The Colloquies of Erasmus Part 36

_Er._ How so?

_Ch._ Because I am obliged to give more to his Servants, than I could buy it for in the Market.

_Er._ Who obliges you to that?

_Ch._ The most violent Tyrant in the World.

_Er._ Who is he?

_Ch._ Custom.

_Er._ Indeed, that Tyrant does frequently impose the most unjust Laws upon Mankind.

_Ch._ The same Tyrant hunted this Stag, but the Day before Yesterday.

What did you do, who used to be a very great Lover of that Sport?

_Au._ Indeed I have left off that Sport, and now I hunt after nothing but Learning.

_Ch._ In my Opinion, Learning is fleeter than any Stag.

_Au._ But I hunt chiefly with two Dogs, that is to say, with Love and Industry: For Love affords a great Deal of Eagerness to learn, and as the most elegant Poet says,

----_Labor improbus omnia vincit._

_Ch. Austin_, you admonish after a friendly Manner, as you use to do; and therefore, I won't give over, nor rest, nor tire, till I attain.

_Au._ Venison is now in the Prime. _Pliny_ tells us a very admirable Story concerning this Animal.

_Ch._ What is it, I pray you?

_Au._ That as often as they p.r.i.c.k up their Ears, they are very quick of Hearing; but on the contrary, when they let them down, they are deaf.

_Ch._ That very often happens to myself; for if I happen to hear a Word spoken of receiving Guineas, there is no Body quicker of Hearing than I; for then with _Pamphilus_ in _Terence_, I p.r.i.c.k up my Ears; but when there is any Mention made of paying them away, I let them down, and am presently hard of Hearing.

_Au._ Well, I commend you; you do as you should do.

_Ch._ Would you have some of the Leg of this Hare?

_Au._ Take it yourself.

_Ch._ Or had you rather have some of the Back?

_Au._ This Creature has nothing good but its Flank and hind Legs.

_Ch._ Did you ever see a white Hare?

_Au._ Oftentimes. _Pliny_ writes, that on the _Alps_ there are white Hares; and that it is believed in the Winter Time they feed upon Snow: Whether it be true or no, let _Pliny_ see to that: For if Snow makes a Hare's Skin white, it must make his Stomach white too.

_Ch._ I don't know but it may be true.

_Au._ I have something for you that is stranger than that; but it may be you have heard of it. The same Man testifies that there is the same Nature in all of them; that is, of Males and Females, and that the Females do as commonly breed without the Use of the Male, as with it.

And many Persons a.s.sert the same, and especially your skilful Hunters.

_Ch._ You say right; but if you please, let us try these Rabbets, for they are fat and tender. I would help that pretty Lady if I sat nigher to her. _Austin_, pray take Care of that Lady that sits by you, for you know how to please the fair s.e.x.

_Au._ I know what you mean, you Joker.

_Ch._ Do you love Goose?

_Au._ Ay, I love 'em mightily, and I an't very nice. I don't know what's the Matter, but this Goose don't please me; I never saw any Thing dryer in all my Life; it is dryer than a Pumice-Stone, or _Furius_'s Mother in Law, upon whom _Catullus_ breaks so many Jests. I believe it is made of Wood; And in Troth I believe 'tis an old Soldier, that has worn itself out with being upon the Guard. They say a Goose is the most wakeful Creature living. In Truth, if I am not out in my Guess, this Goose was one of them, who when the Watch and their Dogs were fast asleep, in old Time defended the _Roman_ Capitol.

_Ch._ As I hope to live I believe it was, for I believe it liv'd in that Age.

_Au._ And this Hen was either half starv'd, or else was in love, or was jealous; for this Sort of Creatures are much troubled with that Distemper. This Capon fatten'd much better; see what Cares will do. If we were to geld our _Theodoricus_, he would grow fat much the sooner.

_Th._ I an't a c.o.c.k.

_Au._ I confess you are not _Gallus Cybeles_, nor a Dunghil-c.o.c.k; but it may be you are _Gallus Gallaceus_.

_Ch._ What Word is that?

_Au._ I leave that Word to be unriddled by you: I am _Sphinx_, and you shall be _Oedipus_.

_Ch. Austin_, tell me truly, have you had no Conversation with _French_ Men, have you had no Affinity with them? Had you nothing to do with them?

_Au._ None at all, indeed.

_Ch._ Then you are so much the worse.

_Au._ But perhaps I have had to do with _French_ Women.

_Ch._ Will you have any of this Goose's Liver? This was look'd upon as a great Delicacy by the Ancients.

_Au._ I will refuse nothing that comes from your Hand.

_Ch._ You must not expect _Roman_ Dainties.

_Au._ What are they?

_Ch._ Thistles, c.o.c.kles, Tortoises, Conger-Eels, Mushrooms, Truffles, etc.

_Au._ I had rather have a Turnip than any of them. You are liberal and bountiful, _Christian_.

_Ch._ No Body touches these Partridges nor the Pigeons, to-Morrow is a Fast-Day appointed by the Church; prepare against that Hunger; Ballast your s.h.i.+p against the impending Storm. War is a coming, furnish your Belly with Provision.

_Au._ I wish you had kept that Word in, we should have risen from Supper more merrily. You torment us before the Time.

_Ch._ Why so?