I Found My Heart In San Francisco: Karma Part 18

Sliding down the long body, Jamie patted her side and said, "Hey, I've got good news! If you'd been in my cla.s.s, you would have won the portfolio challenge."

"Cool! So how did you do?"

"I came in third. Not bad for someone who was just taking her first business cla.s.s, huh?"

"Very good indeed," Ryan smiled. Placing a gentle, warm kiss on Jamie's lips, she added, "I'm really proud of you. You worked very hard this term - at courses that don't come naturally to you."

"Thanks," she said, coloring a little under the praise. "Now I just have to see how I did."

"Mmm...in my opinion, that's the wrong att.i.tude. You worked hard - you learned a lot - everything else is someone's subjective opinion of what you learned."

"Not really, honey," Jamie advised. "We had an objective final."

"Yeah, but a human wrote the test. The way they frame the questions; the topics they cover; the terms they use - all of those elements increase the subjectivity of the most objective test. What's important is that you got a lot out of the course - and that you're proud of your accomplishments. Other than that - let it go."

Jamie gave her a beaming grin, once again considering herself unbelievably lucky to have fallen for such a supportive woman. "I'll try to follow your advice, Ryan. I agree that it's important to reward myself - rather than wait for someone else to do it."

"Hey, I know of a fun reward. Let's stop and buy a Christmas tree for the house. We've always had one, and I'm sure the boys won't think of it."

"That would be nice," Jamie agreed immediately. "Do you have everything else?"

"Well, it's probably not of the same caliber as your family's, but we have plenty of ornaments to fill a tree."

"Ryan," Jamie gently rebuked her, "it's not important how much the ornaments cost. You know that, baby."

Ryan shot her a glance and asked, "Ornaments cost money?"

After spending a ridiculously long time picking out the perfect tree and supervising the high school kid who lashed it to the roof of the Lexus, they finally arrived home just as full darkness settled. Conor and Rory were both home, and the men eagerly ran out to help them bring the n.o.ble fir into the house. "Beauty," Conor said with approval as he held it out at arm's length after cutting the string with his always-present pocketknife. Duffy heartily approved also, scampering around the tree for a moment while Conor held it steady. Ryan had gone to the garage for the boxes of ornaments and lights, and after three trips they had everything a.s.sembled. A quick call for a pizza, and another to invite Brendan and Maggie over, and they started to unpack the carefully wrapped decorations.

Jamie was amazed to find that every single ornament in the box was made by one of the children. All of the ones made by the boys were marked in an inconspicuous spot by a delicate hand, obviously Fionnuala's. But each of Ryan's bore Martin's European-style cursive, indicating her name and the grade she was in when the ornament was crafted. He tried so hard to keep everything the same for them, she marveled. G.o.d that must have been hard! She noted without comment that one little snowman made from Styrofoam b.a.l.l.s indicated that Ryan was in the second grade. My G.o.d, this was made just weeks after her mom died! she nearly cried. I don't know how they got through it. Ryan noticed the look on her face, and she gently removed the ornament from Jamie's weak grip, and glanced at the inscription. Their eyes met in silent understanding as Jamie's heart clenched at the lost look in those sad blue eyes. But Ryan shook her head briefly, and leaned over to offer a kiss to her partner, silently thanking her for understanding.

The tree tr.i.m.m.i.n.g took a good two hours, with the boys taking charge of the lights while the girls organized the ornaments. When they were finished, it looked exactly like what it represented - a lifetime of fond family memories. A number of the hand made trinkets were far less than beautiful, but every one was authentic, and represented the best efforts of the small hands that had created it. As they stood back to survey their handiwork Jamie leaned her head against Ryan's shoulder and murmured, "That is the most beautiful tree I've ever seen."

Cal was playing in a weekend tournament at the Arena in Oakland, the home of the Golden State Warriors of the NBA. As befitted a pro team, the arena was huge - seating close to 20,000 people. It was hard to sell the stadium out when the Warriors played, and when the biggest draw of the tournament was the Golden Bears women's team, the attendance was absolutely anemic.

