McGuffey's Eclectic Spelling Book Part 11

He was, however, very much embarra.s.sed how to break with her handsomely; and it must be confessed, that after what had pa.s.sed, this was no very easy matter to accomplish.--Make what pretence he would, he could not expect to escape the censure of an unstable fluctuating man.--This is indeed a character, which all men are willing, nay industrious, to avoid, yet what there are few men, but some time or other in their lives, give just reason to incur.--Natura very well knew, that to court a woman for marriage, and afterwards break his engagements with her, was a thing pretty common in the world; but then, it was thing he had always condemned in his own mind, and looked upon as most ungenerous and base:--besides, though he had made his addresses to Laet.i.tia, meerly because he imagined she would prove a virtuous, obedient, and fruitful wife, and was not inflamed with any of those sentiments for her which are called love; yet, designing to marry her, he had set himself as much as possible to love her, and had really excited in his heart a kind of a tenderness, which made him unable to resolve on giving her the mortification of being forsaken, without feeling great part of the pain he was about to inflict on her.

All he now wished was, that she might be possessed of as little warmth of inclination for him as he had known for her, and that the disparity of years between them, might have made her consent to the proposed marriage, intirely on the motive of interest, without any mixture of love, in order that the disappointment she was going to receive, might seem the less severe: as the regard he had for her made him earnestly wish this might be the case, he carefully recollected all the pa.s.sages of her behaviour, her looks, her words, nay, the very accents of her voice, were re-examined, in hope to find some tokens of that happy indifference, which alone could make him easy in this affair; but all this retrospect afforded him no more than uncertain conjectures, and imaginations which frequently contradicted each other, and indeed served only to increase his doubts, and add to his disquiets.

The mourning for his brother was, however, a very plausible pretence for delaying the marriage; and as he was willing the disappointment should come on by degrees, thinking by that means to soften the asperity of it, he contrived to let both father and daughter have room to guess the event before hand.--He seldom went to their house, and when he did, made very short visits, talked as if the necessity of his affairs would oblige him to leave the country, and settle again entirely in town:--rather avoided, than sought any opportunity of speaking to Laet.i.tia in private, and in all his words and actions, discovered a coldness which could not but be very surprizing to them both, though they took not the least notice that they were so before him, but behaved towards him in the same manner, as when he appeared the most full of affection.

This was a piece of prudence Natura had not expected from persons of their low education and way of life:--he had imagined, that either the one or the other of them would have upbraided this change in him, and by avowing a suspicion, that he had repented him of his promises, given him an opportunity either of seeming to resent it, or by some other method, of breaking off: but this way of proceeding frustrated his measures in that point, and he found himself under a necessity of speaking first, on a subject no less disagreeable to himself, than he knew it would be to those to whom his discourse should be directed.

However, as there was no remedy, and he considered, that the longer to keep them in suspense, would only be adding to the cruelty of the disappointment; he sent one morning for the yeoman to come to his house, and after ushering in what he was about to say, with some reflections on the instability of human affairs, told him that some accidents had happened, which rendered it highly inconvenient for him to think of marrying;--that he had the utmost respect and good will for Laet.i.tia, and that if there were not indissoluble impediments to hinder him from taking a wife, she should be still his choice, above any woman he knew in the world;--that he wished her happy with any other man, and to contribute to making her so, as also by way of atonement for his enforced leaving her, he would give her five hundred pounds, as an addition to her fortune.

This was the substance of what he said; but though he delivered it in the softest terms he could possibly make use of, he could find it was not well received by the old man; his countenance, however, a little cleared up at the closure of it:--the five hundred pounds was somewhat of a sweetener to the bitter pill; and after expatiating, according to his way, on the ungenerosity of engaging a young maid's affection, and afterwards forsaking her, he threw in some shrewd hints, that as accidents had happened to change his mind as to marriage, others might also happen, which would have the same effect, in relation to the present he now seemed to intend for her.

'To prevent that,' cried Natura hastily, 'you shall take it home with you'; and with these words turned to a cabinet, and took out the sum he had mentioned; after counting it over, he put it into a bag, and delivered it to the yeoman, saying at the same time, that though it might not be so proper to come to his house, yet if he would send to him in any exigence, he should find him ready to a.s.sist him; 'for you may depend,' added he, 'that though I cannot be your son, I shall always be your friend.'

