The Defective Detective - Cat Chaser Part 1

The Defective Detective _ Cat Chaser.

Adam Maxwell.

For Eve

A Brief Note From The Author.

I have to warn you before you begin - this download is not the whole novella. have to warn you before you begin - this download is not the whole novella.

Yet.

I am publis.h.i.+ng the chapters at the rate of two every week and will update the book on Feedbooks every Monday and Friday until it is available in its entirety.

As if that wasn't enough the chapters will be appearing on my website in readable form as well as in audiobook form free of charge. Check out www.adammaxwell.com for more on that.

For those of you who would like to get the whole novella in its entirety right now right now you can now buy the paperback by going here: you can now buy the paperback by going here: http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1516280 But you don't just get this novella from start to finish, oh no... If you turn the book upside down you will also be able to read Clint's first case 'Murder on the Links' too. For the tiny sum of 4.75 it is very nearly too good to be true so go and buy it quickly!

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it.

Prologue.

There was another horrendous thud against the door of the storeroom we were hiding in. Erin screamed as the force of it threw her down to the ground. I scrambled forward to take her place, barricading us in.

"I told you, you stupid, stupid, man!" she screamed, picking herself up and leaning against one of the metal shelving units that sliced the room into three tight rows.

I tried to glare at her but another thump against the door destroyed my composure. She stared back, her eyes wide, mascara beginning to fracture and invade the bags under her eyes.

I pushed back against the door, my feet unable to find purchase and tried without success to get my mobile out of my trouser pocket.

"Jacob," I said. "Can you reach into my trouser pocket?"

Lori giggled instinctively, her hand going up to cover her mouth but she winced in pain as her arm moved.

"You what?" said Jacob.

"My phone, it's... Never mind, come here and brace the door."

Jacob nodded and did as he was instructed. I s.h.i.+fted myself and grabbed my phone. Still no signal.

"It won't work," said Erin. "I keep telling you. You can't get a signal anywhere in this place, can you Lori?"

Lori shook her head.

"Well is there another way out of here?" I asked no one in particular. The wall shook from the force of another attack but the sound of splintering plaster on the other side seemed to be coming from a little further down the corridor this time.

"Erm, well," Jacob began. "I think... "

"Oh shut up, Jacob for all our sakes," Erin snapped before turning and pointing one of her hyper-manicured talons at me. "And anyway, it's no use putting you in charge. You'll just fall asleep again."

She tilted her head slightly to one side and pouted.

"Now hang on a minute," said Jacob but I held up the palm of my hand to stop him.

Erin had a point, maybe she'd spotted that I was starting to go maybe she hadn't. I could feel my lids weighing me down and I'd nearly succ.u.mbed to sleep twice but somehow I would keep it together. And the first step towards that was very, very simple.

"Can you please shut your cake-hole you bitter harpy," I made sure each word was spoken carefully, softly and slowly.

Her bottom lip dropped, leaving her mouth hanging open. I got the feeling she didn't encounter many people with spines.

"Right then, we really need to get out of here before... " I pointed and, right on cue the wall shook, the impact of the attack knocking over one of the shelving units and scattering bleach bottles and sponges everywhere. "Beforethat gets in." gets in."

My head fell forward but I fought back the sleep again.

"Lori," I continued, dropping down onto my haunches next to her. "How are you doing?"

"I... er... well," she said, her hand cradling her shoulder. "Scared. And I think I might need to go to the loo."

"You," I said pointing at Erin who had resorted to scowling at me. "Can you look after Lori, please?"

To her credit Erin didn't hesitate, her face snapping out of the scowl and into concern. An empty sh.e.l.l of a woman she may be but she knew how to put on a maternal act even if she couldn't feel the emotions.

"Okay, Jacob," I turned around and smiled. "You get the best job, my friend."

"The best job to the man who shares an office with the cleaner?" Erin muttered through her smile. "And where's that lazy caretaker anyway? Hiding as usual I'll wager."

I turned to Erin and raised an eyebrow. She turned back to Lori.

"The best job?" said Jacob. "Brilliant. What do you need me to do Mr. Barnum?"

"Please stop calling me Mr. Barnum," the urge was becoming too much now, I knew any moment I was going to have to give in to it.

"Sorry," he smiled. "I suppose we're past formalities now, eh?"

