Hassan: The Story of Hassan of Baghdad and How He Came to Make the Golden Journey to Samarkand Part 11

Who art thou that I should address thee? Are there not ten thousand Alis in Bagdad, and wilt thou lift up thy head, O worm, when I say Ali?

(To POLICEMAN) Here is my ring. Take this paper, and run with all thy might and show it to the Captain of the Palace Guard.

POLICEMAN I hear and obey. (Starts off.)

ISHAK (Stopping him) Wait!

CHIEF OF POLICE What right have you to stop my man, you b.a.s.t.a.r.d son of a quill-bearing barn-fowl?

ISHAK Since when had a bludgeoning policeman the practical good sense of a thought-breathing poet? Tell them, Ali, to send a few men with levers and ladders.

CHIEF OF POLICE It is well ordered: run, run, Ali!

ISHAK You other Ali, who brought the paper...

ALI Master?

ISHAK How long is it since any paper was thrown from the balcony?

ALI How do I know time? The time to go to market and buy a melon.

CHIEF OF POLICE By the great pit of torment, this swine-faced has had the paper a good hour! By the red blaze of d.a.m.nation, thou maggot, why didst thou not run with this at once to the Palace Guard?

ALI I had a great fear, and I thought it was a jest.

CHIEF OF POLICE A jest! Rivers of blood, a jest! The life of the Caliph of Bagdad, a jest?

The safety of the Empire a jest! I knew thee a traitor from thy face.

I will teach thee jesting. I will teach thee fear.

Ho, Mahmud, Zia, Rustem, down with his head and up with his heels.

ALI (As his feet are looped into the pole to receive the bastinado) Ya, Abdu, you had the letter first, it is yours. Will you not claim it and the reward. Alas, that the Governor of Three Provinces should be treated thus!

ABDU Do I meddle in politics? Hit him hard, O Executioner, for he is a great disturber of peaceful citizens.

But as for me, O Ali, lest my sleep be troubled by thy groaning, I will make my way a little further on. (Exit)

(The EXECUTIONERS proceed with their work, but stop on entrance of CAPTAIN OF THE MILITARY with SOLDIERS.)

(On the balcony opposite house where CALIPH is imprisoned appears YASMIN.)

YASMIN Look, look, Selim! there's a man being beaten.

SELIM Come in quick! this is a riot or some trouble; come in quick, and shut the shutters fast.

YASMIN You are a valiant protection indeed for frail-as-a-rose ladies in danger's hour.

(They remain at window.)

CAPTAIN OF MILITARY (To CHIEF OF POLICE) Sir.

CHIEF OF POLICE Sir.

CAPTAIN OF MILITARY (Saluting) Captain of the Victorious Army, at your service.

CHIEF OF POLICE (Saluting) Chief of the August Police, at yours.

CAPTAIN OF MILITARY (Bowing) I am honoured.

CHIEF OF POLICE (Bowing) I am overwhelmed.

ISHAK Come, Sirs, brush away, I implore you, the cobwebs of ceremony with the broom of expedition.

CHIEF OF POLICE Sir, when men of action meet, the place of the man of letters is inside his pencase.

CAPTAIN OF MILITARY A moment! Ere we proceed, Chief of Police, may I ask why this man is undergoing punishment?

CHIEF OF POLICE Since your excellency deigns to enquire, for urgent reasons of police.

CAPTAIN OF MILITARY They must have been very urgent indeed before you would permit such an inopportune disturbance outside the very house where our Lord the Caliph is imprisoned. You have seriously impaired our chances of a speedy and effective rescue.

CHIEF OF POLICE (Drawing his sword and whirling it about) Thou melon head, thou, thou dung pig, thou brother of disaster, get thee hence with thy knock-kneed band of fatherless brigands, ere I have thee arrested for unnatural crime.

CAPTAIN OF MILITARY Out with thy sword, thou big-bellied s.n.a.t.c.her up of burglars, thou manacler of little boys, thou terror of the peaceful market, I will teach thee to insult the slaughterers of the infidel host.

ISHAK (Interrupting the COMBATANTS) Is this a time for indecent brawling?

Quick, where are the ladders?

A SOLDIER (Pompously) In the rear, Sir, in the rear.

(The ladders are brought along.)

CHIEF OF POLICE (To POLICEMAN) Place a ladder.

CAPTAIN OF MILITARY (To SOLDIERS) Place a ladder.

(Each goes up his ladder at the same time: bang at wall and are answered: shout for levers which are procured, and a.s.sistance which speedily arrives.

The iron wall is lifted up, and CALIPH and the REST disclosed seated peaceably awaiting their deliverance, the lamp still burning.)

CHIEF OF POLICE My royal master!

CAPTAIN OF MILITARY August Lord.

CHIEF AND CAPTAIN (Together) I have saved thee, Master.

(Each attempts to seize the CALIPH.)

CHIEF OF POLICE Honourable Police!...

CAPTAIN OF MILITARY Honourable Military!...

CHIEF OF POLICE It has been the high privilege of this grovelling slave to rescue the Lamp of the World! I shall carry him down.