These words, and the money together, rendered the yeoman more content than Natura had expected he would be; and by that he hoped he knew his daughter had not imbibed any pa.s.sion for him, which she would find much difficulty in getting rid of, and that this augmentation to her portion, would very well compensate for the loss of a husband, of more than twice her years.

A small time evinced, that Natura had not been altogether mistaken in his conjectures.--Laet.i.tia became the bride of a young wealthy grazier in a neighbouring town, with whom she removed soon after her marriage; and this event, so much desired by Natura, destroyed all the remains of disquiet, his nicety of honour, and love of justice, had occasioned in him.

Being now wholly extricated from an adventure, which had given him much pain, and no less free from the emotions of any turbulent pa.s.sion, he pa.s.sed his days and nights in a most perfect and undisturbed tranquility; a situation of mind to which, for a long series of years, he had been an utter stranger.

To desire, or pursue any thing with too much eagerness, is undoubtedly the greatest cruelty we can practise on ourselves; yet how impossible is it to avoid doing so, while the pa.s.sions have any kind of dominion over us:--to _acquire_, and to _preserve_, make the sole business of our lives, and leave no leisure to _enjoy_ the goods of fortune:--still tost on the billows of pa.s.sion, hurried from care to care the whole time of our existence here, is one continued scene of restlessness and variated disquiet.--Strange propensity in man!--even nature in us seems contradictory to herself!--we wish _long life_, yet shorten it by our own anxieties;--nothing is so dreadful as _death_, yet we hasten his approach by our intemperance and irregularity, and, what is more, we know all this, yet still run on in the same heady course.

Natura had now, however, an interval, a happy chasm, between the extremes of pleasure and of pain;--contented with his lot, and neither aiming at more than he possessed, nor fearful of being deprived of what he had. He, for a time, seemed in a condition such as all wise men would wish to attain, tho' so few take proper methods for that purpose, that those who we see in it, may be said to owe their felicity rather to chance, than to any right endeavours of their own.

CHAP. V.

Contains a remarkable proof, that tho' the pa.s.sions may operate with greater velocity and vehemence in youth, yet they are infinitely more strong and permanent, when the person is arrived at maturity, and are then scarce ever eradicated. Love and friends.h.i.+p are then, and not till then, truly worthy of the names they bear; and that the _one_ between those of different s.e.xes, is always the consequence of the _other_.

The inclination we have, and the pleasure it gives us to think well of our abilities, leads us frequently into the most gross mistakes, concerning the springs of action in our b.r.e.a.s.t.s. We are apt to ascribe to the strength of our reason, what is in reality the effect of one or other of the pa.s.sions, sometimes even those of the worst kind, and which a sound judgment would most condemn, and endeavour to extirpate.--Man is a stranger to nothing, more than to himself;--the recesses of his own heart, are no less impenetrable to him, than the worlds beyond the moon;--he is blinded by vanity, and agitated by desires he knows not he is possessed of.

It was not _reason_ but _revenge_, which dissipated the immoderate grief of Natura on the death of his son;--it was not _reason_ but _pride_, which made him see the inconveniences of marrying with Laet.i.tia;--and yet doubtless he gave the praise of these events to the strength of his prudence: to that too he also ascribed the resolution he now took of living single during the remainder of his life; whereas it was in truth only owing to his being at present acquainted with no object capable of inspiring him with the tender pa.s.sion.

As he was now entirely free from all business, or avocation of any kind whatsoever, it came into his head to go and pa.s.s some part of the summer season with his sister:--he accordingly crossed the country to her seat, and was received with all imaginable demonstrations of joy, both by herself and husband.

He found their family increased by the addition of a lady, who preferring a country to a town life, had desired to board with them, which was readily granted by the sister of Natura, not only as she was a relation of her husband, but also for the sake of having a companion so perfectly agreeable as this lady was in every respect.

Charlotte, for so she was called, had been left a widow within three months after her marriage, and had never entertained any thoughts of entering into a second engagement, though her person, jointure, and accomplishments, had attracted many sollicitations on that score. She was about thirty years of age when Natura found her at his sister's; and through the chearfulness of her temper, and the goodness of her const.i.tution, had preserved in her countenance all the bloom of fifteen.--The charms of her person, however, made no impression on Natura at his first acquaintance with her; he thought her a fine woman, as every one did who saw her, but her charms reached not his heart, nor gave him any emotions, either of pain or pleasure.

