Xander Barns: Always Wanted Forever Part 30

"I came for you...." he whispered, leaning in and pressing his lush lips on top of my quivering ones. "I missed you...I missed you Marisa."

"I love you." I murmured into his lips, grasping both of his shoulders to push him into me. "I love you so much."

"I've been waiting...so long to hear those words. Thank you." He whispered against my lips.

I pulled back, pleading to him with my eyes. "You still want me?"

"Always baby, I'm always going to want you. You should know that you're always wanted with me." Ben stated softly.

"Always......wanted.... always, right back at you, baby." I smiled. He smiled back at me and I leaned up and kissed him deeply.

"Marisa...I love you." Ben murmured against my lips and then leaned back. I blinked once as he held me up and leaned in again, stopping a breath away from my lips. "I'm sorry..." he whispered.

My eyes widened. "What?"

My room turned dark and Ben's arms around me vanished, making me cold instantly. "Ben where are you?" I yelled as I fell backwards on to my bed.

The fog opened again...and I stepped out....

My eyes jerked open, wired and alert as it gazed around for Ben's naked body. He wasn't here, he never was.

I pounded my fists into the mattress, f.u.c.king angry that something.... something so f.u.c.king wonderful was just another figment of my imagination.

I wiped tears from the corner of my eyes and jumped out of bed, heading straight for my laptop. I needed to read his letter again. It was the only thing I had that could resemble anything close to the warmth I was now void of.

I just needed to read his letter, and everything was going to be okay. Last night's array of crazy dreams kept me in a deep sedation till just past noon. I'd never experienced anything like it. My guess, I'd been so emotionally traumatized by everything that's happened to me, my brain was trying to tell me something.

I opened my email, scouring the list for the last email from Ben, only I couldn't find it. The last two emails I got were from Darcy.

My head shook fiercely. "No!" I frantically searched again, clicking my mouse as if it were capable of Morse code. "Where is it!"

Ben's email was missing. I checked my junk mail and my trashcan. There was nothing there.

I jumped out of the chair with my fingers running through my hair angrily.

What was going on?

Where was Ben's letter?

I'd just read it a day ago!

I checked again, even checking my sent pile to see if I could find the 'thank you' email I replied him with.

My jaw dropped, it wasn't there either.

Hyperventilating, I frantically paced my room. "No, no, he sent me a letter, I read it!"

My heart was beating so fast, I thought I was about to have a heart attack. I felt my face heat, everything was becoming dizzy.

"Where's my letter!"

"Where's my letter!"

"He sent me a letter!" I cried loudly, banging against the walls.

Why?

I slammed my back against the wall, sliding down flat on my a.s.s, sobbing hysterically into my palms. Why did this s.h.i.+t have to happen to me? Finally something good, something I thought I deserved came my way and it was a f.u.c.king dream.

He never sent me a letter.

I imagined it. It was the only logical explanation. I've been so emotionally f.u.c.ked these past six months, I've started to see things.

A loud knock on my door startled me.

"Keep it down!" Someone yelled.

My eyes opened, angry.

I've had enough!

Wiping the snot away from my nose and the tears from my face, I jumped up and yanked open the door, slamming it into the wall, making a big sound.

"What the f.u.c.k!" I snapped through my teeth. I caught the back of none other than the wh.o.r.e of my building. My neighbour extraordinaire, Miss 'I f.u.c.k guys for a hamburger dinner' Sheila!

The b.i.t.c.h was just about to enter her own room.

Running away, how dare she, especially after all the noise that she'd make late at night. Loud disgusting noise, that I didn't make a peep about it.

Oh she's going to get it!

"b.i.t.c.h, turn around when I talk to you!" I ordered her, marching to her back. "Turn b.i.t.c.h, you pound your nasty a.s.s hands on my door, disrupting me!"

Sheila's the same height as me, but her face, ugh, don't get me started, she was nasty. I guess when the best you can get for opening your legs is McDonald's, you kind of are expected to be ugly as s.h.i.+t.

"It's early!" Sheila swung her bleached blond hair to the side, hitting me in my face as she faced me. "You were making a lot of noise!"

"And you don't!" I yelled, flabbergasted. "I'm up half the night because of you sometimes, f.u.c.king your brains out. You stupid wh.o.r.e!"

Sheila's green eyes widened. "What did you call me?"

I jerked my chin up. "You heard me, s.l.u.t!"

"f.u.c.k you." Sheila hissed, stepping closer into my s.p.a.ce. "f.u.c.k...you."

"I don't have money right now....so I guess you'll have to bark up another tree for your McDonald's breakfast...b.i.t.c.h!" I snapped, practically spitting.

Sheila sneered, crossing her arms. "At least I get some, n.o.body wants to f.u.c.k you, loser!"

Everything went white as I grabbed her shoulders, pus.h.i.+ng her into her half open door. She collided hard into the door and fell down onto the ground with a loud thud.

"No fighting in here! I'm going to call the police!" our landlord Mrs. Lee called from the stairway.

Sheila had other plans. She jumped up and slammed herself against me. I lost my balance, falling backwards with her on top of me, pulling at my hair. "I'll kill you!"

"I'd like to see you try!" I laughed as I punched her side.

"I'm calling the police!" Mrs. Lee yelled.

We didn't stop fighting. I'd been keeping this s.h.i.+t inside me for almost six months, and this b.i.t.c.h needed to be taught a lesson. Unfortunately our fight didn't stop and the police showed up, having to break us up. Sheila decided to take one last hit at me, curling her nasty a.s.s hands into my hair and pulling it. I tried to grab her hair, but I mistakenly scratched the cop who was trying to hold me back. I should have cut my nails sooner, because he lets go of me, yelping in pain, holding his eye as blood gushed from every angle.

s.h.i.+t.

