Our Deportment Part 15

b.a.l.l.s.

The requisites for a successful ball are good music and plenty of people to dance. An English writer says, "The advantage of the ball is, that it brings young people together for a sensible and innocent recreation, and takes them away from silly, if not from bad ones; that it gives them exercise, and that the general effect of the beauty, elegance and brilliancy of a ball is to elevate rather than to deprave the mind." It may be that the round dance is monopolizing the ball room to a too great extent, and it is possible that these may be so frequent as to mar the pleasure of some persons who do not care to partic.i.p.ate in them, to the exclusion of "square" and other dances. America should not be the only nation that confines ball room dancing to waltzes, as is done in some of our cities. There should be an equal number of waltzes and quadrilles, with one or two contra dances, which would give an opportunity to those who object (or whose parents object) to round dances to appear on the floor.

PREPARATIONS FOR A BALL.

There should be dressing-rooms for ladies and gentlemen, with a servant or servants to each. There should be cards with the names of the invited guests upon them, or checks with duplicates to be given to the guests ready to pin upon the wraps of each one. Each dressing-room should be supplied with a complete set of toilet articles. It is customary to decorate the house elaborately with flowers. Although this is an expensive luxury, it adds much to beautifying the rooms.

THE MUSIC.

Four musicians are enough for a "dance." When the dancing room is small, the flageolet is preferable to the horn, as it is less noisy and marks the time as well. The piano and violin form the mainstay of the band; but when the rooms are large enough, a larger band may be employed.

THE DANCES.

The dances should be arranged beforehand, and for large b.a.l.l.s programmes are printed with a list of the dances. Usually a ball opens with a waltz, followed by a quadrille, and these are succeeded by galops, lancers, polkas, quadrilles and waltzes in turn.

INTRODUCTIONS AT A BALL.

Gentlemen who are introduced to ladies at a ball, solely for the purpose of dancing, wait to be recognized before speaking with ladies upon meeting afterwards, but they are at liberty to recall themselves by lifting their hats in pa.s.sing. In England a ball-room acquaintance rarely goes any farther, until they have met at more b.a.l.l.s than one; so, also, a gentleman cannot, after being introduced to a young lady, ask her for more than two dances during the same evening. In England an introduction given for dancing purposes does not const.i.tute acquaintances.h.i.+p. With us, as in Continental Europe, it does. It is for this reason that, in England, ladies are expected to bow first, while on the Continent it is the gentlemen who give the first marks of recognition, as it should be here, or better still, simultaneously, when the recognition is simultaneous. It is as much the gentleman's place to bow (with our mode of life) as it is the lady's. The one who recognizes first should be the first to show that recognition. Introductions take place in a ball room in order to provide ladies with partners, or between persons residing in different cities. In all other cases permission is asked before giving introductions. But where a hostess is sufficiently discriminating in the selection of her guests, those a.s.sembled under her roof should remember that they are, in a certain sense, made known to one another, and ought, therefore, to be able to converse freely without introductions.

RECEIVING GUESTS.

The custom of the host and hostess receiving together, is not now prevalent. The receiving devolves upon the hostess, but it is the duty of the host to remain within sight until after the arrivals are princ.i.p.ally over, that he may be easily found by any one seeking him.

The same duty devolves upon the sons, who, that evening, must share their attentions with all. The daughters, as well as the sons, will look after partners for the young ladies who desire to dance, and they will try to see that no one is neglected before they join the dancers themselves.

AN AFTER-CALL.

After a ball, an after-call is due the lady of the house at which you were entertained, and should be made as soon as convenient--within two weeks at the farthest. The call loses its significance entirely, and pa.s.ses into remissness, when a longer time is permitted to elapse. If it is not possible to make a call, send your card or leave it at the door.

It has become customary of late for a lady who has no weekly reception day, in sending invitations to a ball, to inclose her card in each invitation for one or more receptions, in order that the after-calls due her may be made on that day.

SUPPER.

The supper-room at a ball is thrown open generally at twelve o'clock.

The table is made as elegant as beautiful china, cut-gla.s.s and an abundance of flowers can make it. The hot dishes are oysters, stewed, fried, broiled and scalloped, chicken, game, etc., and the cold dishes are such as boned turkey, _boeuf a la mode_, chicken salad, lobster salad and raw oysters. When supper is announced, the host leads the way with the lady to whom he wishes to show especial attention, who may be an elderly lady, or a stranger or a bride. The hostess remains until the last, with the gentleman who takes her to supper, unless some distinguished guest is present, with whom she leads the way. No gentleman should ever go into the supper-room alone, unless he has seen every lady enter before him. When ladies are left unattended, gentlemen, although strangers, are at liberty to offer their services in waiting upon them, for the host and hostess are sufficient guarantees for the respectability of their guests.

THE NUMBER TO INVITE.

Persons giving b.a.l.l.s or dancing parties should be careful not to invite more than their rooms will accommodate, so as to avoid a crush.

