So Alone Part 13

Beside the door stood Peter.

"There she is," the kids called as several poured off the porch toward the car.

Carrie climbed out warily, glancing from one to another. "What... what are you all doing here?"

"We were waiting for you. We're ready for rehearsal, but we wanted you to watch it to be sure we're doing it right," Marc announced. "Peter just tells us we're doing great, but you gave us some great hints about handling the puppets and projecting our voices. We need more help like that."

"We're performing for the home crowd at church Sunday. It's gotta be fine. Ya gotta help us, Carolyn," Wayne pleaded.

"You'll all do fine. You did a great job at... at the nursing home," Carrie said tentatively. She wasn't sure she wanted to bring up the subject, but they didn't seem to be bothered by it.

She seized the opportunity to tell them about the thank you from the woman she talked to in the doctor's office. She felt better about not having fibbed after all. "She said you all did a wonderful job," she concluded.

Two of the boys each raised a hand for a high five over their heads. "You got that right," one of them said. "But we gotta do even better Sunday. Gotta keep the home crowd happy."

The other kids laughed. Carrie glanced up at Peter to see him still leaning casually against the house, a knowing smile on his face. His words about proving to her that the kids wanted her help echoed in her memory. He's done it, she thought as she surveyed the expectant faces around her.

Wondering how he had managed it, she turned to the rear of her car and opened the small trunk to lift out the grocery bags. Seeing what she was doing, the kids took the bags and headed into the house. Joyce rose from her seat to lead them to the kitchen to put the food away.

With fewer present, Carrie noticed Susan standing by the porch steps. She was playing with a blade of gra.s.s. Another glance up told Carrie that Peter hadn't moved an inch.

Carrie slammed the empty trunk and reached into the car for her purse before walking toward the steps. She thought it would be best to just walk past Susan and let bygones be exactly that.

"Carolyn?" Susan's voice was so quiet that Carrie almost missed it. Susan's eyes glistened with the beginnings of tears she was fighting.

"I hope you'll help us with the play. I... I'm sorry for what I said Sunday."

The child's lip trembled, but Carrie hadn't seen a greater display of courage in a long time. When she'd been a teenager herself, she wondered if she would have had that much. Stepping beside Susan, Carrie gave the girl's shoulder an a.s.suring pat. "Thank you for telling me. And if you think I could help with the puppet show, then I don't see how I could refuse."

Carrie looked up to see Peter grinning. "Carolyn said she would help us," he called out loudly to the kids coming out of the house who voiced their immediate approval. "Thank you," Peter mouthed silently before he straightened and stepped over to Maddie. "Thanks for sharing your porch with this bunch, Mrs. Whitmore. Hope we weren't too noisy for you."

That was all the signal the kids needed to take off at a run for the church. The groceries put away, Joyce came out on the porch. Peter put out his hand to shake hers. She appeared quite delighted by the gesture.

"Thank you, too," Peter said to Joyce. "If there's ever any problem, be sure to call the church. We're just a minute away."

"I'll remember that, Reverend."

"Please, you're welcome to call me Peter like everyone else. And you're welcome at services on Sunday morning, too. We want you to get to know folks around here so you can feel at home, too."

"Thanks. That's kind of you."

Peter stepped in front of Maddie's chair. "You bring Joyce on over when you're feeling up to it, and I'll stop in now and then to see you, too."

"You're always welcome." Maddie raised her arms to him, inviting his hug as if he were family. He

leaned over to receive the loving gesture. He kissed her sun-warmed cheek and then walked down the

steps to Carrie. He took her hand and entwined his fingers between hers. "Ready?"

Carrie looked into the depths of his amazing eyes and marveled at the feeling of strength that his touch imparted to her. "I didn't think you could do it."

"I know you didn't. That's why you agreed to help again, isn't it?"

She inhaled deeply and nodded.

"You've got to have faith." He squeezed her hand. "Let's go."

"See you later, Grandma," she said with a wave as they walked around the house hand-in-hand. She

looked up at Peter. "But what did you do? How did you get them to do that?" "We merely talked about what happened. They're smart kids. None of them believed Susan. They also know a good thing when they see it. You were a big help and we all wanted you back." Keeping hold on her hand, he let her step through the pa.s.s in the bushes first. When he stepped through, he gently pulled on her back to him. He raised his other hand to hold her waist.