I nodded. "First I need you to barricade the door with one of those metal shelves. And then I want you to see if you can kick a hole through that part.i.tion wall. We should be able to get out I reckon."

"You know, I reckon you're right."

"Oh and do me a favour?" there was another thunderous bang against the door.

"Yeah?"

"Catch

Chapter 1.

Actually, hang on a minute, I'm getting ahead of myself here aren't I? Sorry. That happens sometimes. I suppose that seemed to be the most important bit. In the storeroom but in actual fact it probably isn't going to make a great deal of sense until I tell you about what happened before.

Sorry.It's just that I think you need to understand how these things come together.I didn't just wake up in a storeroom full of people like that.Stuff happened first.I should tell you about it, I think.

Well, it was my first day, my first proper case.Mr Forsyth, the head of the agency, had called me to his office to brief me personally.Apparently that never usually happens so as you can imagine I was absolutely c.r.a.pping myself.And that just exacerbates the narcolepsy.

I mean, I knew that he knew about it but I didn't want it to screw up the chances of me keeping this job.Not on the first day.Not in the first briefing.

Fortunately for me Forsyth was a talker.He loved the sound of his own voice and didn't pay a great deal of attention to anything else that was going on around him.There was, of course, another side to this.I wasn't entirely convinced that he hadn't simply employed me as a comic aside.In which case he was just waiting for me to fall asleep.

And, again, that just made it worse.

"So," Forsyth had been in monologue mode for a minute or so but he seemed to be coming to a point of sorts."Your first case, my boy."

"Yes?" I said.I couldn't help feeling a bit of excitement underneath everything else.I mean, I was going to get to be a private detective."I'm really looking forward to it."

He laughed and patted me on the shoulder then turned to face a painting of someone fat and monocled on the wall behind him.

"You will begin by gone missing. This is your number one priority. Lava Corp are absolutely rabid to get their property back as you can imagine."

My head snapped upright and I inhaled sharply.

"Are you getting all of this?" said Forsyth, turning to face me once more.

"Er," I said."So far so good.Number one priority."

"Yes.Indeed.We're going to lock the shutters of the shop.That way there'll be no escape for your prize."

"My prize?"

"Theprize.Fancy a brandy?"

"Er, no.Thank you but no, I'd better not," I said, the wave coming back.I had to get the prize.What prize?Oh s.h.i.+t.

"Probably for the best.Don't want you drunk as well as falling asleep on the job do we?" he turned to a small table on the other side of the office."So, where was I?Oh yes.Vince from Lava Corp was fairly convinced he knows whoever has stolen their property personally."

"Yes?"

"Well, stands to reason doesn't it?" Forsyth snapped."Don't interrupt again."

"Right."

"Okay.Taxidermy quite the tricky character this Ms Pingoveno.Never trust a woman who calls herselfMs, eh Clint my boy?"

I opened my eyes as wide as I could, trying to pin them to my skull.Forsyth turned around.He scowled at me and waved his brandy.

"Have some b.a.l.l.s man, don't look so scared," he said.

I snapped my face back into what I would have described as a normal expression."Not scared, sir, I just had cramp or something in my cheek."

I repeated the facial tick, widening my eyes as far as I could, then squinting, widening and squinting.He took a slug of his brandy and raised an eyebrow.

"Hmm, right.So you got a handle on this then have you?"

"Yes," I lied.

"Good stuff.Knew you would.Should be easy enough.The people we suspect of helping out Ms Pingoveno will all be in there.Plus a couple of others no doubt but you'll know who they are once you find out their names, won't you?" he laughed.I laughed.

sleeping on the job?" Forsyth gave my chair a kick and I jerked back into consciousness.

"No sir, I wouldn't," years of coping mechanisms springing into action.

Forsyth grinned."Pulling my leg were you?Haha!Jolly good.Like it."

I nodded.

"Any questions?" he said.

"One or two," this was my chance to try to make sense of this mess."Taxidermy?"

"Racket. Yes. She's running it, we can practically prove it."

"Here? In Kilchester?"

"Yes I know, I thought that was a bit odd too but apparently they piece them together and send them to the Far East.Like a Baboon with a poodle's head, that sort of thing."

"Right," I said."And people collect that sort of thing do they?"

"Apparently so.Takes all sorts, eh?Okay, enough chit chat," Forsyth rose to his feet and picked up a file that had been lying on his desk.A case file.Thiscase file."There's someone I want you to meet."

Chapter 2.