Claudia Kishi, Live From Wsto! Part 1

Claudia Kis.h.i.+, Live From WSTO!

Martin, Ann M.

Chapter 1.

"So the bases are loaded, okay? The score is tied, two cuts - and the batter hits a slow grounder to Jake Kuhn at first. ..." Kristy Thomas was talking.

And talking.

Me? I was working hard. Trying to keep my eyes open. If I fell asleep, my face would land in my lunch. And I did not want to go to my next cla.s.s with hair full of chipped beef with cream sauce.

Baseball is not my favorite topic. It's not rock bottom, but it's pretty close. If Kristy had been talking about spelling, or techniques of room cleaning, my nose would already have been in the beef.

"So what do you think Jake does?" Kristy looked around. Her face was all a-twinkle, as if we were on the edges of our seats.

Now, if you were talking, and you saw three droopy-eyed girls staring back at you, slowly chewing their meals, would you a.s.sume they were dying of suspense?

"Give up? He fields the ball and runs home!" Chew, chew, chew. We raised our eyebrows and tried to seem fascinated.

"Maybe he had to go to the bathroom," I suggested. "Those games are long." Kristy looked at me blankly for a moment, then snapped, "Home plate, Claudia! See, he wanted to stop the run, even though all he had to do was step on first. Which would have ended the game without a run scored!" Oh.

The chipped beef was looming closer.

Kristy, as you can guess, is a sports fanatic. She's the founder, manager, and head coach of Kristy's Krushers, a softball team for little kids.

Are you sitting down? I, Claudia Kis.h.i.+, Dunce of All Sports, was once the co-coach of the Krushers. Yes, it's true. When Kristy joined the Stoneybrook Middle School softball team and didn't have time to coach, my friend Stacey McGill and I took her place.

It didn't help. I still don't know how to play the game.

"Well," Kristy said grumpily, "I guess you had to be there." She took her fork and began shoveling in her lunch, as if she hadn't eaten in days.

"Ew, Kristy, please eat with your mouth closed," Dawn said. "Who wants to watch you chew up murdered mammals?" Kristy burst out laughing so hard, I thought she was going to hurl. "Murdered mammals?" "Well, that meat in your mouth was once a living, feeling cow." Dawn lifted a forkful of lettuce and pointed it at Kristy for emphasis. "Have you ever seen photos of what happens inside a. slaughterhouse? The poor, s.h.i.+vering beasts heading toward their death - " "Dawn, please," Mary Anne said.

I pushed my lunch aside. Suddenly I wasn't hungry.

Kristy shrugged. "Some people collect dolls. Some collect baseball cards. Dawn Schafer collects pictures of cow torture." "Can we change the subject?" I asked.

"Yes!" Mary Anne agreed. "Um . . . Logan and I are making a tape tonight. You know, a collection of our favorite songs." "I did that once," Kristy said.

"Thirty-two renditions of 'Take Me Out to the Ball Game/ " I remarked. (Sorry, it just slipped out of my mouth.) Kristy pelted me with a roll.

Don't worry. Kristy and I are friends. If she didn't like me, she would have thrown something harder.

Actually, Kristy has pelted me with a lot of things over the years. We grew up across the street from each other here in Stoneybrook, Connecticut. My mom says Kristy used to bop me with her Raggedy Ann because I didn't learn to walk as fast as she did. (Figures.) As I walked home from school that afternoon in the spring suns.h.i.+ne, my jacket slung over my shoulder, I wished Kristy still lived in her old house. On gorgeous afternoons like these, she had all kinds of great outdoorsy plans.

"Hi, Janine!" I called to my sister as I breezed in the front door and through the living room.

"h.e.l.lo, - "I was halfway up the stairs when Janine saw me. "Claudia, what on Earth are you wearing?" Gulp.

I was wearing a backward T-s.h.i.+rt, overalls I'd made by sewing together two halves cut from different pairs, and mismatched socks. It was my "deconstructionist" look. You know, like the art movement? Those paintings that show you the parts of objects rearranged in interesting ways? Well, that was the idea, anyway. Cool, huh?

I am obsessed with art. Painting, sculpture, drawing, jewelry-making - I like to create in any medium. Including clothes. (This makes me Chief Oddball in my family. For my parents, ta.s.seled loafers are daring.) Janine shook her head, chuckling. "Was that why you wore your jacket to breakfast this morning? To cover that up so we wouldn't have indigestion?" "I was cold." (Well, it was sort of true.) Janine just shook her head and walked to her room.

