All should accept it even if they let it remain untouched, because it is better to make a pretense of eating until the next course is served, than to sit waiting, or compel the servants to serve one before the rest. Soup should not be called for a second time. A soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful.

FISH.

Fish follows soup and must be eaten with a fork, unless fish knives are provided. If fish knives are not provided, a piece of bread in the left hand answers the purpose as well, with the fork in the right hand. Fish may be declined, but must not be called for a second time.

THE SIDE DISHES.

After soup and fish come the side dishes, which must be eaten with the fork, though the knife is used in cutting meats and anything too hard for a fork.

GENERAL RULES REGARDING DINNER.

When the plate of each course is set before you, with the knife and fork upon it, remove the knife and fork at once. This matter should be carefully attended to, as the serving of an entire course is delayed by neglecting to remove them.

Greediness should not be indulged in. Indecision must be avoided. Do not take up one piece and lay it down in favor of another, or hesitate.

Never allow the servant, or the one who pours, to fill your gla.s.s with wine that you do not wish to drink. You can check him by touching the rim of your gla.s.s.

Cheese is eaten with a fork and not with a knife.

If you have occasion to speak to a servant, wait until you can catch his eye, and then ask in a low tone for what you want.

The mouth should always be kept closed in eating, and both eating and drinking should be noiseless.

Bread is broken at dinner. Vegetables are eaten with a fork.

Asparagus can be taken up with the fingers, if preferred. Olives and artichokes are always so eaten.

Fruit is eaten with silver knives and forks.

You are at liberty to refuse a dish that you do not wish to eat. If any course is set down before you that you do not wish, do not touch it.

Never play with food, nor mince your bread, nor handle the gla.s.s and silver near you unnecessarily.

Never reprove a waiter for negligence or improper conduct; that is the business of the host.

When a dish is offered you, accept or refuse at once, and allow the waiter to pa.s.s on. A gentleman will see that the lady whom he has escorted to the table is helped to all she wishes, but it is officiousness to offer to help other ladies who have escorts.

If the guests pa.s.s the dishes to one another, instead of being helped by a servant, you should always help yourself from the dish, if you desire it at all, before pa.s.sing it on to the next.

A knife should never, on any account, be put into the mouth. Many people, even well-bred in other respects, seem to regard this as an unnecessary regulation; but when we consider that it is a rule of etiquette, and that its violation causes surprise and disgust to many people, it is wisest to observe it.

Be careful to remove the bones from fish before eating. If a bone inadvertently should get into the mouth, the lips must be covered with the napkin in removing it. Cherry stones and grape skins should be removed from the mouth as un.o.btrusively as possible, and deposited on the side of the plate.

Never use a napkin in place of a handkerchief for wiping the forehead, face or nose.

Pastry should be eaten with a fork. Every thing that can be cut without a knife should be eaten with the fork alone. Pudding may be eaten with a fork or spoon.

Never lay your hand, or play with your fingers, upon the table. Do not toy with your knife, fork or spoon, make crumbs of your bread, or draw imaginary lines upon the table cloth.

Never bite fruit. An apple, peach or pear should be peeled with a knife, and all fruit should be broken or cut.

WAITING ON OTHERS.

If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or elderly person, politeness requires him to save them all trouble of procuring for themselves anything to eat or drink, and of obtaining whatever they are in want of at the table, and he should be eager to offer them what he thinks may be most to their taste.

PRAISING DISHES.

A hostess should not express pride regarding what is on her table, nor make apologies if everything she offers you is not to her satisfaction.

It is much better that she should observe silence in this respect, and allow her guests to eulogize her dinner or not, as they deem proper.

Neither is it in good taste to urge guests to eat, nor to load their plates against their inclination.

MONOPOLIZING CONVERSATION.

For one or two persons to monopolize a conversation which ought to be general, is exceedingly rude. If the dinner party is a large one, you may converse with those near you, raising the voice only loud enough to be distinctly heard by the persons you are talking with.

PICKING TEETH AT THE TABLE.

It is a mark of rudeness to pick your teeth at the table, and it should always be avoided. To hold your hand or napkin over your mouth does not avoid the rudeness of the act, but if it becomes a matter of necessity to remove some obstacle from between the teeth, then your open mouth should be concealed by your hand or napkin.

SELECTING A PARTICULAR DISH.