The spa.r.s.e crowd in the cavernous stadium didn't aid the team's play, and they were routed, with Ryan determinedly playing every minute of the game. The three forward, two guard offense worked fairly well, with Cal scoring much more than usual. But on defense Ryan didn't do nearly as effective a job as Janae, allowing the other team to score almost at will. "That coach should be taken in for a thorough mental examination," Martin glowered at the end of the disappointing match. "She keeps the best player on the bench for two weeks, then forces her to play a position she's not suited to. On top of that she doesn't give her one minute of rest! Those are human beings down there!" he yelled to the diminis.h.i.+ng form of the coach as she trailed behind the team on their way to the locker room.

"It's all right, Marty," Maeve soothed. "Ryan's a big girl, and she can ask to be taken out if she needs to be."

Martin gave her an incredulous look, then turned to Jamie for support. She smiled and shrugged her shoulders as Martin looked at his wife. "We're talking about Siobhan, Maeve! She wouldn't ask for a break if she had a compound fracture!"

"That trait must be from the O'Flahertys," Maeve said to Catherine, who was quietly watching the interplay. "The Ryans are a very level-headed people."

Martin's eyes rolled dramatically, but chose to keep his opinions to himself, having already learned his lessons well during his short married life.

Ryan was asleep downstairs at the O'Flaherty home when the phone rang just after six. Jamie lunged for it to avoid having the ringing wake her sleeping partner, and answered breathlessly, "h.e.l.lo?"

"Hi," the soft soprano voice floated over the line. "This is Sara Andrews. Is this Jamie?"

"Oh, hi, Sara," she said with her normal, friendly tone. "Sorry for the way I sounded. Ryan's asleep, and I didn't want the phone to wake her, so I made a leap for it."

"She's okay, isn't she?" she asked quickly, the concern in her voice obvious. "She's so thin lately that I've been concerned about her."

"Oh, sure she is. She had a game this afternoon, and you know how hard she plays. We're working on getting some weight back on her, but she burns calories off a lot faster than she can eat."

"She's always been that way," she agreed with a fond laugh. "When we were in grade school, she was the only kid who brought two lunches - one for recess and one for lunch."

Jamie smiled at this memory, dismissing the tendril of jealousy that flared whenever she acknowledged how much history Sara shared with her partner. "Yeah, I'm getting a glimpse into Martin's troubles," she laughed. "These afternoon games are terrible. It's hard to get enough fuel into her to last her through the game while not having her tummy too full to play."

"Is that the tournament in Oakland? I read about it in the paper today."

"Yeah. That's the one."

"Would it be okay if I came to the game tomorrow?" she asked hesitantly.

"Sure. Why don't you come over here and ride with me?" Jamie offered.

"Oh, gosh, Jamie, I don't want to put you out..."

"Not a problem. Ryan's going to leave hours before I do, and I'm babysitting tomorrow, so it would be nice to have another pair of hands."

"If you're sure..."

"I'm positive. The game's at one, so I'll leave here at noon. Come anytime before that - and wear something that you don't mind getting drooled on," she added with a chuckle.

"I will and... thanks, Jamie," she said quietly.

"Are you absolutely sure this is something you want to do?" Ryan asked for the fifth time.

"Yes, honey," she patiently replied. "I want to go to Ma.s.s, and Caitie is usually fine during the service."

"I know, but you've never had her alone in a setting like that..."

"Ryan, if she gets to be too much, I'll just leave. It's no big deal," Jamie a.s.sured her. "Why is this bothering you, babe?"

"I don't know," she admitted, pausing reflectively to try to decide what the issue was. "Maybe it's having you and Sara spend time together this afternoon," she hazarded. "That feels weird."

"Weird, like you wish I hadn't asked her without checking with you? Or weird like," Jamie s.h.i.+vered from head to toe, making a disgusted look as she did so, "that?"

"You are so cute," Ryan smiled, taking her partner in her arms and giving her a squeeze. "You just have the cutest way of taking the slightest hint of a bad mood and whisking it away."

"I just love you, Ryan," she sighed as she snuggled close. "I don't do anything special."

