Lysistrata Part 21

Then why do you hide that lance That sticks out under your arms?

HERALD.

I've brought no lance.

MAGISTRATE

Then why do you turn aside and hold your cloak So far out from your body? Is your groin swollen With stress of travelling?

HERALD

By Castor, I'll swear The man is wud.

MAGISTRATE

Indeed, your cloak is wide, My rascal fellow.

HERALD

But I tell ye No!

Enow o' fleering!

MAGISTRATE

Well, what is it then?

HERALD

It's my despatch cane.

MAGISTRATE

Of course--a Spartan cane!

But speak right out. I know all this too well.

Are new privations springing up in Sparta?

HERALD

Och, hard as could be: in lofty l.u.s.ty columns Our allies stand united. We maun get Pellene.

MAGISTRATE

Whence has this evil come? Is it from Pan?

HERALD

No. Lampito first ran asklent, then the others Sprinted after her example, and blocked, the hizzies, Their wames unskaithed against our every fleech.

MAGISTRATE

What did you do?

HERALD

We are broken, and bent double, Limp like men carrying lanthorns in great winds About the city. They winna let us even Wi' lightest neif skim their primsie pretties Till we've concluded Peace-terms wi' a' h.e.l.las.

MAGISTRATE

So the conspiracy is universal; This proves it. Then return to Sparta. Bid them Send envoys with full powers to treat of Peace; And I will urge the Senate here to choose Plenipotentiary amba.s.sadors, As argument adducing this connection.

HERALD

I'm off. Your wisdom none could contravert.

_They retire._

MEN

There is no beast, no rush of fire, like woman so untamed.

She calmly goes her way where even panthers would be shamed.

WOMEN

And yet you are fool enough, it seems, to dare to war with me, When for your faithful ally you might win me easily.

MEN

Never could the hate I feel for womankind grow less.

WOMEN

Then have your will. But I'll take pity on your nakedness.

For I can see just how ridiculous you look, and so Will help you with your tunic if close up I now may go.

MEN

Well, that, by Zeus, is no scoundrel-deed, I frankly will admit.

I only took them off myself in a scoundrel raging-fit.

WOMEN

Now you look sensible, and that you're men no one could doubt.

If you were but good friends again, I'd take the insect out That hurts your eye.

MEN

Is that what's wrong? That nasty bitie thing.

Please squeeze it out, and show me what it is that makes this sting.

It's been paining me a long while now.