Airhead: Being Nikki Part 10

And PS, I was so not calling back. I was having my own personal drama right then. I did not need to get sucked into my little sisters, which could wait until my own was finished. Which would be never, at the rate things were going.

Thats an awesome phone, Kelley said admiringly. And whats the name of that ringtone?

I looked at her in surprise.

You can download it for free off the Internet, I said, knowing how lame I must have sounded to these twenty-something models. Just wait until they found out my ringtone is called Dragon Battle Cry and from an online RPG called Journeyquest.

Exceptthey didnt seem to care. In fact, Kelley gasped and handed me her Stark brand phone.

Ooh, me, she said. Do me? I want.

Me, too! the other models squealed. All but Veronica, who looked around at her friends like theyd lost their minds. Have some dignity, her look seemed to imply.

Ladies! Alessandro, the shows stage director, clapped his hands to get our attention. Its time! Exactly like we rehea.r.s.ed last time, all right?

Except, of course, when wed rehea.r.s.ed, wed been in our regular clothes because the lingerie hadnt arrived yet. Not to mention our wings.

Also, it was hard to hear him, thanks to the pulsing beat that had started out on the runway.

Oh, and the musicians are here now, Alessandro said unnecessarily. So lets see if we can walk in time with the music now.

All the girls whod gathered around me, wanting me to download the geekiest ringtone possible onto their phones, had run off to get into their places for the show, and Shauna, my agent Rebeccas a.s.sistant, had hurried over to whisper, Okay, now, Nikki? Dont freak out, but theyve made a last-minute change. When you come out wearing the diamond bra, Gabriel Luna is going to play his new song, Nikki. I said dont freak out.

What? I couldnt hear her, because of all the noise onstage.

But I was pretty sure shed just said the hottest new sensation on the Stark record label, whod just happened to have written a song about me, was going to be singing it when I came out on-stage wearing nothing but wings, a bra, and a pair of panties. A diamond bra and panties.

A song about me.

This was really not what I needed to hear just then. I had been successfully avoiding Gabriel Luna for weeks now.

It wasnt that I didnt like him. I actually did. But like with Brandon, not in that way. I liked someone else that way.

So I didnt really need to be hanging out with some other guy"especially one who was writing love songs about me"when my heart belonged to another.

Who, okay, it turned out was in love with another girl"a dead girl"and might happen to be a supervillain. But no relations.h.i.+p is perfect.

Rebecca said not to tell you about Gabriel before, Shauna said with an apologetic smile. So you wouldnt get nervous.

I just stared at her. I wasnt nervous. Not exactly.

The truth was, I wasnt nervous at all.

I was pretty sure I was having a nervous breakdown.

Try not to think about it, Shauna said, spinning me around to face a line of tall, impossibly thin girls all getting ready to go onstage. Take deep breaths. Just concentrate on your breathing!

My breathing? What was she talking about? Gabriel Luna, on whom my little sister, Frida, and all her friends were crus.h.i.+ng in the biggest way"That accent! Those eyes! That dark hair!"was going to be singing a song about me while I was prancing around in front of him in my underwear, and I was supposed to concentrate on my breathing? I was hyperventilating. I needed to stop breathing so much, actually.

Like I didnt have enough problems with Christopher and Steven and Nikkis missing mom and all. Now I had to deal with this?

And sure, most girls, such as my sister, would die to have a song written about them by a guy like Gabriel. I would, too if it hadnt just been manufactured to propel the singer to the top of the charts. It wasnt like Gabriels song meant anything. He barely knew me. Wed had a few, mostly chance encounters. Wed never even been out on a date. Wed never even kissed. Well, for any significant amount of time. It wasnt like he was in love with me.

And even if he was, it didnt matter, because of Christopher.

In front of me, the girls were taking off, one by one, like graceful b.u.t.terflies, swooping out from backstage and onto the runway and into the blindingly bright lights, which the tech crew was still adjusting in the rafters of the vast, dark studio, which seated hundreds. Those seats were empty now, but on the big night Okay, try not to think about that now. I was attempting to control my breathing, and not think about what was going to happen when I stepped out there And then suddenly, the girl in front of me"I didnt realize it was Veronica right away because her wings had masked her face up until just then"turned to say, You know, Nikki, you have some nerve.

I looked at her blankly. Im sorry?

Yeah, you better be sorry, she said. After what you did. I cant believe you have the guts to even look me in the face.

What I did to her? Id done nothing all day but memorize my blocking and eat chocolate strawberries and feel like I was going to throw up. Id barely said a word to anyone Oh, wait. She must mean what Nikki did to her.

Im sorry, I said. This time I meant it as an apology and not Excuse me. I really dont remember what youre talking about"

Oh, right, Veronica said. The music was so loud, I could barely hear her.