"I wanted you back," he added simply. "I don't know the whole story of what happened to your fiance and the kids don't either. They don't need to know, but when you're ready to tell me, I'd like to hear it from you, instead of from someone else."

"Please, Peter, just forget about it. I won't be here long enough for it to matter."

"There's where you're wrong. It matters already, doesn't it?"

Before she could say anything or move an inch, he kissed her--right there, outdoors on the church lawn, in front of G.o.d and anybody else looking their way.

Carrie was shocked into forgetting about the story he wanted to hear, but she hadn't forgotten what he thought of their last kiss upstairs in the house. The second he lifted his head, she asked, "And now are you sorry you kissed me this time, too?"

"Sorry I kissed you? Never." His chuckle rumbled in his chest.

"But when I showed you around Maddie's house, you said you were sorry you kissed me."

"No, no. I wasn't sorry I kissed you. I was sorry I'd inappropriately picked your grandmother's bedroom as the site." He smiled. "I could never be sorry I kissed you."

Before she had a chance to respond, he tugged on her hand to resume their trek to the church. She started to giggle. She couldn't remember the last time she felt like giggling with joy.

"And if you like it," he bragged with a wink at her over his shoulder. "There's plenty more where that one came from."

The giggle she couldn't contain any longer burst out into a laugh. Peter laughed as well and tugged on her arm to get her moving faster across the lawn. "Come on. The fellows.h.i.+p hall will be in a shambles by the time we get there."

The metal door on the side of the church squeaked open. "Are you guys coming?" Marc called from the doorway.

"We're coming. We're coming," Peter called and broke into a run with Carrie right along side. "Give us old folks a break."

After the brief rehearsal, Carrie spent the remainder of the day showing Joyce where everything was kept in the house and making sure she understood Maddie's routine and medication regime. She didn't see any value to getting back to Fargo to work for only half a day Friday after spending the morning driving back, so she decided to remain for the puppet rehearsal Sat.u.r.day morning, too.

The run-through was a disaster compared to Thursday's. Two of the puppeteers had to work that morning. The remaining cast got good experience at filling in, but they weren't happy with the results.

"As I understand it, if a final dress rehearsal is real bad, then the performance is always great," Carrie said, trying to encourage them.

"But we really stink. We couldn't get through one scene without stopping."

"But your projection is better and the hand puppets only looked like a leaning towers once in a while," Carrie said, trying to be encouraging. "By the time the curtain falls at the end of the show tomorrow, you won't remember how bad rehearsal was today."

"Think positively," Peter urged. "I... We both," he corrected, stepping over and reaching to hold Carrie's hand. "We both have faith in you. Besides, if you make a goof or two, it's not the end of the world."

Carrie felt the warmth of his hand on hers. It's Peter's hand and I shouldn't get to liking it there. Yet she couldn't step away.

"Okay, that's it. Let's pack it all up exactly as we want to have it for the show tomorrow morning."

Carrie looked up at Peter as he spoke. His gaze met hers as the kids scattered to put the stage away. He smiled down at her for a second or two before he dropped her hand with a little squeeze and went to help.

Carrie could almost hear her heart tear when he stepped away from her. Struggling to regain her composure while wis.h.i.+ng she hadn't stayed for the weekend, she waved to the kids leaving the social hall. "Break a leg," she called in the traditional way in the theater of wis.h.i.+ng them good luck with the show.

They called their thanks in a chorus as they went out the door. "See you tomorrow," Marc called.

Carrie nodded and smiled, but she knew at that moment that they would not be seeing her tomorrow. She couldn't come to church and then watch the puppet show afterwards by these young people she would miss so much.

Feeling thankful that she'd been able to help, she felt confident they would do a great job without her as they had at the nursing home. The congregation would be supportive of them and so would Peter.

Peter. Dear Peter. She would miss Peter the most, but he was the very reason she shouldn't have stayed in Sunville for today. His affection had lulled her into thinking a relations.h.i.+p between the two of them was all right, that she could forget the tragedy she caused years ago, but she could not.

"Penny for your thoughts," Peter said coming up behind her.

"Oh," Carrie gasped with a little jump and a nervous laugh. "I was a thousand miles away."

"Don't want that. You'll be too far away, and too soon, as it is."

She smiled thinking how well he'd read her mind. "Speaking of leaving, I want to thank you, Peter, for all you've done for Maddie and for me. You've been very supportive. I can see you're very good for the people in your church."

