Tales and Novels Volume VIII Part 74

Mr. L---- will go to Russia. I am as far from happiness as ever.

LETTER CVIII.

OLIVIA TO MR. L----.

Richmond.

"Say, is not absence death to those that love?"

How just, how beautiful a sentiment! yet cold and callous is that heart which knows not that there is a pang more dreadful than absence--far as the death of lingering torture exceeds, in corporeal sufferance, the soft slumber of expiring nature. Suspense! suspense! compared with thy racking agony, even absence is but the blessed euthanasia of love.

My dearest L----, why this torturing silence? one line, one word, I beseech you, from _your own hand_; say but _I live and love you, my Olivia_. Hour after hour, and day after day, have I waited and waited, and hoped, and feared to hear from you. Oh, this intolerable agonizing suspense! Yet hope clings to my fond heart--hope! sweet treacherous hope!

"Non so si la Speranza Va con l'inganno unita; So che mantiene in vita Qualche infelici almen."

Olivia.

LETTER CIX.

MR. L---- TO OLIVIA.

MY DEAR OLIVIA, Yarmouth.

This is the first line I have written since my illness. I could not sooner relieve you from suspense, for during most of this time I have been delirious, and never till now able to write. My physicians have this morning p.r.o.nounced me out of danger; and as soon as my strength is sufficient to bear the voyage, I shall sail, according to my promise.

Your prudence, or that of your physician, has saved me much anxiety--perhaps saved my life: for had you been so rash as to come hither, besides my fears for your safety, I should have been exposed, in the moment of my returning reason, to a conflict of pa.s.sions which I could not have borne.

Leonora is with me; she arrived the night after I was taken ill, and forced her way to me, when my fever was at the highest, and while I was in a state of delirium.

Lady Leonora will stay with me till the moment I sail, which I expect to do in about ten days. I cannot say positively, for I am still very weak, and may not be able to keep my word to a day. Adieu. I hope your mind will now be at ease. I am glad to hear from the surgeon that your wound is quite closed. I will write again, and more fully, when I am better able. Believe me, Olivia, I am most anxious to secure your happiness: allow me to believe that this will be in the power of

Yours sincerely,

F. L----.

LETTER CX.

OLIVIA TO MR. L----.

Richmond.

Barbarous man! with what cold cruelty you plunge a dagger into my heart!

Leonora is with you!--Leonora! Then I am undone. Yes, she will--she has resumed all her power, her rights, her habitual empire over your heart.

Wretched Olivia!--But you say it is your wish to secure my happiness, you bid me allow you to believe it is in your power. What phrases!--You will sail, _according to your promise_.--Then nothing but your honour binds you to Olivia. And even now, at this guilty instant, in your secret soul, you wish, you expect from my offended pride, from my disgusted delicacy, a renunciation of this promise, a release from all the ties that bind you to me. You are right: this is what I ought to do; what I would do, if love had not so weakened my soul, so prostrated my spirit, rendered me so abject a creature, that _I cannot_ what _I would_.

I must love on--female pride and resentment call upon me in vain. I cannot hate you. Even by the feeble tie, which I see you long to break, I must hold rather than let you go for ever. I will not renounce your promise. I claim it. I adjure you by all which a man of honour holds most sacred, to quit England the moment your health will allow you to sail. No equivocating with your conscience!--I hold you to your word.

Oh, my dearest L----! to feel myself reduced to use such language to you, to find myself clinging to that last resource of s.h.i.+p-wrecked love, _a promise_! It is with unspeakable agony I feel all this; lower I cannot sink in misery. Raise me, if indeed you wish my happiness--raise me! it is yet in your power. Tell me, that my too susceptible heart has mistaken phantoms for realities--tell me, that your last was not colder than usual; yes, I am ready to be deceived. Tell me that it was only the languor of disease; a.s.sure me that my rival forced her way only to your presence, that she has not won her easy way back to your heart--a.s.sure me that you are impatient once more to see your own

OLIVIA.

LETTER CXI.

LEONORA TO HER MOTHER.

MY DEAREST MOTHER, Yarmouth.

Can you believe or imagine that I am actually unwilling to say or to think that Mr. L---- is quite well? yet this is the fact. Such is the inconsistency and weakness of our natures--of my nature, I should say.

But a short time ago I thought that no evil could be so great as his danger; now that danger is past, I dread to hear him say that he is perfectly recovered. The moment he is able he goes to Russia; that is decided irrevocably. The promise has been claimed and repeated. A solemn promise cannot be broken for any human consideration. I should despise him if he broke it; but can I love him for keeping it? His mind is at this instant agitated as much as mine is--more it cannot be. Yet I ought to be better able to part with him now than when we parted before, because I have now at least the consolation of knowing that he leaves me against his will--that his heart will not go from me. This time I cannot be deceived; I have had the most explicit a.s.surances of his _undivided_ love. And indeed I was never deceived. All the appearances of regret at parting with me were genuine. The general witnessed the consequent struggle in Mr. L----'s mind, and this fever followed.

I will endeavour to calm and content myself with the possession of his love, and with the a.s.surance that he will return to me as soon as possible. As soon as possible! but what a vague hope! He sails with the first fair wind. What a dreadful certainty! Perhaps to-morrow! Oh, my dearest mother, perhaps to-night!

LEONORA L----.

LETTER CXII.

GENERAL B---- TO THE d.u.c.h.eSS OF ----.

MY DEAR MADAM, Yarmouth.

Today Mr. L----, finding himself sufficiently recovered, gave orders to all his suite to embark, and the wind being fair, determined to go on board immediately. In the midst of the bustle of the preparations for his departure, Lady Leonora, exhausted by her former activity, and unable to take any part in what was pa.s.sing, sat silent, pale, and motionless, opposite to a window, which looked out upon the sea; the vessel in which her husband was to sail lay in sight, and her eyes were fixed upon the streamers, watching their motion in the wind.

Mr. L---- was in his own apartment writing letters. An express arrived; and among other letters for the English amba.s.sador to Russia, there was a large packet directed to Lady Leonora L----. Upon opening it, the crimson colour flew into her face, and she exclaimed, "Olivia's letters!--Lady Olivia----'s letters to Mad. de P----. Who could send these to me?"

"I give you joy with all my heart!" cried I; "no matter how they come--they come in the most fortunate moment possible. I would stake my life upon it they will unmask Olivia at once. Where is Mr. L----? He must read them this moment."

I was hurrying out of the room to call my friend, but Lady Leonora stopped my career, and checked the transport of my joy.

"You do not think, my dear general," said she, "that I would for any consideration do so dishonourable an action as to read these letters?"

"Only let Mr. L---- read them," interrupted I, "that is all I ask of your ladys.h.i.+p. Give them to me. For the soul of me I can see nothing dishonourable in this. Let Lady Olivia be judged by her own words. Your ladys.h.i.+p shall not be troubled with her trash, but give the letters to me, I beseech you."

"No, I cannot," said Lady Leonora, steadily. "It is a great temptation; but I ought not to yield." She deliberately folded them up in a blank cover, directed them to Lady Olivia, and sealed them; whilst I, half in admiration and half in anger, went on expostulating.

"Good G.o.d! this is being too generous! But, my dear Lady Leonora, why will you sacrifice yourself? This is misplaced delicacy! Show those letters, and I'll lay my life Mr. L---- never goes to Russia."