Corps Security: Cooper Part 8

"Chelcie!" The sound erupts through the room. My shoulders stiffen, but I turn and meet his eyes. "Get. Over. Here."

I look back at Dee and Sway, hoping for some help but I only get blazing smiles and sharp nods. Lovely. Of course the matchmaker duo isn't going to help me.

"Now, Chelcie," he declares again.

I obviously am not moving at a pace quick enough to placate his request because he takes the ten steps to me from the door in five and lightly grabs my wrist, pulling me forward and out the door. Proving Dee's theory right. He is a wonderful dragger.

The whole ride back to the apartments is maddening. I can tell he's p.i.s.sed by the white-knuckle grip he has on the steering wheel. His jaw keeps flexing with the control he is so understandably trying to master. It was a b.i.t.c.h move for me to run. I know that, and I feel terrible about it.

I could blame it on my hormones, my muddled mind, or even the drunken way his kisses leave me. When it comes down to it though, I ran because I was afraid.

The walk past Joe is nice and embarra.s.sing this time. Before Asher can stop me, I press the gold b.u.t.ton for the seventeenth floor. Turning to address him, I do my best to give him a shaky smile.

"I need to do this in my house. I was wrong to run from you, and I'm sorry. We're going to talk, but I need it to be in my s.p.a.ce."

He gives me a tight nod before crossing his thick arms over his chest.

"I'm sorry, Ash. I really am."

He studies me for a few seconds, opening his mouth to speak a few times before snapping it shut and shaking his head at me. His eyes close for a second and when they open again and he looks at me with complete understanding, I'm taken aback. So easily he's able to drop that anger?

"I won't even pretend to understand what's going through your head right now. You want to talk before I make you mine? That's what you need to do before I can finally make you mine? Well then, baby, that's what will happen. Just...enough with the running, okay?"

Let's see if he feels the same way when we're done talking. I nod and wait for the elevator to stop at my floor.

Here goes nothing.

"Do you want anything to drink? I think I have some beer." I wring my hands together, trying to calm my anxiety.

"I don't want anything to drink, Chelcie," he states from his post, leaning against the kitchen island.

"Okay. Do you want something to eat? I can make something really quick."

"I don't want anything to eat, Chelcie."

"Okay. Do you-"

"I don't want anything to eat or drink. I don't need to sit and relax or watch a movie. I don't have anywhere I need to be or anyone I would rather be with. I'm good, Suns.h.i.+ne. I'm here. Let's talk."

Well. I guess he's onto my stalling.

"Right. Let's go sit please. I need to sit."

He raises a brow but follows me to my living room. I sit in my favorite chair, the one chair that I can curl up on and it's so fluffy that I sink. It gives me a sense of peace. I know it sounds ridiculous that a chair can give me some peace, but when you feel as alone as I do sometimes, just feeling the comforting pressure of something holding you can mean a lot.

Asher walks close to me, his feet b.u.mping into mine, he leans down and scoops me up before he sinks his own body into my chair. He then pulls me down onto his lap and arranges my body so that I'm sitting sideways across his strong thighs. Without knowing where to put my hands, I just let them fall to my lap-where I continue to wring my fingers together.

"Talk, Suns.h.i.+ne." I jump at his demand and feel his arms constrict around me. "I've told you before, you have nothing-not one d.a.m.n thing-to be afraid of when you're with me. Why do you keep acting like I'm going to hurt you?"

I take a deep, much-needed breath. "Because, Asher... Because you hold the power to crush me, just like I hold the power to do the same to you."

"The last thing I want is to hurt you in any way," he argues.

"I know that, and I feel the same way."

"So what exactly is the problem? I know we have a lot to learn about each other, Chelcie, but you've been there for me since Coop died, there when everyone else was getting frustrated because I didn't know how to let him go. You've been there when I needed you the most. There's plenty of time for us to learn every little thing about each other, but what I already know is enough for me to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you belong to me." He lightly grabs my chin with his firm hand, turning my head and giving me a sweet kiss against my lips before resting his forehead against mine.

"This is so hard," I sigh. "So d.a.m.n hard."

"So just say it. What is so big that you would rather go out with douchebags than admit that what we have is worth something to you? You melted for me, Chelc. Melted."

"Give me a second okay? I just need to figure out how to explain everything."

I weigh my options before I realize that there is no easy way to drop all of this on him. So I just start at the beginning.

"You know about everything that went down with Dee, right? Last year, when she almost died?"

He nods but doesn't say anything and lets me set the pace.

