Tales Of The Trains Part 4

He paused, and although I waited for him to resume, he appeared in no humor to do so, but seemed more confused than before.

"Hang it," said he at length, "I am a very bungling negotiator, and never in my life could manage a matter of any difficulty."

"Take a gla.s.s of sherry," said I; "try if that may not a.s.sist to recall your faculties."

"No, no," cried he; "I have taken a bottle of it already, and, by Jove, I rather think my head is only the more addled. Do you know that I am in a most confounded sc.r.a.pe. I have run away with that young lady; we were at an evening-party last night together, and came straight away from the supper-table to the train."

"Indeed!" said I, laying down my knife and fork, not a little gratified that I was at length to learn the secret that had so long teased me.

"And so you have run away with her!"

"Yes; it was no sudden thought, however,--at least, it was an old attachment; I have known her these two months."

"Oh! oh!" said I; "then there was prudence in the affair."

"Perhaps you will say so," said he, quickly, "when I tell you she has 30,000 in the Funds, and something like 1700 a year besides,--not that I care a straw for the money, but, in the eye of the world, that kind of thing has its _eclat_."

"So it has," said I, "and a very pretty _eclat_ it is, and one that, somehow or another, preserves its attractions much longer than most surprises; but I do not see the sc.r.a.pe, after all."

"I am coming to that," said he, glancing timidly around the room. "The affair occurred this wise: we were at an evening-party,--a kind of _dejeune_, it was, on the Thames,--Charlotte came with her aunt,--a shrewish old damsel, that has no love for me; in fact, she very soon saw my game, and resolved to thwart it. Well, of course I was obliged to be most circ.u.mspect, and did not venture to approach her, not even to ask her to dance, the whole evening. As it grew late, however, I either became more courageous or less cautious, and I did ask her for a waltz.

The old lady bristled up at once, and asked for her shawl. Charlotte accepted my invitation, and said she would certainly not retire so early; and I, to cut the matter short, led her to the top of the room.

We waltzed together, and then had a 'gallop,' and after that some champagne, and then another waltz; for Charlotte was resolved to give the old lady a lesson,--she has spirit for anything! Well, it was growing late by this time, and we went in search of the aunt at last; but, by Jove! she was not to be found. We hunted everywhere for her, looked well in every corner of the supper-room, where it was most likely we should discover her; and at length, to our mutual horror and dismay, we learned that she had ordered the carriage up a full hour before, and gone off, declaring that she would send Charlotte's father to fetch her home, as she herself possessed no influence over her. Here was a pretty business,--the old gentleman being, as Charlotte often told me, the most choleric man in England. He had killed two brother officers in duels, and narrowly escaped being hanged at Maidstone for shooting a waiter who delayed bringing him the water to shave,--a pleasant old boy to encounter on such an occasion at this!

"'He will certainly shoot me,--he will shoot you,--he will kill us both!' were the only words she could utter; and my blood actually froze at the prospect before us. You may smile if you like; but let me tell you that an outraged father, with a pair of patent revolving pistols, is no laughing matter. There was nothing for it, then, but to 'bolt.' _She_ saw that as soon as I did; and although she endeavored to persuade me to suffer her to return home alone, that, you know, I never could think of; and so, after some little demurrings, some tears, and some resistance, we got to the Euston-Square station, just as the train was going. You may easily think that neither of us had much time for preparation. As for myself, I have come away with a ten-pound note in my purse,--not a s.h.i.+lling more have I in my possession; and here we are now, half of that sum spent already, and how we are to get on to the North, I cannot for the life of me conceive."

"Oh! that's it," said I, peering at him shrewdly from under my eyelids.

"Yes, that 's it; don't you think it is bad enough?" and he spoke the words with a reckless frankness that satisfied all my scruples. "I ought to tell you," said he, "that my name is Blunden; I am lieutenant in the Buffs, on leave; and now that you know my secret, will you lend me twenty pounds? which perhaps, may be enough to carry us forward,--at least, it will do, until it will be safe for me to write for money."

"But what would bring you to the North?" said I; "why not put yourselves on board the mail-packet this evening, and come to Dublin? We will marry you there just as cheaply; pursuit of you will be just as difficult; and I 'd venture to say, you might choose a worse land for the honeymoon."

"But I have no money," said he; "you forgot that."

"For the matter of money," said I, "make your mind easy. If the young lady is going away with her own consent,--if, indeed, she is as anxious to get married as you are,--make me the banker, and I 'll give her away, be the bridesmaid, or anything else you please."

"You are a trump," said he, helping himself to another gla.s.s of my sherry; and then filling out a third, which emptied the bottle, he slapped me on the shoulder, and said, "Here 's your health; now come upstairs."

