Darkness Before Dawn Part 14

"What?" I ask in a quiet voice as I try to figure out what she's talking about, until it all comes back to me. Oh. f.u.c.k. "No! Blake-"

"Don't." She gets up, clutching the small gla.s.s of water in her hand. "Don't you dare. I don't even want to talk about this right now."

She begins to walk the opposite way and I follow, ignoring the chime of the toaster and sprinting around the counter. When I get to our room she's sitting on our bed, her back facing me as she looks out at the view of the city from our floor to ceiling windows.

"Baby, what did she say?" I ask, feeling the adrenaline rus.h.i.+ng in waves through my body, my mind running a mile a minute.

Blake turns her head and glares at me. I don't think I have ever seen her so mad...since Sasha, and that scares the s.h.i.+t out of me. While she works her jaw and glares at me, I try to figure out ways to get that lying wh.o.r.e fired from Mark's office tomorrow.

She shakes her head slowly before standing up. "Get out," she demands.

"I'm not going anywhere! Whatever she said, she lied to you, Blake!" I grit, trying to control my own anger. She will not have the last word. Not today. Not with this.

"Get the h.e.l.l out, Cole. I swear to G.o.d-" she starts.

"Shut up!" I interrupt and just as I open my mouth to say something else, she extends her arm and throws the gla.s.s she's holding at me. I move out of the way quickly, my eyes following the flying cup as it hits the wall behind me and shatters, pieces of gla.s.s flying everywhere around me, just like everything else in my f.u.c.king life.

"What the f.u.c.k?" I say dumbfounded, unable to grasp what just happened.

"GET THE f.u.c.k OUT!" she bellows so loudly, I'm sure the neighbors can hear us.

I walk over to her, fuming, until we're chest to chest.

"I didn't do anything with that lying s.l.u.t!" I yell and watch her recoil and back up a step.

"Then why would she say you did?" she counters, placing her fisted hands on her hips.

"Because she's a wh.o.r.e! She tried to do something with me, but I refused and she's p.i.s.sed. I. DON'T. KNOW. BLAKE!" I shout, throwing my hands up in frustration.

She blinks, tears clumping her long lashes together. "Why were you even in that situation?" she asks in a broken voice and my stomach drops.

"Baby," I start, extending my arm to hold her to me, but she backs away further.

"NO. Do not baby me, COLE! I was living in somebody's f.u.c.king bas.e.m.e.nt with people doing illegal things right outside the door. I lost my baby. OUR baby!" she says, breaking into heaving sob before wiping her face and continuing, "I was emotionally and physically abused...and you...you were out partying?" she whispers hoa.r.s.ely, crinkling her eyebrows in disbelief as more tears trickle down her face. The pain in her beautiful eyes is so palpable that it makes me want to go back in time and right all of my wrongs. Right all of the things I did when we were broken up. Go back and kick every ex-boyfriend of hers in the head for not being good enough for her. It makes me want to kill Benny and kill Alex and kill anybody who ever hurt her before me. But most of all it makes me want to die for hurting her, for not being there for her, for letting her push me away and thinking that it was okay to walk away.

"No. I wasn't. I swear I wasn't," I say softly, ducking down to look directly into her eyes. "I was a mess without you, Blake. A mess. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't think. I went to a little bar down the street with some friends from college for a couple of hours. I had already been drinking, that was all I could do to temporarily numb my pain while you were gone. I got there and drank some more. I got up and went to the bathroom and that girl followed me in. She wanted to do stuff, I didn't...I couldn't. Blake, I couldn't. I wouldn't. I swear on my life, baby. She tried, I told her to f.u.c.k off. That's it, I swear."

I take a deep shuttering breath, feeling sobs bubbling deep within my core before I release it. I repeat this a couple times, hoping not to start crying, not now. But thinking something happened to Blake, again. Not being here for her when she needed me most, again. And her wanting to leave me, again. I'm not built for this. I'm not built to deal with abandonment, even if that is what life tried to mold me for, I can't deal with it. Most of all, I can't deal with her abandoning me, and that's what it feels like she wants to do. I don't tear my eyes away from her and when the storm in her eyes begins to dissipate, I allow the current in my body to draw me closer to her.

I clasp the nape of her neck and pull her to my chest before lowering my face to the top of her head. I close my eyes and breathe her in, feeling her tremble beneath me as she cries silently. I hold her tighter and feel my own eyes pool with tears. My breath finally comes back to me when she wraps her arms around my waist. For what seems like the millionth time in my life, I marvel about how vulnerable she makes me feel and how many times I've opened myself up to her, only to end up in heartbreak. I cup her face with both my hands to search her face and make sure we're okay. She gives me a small smile, that smile that never fails to bring me to my knees, and I can't help but smile back.