But it was not for any longtime he remained in this state of insensibility.--Charlotte had graces which could not fail of conquest, sooner or later:--where those of her eyes wanted the power to move, her tongue came in to their a.s.sistance, and was sure of gaining the day:--there was something so resistless in her wit, and manner of conversation, that none but those by nature, or want of proper education, were too dull and stupid to understand, but must have felt an infinity of satisfaction in it.

Besides all this, there was a sympathy of humour between this lady and Natura, which greatly contributed to make them pleased with each other:--both were virtuous by nature, by disposition gay and chearful:--both were equally lovers of reading; had a smattering of philosophy, were perfectly acquainted with the world, and knew what in it was truly worthy of being praised or contemned; and what rendered them still more conformable, was the aversion which each testified to marriage.--Natura's treatment from his wife, had made him speak with some bitterness against a state, which had involved him in so many perplexities; and Charlotte, though so short a time a wife, having been married against her inclination, and to a man who, it seems, knew not her real value, had found in it the beginning of disquiets, which prognosticated worse mischiefs, had not his death relieved her from them, and made her too thankful for the deliverance, to endure the thoughts of venturing a second time to give up her freedom.

This parity of sentiments, inclinations, and dispositions, it was which, by degrees, endeared them to each other, without knowing they were so.

Natura became at last impatient out of the company of Charlotte, and Charlotte found a restlessness in herself whenever Natura was absent; but this indeed happened but seldom:--the mutual desire they had of being together, made each of them industriously avoid all those parties of pleasure, in which both could not have a share:--Natura excused himself from accompanying his brother-in-law in any of those diversions where women were not admitted; and Charlotte always had some pretence for staying at home when the sister of Natura made her visits to the ladies of the country;--yet was this managed on both sides with such great decency and precaution, that neither the one nor the other perceived the motive which occasioned their being so rarely separated; much less had the family any notion of it.

It is certain, that never any two persons were possessed of a more true and delicate pa.s.sion for each other:--the flame which warmed their b.r.e.a.s.t.s, was meerly spiritual, and platonic;--the difference of s.e.x was never considered:--Natura adored Charlotte, not because she was a lovely woman, but because he imagined somewhat angelic in her mind; and Charlotte loved Natura not because he had an agreeable person, but because she thought she discovered more charms in his soul, than in that of any other man or woman.

The acquaintance between them soon grew into an intimacy, and that intimacy, by degrees, ripened into a friends.h.i.+p, which is the height and very essence of love, though neither of them would allow themselves to think it so: they made no scruple, however, of a.s.suring each other, of their mutual esteem, and promised all the good offices in the power of either, with a freedom which they would not have done (especially Charlotte, who was naturally very reserved) had they been sensible to what lengths their present attachment might in time proceed.

Winter now drew on, but Natura was too much rivetted to think of departing, and would doubtless have made some pretext for living altogether with his sister, had not an accident happened, which made his going a greater proof of the regard he had for Charlotte, than his staying could have done, and perhaps made him know the real sentiments he was possessed of on her account, much sooner than he should without it.

That lady had some law-affairs, which required either herself, or some very faithful and diligent friend to attend. Term was approaching, and the brother-in-law of Natura had promised to take a journey to London for that purpose; but he unfortunately had been thrown from his horse in a hunting match, and broke his leg, and Charlotte seemed in a good deal of anxiety, who she should write to, in order to entrust with the care of her business, which she justly feared would suffer much, if left wholly to the lawyer's own management.

Natura on this offered his service, and told her, if she would favour him with her confidence in this point, he would go directly to London, where she might depend on his diligence and fidelity in the forwarding her business:--as she had not the least doubt of either, she accepted this testimony of his friends.h.i.+p, with no other reluctance, than what the being long deprived of his conversation occasioned.--Her good sense, notwithstanding, got the better of that consideration, which she looked upon only at an indulgence to herself, and committed to his care all the papers necessary to be produced, in case he succeeded so well for her, as to bring the suit to a trial.

The manner of their taking leave was only such as might be expected between two persons, who professed a friendly regard for each other; but Natura had no sooner set out on his journey, than he felt a heaviness at his heart, for having left the adorable Charlotte, which nothing but the consideration that he was employed on her business, and going to serve her could have a.s.swaged.

This was, indeed, a sweet consolation to him, and on his arrival in town, set himself to enquire into the causes of that delay she had complained of, with so much a.s.siduity, that he easily found out she had not been well treated by her lawyers, and that one of them had even gone so far as to take fees from her adversary;--he therefore put the affair into other hands, and ordered matters so, that the trial could not, by any means, be put off till another time.