But I could read the hatred in her eyes clearly enough.

You might have all the other girls eating out of your hand, with your weird ringtones and your oh-Im-so-nervous routine, she said. But I know the truth. I know this whole amnesia thing is a scam. And I know youre still in touch with Justin.

I blinked at her. What? Justin who? She better not have meant Justin Bay, Lulus exand Nikkis, too, incidentally. Or maybe not incidentally, since it turned out Nikki had been seeing him behind Lulus back.

And now, apparently, behind Veronicas back, too.

Veronica glared at me. Dont play dumb with me. I know you still e-mail him, she spat. And Im just warning you. You better watch your back.

Waitwhat? That made no sense at all.

I dont e-mail anyone named Justin, I insisted. I couldnt believe this was happening. Although that made it like most of the things in my life these days. I wished I were wearing a little more clothing. I might have felt less exposed. However, at least I knew if she tried to stab me or something, my diamond bra would stop any sort of blade. And probably most bullets. I can a.s.sure you"

I know its you, Veronica snapped back. The music was thumping, and the girl in front of her had just taken off for her turn down the runway. You stay away from him. Do you hear me?

Ive never"

It didnt matter, though. She was gone, sashaying out onto the stage in front of me, the ends of her wings drooping onto the high-polished metallic floor.

Great. So I had yet another enemy.

What was wrong with Nikki, anyway? What was she doing, going after her friends boyfriends, when she could have had any single guy she wanted (except Christopher Maloney)? Were single guys not enough of a challenge for her? She had to go after guys who were taken?

It was tough being one of the most beautiful women in the world, I guess. When almost every guy you met fell all over himself trying to get with you, you naturally found yourself only drawn to the ones who didnt.

But why did that nutcase think Nikki was still e-mailing her boyfriend?

Nikki, Shauna hissed at me. Go!

I realized the music had changed. It wasnt the pounding technopop it had been a minute before, when all the other girls had been heading out onto the stage. It had turned into a more mellow, haunting melody.

A second later, I heard a deep, British-accented male voice singing from the stage: Nikki, oh, NikkiThe thing of it is, girlin spite of it allI really do thinkI love you.

If I hadnt been hyperventilating before, I was definitely about to then. Oh, great. Gabriel Luna, a guy Id met maybe four or five times in my life, loved me? Yeah. I didnt think so.

Wellit was just a song. Just the song that, as soon as it hit the airwaves when this show goes live New Years Eve, everyone was going to be humming, instead of the Stark Quark song. Or at least, I supposed thats what Gabriel Luna and Stark record label were hoping.

Nikki, Shauna said again. Go.

I went. I wandered out onto the runway in a daze. I was trying to remember my sa.s.sy catwalk strut, but it was really hard when all I could think about was Gabriel Luna loves me? Really? No. No, he couldnt. Every time I saw him, I was doing something boneheaded, like getting carried around by Brandon Stark, or being in a hospital, recovering from a transplanted brain. He didnt love me. This was all just a publicity stunt. A Starkengineered publicity stunt. After all, thats why he was in this country and not back in his native England in the first place, right? To further his career?

But as I moved out more centrally onto the stage, and I saw him there with his guitar, wearing a faded blue s.h.i.+rt beneath a brown suede jacket over jeans, I could sort of see why Frida and her friends were so gaga over him. I mean, he looked really cute. And he was looking right at me, not smiling, not frowning, just looking, super-intently, as he sang, Its not the way that you walk, girlthe way that you smile or the way that you lookits just the way you move methe way that you move methat makes me say, Nikki, oh, NikkiThe thing of it is, girlin spite of it allI really do thinkI love you.

All I could think was what I thought every time I saw him, which was, Oh, my G.o.d. Fridas right. He is kinda hot.

But at the same time, I realized he wasnt my kind of hot. If that makes any sense.

I was trying to keep my gaze on where I was going"down the runway"but the truth was, I could hardly see two feet in front of me, the lights were so bright, plus they were reflecting up off the diamonds in my bra"and that was a lot of reflection, let me tell you. There were diamond rainbows dancing everywhere before my eyes. I couldnt see a thing as I looked out toward the lights"nothing except rainbows. I tried to remember what Kelley had told me about feeling with my feet for the edge of the catwalk so I didnt sa.s.sy-strut my way right off it.

But it was hard to do that without inching along like I was walking the plank on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World.

Alessandro seemed to realize I was in trouble and shouted from somewhere out in the vast emptiness of the studio, Yes, Nikki! Youre doing fine! Nowturn!

I turned on his command, trusting he wouldnt lead me astray. And he hadnt. Suddenly, I was facing away from the lights, and I could see again. What I saw was Gabriel at the opposite end of the catwalk. He was grinning at me a little now. Only through some trick of the lights, for a moment his dark hair looked gold, and his blue eyes seemed, just for a second, to belong to someone else.

