Our Deportment Part 5

CALLS OF CONGRATULATION.

Calls of congratulation are made when any happy or auspicious event may have occurred in the family visited--such as a birth, marriage, or any piece of good fortune. Such visits may be made either similar to the morning or the evening call. Such visits may also be made upon the appointment of friends to any important office or honored position, or when a friend has distinguished himself by a notable public address or oration.

P.P.C. CALLS.

When persons are going abroad to be absent for a considerable period, if they have not time or inclination to take leave of all their friends by making formal calls, they will send to each of their friends a card with the letters P.P.C. written upon it. They are the initials of "Pour Prendre Conge"--to take leave--and may with propriety stand for "presents parting compliments." On returning home, it is customary that friends should first call upon them. A neglect to do so, unless for some good excuse, is sufficient cause to drop their acquaintance. In taking leave of a family, you send as many cards as you would if you were paying an ordinary visit.

VISITS OF CONDOLENCE.

Visits of condolence should be made within a week after the event which occasioned them; but if the acquaintance be slight, immediately after the family appear at public wors.h.i.+p. A card should be sent in, and if your friends are able to receive you, your manners and conversation should be in harmony with the character of your visit. It is deemed courteous to send in a mourning card; and for ladies to make their calls in black silk or plain-colored apparel. It denotes that they sympathize with the afflictions of the family, and a warm, heartfelt sympathy is always appreciated.

EVENING VISITS.

Evening visits are paid only to those with whom we are well acquainted.

They should not be frequent, even where one is intimate, nor should they be protracted to a great length. Frequent visits are apt to become tiresome to your friends or acquaintances, and long visits may ent.i.tle you to the appellation of "bore."

If you should happen to pay an evening visit at a house where a small party had a.s.sembled, unknown to you, present yourself and converse for a few minutes with an unembarra.s.sed air, after which you may leave, pleading as an excuse that you had only intended to make a short call.

An invitation to stay and spend the evening, given for the sake of courtesy, should not be accepted. If urged very strongly to remain, and the company is an informal gathering, you may with propriety consent to do so.

KEEP AN ACCOUNT OF CALLS.

A person should keep a strict account of ceremonial calls, and take note of how soon calls are returned. By doing so, an opinion can be formed as to how frequently visits are desired. Instances may occur, when, in consequence of age or ill health, calls should be made without any reference to their being returned. It must be remembered that nothing must interrupt the discharge of this duty.

CALLS OF CEREMONY AMONG FRIENDS.

Among relatives and friends, calls of mere ceremony are unnecessary. It is, however, needful to make suitable calls, and to avoid staying too long, if your friend is engaged. The courtesies of society should be maintained among the nearest friends, and even the domestic circle.

"ENGAGED" OR "NOT AT HOME."

If a lady is so employed that she cannot receive callers she should charge the servant who goes to answer the bell to say that she is "engaged" or "not at home." This will prove sufficient with all well-bred people.

The servant should have her orders to say "engaged" or "not at home"

before any one has called, so that the lady shall avoid all risk of being obliged to inconvenience herself in receiving company when she has intended to deny herself. If there are to be exceptions made in favor of any individual or individuals, mention their names specially to the servant, adding that you will see them if they call, but to all others you are "engaged."

A lady should always be dressed sufficiently well to receive company, and not keep them waiting while she is making her toilet.

A well-bred person always endeavors to receive visitors at whatever time they call, or whoever they may be, but there are times when it is impossible to do so, and then, of course, a servant is instructed beforehand to say "not at home" to the visitor. If, however, the servant admits the visitor and he is seated in the drawing room or parlor, it is the duty of the hostess to receive him or her at whatever inconvenience it may be to herself.

When you call upon persons, and are informed at the door that the parties whom you ask for are engaged, you should never insist in an attempt to be admitted, but should acquiesce at once in any arrangements which they have made for their convenience, and to protect themselves from interruption. However intimate you may be in any house you have no right, when an order has been given to exclude general visitors, and no exception has been made of you, to violate that exclusion, and declare that the party should be at home to you. There are times and seasons when a person desires to be left entirely alone, and at such times there is no friends.h.i.+p for which she would give up her occupation or her solitude.

GENERAL RULES REGARDING CALLS.

A gentleman in making a formal call should retain his hat and gloves in his hand on entering the room. The hat should not be laid upon a table or stand, but kept in the hand, unless it is found necessary from some cause to set it down. In that case, place it upon the floor. An umbrella should be left in the hall. In an informal evening call, the hat, gloves, overcoat and cane may be left in the hall.

A lady, in making a call, may bring a stranger, even a gentleman, with her, without previous permission. A gentleman, however, should never take the same liberty.

No one should prolong a call if the person upon whom the call is made is found dressed ready to go out.

A lady should be more richly dressed when calling on her friends than for an ordinary walk.

A lady should never call upon a gentleman except upon some business, officially or professionally.

Never allow young children, dogs or pets of any sort to accompany you in a call. They often prove disagreeable and troublesome.

Two persons out of one family, or at most three, are all that should call together.

It is not customary in cities to offer refreshments to callers. In the country, where the caller has come from some distance, it is exceedingly hospitable to do so.

Calls in the country may be less ceremonious and of longer duration, than those made in the city.

A person making a call should not, while waiting for a hostess, touch an open piano, walk about the room examining pictures, nor handle any ornament in the room.

If there is a stranger visiting at the house of a friend, the acquaintances of the family should be punctilious to call at an early date.

Never offer to go to the room of an invalid upon whom you have called, but wait for an invitation to do so.

In receiving morning calls, it is unnecessary for a lady to lay aside any employment, not of an absorbing nature upon which she may happen to be engaged. Embroidery, crocheting or light needle-work are perfectly in harmony with the requirements of the hour, and the lady looks much better employed than in absolute idleness.

A lady should pay equal attention to all her guests. The display of unusual deference is alone allowable when distinguished rank or reputation or advanced age justifies it.

A guest should take the seat indicated by the hostess. A gentleman should never seat himself on a sofa beside her, nor in a chair in immediate proximity, unless she specially invites him to do so.

A lady need not lay aside her bonnet during a formal call, even though urged to do so. If the call be a friendly and unceremonious one, she may do so if she thinks proper, but not without an invitation.

A gentleman caller must not look at his watch during a call, unless, in doing so, he pleads some engagement and asks to be excused.

Formal calls are generally made twice a year; but only once a year is binding, when no invitations have been received that require calls in return.

In calling upon a person living at a hotel or boarding-house, it is customary to stop in the parlor and send your card to the room of the person called upon.

When a person has once risen to take leave, he should not be persuaded to prolong his stay.

Callers should take special pains to make their visits opportune. On the other hand, a lady should always receive her callers, at whatever hour or day they come, if it is possible to do so.

When a gentleman has called and not found the lady at home, it is civility on the part of the lady, upon the occasion of their next meeting, to express her regret at not seeing him. He should reciprocate the regret, and not reply unthinkingly or awkwardly: "Oh, it made no particular difference," "it was of no great consequence," or words to that effect.

After you have visited a friend at her country seat, or after receiving an invitation to visit her, a call is due her upon her return to her town residence. This is one of the occasions when a call should be made promptly and in person, unless you have a reason for wis.h.i.+ng to discontinue the acquaintance; even then it would be more civil to take another opportunity for dropping a friend who wished to show a civility, unless her character has been irretrievably lost in the meantime.

NEW-YEAR'S CALLS.