Airhead: Being Nikki Part 7

Oh. Great. Okay, yeah, so I didnt mean to blurt out that. But it was too late to stuff the words back in my mouth now.

Christopher stared at me, his blue eyes wide.

Your mom is missing? he echoed.

Only when the words were out of his mouth did it occur to me that possibly this was the part I shouldnt have mentioned after all. Maybe leading with being a Stark Angel would have been better.

Were not close, I said lamely. Shes, uh"Wow. How do I get myself out of this one?"been missing awhile, and I only just found out because we dont talk on a regular basis"

Then I realized maybe this wasnt the most tactful thing to say, either. Christopher and his own mother werent close, due to his having chosen, when his parents were divorcing, to live with his father and not his mother. But this, hed once confided to me, wasnt because of any particular dislike of his mother or a surfeit of affection for his dad, but because his younger sister had chosen to live with their mother, and Christopher had felt it only fair that one child side with their father, whod also sued for full custody. Which is how hed ended up living in my building.

How long has she been missing? he asked. He was absently petting Cosabella, whod fallen asleep with her muzzle on his knee.

A couple of months, I replied, a little surprised by the intensity of his interest. But then I guess it would be alarming to hear that someones mom was missing. If you were anyone except my agent, Rebecca, that is. Maybethree.

Christopher got a faraway look in his blue eyes. Right around the time of the accident, he murmured as he stared off in the direction of the television. It makes sense.

My eyebrows went up. Excuse me? I asked.

His gaze snapped back toward me. Nothing, he said. But it was clear it wasnt nothing.

What have you done to try to find her? he asked. Has anyone filled out a missing person report?

Um, I said. Yeah. I guess.

You guess? Christopher looked confused. I couldnt blame him. I was confused, too. What was going on, exactly? I was really starting to wonder if maybe grief over my death had sent Christopher around the bend. Chopping off all his hair the way he had"it used to be to his shoulders"wasnt the only change Id seen in him since I died. Hed gotten too intense, spent too much time alone in the computer lab in school, not talking to anyone. Including me, despite my efforts to draw him out.

Well, my brothers the one whos looking into it, really, I said. All Ive done is call my cell phone service provider, I added. To see if she called and maybe I missed it"

Christopher shook his head. It could take months before they get back to you with that information.

I looked at him and shrugged. I know, I said. But what else can I do? I hated feeling this helpless. Especially in front of Christopher. Back in my old body, Id always made a point to do everything for myself in front of him, like if I showed the slightest female weakness, he might think less of me somehow. If there was a bug on the floor? I squashed it. If something was too high for me to reach on a shelf? I got a chair and climbed it. If the lid to the peanut b.u.t.ter jar was on too tight? Id have gone all the way to my own apartment and asked my dad to open it before Id have asked Christopher.

But nownow I was wondering if this had been the wisest strategy. I mean, did you really get guys by acting like you didnt need them? That had not been how Id gotten Brandon to kiss me the other night. Id asked him for help getting back to New York, and next thing I knew, wed started making out, and hed asked me to be his girlfriend.

If I wanted to make out with Christopher, wouldnt it have behooved me to act like I needed him? Just a little bit?

And okay, I hate girls like that"the Whitney Robertsons of the world. But hey. Didnt she have the hottest boyfriend in school (if you considered Polo-wearing, thick-necked jocks hot)?

McKayla Donofrios father is with the Office of the Attorney General, Christopher offered, obviously trying to be helpful. Maybe he could do something for your mom.

McKayla Donofrio? How did Christopher know what her dad did for a living?

Although knowing what a sn.o.b McKayla was, shed probably bragged about it in cla.s.s one day when I hadnt been there. She bragged all the time about being a National Merit Scholar and head of Tribeca Alternatives Business Club. She even bragged about being lactose intolerant. Having a father in the Office of the Attorney General would be only slightly less prestigious to a girl like McKayla.

On the other hand, maybe Christopher and McKayla were dating. Hadnt I caught her staring at him more and more often as the semester had gone on, especially since hed cut his hair and started wearing more black (what was up with that, anyway)? And hadnt I seen his gaze stray more than once in her direction? But then, Id just thought he was staring blankly at whatever was in front of him out of abject boredom.

There couldnt be anything going on between the two of them. There could not.

And yet Suddenly, I felt like crying all over again. The thought of Christopher with McKayla, on top of everything else, was more than I could handle.

And thats exactly what I needed, someone from the Office of the Attorney General of the state of New York poking around in Nikki Howards business. Please.

Hey. Christopher reached out and laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. I was so startled"Id been busy picturing the two of them at one of McKaylas Business Club meetings, his fair head and her dark one bent over some kind of PowerPoint presentation together, Id almost forgotten he was there"that I jumped. Are you all right?