The thing of it is, girlin spite of it allI really do thinkI love you.

G.o.d! What I wouldnt give to hear those words coming out of Christophers mouth. About me. Not me the way I was, but me the way I am now.

And okay, maybe his song was only a publicity gimmick.

But I knew that somehow, coming from Christopher, Id have believed those words. Id have believed them in a second. Why, oh why, was it Gabriel and not Christopher saying he loved me?

And then suddenly, right as Gabriel was. .h.i.tting his third chorus of I love yous, my foot landed on something that was not catwalk or air. I didnt know what it was, but it was softand it was slippery.

And it caused my feet to go flying right out from under me.

Only, since I wasnt really an angel, and my wings didnt actually work, I didnt just float lightly off into the air.

I came cras.h.i.+ng down, hard.

THIRTEEN.

JUST KEEP YOUR GAZE STRAIGHT AHEAD, dont look into the light.

Thats what Dr. Higgins told me as I sat on the examination table in front of her. She was flas.h.i.+ng a beam from a penlight into my eyes. I guess she wanted to see if Nikkis brain had come loose or something after my huge and embarra.s.sing tumble on the catwalk at the Stark Angel dress rehearsal.

Honestly, I told her, doing as she asked and looking straight ahead, Im fine.

Shhh, she said. Dont talk.

Id been a.s.suring everyone that I was fine"except for my wounded dignity (and backside)"but everyone had just shushed me. I guess they all thought no one could take that hard a tumble and not be hurt. Alessandro was the one whod insisted I be checked out by a medical professional.

And of course, when the Stark security town car stopped and I found myself in the Stark Inst.i.tute for Neurology and Neurosurgery, I wasnt surprised. I was right back where Id started. Well, sort of.

Are you experiencing any double vision? she wanted to know. Dr. Higgins was all business. Apparently she, and not Dr. Holcombe, whod been part of the team that performed my brain transplant, was the one on call tonight. Headache? Nausea?

No, I said. No, and no. I told you. I just slipped. On this. I held up the object Id slipped on, which Id found a few seconds after Id sat up. A bunch of feathers, wadded together and tossed onto the runway. Theyd clearly been ripped from a set of Stark Angel wings.

It wasnt hard to guess who theyd belonged to, either. The last Angel to walk out onto the stage before me, and the one who had a particular grudge against me: Veronica.

The first face Id seen hovering above mine after Id landed was Gabriels, his blue eyes filled with concern. Gabriel Lunas blue eyes, Id noted. Not the eyes Id been fantasizing about seeing, Christopher Maloneys.

Nikki? Are you all right? Gabriel had wanted to know, putting an arm around me"as best he could with the tangle of wings behind me.

Im fine, Im fine, Id a.s.sured him. I just slipped on something"there was something on the runway And Id looked to make sure I was right, and there it was. Thank G.o.d. It wasnt just me and my utter inability to be fierce in six-inch heels.

Id made out like it must have been an accident. Alessandros face had darkened when he saw what Gabriel was holding up"because hed seized the clump of feathers from me, and turned to face the director with indignation. Thats when Alessandro began to swear in a steady stream, primarily at the costume mistresses, for not gluing the feathers down hard enough.

I hadnt corrected him. I dont know why. I knew Veronica had done it, and on purpose"You better watch your back. More like right in front of you"but Id had other important things to worry about.

Like the fact that Id known I was going to end up here, at the inst.i.tute.

And not just because they were worried about my head, either. Or at least how attached it was to the inside of my skull.

I knew theyd use this opportunity to give me a little lecture aboutwell, my behavior lately.

And sure enough There was an incident in St. John earlier this week, Dr. Higgins said, looking down at a thick white manila file she was holding. You fell there as well.

G.o.d! I knew they were watching me. I just knew it. When were they ever going to leave me alone?

Oh, thats right. As long as Im the Face of Stark, making them millions? Never.

I slipped, I corrected her. I didnt fall. Of course, technically, Id sort of jumped. But she didnt need to know that. They were making me hold on to this cliff, and it was really slippery, and I couldnt hang on anymore.

I see, Dr Higgins said, still looking down at the file. You went to visit your family recently, too. And that boy, Christopher Maloney.

It was a statement, not a question. I could only stare at her. What could I say in response, anyway? I knew the deal: I got to live in exchange for their watching"and listening in on"my every move. What was there to say about it, really?

You know wed like you to limit visitations with people from your past, Dr. Higgins went on. It will only cause people to wonder how you know them, and you wouldnt want unnecessary attention drawn to them, would you?

No, I said. But Suddenly, I felt like punching something. Or someone. Id changed out of the diamond bra and panties and wings and back into my normal clothes, so I didnt look like quite as big a freak sitting there in her office as I might have.