The Funny Side of Physic Part 32

_Secret of finding lost Property._--In Hopkinton, Ma.s.s., there lived a man named Sheffield, who professed to tell fortunes. The postmaster of that town told my informant that old Sheffield received from seven to ten letters per day from the fools who believed in his foreseeing powers. Once the surveyor, with a large gang of men, was working on the highway, and while they were at dinner an ox chain was stolen. The overseer, happening along before the rest of the men, saw some one unhook the chain, and steal away to a field adjoining, pull up a fence post, and deposit the chain in the hole, replace the post, and return. He "lay low," and as the thief pa.s.sed he discovered him to be old Sheffield, the fortune-teller. He kept his own counsel, and, the chain being missed, a committee of three was appointed to visit the seer, to discover by his art where the stolen property was secreted.

Mr. ----, the overseer, and others, called on Sheffield, who got out his mysterious book, and figured away in an impressive manner, and finally chalked out a rough plan of the ground on the floor, and again consulting his book, he solemnly declared that he had discovered the property.

"You follow this line from the spot where the chain was unhooked from the plough, so many rods to this line fence, go along the fence to the seventh post, draw it up, and the chain will be found beneath, in the post-hole."

The two men were struck dumb with astonishment, for they believed in the mysterious powers of old Sheffield; but the overseer exclaimed, in words more impressive than elegant,--

"Yes, you infernal scoundrel, and you put it there, for I saw you with my own eyes."

THE MAGIC MIRROR EXPOSE.

Not long ago the body of a once beautiful young woman was taken from the Merrimack River, below the factories at L----. She was unknown at the time, and this was all there was given to the public. To the world she was merely--

"One more unfortunate, Weary of breath, Rashly importunate, Gone to her death."

Now, these are the whole facts of the case. She was the daughter of respectable, Christian parents, in a New England village, where she was highly esteemed as an amiable and virtuous young lady. But the tempter came. Not in the form of a "serpent"--very harmless animals, comparatively!--nor that other old fellow, commonly descried as having clattering hoofs and forked tail, etc.--but in the flesh and semblance of a handsome young man! I think preachers and book-makers paint their devils too hideous and too far off! Leave off the d, and look for your evils nearer home, and rather pleasant to look at, on the sly, and not (at first) very unpleasant to the senses in general. These are the dangerous (d)evils; escape _them_, and you avoid all!

In the village there were two young men, rivals for the affections of this amiable young lady, and I know not but there were a dozen besides. One held the only advantage over the other of having been a native of the town, while the other was, comparatively, but little known.

Both were sober, industrious, and moral young men.

One day Miss ---- was going to the great city, and, for the "sport of the thing," agreed to visit a celebrated fortune-teller--a clairvoyant!--at the instigation of the young man, who, though least known to her, had recently distanced his rival by his a.s.siduity in pressing his suit before the young lady.

He a.s.sured her there could be no impropriety in a young lady's visiting a fortune-teller. It was only for fun; n.o.body believed in them, and she could keep her own secret if she chose!

She went in broad daylight. The lady clairvoyant greeted her cordially, begged her to feel quite at her ease, as there was great fortune in store for her. She described her two lovers very minutely, and informed the girl that the one who was to marry her would come to her in a vision, if she would but look into a mirror hanging on the wall before her.

"I see nothing but my own face," replied the young lady, when she had arisen and looked into the gla.s.s.

The woman then turned it half around on the hinges, swung out the frame upon which the mirror was also hung, and, disclosing a plain black gla.s.s behind, fastened to the wall, said,--

"Now, if you will step behind the gla.s.s, back to the wall, and again look into the mirror, you _may_ possibly see one of the two gentlemen--I cannot _say_ which."

More amused than alarmed, the lady complied.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE FORTUNE-TELLER'S MAGIC MIRROR.]

"Still I see nothing but myself and a dark gla.s.s behind me," she said.

"Look steadfastly into the gla.s.s. _Now!_" exclaimed the woman.

"O, what--what do I see?" cried the girl. "'Tis he! 'tis Mr. ----"

"Don't be alarmed; 'tis your future husband. No power can prevent it. It is fate--fate! But it will be a happy consummation," said the woman, closing the mirror.

"Why, I left him at home, surely; and I came by steam. That is a solid wall! Ah, my fate is decreed, I believe!"

Can the reader suppose any sensible person would believe this to be magic?

There are thousands who believe it. Miss ---- was one. She had seen the spiritual representation of her future husband, and, finding him at home on her return, the same afternoon, she accepted him as her betrothed, and the other was dismissed.

Her ruin followed. In the flight of her lover, her hopes were forever blasted. To hide her shame, she went secretly from home; and to earn her daily bread, she labored in a cotton factory. When she could no longer cover her shame in the world, she went without--into outer darkness! Her parents went down in sorrow to their untimely graves.