Later I could hear the usual furious clacking of the computer keyboard coming from Janine's room. I tried to slip quietly by her open door, to avoid another comment.

"Hm. Frankenstein's jumpsuit," I heard as I entered my bedroom.

Janine is disgustingly smart. Even if she lent me, like, one quarter of her IQ points, I'd be brilliant and she'd still have enough left over to be a genius. She is a high school soph.o.m.ore, but she takes college courses. And her taste in fas.h.i.+on runs to white blouses and gray pleated skirts.

Needless to say, my parents think she's perfect.

I've tried to be a high achiever like her. But 1) I can't spell, 2) computers hate me (and vice versa), and 3) my eyes cross when I read anything more complicated than a Nancy Drew mystery.

Where did my artistic side come from? Prob- ably my mom's mom, Mimi. She understood me better than anyone else. Mimi's English wasn't great (she immigrated to this country from j.a.pan), but it didn't matter. We were on the same wavelength. She lived with us my whole life and I loved her soooo much. When she died I was devastated.

Actually, one other person inherited the crazy, creative genes in my family-my aunt Peaches, Mimi's other daughter. (Her real name is Miyos.h.i.+. Her husband, my uncle Russ, gave her the nickname. Why? No one knows.) When Peaches was pregnant, she and Russ bought a house in Stoneybrook. While they waited for the occupants to move out, they lived with us for a month. It was a wild and mostly fun time, but it ended sadly. You see, Peaches had a miscarriage.

Russ and Peaches moved into their new house anyway, and they're still planning to have another baby. Now Peaches works full-time. I really miss her.

Now our house is pretty quiet. Dull, if you want to know the truth. Except during Babysitters Club meetings, which are held in my room.

But you know what? With Stacey McGill gone, even those are less fun.

No, Stacey didn't move away. She quit (or was fired, depending on who's telling the story, but more about that later).

Mimi, Peaches, Stacey. My three soulmates. Without them in my life, I was feeling a little b.u.mmed.

Not that I don't love my other BSC friends. I do. I'm lucky to have them. But you know how it is. You need that one extra-special person in your life.

Sigh.

Time for a pick-me-up. A definite Twinkie moment. I opened my desk drawer and peeked under a stack of looseleaf papers.

Only one box of Milk Duds and two Snickers bars.

I rummaged under my bed, where I discovered three bags of pretzels and some Charleston Chews. I opened a few shoe boxes in my closet, which contained M&M's and Raisinets and Yankee Doodles and Doritos.

I finally found a Twinkie among my art supplies. I ripped open the wrapper and ate.

I felt much better.

Why do I hide my junk food? Because of my parents, also known as the Nutrition Police. They disapprove of unhealthy food, which is probably why I love it so much. Besides, I'm in pretty good shape, and I eat my dinner every night without complaining, so what's the diff?

As I chewed, I changed clothes. That after- noon I had a short sitting job at the Pikes'. They have eight kids (one of whom is a BSC member, thank goodness), so there's already enough deconstruction in that house.

Besides, I didn't want to catch a snide remark on the way out.

Dressed in jeans and a b.u.t.ton-down men's s.h.i.+rt over a stretch top, I walked to the Pikes'. I brought a Kid-Kit with me. (Well, sort of.) Kid-Kits are supposed to be boxes full of toys, games, and activities for kids. (Kristy thought of the idea, and kids really do love them.) Mine, though, is filled with art supplies. It's more of an Art-Kit.

Slate Street was silent. This is unusual, because the Pikes live there. The neighbors must have been in shock.

Claire Pike, who's five, answered the door.

"Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!" she squealed, jumping up and down.

"Come on in, Claudia!" Mallory Pike shouted from the den. Mal's the oldest Pike (eleven). She's the BSC member I mentioned. "We're having story time." Claire raced into the den ahead of me. She sat on the floor next to her triplet brothers, Adam, Jordan, and Byron Pike.

Yes, ten-year-old boy triplets. Yikes! Can you imagine? And that, of course, is just the beginning of the Pikes. The others are Vanessa (nine), Nicky (eight), Margo (seven), and Claire the Jumping Bean.

And they were all, all, staring quietly at Mal-lory and a hairy monster.