He looked at her strangely, almost as if he didn't understand what she said. "Thanks, but that's such a pretty speech, it has the ring of a goodbye. You make it sound like you're leaving today when even tomorrow afternoon is too soon for you to go."

Carrie tried to smile, but turned away because she didn't think she could fake it well enough to fool him.

Peter pushed the chair cart the short distance to stand by the wall and walked over to stand a few inches from her. It occurred to her then that he didn't wear fancy-smelling aftershave like the men in her office. He didn't need to. She liked him this way. He was just... Peter.

"Well, I'm going to leave so you can get to work on your sermon," Carrie said as brightly as she could. She quickly walked to the door and looked back. She wanted to memorize every detail of his face so she would never forget. The dark lashes over those sparkling eyes, his strong chin, and the fact that his lower lip was fuller than the other.

I love you, Peter, she wanted to say, but she couldn't... not ever. She would always be grateful for the hours she'd spent with him, however. Being with him had made her feel happy for the first time in... the first time ever.

Thinking back, she remembered Ralph and all the reasons she couldn't ever be happy with Peter. She remembered all the reasons she would only hurt him.

"So long." She turned and blindly ran to Maddie's house, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"My cases are all in the car and I put in the sandwiches you made for me. Thanks, Joyce. That will give me something to eat when I get home to a moldy refrigerator." She wrinkled up her nose.

"Happy to do it. You're sure there's nothing else you need?"

"No, and you have the list of phone numbers, right?"

"There's a list at each telephone. Now don't you worry. We'll be just fine. You know I've been caring for folks for the service for the past six years."

After saying goodbye to Peter at the church after rehearsal, Carrie had decided she must leave as soon as possible without seeing him again. The sooner she was out of his life, the sooner he could find the right woman to be his helpmate.

She'd spent the last hour packing her clothes and going over the duties once again with Joyce. "I'm being a real pain in the neck, aren't I?"

"No, dear. You're being a loving and concerned granddaughter. Maddie's lucky to have you to look after her."

"Thanks, Joyce. Thanks for being so patient."

"Seems to me you've thought of everything. I've never worked for anyone who had things so organized for me. Everything will go smooth as egg custard, but if something comes up, I'll just call."

"Carrie is that you?" Maddie's weak voice reached them from the dining room as they walked down the stairs.

Carrie set her purse by the front door and walked in to sit on the side of Maddie's bed. Her grandmother was dressed and lying on top of the bedding with a light throw over her legs and the head inclined a little. She looked so thin, so frail. So old.

"I'm glad you woke up, Grandma," Carrie said, doing her best to sound cheerful. "It's time for me to leave for home. I wanted to say goodbye, but I hated to wake you up."

"You have to leave so soon? You just got here yesterday."

Carrie smiled with understanding. "No, Grandma. I've been here for weeks." Her grandmother frowned. "And I've loved spending the time with you. I'm going home today, but I'll be back before you know it to see how you're doing. And I'll call you often in the meantime."

"That'll be nice. And don't worry about me," Maddie said patting the back of Carrie's hand. "The good Lord looks after me."

Carrie leaned over to kiss Maddie's fragile cheek and felt her grandmother's boney fingers squeeze her arm.

"I'll check with my boss on Monday, Grandma, and find out when I can come for another long stay. For the next few weekends, though, I'll have to catch up on things at work and at home. I hate to think what the inside of my refrigerator looks like."

Standing up, Carrie glanced at Joyce. "If Maddie's up to it, I hope you can go to church in the morning. When I call in the evening, I'd love to hear all about how the puppet show goes."

"Will do," Joyce promised. "You drive careful now, ya hear?"

"Will do," Carrie mimicked with a smile. She turned to Maddie. "Bye, Grandma. I love you."

"I love you, too, dear, but you're the one I want to see happy. All that business years ago with Ralph was tragic, but it's not something to blame yourself for. That boy brought it on himself."

Carrie tried to speak, but Maddie went right on with a strength Carrie didn't know she had. "You do so much to make me happy, and now it's high time for you to allow someone to make you happy."

A glimpse of Peter's grinning face flickered in her mind, but she repressed it. Grandma didn't know about the letter that had pushed Ralph over the edge so she didn't know that Carrie truly was guilty for what happened to Ralph. There was no reason to go over that with Maddie and get them both upset all over again.