I-Im fine, I said. My eyes were filled with tears again. I reached up hastily to wipe them away. Justallergies. Sorry. I should probably go I got up, wanting to leave before I had even less control over my tear ducts. I was turning into a total basket case. Also, allergies? In winter? Right. Brilliant, Em.

Youre really upset about this, Christopher said, gazing up at me. He hadnt fallen for the allergy excuse. Arent you?

Well, I said, sniffling. Did I feel a twinge of guilt over the fact that he was mistaking my tears for concern over Nikki Howards missing mom, when they were, in fact, tears for him? Yeah. But so what? It was kind of hard to feel bad about it when he was gazing at me so worriedly with those bright blue eyes of his. I mean, yeah. Shes my mother.

Oooh, nice one, Em. Laying it on kind of thick, are you?

Look. Christopher seemed to come to some kind of decision in his head. Before you gojust let me try something.

He got up"jostling Cosabella, who sighed and curled up into a ball"and crossed the living room, heading down the hall. I realized he was heading toward his bedroom. What was going on?

Uh. Christopher? I called after him when a few minutes pa.s.sed, and he didnt reappear. Clearly, he wasnt just getting me an umbrella.

In here, he called back. Its okay. Come on in.

I followed the sound of his voice, wondering what on earth he was up to, since getting me an umbrella shouldnt have taken that long.

I found myself freezing in his bedroom doorway, however.

All of this would be a lot easier, Christopher was muttering, from the chair in front of his desktop, if we could crack their firewall"

But I was barely listening. Thats because sitting there on top of Christophers messy bookshelf, which was sagging in the middle because there were so many hardbacks piled onto it, was a framed photo of Me.

Not McKayla Donofrio. Not Nikki Howard. Me. Emerson Watts.

It was the photo theyd used at my memorial service. It wasnt very flattering, in my opinion. It was a school photo, the one Id told Mom not to even bother buying, because in the proof, one of my teeth was doing this weird snaggle thing (I always thought Id have time to get that fixed one day. No such luck). Shed gone ahead and bought it, anyway, becausewell, of what happened.

And now a copy of it was sitting in Christophers bedroom, on such prominent display that you couldnt go anywhere, really, without feeling like it was looking at you.

Hey, Felix. Christopher, ignoring me, was speaking into his computer.

A squeaky young male voice came on over the speakers, and I saw Christophers fourteen-year-old cousin, Felix, the one who was under house arrest in Brooklyn for some kind of computer-hacking crime, on Christophers monitor.

Didnt you just leave here? Felix wanted to know. Whatd you do, forget something?

I got my friend Nikki here, Christopher said. Her mother is missing. Can you run her Soc and see if anything comes up?

A girl? Felixs voice rose an octave. You got a girl in your room?

Yeah, I got a girl in my room, Christopher said in a calm voice. He didnt blush or anything, the way he might have in the old days. This, to me, was only clearer proof there was something going on between him and McKayla.

But thenwhat was with the picture of me?

To tell the truth, I couldnt believe the way he waswell, taking charge. That just wasnt Christopher. Christopher was Doritos and the Discovery Channel, not ordering people around and Skyping his cousin to consult about running a missing womans Social Security number.

This change in him was kind of freaking me out. In a good way. Except for the photo of the old me, and the McKayla part.

Can you help her? Christopher asked his cousin.

Of course I can help her, Felix said. He sounded like a kid. Which wasnt that unusual, since I could see from the monitor that thats what he wa.s.skinny neck, tufted black hair, pimples, and all. Let me see her.

You dont need to see her, Christopher said.

I want to see her, Felix said. I have to sit cooped up in here all day by myself. If youve got a girl in your room, I want to see one.

You cant" Christopher began.

I took a quick step so that I was viewable in the lens of the camera on Christophers monitor. Hi, Felix, I said, just to shut him up.

Felix let out an expletive and abruptly disappeared from view. Chris, he whispered from somewhere off camera. Thats Nikki Howard. You didnt tell me the girl in your room was Nikki Howard.

Well, Christopher said, sounding faintly amused. The girl in my room is Nikki Howard.

How, Felix wanted to know, from wherever he was hiding, did you get Nikki Howard to come into your room?

Christopher looked over at me. He was smiling a little. She basically followed me here, he joked. I couldnt help smiling a little back at him. If he was doing all this to make me stop crying, it was working. Wow. I should have tried a few tears on Christopher years ago. I probably could have gotten him to change the channel all those times hed insisted on watching those boring episodes of Top Gear. Do you think you can help her, Felix, or not?