Now I was really in trouble.

CHAPTER 27.

Sat.u.r.day May 11th 2013 Two weeks and an a.s.saulting an officer charge later....

"YOU b.i.t.c.h!"

You didn't get your own room here which was odd and stupid considering this was where they sent very bad misbehaving women. How wise was it to put a few of them into one room and not expect a fight?

I needed to share a little fact about myself. That for the most of my life, I've s.h.i.+ed away from confrontation.

Wink, wink.

Two weeks ago when I had my 'moment', it awoke something deep inside of me I thought I'd put to bed a long time ago, an insane and angry b.i.t.c.h. Naturally bravery followed those two traits, skills, a.s.sets and I swore from that point I could knock a b.i.t.c.h out for even trying to disrespect me.

But not all opponents are made equal though. Bravery, confidence and pride, crazy, psychotic, it all comes at a price when common sense gets pushed to the side and the need to show whoever's making you angry that 'NO!' it's not really going to be like that. If let's say the girl whose disrespecting you was also six inches taller and weighed a good 100lbs more than you did, well my brain told me as she's kicking the living s.h.i.+t out of me, that it was not really a good idea to mouth off to G.o.dzilla's illegitimate human child.

"You wanna say that again b.i.t.c.h!" Mona yelled into my ear as she held me in a headlock.

My two other polite female roommates, Gigi and Tilla sat comfortably on their top bunks parallel to one another. Judging from the huge grins on their faces, they thought they had the best seats in the house.

When we arrived at the reformatory or women's correctional facility, whatever, we were placed with a movement monitor wrapped around our ankles. If any fights were to break out, we could easily be found by the tracking system.

By the sound of the alarm, thirty guards should be busting through those doors any second now.....any second now. Since the guards will be here any second now, I think I'll throw in one more jab to raise Mona's blood pressure.

"I'm sorry I took your cookies, I didn't know you were going to eat them later when we've all gone to bed, and by the way you may want to forget about cookies for a while if you plan on living with me." I sort of got all that out in one breath, but her grip tightened around my neck. I hoped those guards arrived soon. My brain felt like it was floating on water.

I was feeling a little dizzy now.

"She looking a bit loopy eyed Mo" Tilla a.s.sessed, leaning over her bunk. Mona didn't budge on her grip around me.

"You think you can disrespect me?" she screeched into my ear with her deep masculine voice.

That's my line! She's gonna get it now!

"Well why don't I go eat 100lbs worth of chicken and then we'll call this a fair fight." I stammered out in short breaths. It's kind of hard to bust out sentences while I was being choked out.

Yeah, that didn't work at all.

Her grip didn't falter and I had no more strength to fight her off. I wasn't seeing clearly anymore and I was probably going to pa.s.s out. I looked up to see Tilla and Gigi laughing at my demise when I heard multiple loud footsteps running through the hallway towards our room.

THANK THE f.u.c.k.....our heavily locked stainless steel door slammed open and Mona lets go instantly, she knew this game all too well. She quickly got up and went to her bottom bunk under Gigi.

"I didn't do anything, I was helping her up." she yelled at the guards who knew who she was, game or not. My vision cleared slowly as I remained still on the ground. I looked up to see Gigi and Tilla who were no longer laughing, being thrown off their bunks by the guards. Mona on the other hand was a bit harder to drag out. She was putting up a good fight in between the doorway, and four more guards later, they successfully dragged her out.

But not without one last sweet goodbye....

"YOU THINK YOU GOT THIS!"

"WAIT AND SEE!"

"WAIT AND SEE!" Mona yelled one last time whilst being dragged to the naughty room.

I champion the Lobotomy method, anyone else?

I got up and went to my bottom bunk. We four girls in this room together were not supposed to fight. We were placed in this room by the faculty so we could bond together and become best friends.

I placed my bruised head on my pillow and smiled.

Why can't we all just get along and be best friends forever?

Speaking of best friends, I haven't had one since I was seventeen years old....

The memory of my last month of high school resurfaced, along with that the demise of my relations.h.i.+p with my ex best friend Ronnie, and the reason behind it.

Where the f.u.c.k was Ben while all that happened? I thought as I messaged the bruise on my forehead. The only thing that I could remember about that day was going to school drunk and getting into a fight with her outside a Chinese restaurant later.....maybe that's why mom still had problems with me...all because of that day...the day I got arrested for the first time.

I laughed at the memory....good times.

"Marisa what's up with the fists?" Ronnie asked me nonchalantly. Then her thin, chapped, c.o.c.k sucking lips smirked at me. "You were planning on teaching me a lesson or two while we were back here?" She tossed her long dark brown hair behind her shoulder, revealing the real b.i.t.c.h inside of her.

Her head bobbled up and down, an action I was sure she'd perfected over the last week...... repeatedly. But I've got room for only one more notch on the belt from her before........I lose it, so I really should.......hit it...back hard.

"Why don't you have that head checked out, it's moving up and down a bit too much if you ask me, it's bobbing." I smirked at her. I had a few more insults lined up for her ready and waiting in my head. I took the liberty to come up with some over the last few days since she showed her true colours not so long ago.

"You must be doing this too much." I bobbed my head up and down rapidly. I think she got what I meant, because her blistered fingers grazed over her chapped lips.

She knew....