Caitlin had been playing peacefully with the new stuffed animals that Jamie had remembered to purchase, but when she saw the extended hug she got to her shaky feet and tottered over to the pair. "Uh ... uh," she cried as her chubby little hands reached skyward.

Ryan leaned back in the embrace and gazed down at the baby fondly. "She's almost got another word there," she commented as she pulled away momentarily to bend and swoop the child into her arms. She snuggled her in between their bodies and chuckled as Caitlin let herself be enveloped in the tight clutch. Her little blonde head rested just under Ryan's chin, and Jamie dipped her head to plant tiny, soft kisses all over her giggling face.

"Who's kissing you, Caitlin?" Ryan murmured. "Who's kissing your face?"

She rubbed her face against Ryan's chest as the kisses started to tickle. Jamie's face was still just inches from hers, and she stuck her little hand out and patted her, in a gesture she had been making since she was tiny. "Jamie is kissing you," Ryan said slowly as the patting continued. "Jamie."

"Mmh mmh," she got out, trying diligently to imitate her cousin.

"That's right... Jamie," she tried again.

The look of concentration was so intense that Jamie had to bite her lip to not laugh in the baby's face. The child scrunched up her brow and gave it another try, "Mmhh mmhh," she huffed forcefully as Ryan congratulated her for her efforts by grabbing her legs and holding her upside down high in the air. She giggled wildly at the sensation, always loving the somewhat rough treatment that she received from Ryan. But Jamie captured her and held her to her chest as she gave her a tender squeeze and a final kiss on her wispy blonde head.

"You'd better get going," Jamie insisted. "I refuse to watch you run laps again if you're late. My poor heart can't take the stress."

Church went remarkably well since Jamie went against O'Flaherty tradition and dropped Caitlin off in the childcare center before Ma.s.s started. As much as she loved being with the baby, she really didn't believe that the child got anything from sitting still for nearly an hour, and she knew the people surrounding her were grateful for the break. She spent a good ten minutes in the child care area before the service to get her acclimated, but the tot quickly forgot that Jamie was with her when she met the other children that the three volunteer mothers were watching. There were five other kids being watched, and two were close to Caitlin's age. Jamie surveyed the whole set-up to make sure that it was safe, and was rea.s.sured when she got good vibes from the volunteers. Nonetheless, she made sure that each of them had her cell phone number in case there was any problem. "No one else is with me today," she warned, "so I'm the only one who will come to pick her up."

"Don't worry, Jamie," a woman named Lori a.s.sured her. "We know the O'Flahertys and the Driscoll's. I actually went to school with Conor and Colm."

"Oh, that's a relief," she said quickly. "Do you know Tommy and Annie?"

"Not well, since they don't attend many church functions, but I know Maeve quite well. Where is she this morning, anyway?"

"Oh, she's helping Martin with the big holiday open house at the fire station," Jamie replied. "She wouldn't approve of me leaving Caitlin here, but I think she'll be happier playing with other kids than fussing in church."

"Oh, I agree," Lori said. "My mother thinks Blake should be in church also, but this is so much less stressful for us both," she said indicating a dark haired little boy that Caitlin was following around. "You know, we could always use another willing volunteer..."

"I need some solitude today," Jamie admitted, "but I may just take you up on that in the coming weeks."

Sara looked lovely as usual, Jamie thought with a smirk. She had always been a little envious of long legged, delicately boned women, and Sara was clearly a prototype for the species. Her hair was shorter since the last time Jamie had seen her: now the thick, glossy, chestnut strands just ticked the tops of her shoulders when she moved her head. A very soft looking cream-colored sweater topped a cocoa brown skirt that looked like suede or moleskin. The skirt was long, nearly covering the tops of the dark brown leather boots that she wore. The skirt and the boots combined to make her legs look endlessly long, and Jamie had to force herself not to s.n.a.t.c.h another quick look at her as she bent to fold herself into the Lexus. Get your eyes off her a.s.s! she slapped herself in a mental rebuke. Hey, I'm only human, her libido answered.