"I was the one who found her. Did you know that?" He shakes his head, still remaining silent. "That did something to me, Ash. I don't know how to explain it. Finding her, the one person I've had in my life who means so much. A sister without the blood relations. Seeing her that close to death made me panic. I really think that I was in some sort of shock. I don't know. It doesn't make what I did right, but when comfort was offered, I took it. One night, one time, but I needed to feel alive. I needed it." I swallow the growing lump in my throat and look into his eyes, needing to know how he's going to handle this. "I slept with Coop," I whisper so lightly that, if it weren't for his arms around me and my face inches from his own, I don't think he would have heard me.

His eyes flash and his arms go solid, but he doesn't speak. I wait, wait for him to say something-anything-for a solid minute.

"You slept with my brother?" he asks.

I can't tell if he's upset or just processing it. His tone sounds neutral, but his eyes are telling me another story.

"I did. It's not something I'm proud of. I used him, Ash. Well, I guess, in a way, we used each other. It happened, and while I can admit it was a mistake, I don't regret it."

"You don't f.u.c.king regret it?" he questions, this time not masking his anger.

"I don't." I straighten my back and get ready for the toughest part.

"Clear something up for me, Chelcie. While I've been thinking we've been starting something, have I been some second-place consolation prize for my brother? Because, let me tell you, I've been there, done that, and got the f.u.c.king T-s.h.i.+rt. That isn't something I ever want to experience again."

I frown, trying to make sense of his exclamation. He reaches up and lightly caresses the wrinkle between my brow before he realizes what he's doing and drops his hand, his face looking confused and...pained.

"I didn't then nor do I now have feelings like that for your brother. I will always respect and admire his strength and bravery, but as far as any romantic feelings, no. The way I feel about you, that's all for you."

"Then please explain to me how you could not regret sleeping with him?"

Here it goes. The moment that could very well rip any chance at a relations.h.i.+p between Asher and me apart-or the one that solidifies the bond we've felt tugging us together since day one.

"Almost a month after that one night...maybe closer to a month and a half-I can't remember. It took me a while to even admit it to myself. To believe that my selfish need to feel alive had succeeded in proving that. In driving it home in one tiny plus sign."

"I'm not following you here, Chelcie."

"I'm pregnant, Asher. I'm pregnant with Coop's baby. He didn't know because he... Well, he didn't know because of everything that happened, and before I could tell him, it was too late."

"What?"

I keep looking into his stunning blue eyes, which are now a beautiful light-navy color, showing me with crystal-clear clarity just how much pain my admission is bringing him.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so d.a.m.n sorry. I wanted to tell you and I had every intention in telling you, but there never seemed to be a good time." Even to my own ears, it sounds like s.h.i.+t. I should have told him the second I met him.

"You f.u.c.king think?" he yells.

He moves, standing up from the chair with me still locked in his arms, and sets me back down before pacing away from me. Getting as far from me as he can.

"You've... Jesus Christ! You're pregnant with Coop's baby? No good time," he mutters, continuing his pacing. "How could you keep this from me, Chelcie? Were you ever really going to tell me?" he shouts.

"Of course I was!" I defend.

"Yeah? When? When I fell for the little games you've been playing with my mind? When you went into labor? s.h.i.+t, how were you going to hide a belly? Because let me tell you, I never would have guessed you're pregnant now!"

I know he's hurt. He's hurt and I did this to him, to us. I stand as straight as I can, trying my best to keep it together and let him have this. Let him get it out. I can only hope that, when he's done, he can find it in his heart to forgive me.

I just haven't decided if I deserve his forgiveness.

"I can't even look at you right now without my anger getting the best of me. This isn't done, but right now, I need to get the f.u.c.k away from you before I say something I'm going to regret."

I nod, not trusting myself to speak with the tears burning my nose and the lump climbing back up my throat. I'm seconds away from completely falling apart.

He looks at me for a few more seconds before turning on his heels and storming through the front door. I hear it slam, and it's all I need for my body to give the emotions permission to burst forth.

I crumble to the ground and cry. I cry for everything I've stupidly done. I cry for Coop, our baby, Asher, and every single unknown second of my future.

I cry until I have nothing left. It's only then that I notice the sun that was bright in the sky is now gone and my apartment is pitch black. I don't even stop to turn on the lights as I make my way down the hall, stripping down to my bra and panties on the way and curling beneath the thick blankets on my bed. I wish that the smooth fabric were the arms I so desperately need to be holding me tight.