"You know that I belong to you, right?" I ask as I stroke her wet face with my thumbs.

A single tear runs down her face, which I kiss away.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "I shouldn't have believed her. I should've known better."

I squeeze her cheeks in my hands and dip my head so that we're at eye level. "I need you to listen to me, Blake. I need to make sure you understand this. When you were gone, you were all I thought about. The only thing that kept me going was knowing you were coming back to me. I was physically sick with worry, and on the two occasions that I tried to a.s.sociate with others, I failed miserably. My soul belongs to you, Blake. I go where you go. I can't live without you-I don't want to live without you. If you die tomorrow, I die with you. I don't know how many times or how many ways I'm going to have to say that to you for it to stick, but if I have to say it every single day for the rest of my life, I will."

Her eyes glisten and more tears fall freely, but the grip on my heart loosens, knowing that these aren't tears of sadness. I lower my head and kiss her eyes before trailing down her face, consuming her salty tears and leaving loving kisses in their wake. When I reach her soft pouty lips, I lick the bottom one slowly before sucking it into my mouth and letting out a low moan at the feel and taste of it. My hands trail down over the swells of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and continue to the hem of her s.h.i.+rt before I slowly inch it up and place my hands on her tiny waist. She leans into my touch, giving me permission to continue, and I inch my fingers slowly to her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, tucking them under her bra and kneading at them gently. She sighs against my mouth and our tongues dance against one another before I pull her s.h.i.+rt over her head and bury my face in her neck, sucking it gently as I unsnap her bra.

When I draw my head back from her, she clutches my dress s.h.i.+rt and pulls me toward her, giving me a sensual kiss as she begins to slowly undress me. She lets my dress s.h.i.+rt fall below us and pulls my unders.h.i.+rt over my head, tossing it to the side before turning her attention to my belt. The tips of her hand tuck into my boxers and she pulls everything down to my feet, a.s.sisting me in stepping out of them. While I shake off one of my pant legs, she unexpectedly squeezes me, making me hiss out a breath and my heart speed up. My d.i.c.k twitches in her hold when she lowers herself to her knees, looking up at me through hooded eyes. When I feel her tongue circle the tip of it, I put my hands on her head and throw my head back with a moan. I begin to draw slow circles on her scalp as she takes me in deeper. Her whimper resonates through my body and causes me to clutch on to her hair.

"Blake," I breathe. "You need to...oh...fuuuuck. You. s.h.i.+t." I can't form words to let her know that I'm going to come in her mouth if she doesn't stop soon. Instead, I channel every ounce of power in my body to push her shoulders back slightly. She pouts when my d.i.c.k falls away from her mouth and looks up at me, licking those luscious lips of hers. The way she licks and bites her bottom lip always drives me to the edge. I pick her up quickly, making her squeal and laugh in surprise before I toss her on our bed. I undo her jeans and throw them to the floor along with her panties, leaving her completely naked, just like I like her to be. I trace her leg upward with the back of my hand, as she watches with l.u.s.tful eyes, her breath coming in pants. I love the way my touch affects her. h.e.l.l, I love how the way I look at her affects her. I duck my head and begin to trace wet kisses up her toned legs in the same place I just touched her, until I reach her sweet spot. I take my time here, the way I always do with her. I nip and suck the inside of her thighs, right beside her throbbing middle as she writhes her hips in an unspoken plead.

"Cole," she pants. "Please, do it."

"Do what, baby?" I murmur right before I swipe my tongue once up her slick folds making her gasp loudly. I smile against her and go back to sucking the insides of her thighs, knowing it'll drive her crazy.

"Cole!" she reprimands breathily.

"Hmmm?"

"Please!" she screeches as she moves her hips side to side, trying to get me to cave, but instead I rub my nose against her. Finally she grips the short hair on my head and unsuccessfully tries to keep my face in one spot.

"Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it," I say huskily against her before sucking her c.l.i.t into my mouth once and making her bow off the bed groaning. I let go and place a soft kiss on her inner thigh.

"Kiss me, please, please, just do it!" she whimpers.

"I am kissing you, baby," I reply softly as I slide my hands up from her hips and begin to tease her nipples with my thumb and forefinger.

"Oh my G.o.d, Cole," she pants as she raises her hips again. "Please lick me," she begs. d.a.m.n, that s.h.i.+t turns me on.

My heart pounds against my chest, and I growl against her before devouring her and making her fall apart against my tongue. As she comes down from her o.r.g.a.s.m, I hover above her, watching her in awe. She's always beautiful, but never more beautiful than when she lets go, all of her normally worried features relaxing and her gray eyes bright and sated. I would give my left nut to keep that carefree look on her face all day. Before she can completely come down from it, I delve deep into her, making her scream out another one.