Of course I can help her. Felix reappeared on the computer monitor. Hed combed his stick-uppy black hair and put on a different s.h.i.+rt. Hey, there, Nikki, he said in a much deeper tone of voice. How you doing?

Uh, I said, laughing a little, in spite of my unease about the situation. Im fine.

Great. Thats great, Felix said. So, just give me your moms Social Security number, and we can get down to business.

I glanced at Christopher. The police already checked this stuff out, I think"

The police! Felixs scorn was explosive. You think they have the resources I do, even though they did take away my Wi-Fi connection and now I have to piggyback off my neighbors? Trust me, unless shes dead or living off the grid, Ill find her. Just cough up the digits, babe. Christopher gave him a warning wag of his finger, and Felix apologized. Sorry, I mean, Miss Howard.

I dont actually have that number on me, I explained. Then, seeing Felixs look of dejection, I added quickly, But I guess I can get it"

Great! Felix perked right up. As soon as you do, text me! Or maybe you could come over, actually. My mom makes really good chili"

Christopher reached out and switched the monitor off. Felix disappeared in a poof.

Hes kind of a freak, Christopher explained. But he really does know what hes doing, believe it or not. Thats why the judge gave him six months instead of just a slap on the wrist. My dad sends me over there every Sunday to try to be a good influence on Felix, but I think its the other way around. Anyway, you can just give the number to me when you get it. And Ill make sure he gets it.

Uh, thanks, I said, glancing up at my picture, which was leering toothily down at us. I glanced hastily away from it. This is really nice of you.

Christopher shrugged. You can make it up to me, actually. I mean, if you want to.

I could? All sorts of ideas how I could make it up to him went through my head. The tongue trick, even though I still didnt know what it was, sprang foremost to mind, which was disturbing. I had to go sink down on Christophers tightly made bed (the Commander believed a tidy bed was a sign of a tidy mind) before my knees gave out from under me.

Oh? I managed to squeak out, when I could finally speak.

Yeah, Christopher said. So. Just how loyal are you to your boss, anyway?

This was such an unexpected question, I blurted, Who? without thinking.

Your boss, Christopher said again. Robert Stark. How much do you like him?

Taken completely aback, I stammered, W-why?

You work for a company that reported three hundred billion dollars in sales last year, most of the profit of which went to line your bosss pocket. Im just wondering, Christopher said calmly, how you feel about him.

I was so transfixed by the blueness of Christophers eyes, I heard myself saying, before I could stop myself, He wants me to parade around in a ten-million-dollar bra made out of diamonds, on national television. How do you think I feel about him?

Christopher smiled. When he smiled, something strange happened to my insides. It was like they turned to liquid.

Thats what I was hoping youd say.

And then he told me what he planned to do. And what he needed from me.

And my world, which had already been upside down, flipped over one more time.

Felix and I have been trying to find a wormhole to get us into Starks corporate mainframe for ages, he said. But we havent been able to. Their firewall is that good. So instead of a back door, I think were going to have to try going in through the front door. Christopher had stopped smiling and regarded me seriously. Do you think you could get us a user name and pa.s.sword for someone who works at Stark Enterprises? Someone high up would be best, but at this point well take anyone I just stared at him.

This was what he wanted from me? was all I could think. A lousy user name and pa.s.sword?

It so figured. Why was I even surprised? I mean, the guy had a picture of a dead girl on his bookshelf. Not a small one, either, but an eight-by-ten glossy, with eyes that followed you everywhere you went.

Great. Now I was starting to get jealous of myself.

I stood up. Then I walked over to Christophers bedroom window. To his surprise, I leaned over and yanked it open, letting in a blast of cold air, as well as the steady patter of the sleet and loud traffic sounds from Bleecker Street, below. The acoustic interference, I hoped, would make it hard for anyone listening to our conversation to hear what we were saying.

What are you doing? he asked me curiously. He had to raise his voice a little to be heard over the traffic.

I waved my hand around my head. Did it ever occur to you, I asked, that they could be listening?

Christopher stared at me. Who could?

Stark, I whispered. My heart gave a little thump as I said it. Not so much because of the thought of Stark listening to us, but because Christopher was looking at mereally looking at me, like he was actually seeing me for the first time.

Only, of course, he wasnt.

Christopher laughed. Stark? Here? Are you serious?

I was dead serious. But, I couldnt tell him that. Especially not now.

Christopher, you shouldnt underestimate them, I said instead. Theythey know things.

He laughed some more. Youre paranoid.

Maybe, I said, going back to my perch on his bed. Maybe you should try being a little paranoid, too. What youre talking about.i.ts crazy. I meanwhat are you guys going to do once you get into their system?