Chapter 15 Asher.

"You senseless little f.u.c.k," the voice slurs. "Where is your stupid f.u.c.king brother?" it asks again.

I don't want to open my eyes. I know there is no reasoning with her when she gets like this. I keep praying one day that she just won't come home. That she will crash her car into a tree, pick up the wrong man for an easy lay, and end up dead like other stupid chicks on the TV. That she might overdose on one of the millions of pills she drops down her throat.

Anything but deal with her when she's like this. I can't just leave because Coop needs to finish high school, and with just two years to go before his graduation, I'll suffer through my egg donor's s.h.i.+t if it means we can graduate and leave-never looking back.

We've had it planned since the day I turned sixteen. We would wait until he finishes high school and then get the h.e.l.l out of the small town in Texas we've grown up in. Get the h.e.l.l out and make a life for ourselves that we can be proud of.

We're joining the Marines.

And we're going to be free of this vile b.i.t.c.h.

Coop's still small for his age. I started growing and never stopped until I towered over my mother, well over six feet. Coop's body, having always lacked the right nutrition to help him grow, seems to be taking its time. I could care less if my brother stays scrawny for the rest of his life. Doesn't matter to me. The one thing that has changed is his timid nature. He's finally starting to come into his own. And the chicks around town don't care if he's not the tallest, bulkiest, or most popular. Coop started channeling his hurt and pain into humor, and the chicks love it.

"Well! Where is that piece of s.h.i.+t?"

Finally having had enough of her shrieking, I peel my eyes open and take her in. I'm sure she was attractive when she was younger. Her eyes, which might have been bright and vibrant blue, are now dull and dirty. Like bathwater after you're done bathing. Her skin might have been smooth and youthful at one point, but now it has a disgusting gray tint to it. Her arms, stretched out at her sides, show the clearly visible track lines. Her body is nothing but a tiny ma.s.s of skin and bones.

Worthless.

Disgusting.

The reason I've believed for as long as I can remember that women will do nothing but hurt you.

I f.u.c.king hate her.

"You gonna answer me, you stupid s.h.i.+t? I knew you were a dumb-f.u.c.k. Knew it before you were even born. Your brother is just as dumb as you. Bet that's why your piece-of-s.h.i.+t father ran off. Couldn't stand to face that he couldn't make real men."

I clench my fist, wis.h.i.+ng-not for the first time-that I believed in hitting women. Regardless of how much I hate her, I still won't raise my fist to her.

"Should have terminated you two b.a.s.t.a.r.ds when I had the chance," she grumbles under her breath.

"I hate you!"

I turn my head sharply to the left when I hear Coop's voice cracking with p.u.b.erty, shaking with vehemence.

"I hate you so much!" he repeats.

I should stop him. Tell him to go back to bed and deal with the beating I'm sure will follow this drunken rage of hers.

"Well, isn't that sweet, b.a.s.t.a.r.d boy? I hate you right f.u.c.king back!"

She starts to move. Actually, she starts to tip forward in what I a.s.sume is a move to get to Coop, but I step in her path. I refuse to let her take this s.h.i.+t out on him. My body is bigger. I can take it.

"Move, Ash. I need her to know I mean it." He sounds different. Not like he normally does when he hides during her rages.

"You sure?" I ask, knowing that, even if I let him have this, I can still be here to make sure she doesn't lay one of her repulsive fingers on him.

"I'm sure."

"Okay, but I'm right here."

"Would you two f.u.c.king r.e.t.a.r.ds stop whispering?! I'm right in front of you. If you're finally going to let those little boy b.a.l.l.s drop and grow a pair, then by all means, let me have it," she fumes.

Coop steps up to stand next to me. He comes up to my shoulders, but right now, in this moment, I feel like he's ten feet tall. I couldn't be more proud of him. For standing up for himself and for standing up to this b.i.t.c.h of a mother we're stuck with.

"I've hated you for so many years. You're a terrible person and an even worse mom. I wish you would just die! And I will always remember what happens when you try to love a girl, because I loved you once. Even when you wouldn't feed us and would beat us. Wouldn't bathe us or buy us clothes that fit. Even when you would lock us in that closet just because we dared to be alive. I will never let a woman get close to me because I know she would probably end up like you. And I know I will never, ever have any kids because, with my luck, something of you would be in them. I. Hate. You." His breathing is fast, too fast, and I know he's close to freaking out because never has he ever talked back to her. And if I'm honest, that was the most I have ever heard him say to our mother in almost ten years.