There was really no doubt in her mind as to what attracted Ryan to Sara. Of all the women from Ryan's past, she had to admit that Sara would be her second choice... after Ryan, of course. Regrettably, being around her always brought out her normally hidden insecurities, and not just because of the role she played in Ryan's life. Sara was everything that girls were brought up to emulate. She was tall and lean and graceful, with a walk that looked like it belonged more to a dancer than an athlete. Her voice was high and soft, making her seem both demure and very s.e.xy. She exuded gentleness and softness, with just a hint of playfulness, and Jamie spent a moment wondering what it would feel like to be in her arms. Jesus! Will you stop this! What's gotten in to you today?!

Sara snapped her out of her musings when she asked, "Has Jordan left for the training facility yet?"

Jamie was a bit surprised by her knowledge, but then recalled that Ryan had called to congratulate Sara on pa.s.sing the bar and that she had probably mentioned Jordan at the same time. "Yeah. She just left on Monday morning. It was pretty hard for her to leave."

Sara turned a bit in her seat and said, "I've got to admit I was surprised that Ryan didn't get invited too. Her stats were better than Jordan's in some ways."

Jamie felt a little surprised that Sara had obviously been perusing the calbears.com site on the Internet, and even more surprised that Ryan had not told her the truth. "Uhm... she was invited, Sara. She chose not to go."

"Are you serious?" The shock on Sara's face was evident even though Jamie could only cast a quick glance at her. "How could she pa.s.s up a chance like that? My G.o.d, when I think of how much it meant to her to go to the Olympics... it was all she talked about!"

Jamie nodded her head a bit as she said, "I knew it was important to her, but I don't think I knew it was that important."

"Oh, Jamie, you have no idea," she said seriously. "You know how focused she can get." At Jamie's nod she continued. "She didn't have a computer when she was in high school, but I had one - with an Internet connection. After practice, she would come over and plop herself down in front of that computer every day for any new little bit of information she could get about the Olympic team, or the national soccer federation. Just any piece of information that would go right into her little memory bank," she said fondly. "She knew every player on the team, and when I say she knew them, I mean it! She knew every camp they had attended, how they did in high school and college. She knew how our stats stacked up against every player at the same age. It was really remarkable how focused she was. She actually seems very well rounded now compared to how she was then. Nothing... well, nothing more than her family, was as important to her as soccer. And nothing about soccer was as important as the Olympics."

"And you," Jamie quietly added.

"Wha..." Sara began to ask but Jamie quickly revealed her thoughts.

"You were always going to be on the team together in her fantasy, weren't you?" she asked.

Sara's chestnut hair brushed across her shoulders as she nodded her head. "Yes, that was the dream," she said softly.

"I've never been able to figure out why she quit soccer so abruptly," Jamie mused. "I mean, obviously it made sense to quit the team at Sacred Heart, given the hara.s.sment and lack of support from the coach, but she could have played in a city league or on a club team. It's also never made any sense to me why she wouldn't go to another college to play. Martin says Stanford would have been thrilled to have her."

"U.C.L.A., North Carolina, Duke, Virginia, the Ivy League," Sara added. "Jamie, everybody wanted her. She was so heavily recruited by North Carolina that it was almost like she was being stalked - and they were national champs at the time, clearly the premier program." Sara shrugged her shoulders, and said, "For whatever reasons, she obviously had her heart set on Cal."

"Were you recruited by those schools?" Jamie asked, as casually as she could manage.

"No! No way! I was good, Jamie, and I did well at Cal, but Ryan was great. She could have... no... should have been, on the World Cup team. She could have made it easily if you ask me. Cal was never very strong in soccer - it was really beneath her skills - but it's what she wanted."

"No, Sara, that's not it," Jamie replied, a resigned sigh escaping from her lips. "She didn't have her heart set on Cal. She had her heart set on you."

Sara turned slightly in her seat and stared intently at the smaller woman. "What do you mean?"

"She let you decide where you would go - since you were a year older. Think back, Sara," she insisted, knowing her hunch was correct. "When did you both start talking about Cal?"