The hairy monster looked suspiciously like Ben Hobart, with a mask. (Ben is Mal's boyfriend, more or less.) "And so the horrible Oogly Oogly Beast searched high and low for his missing toothbrush," Mal read from a spiral notebook. "He had not brushed his teeth for days. ..." "Ewww," Byron Pike said. "Bad breath!" Behind Mal, Ben the Beast put his hands on his hips and tried to look angry.

Mal went on, and I listened. With her reddish-brown hair pulled back into a thick ponytail, and her big, round gla.s.ses, she looked older than eleven. Her story was about a monster who was obsessed with being clean. (Mal is a great writer, and she wants to be a children's author/ill.u.s.trator someday.) I sat on the floor and started doodling. I tried to make some ill.u.s.trations for Mallory's story, but they looked kind of stupid. So I watched.

"... So the Oogly Oogly Beast slooooowly approached the campers. Drool dripped from his mouth and onto his white fur. Then, bursting into the campsite, he shouted - " Mallory paused. Ben froze in an attack position.

"What? What?" Vanessa demanded.

Mallory's eyes widened threateningly. Then she said, " 'Uh, excuse me, does anybody have a Wash'n Dri?' " The kids cracked up.

Mallory grinned at Ben. I could hear him laughing behind his mask.

The two of them were very cute. And all of a sudden I had another reminder of why I was feeling rotten.

Boylessness.

Mary Anne had Logan. Mallory had Ben. Kristy (sort of) had this boy named Bart. Sta-cey, my ex-best friend, had a boyfriend named Robert.

Claudia? Zilch.

Not that I'm boy-crazed. It's no great tragedy not to have a boyfriend.

But, hey, it's no great honor either.

I've tried. I even placed an ad in the personals column in the Stoneybrook Middle School newspaper. I was running the column at the time, but that didn't help. The only people who answered my appeal for the "Perfect Boy" were Alan Gray (the cla.s.s geek) and Stacey McGill. (Yes, Stacey. She was feeling sorry for me.) Sometimes I wish I were still working on the newspaper. At least I'd be meeting people.

"Waaaaahhhhh!" Ben was crying now.

"Poor, poor Oogly," Mallory said. "All those teeth and nothing to brush with . . ." Poor, poor Claudia, I thought.

"No bathtub, no towel . . ." No boyfriend, no best friend, no activities . . .

"So sad and lonely . . ." So sad and lonely.

Puh-leeze. Get a grip, Kis.h.i.+.

I stood up and left the room. I tried to look nonchalant about it.

But boy, was I feeling sorry for myself.

By the time I reached the kitchen, I had made up my mind. I needed a change. I was going to do something new with my life. Something interesting. Fun. Different.

By the end of the day, I, Claudia Kis.h.i.+, was going to turn my life around!

Chapter 2.

I lied.

My life was exactly the same, right through to the next day, Wednesday.

But I'd been trying. After I left the Pikes, I mentioned my problem at home. Janine suggested taking computer programming. Dad brought up stamp collecting. Mom's response was, "Don't you have homework?" Big help.

So I sat down and made a list of possible choices - the first things that came to mind, no matter how strange.

1. Tuba 2. Tap Dancing.3. Cooking.

4. Chorrus 5. Swiming.

6. Dramma Club.

The next morning, I began testing the waters.

I tried making an omelet in the microwave. It tasted like plastic with cheese sauce.

Scratch number 3.

At school I took a look at a tuba. It was love at first sight. Sooo cool. Then I imagined taking it home to practice.

Ugh. Number 1 was out. (I'd have to take weightlifting first.) I asked the music teacher about chorus, and she told me I needed to come in after school and sing for her. Alone.

I said thanks but no thanks. Flush number 4.

I was going to talk to the captain of the SMS swim team, until I took a look at her chlorine-damaged hair. NFM! (Not For Me.) Number 5 bit the dust.

That left tap and drama. I was once involved in a production of Peter Pan, but only as a set designer. And I knew nothing about tap. Fortunately one of my BSC friends, Jessica Ram-sey, is an excellent dancer. Several BSC members have sung and acted in shows. (Kristy played the lead in Peter Pan, and Shannon Kilbourne has starred in summer camp musicals.) I figured I'd bring up choices 2 and 6 at the Baby-sitters Club meeting.