"Stop a moment," said I, "I must see her alone,--there must be no tampering with the evidence."

He hesitated for a second, and surveyed me from head to foot; and whether it was the number of my double chins or the rotundity of my waistcoat divested his mind of any jealous scruples, but he smiled coolly, and said, "So you shall, old buck,--we will never quarrel about that."

Upstairs we went accordingly, and into a handsome drawing-room on the first floor, at one end of which, with her head buried in her hands, the young lady was sitting.

"Charlotte," said he, "this gentleman is kind enough to take an interest in our fortunes, but he desires a few words with you alone."

I waved my hand to him to prevent his making any further explanation, and as a signal to withdraw; he took the hint and left the room.

Now, thought I, this is the second act of the drama; what the deuce am I to do here? In the first place, some might deem it my duty to admonish the young damsel on the impropriety of the step, to draw an afflicting picture of her family, to make her weep bitter tears, and end by persuading her to take a first-cla.s.s ticket in the up-train. This would be the grand parento-moral line; and I shame to confess it, it was never my forte. Secondly, I might pursue the inquiry suggested by myself, and ascertain her real sentiments. This might be called the amico-auxiliary line. Or, lastly, I might try a little, what might be done on my own score, and not see 30,000 and 1700 a year squandered by a cigar-smoking lieutenant in the Buffs. As there may be different opinions about this line, I shall not give it a name. Suffice it to say, that, notwithstanding a sly peep at as pretty a throat and as well rounded an instep as ever tempted a "government Mercury," I was true to my trust, and opened the negotiation on the honest footing.

"Do you love him, my little darling?" said I; for somehow consolation always struck me as own-brother to love-making. It is like indorsing a bill for a friend, which, though he tells you he 'll meet, you always feel responsible for the money.

She turned upon me an arch look. By St. Patrick, I half regretted I had not tried number three, as in the sweetest imaginable voice she said,--

"Do you doubt it?"

"I wish I could," thought I to myself. No matter, it was too late for regrets; and so I ascertained, in a very few minutes, that she corroborated every portion of the statement, and was as deeply interested in the success of the adventure as himself.

"That will do," said I. "He is a lucky fellow,--I always heard the Buffs were;" and with that I descended to the coffee-room, where the young man awaited me with the greatest anxiety.

"Are you satisfied?" cried he, as I entered the room.

"Perfectly," was my answer. "And now let us lose no more time; it wants but a quarter to seven, and we must be on board in ten minutes."

As I have already remarked, my fellow-travellers were not burdened with luggage, so there was little difficulty in expediting their departure; and in half an hour from that time we were gliding down the Mersey, and gazing on the spangled lamps which glittered over that great city of soap, sugar, and sa.s.safras, train-oil, timber, and tallow. The young lady soon went below, as the night was chilly; but Blunden and myself walked the deck until near twelve o'clock, chatting over whatever came uppermost, and giving me an opportunity to perceive that, without possessing any remarkable ability or cleverness, he was one of those offhand, candid, clear-headed young fellows, who, when trained in the admirable discipline of the mess, become the excellent specimens of well-conducted, well-mannered gentlemen our army abounds with.

We arrived in due course in Dublin. I took my friends up to Morrison's, drove with them after breakfast to a fas.h.i.+onable milliner's, where the young lady, with an admirable taste, selected such articles of dress as she cared for, and I then saw them duly married. I do not mean to say that the ceremony was performed by a bishop, or that a royal duke gave her away; neither can I state that the train of carriages comprised the equipages of the leading n.o.bility. I only vouch for the fact that a little man, with a black eye and a sinister countenance, read a ceremony of his own composing, and made them write their names in a great book, and pay thirty s.h.i.+llings for his services; after which I put a fifty-pound note into Blunden's hand, saluted the bride, and, wis.h.i.+ng them every health and happiness, took my leave.

They started at once with four posters for the North, intending to cross over to Scotland. My engagements induced me to leave town for Cork, and in less than a fortnight I found at my club a letter from Blunden, enclosing the fifty pounds, with a thousand thanks for my prompt kindness, and innumerable affectionate reminiscences from Madame.

They were as happy as--confound it, every one is happy for a week or a fortnight; so I crushed the letter, pitched it into the fire, was rather pleased with myself for what I had done, and thought no more of the whole transaction.

Here then my tale should have an end, and the moral is obvious. Indeed, I am not certain but some may prefer it to that which the succeeding portion conveys, thinking that the codicil revokes the body of the testament. However that may be, here goes for it.

