Tales and Novels Volume X Part 32

She stopped under the shady tree beneath which they were pa.s.sing, and, leaning against it, she repeated, "As a friend--but, no, no, Mr.

Beauclerc--no; I am not the friend you should consult--consult the general, your guardian."

"I have consulted him, and he approves."

"You have! That is well, that is well at all events," cried she; "if he approves, then all is right."

There was a ray of satisfaction on her countenance. He looked as if considering what she exactly meant. He hoped again, and was again resolved to hazard the decisive words. "If you knew all!" and he pressed her arm closer to him--"if I might tell you all----?"

Helen withdrew her arm decidedly. "I know all," said she; "all I ought to know, Mr. Beauclerc."

"You know all!" cried he, astonished at her manner.

"You know the circ.u.mstances in which I am placed?"

He alluded to the position in which he stood with Lady Castlefort; she thought he meant with respect to Lady Blanche, and she answered--"Yes: I know all!" and her eye turned towards the boat.

"I understand you," said he; "you think I ought to go?"

"Certainly," said she. It never entered into her mind to doubt the truth of what Lady Cecilia had told her, and she had at first been so much embarra.s.sed by the fear of betraying what she felt she ought not to feel, and she was now so shocked by what she thought his dishonourable conduct, that she repeated almost in a tone of severity--"Certainly, Mr.

Beauclerc, you ought to go."

The words, "since you are engaged,"--"you know you are engaged," she was on the point of adding, but Lady Cecilia's injunctions not to tell him that she had betrayed his secret stopped her.

He looked at her for an instant, and then abruptly, and in great agitation, said; "May I ask, Miss Stanley, if your affections are engaged?"

"Is that a question, Mr. Beauclerc, which you have a right to ask me?"

"I have no right--no right, I acknowledge--I am answered."

He turned away from her, and ran down the bank towards the boat, but returned instantly, and exclaimed, "If you say to me, go! I am gone for ever!"

"Go!" Helen firmly p.r.o.nounced. "You never can be more than a friend to me! Oh never be less!--go!"

"I am gone," said he, "you shall never see me more."

He went, and a few seconds afterwards she heard the splas.h.i.+ng of his oars. He was gone! Oh! how she wished that they had parted sooner--a few minutes sooner, even before he had so looked--so spoken!

"Oh! that we had parted while I might have still perfectly esteemed him; but now--!"

CHAPTER V.

When Helen attempted to walk, she trembled so much that she could not move, and leaning against the tree under which she was standing, she remained fixed for some time almost without thought. Then she began to recollect what had been before all this, and as soon as she could walk she went back for her drawing-book, threw from her the pencil which Beauclerc had cut, and made her way home as fast as she could, and up to her own room, without meeting anybody; and as soon as she was there she bolted the door and threw herself upon her bed. She had by this time a dreadful headache, and she wanted to try and get rid of it in time for breakfast--that was her first object; but her thoughts were so confused that they could not fix upon anything rightly. She tried to compose herself, and to think the whole affair over again; but she could not.

There was something so strange in what had pa.s.sed! The sudden--the total change in her opinion--her total loss of confidence! She tried to put all thoughts and feelings out of her mind, and just to lie stupified if she could, that she might get rid of the pain in her head. She had no idea whether it was late or early, and was going to get up to look at her watch, when she heard the first bell, half an hour before breakfast, and this was the time when Cecilia usually opened the door between their rooms. She dreaded the sound, but when she had expected it some minutes, she became impatient even for that which she feared; she wanted to have it over, and she raised herself on her elbow, and listened with acute impatience: at last the door was thrown wide open, and bright and gay as ever, in came Cecilia, but at the first sight of Helen on her bed, wan and miserable, she stopped short.

"My dearest Helen! what can be the matter?"

"Mr. Beauclerc--"

"Well! what of him?" cried Cecilia, and she smiled.