Sara was quiet for a while, thinking back to her high school years, a look of serious concentration on her face. She finally nodded briefly and said, "We started talking about Cal when I was a soph.o.m.ore and Ryan was a freshman. The Cal coach came to a lot of our games, and it became pretty obvious that she wanted me for her team. As soon as Ryan heard that - we started daydreaming about it all of the time." Sara's head dropped back and she took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "We took BART over to Cal to see all of their home games," she said, a fond smile settled onto her features. "It just became our school. We learned the fight song, and we'd sing it when we walked home from practice at night." A few tears appeared on her cheeks, and her voice grew raspy as she said, "She started to call me Bear, and when we'd part at night she'd give me a playful little punch and say, 'Go Bear!' " Wiping furiously at her wet cheeks, she said, "You're right! She did it for me. It was all for me."

Jamie reached over and patted her knee, the emotion in the car nearly palpable. "You were such a vital part of the dream. When you weren't a part of it any longer, she didn't have a reason to continue. She wanted to go to Cal to be with you, and she wanted to be on the Olympic team with you," she acknowledged. "It just wasn't attractive to her once you were gone... it wasn't worth the struggle."

Sara's eyes fluttered closed as her head tilted towards the window. "I was so unworthy of her," she said with her obvious sorrow choking her words. "I am so eternally grateful that she found you, Jamie," she added as her hand reached out blindly to rest on the startled woman's leg.

"Y ... You are?"

"Of course," Sara replied immediately. "It's obvious how much you love her, and how much you have to give to each other."

"That kind of amazes me," Jamie mused quietly. "I guess I thought you were still..."

"I am," she whispered. "I still love her with everything I am."

Jamie shot her a wide eyed look, but Sara squeezed her leg and rea.s.sured her, "But all that I have is insignificant compared to what you have, Jamie. I've tried very hard in the last few months to face some hard facts about myself, and I have to admit Ryan pushed me to do so. You know, she told me why she would choose you over me if she had the chance all over again. G.o.d! My heart almost broke when she told me that, but I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, and she was right. She's surpa.s.sed me so far emotionally that she could never be happy with me. She needs someone who is her equal... she needs you, Jamie. And if I really love her, I need to want the best for her. I think she has it," she added quietly.

They were approaching the arena now, and Jamie was utterly silent as she pulled into the nearly empty parking lot and turned off the car. Her head dropped back as she sighed deeply, and composed herself for a moment. Turning slightly, her face curled into a gentle smile and she unlatched her seat belt as she leaned towards Sara. The taller woman did the same, and allowed herself to be caught in a tender hug, broken only by Caitlin's cry demanding to be brought in to the embrace. "She hates to be left out," Jamie whispered as she pulled back, the light scent of Sara's perfume still filling her lungs.

"So do I," she admitted. "And I'm very grateful that you've welcomed me into your lives."

"You're very welcome, Sara," she said sincerely. "Anyone who loves Ryan is always welcome in our home."

Ryan's game was really on, and she had a stellar outing. She didn't score much, because their opponents put a double-team on her, but that strategy allowed one Cal player to be unguarded almost constantly, and they used that to their advantage throughout the afternoon. Even though she didn't contribute much offensively, she did a much better job with her defense, and her improved play sparked the other members of the team to kick their games up a notch as well.

At one point Jamie asked Conor reflectively, "Do you think it bothers her not to score?"

"No, not at all. She actually gets more pleasure out of playing good defense. What is most important to her is making a contribution however they need it in a given game. She told me that she didn't care what happened the rest of the year, but that she wasn't going to have another trillion in the box score if it was the last thing she did!"

"What's a trillion?" Jamie asked.

"That's basketball lingo for no points, no a.s.sists, no rebounds, no free throws attempted or made, and no fouls," Conor informed her.

"But why is that a trillion?"

"Well, in the box scores they list all of the offensive and defensive categories next to one another. During the early games, Ryan would have two minutes played with a bunch of zeros after the minutes. Even though there aren't enough zeros to make it a trillion, the term stuck as a way of saying you played but didn't do squat."