I hold my body still for a beat and grind my hips slowly into her. She lifts her hips to urge my thrusts, but I don't pick up the pace, I'm taking my time. I bring my right hand in between us and pinch her c.l.i.t. "Whose is this, Blake?" I ask through gritted teeth, making her gasp when I pull out completely and slam into her again.

"Yours. Oh G.o.d. YOURS!" she screams.

"f.u.c.k yes," I hiss as I lower myself to kiss her and plunge my tongue into her mouth while quickening my thrusts. She lets out a strangled moan against my mouth before tilting her head back on the bed, giving me access to her throat, which I fully take advantage of.

"Oh f.u.c.k. Cole. Right there. Yes," she cries and I shut my eyes, throwing my head back as I slam into her while I pick her up and sit on the bed so that she's straddling me.

She wiggles against me, but I don't let her take control. I hold her hips and slam her onto me, deeper. Faster. Harder. And then I slow our tempo again, reveling in her cries of pleasure. I lean forward and suck her nipples, smiling against them when she begs me not to stop. I bite lightly on one of them and loosen my grip on her so that she can take over, which she does quickly. As she moves her body up and down and side to side trying to get me as deep inside her as she can, I begin to circle my thumb on her c.l.i.t and feel her clench around me. We're both covered in our sweat and on the brink of ecstasy when I pull out making her yell obscenities at me. I flip her back over on the mattress and push myself between her legs slowly. We both moan loudly at the feel of her wrapping around me again. She squeezes my body to hers with her legs around me and I know I'm not going to last any longer.

"Look at me, baby," I say hoa.r.s.ely, and the second she does, we fall together. Crying out each other's names.

Moments later, my eyes pop open when I feel Cole's hands drawing slight circles down my back. I move my face against his hard naked chest, inhaling his intoxicating scent before placing a soft kiss on his pec. He takes a deep breath, causing my head to rise and fall with him.

"I'm sorry I called him," I say, nuzzling against him. His body tenses, as he holds on to me tighter.

"Why would you do that? I don't understand how you, of all people, would want to stay in touch with him, let alone see him," he asks quietly.

"I needed answers, Cole," I respond in a whisper.

He pushes back and cups my chin, tilting it up to look in his hard, serious eyes. "Did you get them?"

The callousness in his voice makes me gulp down nervously, the aftertaste of whiskey, tequila, and Cole swirls down my throat heavily.

He raises an eyebrow, waiting for an answer that I'm not ready to give him. I tear my eyes away from his probing gaze as I try to collect my thoughts.

"I got some, yes," I reply vaguely when I look at him again.

I watch as his jaw twitches and mentally curse myself for not giving him the straightforward answer he expects from me. How do I tell him though? It hurt me enough to hear the words come out of Dean's mouth, but for me to repeat them, to say them to Cole, that would kill me. Without another word he moves from under me and walks to the bathroom, leaving me staring blankly behind him. Water pools my eyes as they roam his scratched naked back. The sight of that usually makes me smile because I know how much he likes it. Instead, a painful feeling consumes my chest because I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing-clawing at his vulnerability. My chest starts to ache when thoughts of my actions, my words-everything begins to hit me. As I replay my day and remember the worried look Cole had on his face when he found me at the bar, I begin to sob uncontrollably. Oh my G.o.d. I place one hand over my heart and the other covering my mouth to try to keep quiet.

I wipe my face quickly and take deep shaky breaths to calm down when I hear the bathroom door open. As he walks over to me, Cole looks at me and shakes his head, defeated, before sitting beside me on the bed.

"Come here," he rasps. When I gain enough courage to look at his face, we stare at each other for a moment, channeling the weight of our sadness onto each other. I scoot over until my thighs. .h.i.t his and look down at my folded hands. He grabs a fistful of my hair and pulls my head onto his chest, and that's when I can't hold it in anymore and begin to cry.

"I'm so sorry. I'm a horrible friend and a horrible girlfriend," I say in between gasping sobs.

"Shhh, you're not," he responds.

"I am," I cry before wiping my face clean again. "I am," I repeat in a whisper.

He pulls me onto his lap before grabbing both sides of my face. "You are not. Stop saying that. You are an amazing person, you are an incredible girlfriend, and you're my best friend. I just can't handle you shutting me out like that. My entire life I've watched you shut people out, especially boyfriends, and I can't accept that you would do that to me. You never shut me out."

I blink back new tears before he wipes my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

"I can't tell you," I say brokenly. "You shouldn't have to bear the weight of everything involving my f.u.c.ked up past."

He gives me an incredulous look. "You can't be serious," he mutters, shaking his head. "Blake, your past is my past, your present is my present, and your future is my future. I bear the weight of everything that happens in your life. How can you not see that?"

"I do, Cole. I do see it, which is why I know you shouldn't have to deal with more," I whisper, tearing my gaze from his.