"Oh, Cecilia! do not smile; you cannot imagine--"

"Oh, yes! but I can," cried Cecilia. "I see how it is; I understand it all; and miserable and amazed as you look at this moment, I will set all right for you in one word. He is not going to be married--not engaged."

Helen started up. "Not engaged!"

"No more than you are, my dear! Oh! I am glad to see your colour come again!"

"Thank Heaven!" cried Helen, "then he is not--"

"A villain!--not at all. He is all that's right; all that is charming, my dear. So thank Heaven, and be as happy as you please."

"But I cannot understand it," said Helen, sinking back; "I really cannot understand how it is, Cecilia." Cecilia gave her a gla.s.s of water in great haste, and was very sorry, and very glad, and begged forgiveness, and all in a breath: but as yet Helen did not know what she had to forgive, till it was explained to her in direct words, that Cecilia had told her not only what was not true, but what she at the time of telling knew to be false.

"For what purpose, oh! my dear Cecilia! All to save me from a little foolish embarra.s.sment at first, you have made us miserable at last."

"Miserable! my dear Helen; at worst miserable only for half an hour.

Nonsense! lie down again, and rest your poor head. I will go this minute to Granville. Where is he?"

"Gone! Gone for ever! Those were his last words."

"Impossible! absurd! Only what a man says in a pa.s.sion. But where is he gone? Only to Old Forest! Gone for ever--gone till dinner-time! Probably coming back at this moment in all haste, like a true lover, to beg your pardon for your having used him abominably ill. Now, smile; do not shake your head, and look so wretched; but tell me exactly, word for word and look for look, all that pa.s.sed between you, and then I shall know what is best to be done."

Word for word Helen could not answer, for she had been so much confused, but she told to the best of her recollection; and Cecilia still thought no great harm was done. She only looked a little serious from the apprehension, now the real, true apprehension, of what might happen about Lady Blanche, who, as she believed, was at Old Forest. "Men are so foolish; men in love, so rash. Beauclerc, in a fit of anger and despair on being so refused by the woman he loved, might go and throw himself at the feet of another for whom he did not care in the least, in a strange sort of revenge. But I know how to settle it all, and I will do it this moment."

But Helen caught hold of her hand, and firmly detaining it, absolutely objected to her doing anything without telling her exactly and truly what she was going to do.

Lady Cecilia a.s.sured her that she was only going to inquire from the general whether Lady Blanche was with her sister at Old Forest, or not.

"Listen to me, my dear Helen; what I am going to say can do no mischief.

If Lady Blanche is there, then the best thing to be done is, for me to go immediately, this very morning, to pay the ladies a visit on their coming to the country, and I will bring back Granville. A word will bring him back. I will only tell him there was a little mistake, or if you think it best, I will tell him the whole truth. Let me go--only let me go and consult the general before the breakfast-bell rings, for I shall have no time afterwards."

Helen let her go, for as Beauclerc had told her that he had opened his mind to the general, she thought it was best that he should hear all that had happened.

The moment the general saw Lady Cecilia come in, he smiled, and said, "Well! my dear Cecilia, you have seen Helen this morning, and she has seen Beauclerc--what is the result? Does he stay, or go?"

"He is gone!" said Cecilia. The general looked surprised and sorry.

"He did not propose for her," continued Cecilia, "he did not declare himself--he only began to sound her opinion of him, and she--she contrived to misunderstand--to offend him, and he is gone, but only to Old Forest, and we can have him back again directly."

"That is not likely," said the general, "because I know that Beauclerc had determined, that if he went he would not return for some time. Your friend Helen was to decide. If she gave him any hope, that is, permitted him to appear as her declared admirer, he could, with propriety, happiness, and honour, remain here; if not, my dear Cecilia, you must be sensible that he is right to go."

"Gone for some time!" repeated Cecilia, "you mean as long as Lady Castlefort is here."

"Yes," said the general.

"I wish she was gone, I am sure, with all my heart," said Cecilia; "but in the mean time, tell me, my dear Clarendon, do you know whether Lord Beltravers' sisters are at Old Forest?"