The Colloquies of Erasmus Part 86

_Pars._ There's a publick Inn here in the Town.

_Con._ What Sign has it?

_Pars._ Upon a Board that hangs up, you will see a Dog thrusting his Head into a Porridge-Pot: This is acted to the Life in the Kitchen; and a Wolf sits at the Bar.

_Con._ That's an unlucky Sign.

_Pars._ You may e'en make your best on't.

_Ber._ What Sort of a Pastor is this? we might be starv'd for him.

_Con._ If he feeds his Sheep no better than he feeds us, they must needs be very lean.

_Ber._ In a difficult Case, we had Need of good Counsel: What shall we do?

_Con._ We must set a good Face on't.

_Ber._ There's little to be gotten by Modesty, in a Case of Necessity.

_Con._ Very right, St. _Francis_ will be with us.

_Ber._ Let's try our Fortune then.

_Con._ We won't stay for our Host's Answer at the Door, but we'll rush directly into the Stove, and we won't easily be gotten out again.

_Ber._ O impudent Trick!

_Con._ This is better than to lie abroad all Night, and be frozen to Death. In the mean Time, put Bashfulness in your Wallet to Day, and take it out again to-Morrow.

_Ber._ Indeed, the Matter requires it.

_Innk._ What Sort of Animals do I see here?

_Con._ We are the Servants of G.o.d, and the Sons of St. _Francis_, good Man.

_Innk._ I don't know what Delight G.o.d may take in such Servants; but I would not have many of them in my House.

_Con._ Why so?

_Innk._ Because at Eating and Drinking, you are more than Men; but you have neither Hands nor Feet to work. Ha, ha! You Sons of St. _Francis_, you use to tell us in the Pulpit, that he was a pure Batchelor, and has he got so many Sons?

_Con._ We are the Children of the Spirit, not of the Flesh.

_Innk._ A very unhappy Father, for your Mind is the worst Part about you; but your Bodies are too l.u.s.ty, and as to that Part of you, it is better with you, than 'tis for our Interest, who have Wives and Daughters.

_Con._ Perhaps you suspect that we are some of those that degenerate from the Inst.i.tutions of our Founder; we are strict Observers of them.

_Innk._ And I'll observe you too, that you don't do me any Damage, for I have a mortal Aversion for this Sort of Cattle.

_Con._ Why so, I pray?

_Innk._ Because you carry Teeth in your Head, but no Money in your Pocket; and such Sort of Guests are very unwelcome to me.

_Con._ But we take Pains for you.

_Innk._ Shall I shew you after what Manner you labour for me?

_Con._ Do, shew us.

_Innk._ Look upon that Picture there, just by you, on your left Hand, there you'll see a Wolf a Preaching, and behind him a Goose, thrusting her Head out of a Cowl: There again, you'll see a Wolf absolving one at Confession; but a Piece of a Sheep, hid under his Gown, hangs out. There you see an Ape in a _Franciscan_'s Habit, he holds forth a Cross in one Hand, and has the other Hand in the sick Man's Purse.

_Con._ We don't deny, but sometimes Wolves, Foxes and Apes are cloathed with this Habit, nay we confess oftentimes that Swine, Dogs, Horses, Lions and Basilisks are conceal'd under it; but then the same Garment covers many honest Men. As a Garment makes no Body better, so it makes no Body worse. It is unjust to judge of a Man by his Cloaths; for if so, the Garment that you wear sometimes were to be accounted detestable, because it covers many Thieves, Murderers, Conjurers, and Wh.o.r.emasters.

_Innk._ Well, I'll dispense with your Habit, if you'll but pay your Reckonings.

_Con._ We'll pray to G.o.d for you.

_Innk._ And I'll pray to G.o.d for you, and there's one for t'other.

_Con._ But there are some Persons that you must not take Money of.

_Innk._ How comes it that you make a Conscience of touching any?

_Con._ Because it does not consist with our Profession.

_Innk._ Nor does it stand with my Profession to entertain Guests for nothing.

_Con._ But we are tied up by a Rule not to touch Money.

_Innk._ And my Rule commands me quite the contrary.

_Con._ What Rule is yours?

_Innk._ Read those Verses:

_Guests at this Table, when you've eat while you're able.

Rise not hence before you have first paid your Score._

_Con._ We'll be no Charge to you.

_Innk._ But they that are no Charge to me are no Profit to me neither.

_Con._ If you do us any good Office here, G.o.d will make it up to you sufficiently.

_Innk._ But these Words won't keep my Family.

_Con._ We'll hide ourselves in some Corner of the Stove, and won't be troublesome to any Body.