Yet, in spite of all this diligence, it was the opinion of the council, that there was an absolute necessity for the lady to appear herself:--it is hard to say, whether Natura was more vexed or pleased at this intelligence; he was sorry that he could not, of himself, accomplish what he came about, and spare her the trouble of a journey he had found was very disagreeable to her, not only on account of her aversion to the town, and the ill season of the year for travelling, but also because the person she contended with was a near relation, and she was very sensible would engage many of their kindred to disswade her from doing herself that justice she was resolute to persist in her attempts for procuring.--The thoughts of the perplexity this would give her, it was that filled him with a good deal of trouble; but then the reflection, that he should have the happiness of seeing her again, on this account, much sooner than he could otherwise have done, gave him at least an equal share of satisfaction.

The gentlemen of the long robe employed in her cause, and whose veracity and judgment he was well a.s.sured of, insisting she must come, put an end to his suspense, and he wrote to her for that purpose: the next post brought him an answer which, to his great surprize, expressed not the least uneasiness on the score of this journey, only acquainted him, that she had taken a place in the stage, should set out next morning, and in three days be in London; against which time, she begged he would be so good to provide her a commodious lodging, she being determined to go to none of her kindred, for the reason abovementioned.

Being animated with exactly the same sentiments Natura was, that inclination which led him to wish her coming, influenced her also to be pleased with it, and rendered the fatigue of the journey, and those others she expected to find on her arrival, of no consequence, when balanced against the happiness she proposed, in re-enjoying the conversation of her aimable and worthy friend.

But all this Natura was ignorant of; nor did his vanity suggest to him the least part of what pa.s.sed in his favour in the bosom of his lovely Charlotte; but he needed no more than the knowledge she was coming to a place where he should have her company, with less interruption than he had hitherto the opportunity of, to make him the most transported man alive. As he had no house of his own in town to accommodate her with, he provided lodgings, and every thing necessary for her reception, with an alacrity worthy of his love, and the confidence she reposed in him; and went in his own coach to take her from the stage some miles on the road. She testified her grat.i.tude for the care he took of her affairs, in the most obliging and polite acknowledgments; and he returned the thanks she gave him, with the sincerest a.s.surances, that the thoughts of having it in his power to do her any little service, afforded him the most elevated pleasure he had ever known in his whole life.

What they said to each other, however, on this score, was taken by each, more as the effects of gallantry and good breeding, than the real motives from which the expressions they both made use of, had their source:--equal was their tenderness, equal also was their diffidence, it being the peculiar property of a true and perfect love, always to fear, and never to hope too much.

Natura had taken care to chuse her an apartment very near the place where he lodged himself, which luckily happened to be in an extreme airy and genteel part of the town; so that he had the pleasure of seeing her, not only every day, but almost every hour in the day, on one pretext or other, which his industrious pa.s.sion dictated; and this almost continual being together, and, for the most part, without any other company, very much increased the freedom between them, though that freedom never went farther, even in a wish, on either side, for a long time at least, than that of a brother and sister.

Though all imaginable diligence was used to bring the law-suit to an issue, those with whom Charlotte contested, found means to put it off for yet one more term, she was obliged to stay that time; but neither felt in herself, nor pretended to do so, any repugnance at it:--Natura had enough to do to conceal his joy on this occasion; and when he affected a concern for her being detained in a place she had so often declared an aversion for, he did it so awkwardly, that had she not been too much taken up with endeavouring to disguise her own sentiments on this account, she could not but have seen into his.

As neither of them seemed now to take any delight in b.a.l.l.s, plays, operas, masquerades, cards, or any of the town diversions, they pa.s.sed all their evenings together, and, for the most part, alone, as I before observed;--their conversation was chiefly on serious topics, and such as might have been improving to the hearers, had any been permitted; and when they fell on matters which required a more gay and sprightly turn, their good humour never went beyond an innocent chearfulness, nor in the least transgressed the bounds of the strictest morality and modesty.