Now about the magic mirror. The young man went to the city by the same train with the girl he proposed to ruin. He had previously arranged with the fortune-teller--no unusual thing--to appear in person behind the darkened gla.s.s in the next room, and had returned in disguise by the same train with his victim.

The fortune-teller died miserably, and was buried in the Potter's Field at the expense of the city of Hartford, Conn.

"The thorns which I have reaped are of the tree I planted; they have torn me,--and I bleed: I should have known what fruit would spring from such a seed."

BYRON.

Such is one of the results of patronizing fortune-tellers. I have seen this kind of mirror, and the first effect, even on a strong-minded person, seeing but faintly through the darkened gla.s.s, over your shoulder, the outlines of a face, and finally, as your eyes get familiar with the darkness, the very features of a person reflected therein, is truly impressive, if not startling.

Young ladies, for your own sakes, for the sake of your friends, and more for Heaven's sake, keep away from fortune-tellers! _You cannot possibly see into futurity_, neither can any one, much less the ignorant wretches who profess the dark mysteries, tell for you what joys or sorrows are in store for the future!

FORTUNE-TELLERS AS PROCURESSES.

An able reporter to the Boston Daily Post, who devoted a considerable time in May, 1869, to visiting and writing up the fortune-tellers of Boston, which he reported in full in the above paper, and from which I shall copy more fully hereafter, says in conclusion,--

"From what we are able to learn in this direction, we have arrived at the conclusion that there are not _less than two hundred men and women_ in Boston and vicinity who get a good livelihood by this profession, while many do a large and profitable business.

"One lady, who has reduced her charges to the very lowest figure (fifty cents for an interview), candidly informed us that her receipts for the past year had not been less than twelve hundred dollars. Another reported her receipts from ten to fifty dollars a day.

"Of course no reliable estimate, without better statistics, can be made of the magnitude of the business; but it seems not extravagant to estimate their receipts, on an average, at fifteen hundred dollars per annum! or an annual cost to the people of Boston (and vicinity?) for fortune-telling, of the snug little sum of three hundred thousand dollars!"

The price advertised for a sitting in 1870 was from twenty-five cents to one dollar. The Post reporter says of "Mrs. Nellie Richards" (_alias_ Mrs.

Nelson), "Not unfrequently her receipts are fifty dollars per day." Again of one, "She has received fifty dollars for one sitting." The writer has visited the most celebrated fortune-tellers here, and been told by them that they have received five, ten, and twenty dollars for one sitting.

What for? What was the value received? Not from _females_ do they receive these liberal sums; but from middle-aged or old gentlemen and "married men," as one a.s.sured me. It is quite possible for a few sharp fortune-tellers to make fifteen hundred dollars per year at merely telling fools what they may expect from the future. "Middle-aged, old, and married men" do not consult them, as a general rule, for that purpose.

Here is a true history ill.u.s.trative of my meaning. I gathered the facts from the lady.

On Sat.u.r.day, the 9th of December, 1871, a young woman, residing with her parents on ---- Street, went to the afternoon performance at the Boston Museum. A young man made three unsuccessful attempts to "flirt" with her.

The third time she slightly shook her head. Some one, seated immediately behind her, touched her on the shoulder, and said, "Right, young lady; you did right not to notice him."

"I turned my head," said my informant, "and just made the least bit of acknowledgment to a fine-looking, elderly gentleman, who, perhaps, was rising fifty. He was an utter stranger to me, and I did not observe him afterwards. On the following week I received a note--a very pretty, delicate letter--from the very gentleman. He explained that he saw me at the performance of "Elfie," and was much struck by my lady-like appearance, and the rest, begging the privilege of calling on me privately. Now, how could he have obtained my address?"

"Did the other party, the young 'flirt,' know it?" I asked.

"No--not probable. I was not so astonished in receiving a letter from a stranger, as I was on learning that the nice-looking old gent at the theatre should have sent it, and that he possessed my address."

"Why not surprised by receiving the letter from a stranger?" I asked.

"Because I visited a fortune-teller, a day or two before, who told me I should receive a letter from a middle-aged man, and that it would be to my interest to cultivate his friends.h.i.+p, as he was a nice old covey, and was rich and liberal."

"The secret is out! Did the fortune-teller know your address?"

"O, yes; she was an old friend of my mother's, _and asked me nothing for a sitting_. And would _she_ possibly betray the daughter of her old friend?"

I have since learned that the young woman was married at the time, which fact the fortune-teller must have known when she advised her to "cultivate the friends.h.i.+p" of an old _roue_, "as he was rich and liberal."