It was about a year after this adventure that I made one of a party of six travelling up to London by the "Grand Junction." The company were chatty, pleasant folk, and the conversation, as often happens among utter strangers, became anecdotic; many good stories were told in turn, and many pleasant comments made on them, when at length it occurred to me to mention the somewhat singular rencontre I have already narrated as having happened to myself.

"Strange enough," said I, "the last time I journeyed along this line, nearly this time last year, a very remarkable occurrence took place. I happened to fall in with a young officer of the Buffs, eloping with an exceedingly pretty girl; she had a large fortune, and was in every respect a great 'catch;' he ran away with her from an evening party, and never remembered, until he arrived at Liverpool, that he had no money for the journey. In this dilemma, the young fellow, rather spooney about the whole thing, I think would have gone quietly back by the next train, but, by Jove, I could n't satisfy my conscience that so lovely a girl should be treated in such a manner. I rallied his courage; took him over to Ireland in the packet, and got them married the next morning."

"Have I caught you at last, you old, meddling scoundrel!" cried a voice, hoa.r.s.e and discordant with pa.s.sion, from the opposite side; and at the same instant a short, thickset old man, with shoulders like a Hercules, sprung at me. With one hand he clutched me by the throat, and with the other he pummelled my head against the panel of the conveyance, and with such violence that many people in the next carriage averred that they thought we had run into the down train. So sudden was the old wretch's attack, and so infuriate withal, it took the united force of the other pa.s.sengers to detach him from my neck; and even then, as they drew him off, he kicked at me like a demon. Never has it been my lot to witness such an outbreak of wrath; and, indeed, were I to judge from the symptoms it occasioned, the old fellow had better not repeat it, or a.s.suredly apoplexy would follow.

"That villain,--that old ruffian," said he, glaring at me with flas.h.i.+ng eyeb.a.l.l.s, while he menaced me with his closed fist,--"that cursed, meddling scoundrel is the cause of the greatest calamity of my life."

"Are you her father, then?" articulated I, faintly, for a misgiving came over me that my boasted benevolence might prove a mistake. "Are you her father?" The words were not out, when he dashed at me once more, and were it not for the watchfulness of the others, inevitably had finished me.

"I've heard of you, my old buck," said I, affecting a degree of ease and security my heart sadly belied. "I 've heard of your dreadful temper already,--I know you can't control yourself. I know all about the waiter at Maidstone. By Jove, they did not wrong you; and I am not surprised at your poor daughter leaving you--" But he would not suffer me to conclude; and once more his wrath boiled over, and all the efforts of the others were barely sufficient to calm him into a semblance of reason.

There would be an end to my narrative if I endeavored to convey to my reader the scene which followed, or recount the various outbreaks of pa.s.sion which ever and anon interrupted the old man, and induced him to diverge into sundry little by-ways of lamentation over his misfortune, and curses upon my meddling interference. Indeed his whole narrative was conducted more in the staccato style of an Italian opera father than in the homely wrath of an English parent; the wind-up of these dissertations being always to the one purpose, as with a look of scowling pa.s.sion directed towards me, he said, "Only wait till we reach the station, and see if I won't do for you."

His tale, in few words, amounted to this. He was the Squire Blunden,--the father of the lieutenant in the "Buffs." The youth had formed an attachment to a lady whom he had accidentally met in a Margate steamer. The circ.u.mstances of her family and fortune were communicated to him in confidence by herself; and although she expressed her conviction of the utter impossibility of obtaining her father's consent to an unt.i.tled match, she as resolutely refused to elope with him. The result, however, was as we have seen; she did elope,--was married,--they made a wedding tour in the Highlands, and returned to Blunden Hall two months after, where the old gentleman welcomed them with affection and forgiveness. About a fortnight after their return, it was deemed necessary to make inquiry as to the circ.u.mstances of her estate and funded property, when the young lady fell upon her knees, wept bitterly, said she had not a sixpence,--that the whole thing was a "ruse;" that she had paid five pounds for a choleric father, three ten for an aunt warranted to wear "satin;" in fact, that she had been twice married before, and had heavy misgivings that the husbands were still living.

There was nothing left for it but compromise. "I gave her," said he, "five hundred pounds to go to the devil, and I registered, the same day, a solemn oath that if ever I met this same Tramp, he should carry the impress of my knuckles on his face to the day of his death."

The train reached Harrow as the old gentleman spoke. I waited until it was again in motion, and, flinging wide the door, I sprang out, and from that day to this have strictly avoided forming acquaintance with a white lace bonnet, even at a distance, or ever befriending a lieutenant in the Buffs.

FAST ASLEEP AND WIDE AWAKE

[Ill.u.s.tration: 588]