How long this platonic intercourse would have continued, is uncertain; but the second term was near elapsed, the suit determined in favour of Charlotte, and her stay in town necessary but a very days before either of them entertained any other ideas, than such as I have mentioned. Natura then began to regret the diminution of the happiness he now enjoyed, and indeed of the total loss of it; for though he knew it would not be wondered at, that his complaisance should induce him to attend Charlotte in her journey to his sister's, yet he was at a loss for a pretence to remain there for any long time.--Charlotte, on the other hand, considered on the separation which, in all appearance, must shortly be between them, with a great deal of anxiety, and was even sorry the completion of her business had left her no excuse for staying in town, since she could not expect it either suited with his inclinations, or situation of affairs, to live always in the country.

These cogitations rendered both very uneasy in their minds, yet neither of them took any steps to remedy a misfortune equally terrible to each; and the event had doubtless proved as they imagined, had not the latent fires which glowed in both their b.r.e.a.s.t.s, been kindled into a flame by foreign means, and not the least owing to themselves.

One of those gentlemen who had been council for Charlotte, and had behaved with extraordinary zeal in her behalf, had been instigated thereto, more by the charms of her person, than the fees he received from her;--in fine, he was in love with her; but his pa.s.sion was not of that delicate nature, which fills the mind with a thousand timid apprehensions, and chuses rather to endure the pains of a long smothered flame, than run the hazard of offending the adored object, by disclosing it.

He had enquired into her family and fortune, and finding there was nothing of disparity between them, he declared his pa.s.sion to her, and declared it in terms which seemed not to savour of any great fears of being rejected.--He was in his prime of life, had an agreeable person, and a good estate, the consciousness of which, together with his being accustomed to plead with success at the bar, made him not much doubt, but his eloquence and a.s.surance would have the same effect on his mistress, as it frequently had on the judges: but the good opinion he had of himself, greatly deceived him in this point; he met with a rebuff from Charlotte, which might have deterred some men from prosecuting a courts.h.i.+p she seemed determined never to encourage: but though he was a little alarmed at it, he could not bring himself to think she was enough in earnest to make him desist: in every visit he paid her, he interlarded his discourse on business with professions of love, which at length so much teized her, that she told him plainly, she would sooner suffer her cause to be lost, than suffer herself to be continually persecuted with sollicitations, which she had ever avoided since her widowhood, and ever should do so.

Natura came in one day just as the counsellor was going out of her apartment; he observed a great confusion in his face, and some emotions in her's, which shewed her mind a little ruffled from that happy composure he was accustomed to find it in. On his testifying the notice he took of this change in her countenance, 'It is strange thing,' said she, 'that people will believe nothing in their own disfavour!--I have told this man twenty times, that if I were disposed to think of a second marriage, which I do not believe I ever shall, the present sentiments I am possessed of, would never be reversed by any offer he could make me; yet will he still persist in his impertinent declarations.'

There needed no more to convince Natura he had a rival; nor, as he knew Charlotte had nothing of coquetry in her humour, to make him also know she was not pleased with having attracted the affections of this new admirer: this gave him an inexpressible satisfaction; for tho', as yet, he had never once thought of making any addresses to her on the score of love, death was not half so terrible to him, as the idea of her encouraging them from any other man.

'Then, madam,' cried he, looking on her in a manner she had never seen him do before, 'the councellor has declared a pa.s.sion for you, and you have rejected him?'--'is it possible?'--'Possible!' interrupted she, 'can you believe it possible I should not do so, knowing, as you do, the fixed aversion I have to entering into any second engagement!'--'but were it less so,' continued she, after a pause, 'his sollicitations would be never the more agreeable to me.'

Natura asked pardon for testifying any surprize, which he a.s.sured her was totally owing, either to this proof of the effect of her charms, 'which,' said he, 'are capable of far greater conquests; or to your refusal of the councellor's offer, after the declarations you have made against a second marriage, but was excited in me meerly by the novelty of the thing, having heard nothing of it before.'

'This had not been among the number of the few things I conceal from you,' answered she, 'if I had thought the repet.i.tion worthy of taking up any part of that time which I always pa.s.s with you on subjects more agreeable';--'besides,' continued she, 'it was always my opinion, that those women, who talk of the addresses made to them, are secretly pleased with them in their hearts, and like the love, tho' they may even despise the lover. For my part, I can feel no manner of satisfaction in relating to others, what I had rather be totally ignorant of myself.'

Natura had here a very good opportunity of complimenting her on the excellency of her understanding, which set her above the vanities of the generality of her s.e.x; and indeed he expressed himself with so much warmth on this occasion, that it even shocked her modesty, and she was obliged to desire him to change the conversation, and speak no more of a behaviour, which was not to be imputed to her good sense, but to her disposition.