Invitations to crowded b.a.l.l.s are not hospitalities, but inflictions. A hostess is usually safe, however, in inviting one-fourth more than her rooms will hold, as that proportion of regrets are apt to be received.

People who do not dance will not, as a rule, expect to be invited to a ball or dancing party.

DUTIES OF GUESTS.

Some persons may be astonished to learn that any duties devolve upon the guests. In fact there are circles where all such duties are ignored.

It is the duty of every person who has at first accepted the invitation, and subsequently finds that it will be impossible to attend, to send a regret, even at the last moment, and as it is rude to send an acceptance with no intention of going, those who so accept will do well to remember this duty. It is the duty of every lady who attends a ball, to make her toilet as fresh as possible. It need not be expensive, but it should at least be clean; it may be simple, but it should be neither soiled nor tumbled. The gentlemen should wear evening dress.

It is the duty of every person to arrive as early as possible after the hour named, when it is mentioned in the invitation.

Another duty of guests is that each one should do all in his or her power to contribute to the enjoyment of the evening, and neither hesitate nor decline to be introduced to such guests as the hostess requests. It is not binding upon any gentleman to remain one moment longer than he desires with any lady. By constantly moving from one to another, when he feels so inclined, he gives an opportunity to others to circulate as freely; and this custom, generally introduced in our society, would go a long way toward contributing to the enjoyment of all. The false notion generally entertained that a gentleman is expected to remain standing by the side of a lady, like a sentinel on duty, until relieved by some other person, is absurd, and deters many who would gladly give a few pa.s.sing moments to lady acquaintances, could they but know that they would be free to leave at any instant that conversation flagged, or that they desired to join another. In a society where it is not considered a rudeness to leave after a few sentences with one, to exchange some words with another, there is a constant interchange of civilities, and the men circulate through the room with that charming freedom which insures the enjoyment of all.

While the hostess is receiving, no person should remain beside her except members of her family who receive with her, or such friends as she has designated to a.s.sist her. All persons entering should pa.s.s on to make room for others.

SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR GENTLEMEN.

A gentleman should never attempt to step across a lady's train. He should walk around it. If by any accident he should tread upon any portion of her dress, he must instantly beg her pardon, and if by greater carelessness he should tear it, he must pause in his course and offer to escort her to the dressing-room so that she may have it repaired.

If a lady asks any favor of a gentleman, such as to send a servant to her with a gla.s.s of water, to take her into the ball-room when she is without an escort, to inquire whether her carriage is in waiting, or any of the numerous services which ladies often require, no gentleman will, under any circ.u.mstances, refuse her request.

A really well-bred man will remember to ask the daughters of a house to dance, as it is his imperative duty to do so; and if the ball has been given for a lady who dances, he should include her in his attentions. If he wishes to be considered a thorough-bred gentleman, he will sacrifice himself occasionally to those who are unsought and neglected in the dance. The consciousness of having performed a kind and courteous action will be his reward.

When gentlemen, invited to a house on the occasion of an entertainment, are not acquainted with all the members of the family, their first duty, after speaking to their host and hostess, is to ask some common friend to introduce them to those members whom they do not know. The host and hostess are often too much occupied in receiving to be able to do this.

DUTIES OF AN ESCORT.

A lady's escort should call for her and accompany her to the place of entertainment; go with her as far as the dressing-room, return to meet her there when she is prepared to go to the ball-room; enter the latter room with her and lead her to the hostess; dance the first dance with her; conduct her to the supper-room, and be ready to accompany her home whenever she wishes to go. He should watch during the evening to see that she is supplied with dancing partners. When he escorts her home she should not invite him to enter the house, and even if she does so, he should by all means decline the invitation. He should call upon her within the next two days.

GENERAL RULES FOR b.a.l.l.s.

A young man who can dance, and will not dance, should stay away from a ball.

The lady with whom a gentleman dances last is the one he takes to supper. Therefore he can make no engagement to take out any other, unless his partner is already engaged.

Public b.a.l.l.s are most enjoyable when you have your own party. The great charm of a ball is its perfect accord and harmony. All altercations, loud talking and noisy laughter are doubly ill-mannered in a ball-room.

Very little suffices to disturb the whole party.

In leaving a ball, it is not deemed necessary to wish the lady of the house a good night. In leaving a small dance or party, it is civil to do so.

The difference between a ball and an evening party is, that at a ball there must be dancing, and at an evening party there may or may not be.

A London authority defines a ball to be "an a.s.semblage for dancing, of not less than seventy-five persons."

Common civility requires that those who have not been present, but who were among the guests invited, should, when meeting the hostess the first time after an entertainment, make it a point to express some acknowledgment of their appreciation of the invitation, by regretting their inability to be present.

When dancing a round dance, a gentleman should never hold a lady's hand behind him, or on his hip, or high in the air, moving her arm as though it were a pump handle, as seen in some of our western cities, but should hold it gracefully by his side.

Never forget ball-room engagements, nor confuse them, nor promise two dances to one person. If a lady has forgotten an engagement, the gentleman she has thus slighted must pleasantly accept her apology.