He gives me a soft kiss on the lips before carrying me to the bathroom and setting me down on top of the counter. He turns around and sets up the tub, which we've only used once since we moved here. I'm not really into soaking, but I am too exhausted to argue. Once it's filled, he puts his hand in to test the water, lifts me up and sets me in before undressing himself and sliding in behind me.

He begins to ma.s.sage my shoulders, his soothing touch melting away my anxiety. When he stops, I close my eyes and lean my back onto his chest, letting him wrap his arms around me.

"Baby, you have to wake up," Cole whispers in my ear. I let out a surprised gasp as my eyes flutter open. "Hey, it's fine, I just don't want you to turn into a prune."

I smile and turn my body to look at him, making water swish out of the tub. "Thank you. I needed this." He smiles back and winks at me before climbing out and fetching our towels.

Once we're both dressed for bed, he takes hold of my hand and walks me back to our bed. I look at our intertwined fingers and squeeze them. Ever since I've been back, Cole has a newfound thing for holding my hand. It's cute and makes me smile every time he does it. He knows how to make me feel loved and protected.

"Sleep. We'll finish our talk tomorrow," he murmurs before placing a kiss on my lips.

"I love you," I whisper against his lips.

"I love you more. To the moon and back," he replies before kissing me once more.

I fall into a dreamless slumber and wake up the next morning to the smell of greasy bacon. I put my hand over my mouth and run to the bathroom before leaning over and emptying out everything in my system. I flush and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand when I'm done and get up slowly. When I turn around I find Cole watching me intently, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. He shakes his head at me before walking back out of the bathroom.

"You're not going to give me a kiss good morning?" I ask with a smile as I watch him walk back to the kitchen.

"Why don't you get dressed and meet me in the kitchen when you're done," he says without turning around. My eyebrows shoot up at his clipped tone and his att.i.tude. I should probably let it go and do as I'm told, but it's clear that he's p.i.s.sed off and I don't understand why. I stomp to where he is and pull his arm back so he can stop walking and look at me, but he s.n.a.t.c.hes his arm from me and pins me with narrowed eyes.

"Go get dressed!" he says loudly.

I gape at him for a second. "What is wrong with you?" I ask, shuffling behind him when he continues walking.

I decide to wait for his answer on this side of the counter to leave some s.p.a.ce between us when he goes into the kitchen.

He huffs out a breath as he places our breakfast on the plates in front of him. "Go get dressed, Blake. I'll have the food and coffee on the table by the time you come back out."

"Are you going to tell me why you're mad at me?" I ask a little quieter.

The only thing audible in the room as he glares at me is the clattering of the utensils when he tosses them on top of the ceramic plates. My eyes roam down his shapely arms and fixate on the movement in his forearms that flex and un-flex as he grips the countertop.

"What's wrong?" I ask again.

"You've got to be kidding me," he mumbles under his breath before turning and slapping the cabinet behind him, making me jump. "Go get dressed so we can talk," he says for the millionth time, through clenched teeth.

I sigh, slumping my shoulders but remaining unmoved. I refuse to leave until I get an answer.

He turns back around and tilts his head. "Let's see, Blake, you went out, got drunk and wouldn't answer my phone calls. You didn't let Aubry answer his phone calls, you didn't let anybody else know where you went. You called a guy who partic.i.p.ated in your kidnapping, NOT for the first time, I might add. You didn't want to come home with me, you attacked me because you thought...fine, I'll let that one slide. You wouldn't tell me what you had to talk to that a.s.shole about." He puts his arm up when I open my mouth to say something. "Let me finish. Mainly I'm stuck on the fact that you communicate with this guy regularly and don't even tell me about it."

I try to swallow past the lump in my throat, but end up gasping for air instead. I know I messed up, but hearing him say all of those things and seeing how angry and hurt he is because of me leaves me at a loss for words. I can only stare at him as he looks at me expectantly. I bite down on my trembling lip, and suddenly, it's all too much. I turn back into our room, grabbing some clothes and heading straight into the shower. I leave the door unlocked, expecting him to barge in at any minute, but he never does. When I finish dressing, I go back to the kitchen and find that he's no longer there. When I notice his keys are missing, my heart starts pounding rapidly and I sprint to the spare bedroom, the balcony, the guest bathroom, and it hits me that he just left. He left my breakfast and coffee on top of the table like he said he would, but he's gone. He didn't even leave me a note.

I scramble out of the apartment, b.u.mping into Spencer right outside the door.

"Where is Cole?" I ask hurriedly.

"He said he was going out," Spencer replies.

"Did he say when he would be back? Is Bruce with him?" I ask, jumbling my words together.

"Bruce followed him out, but Cole left in a rush. He looked..." Spencer trails off and looks at his feet, which doesn't help slow down my heart at all. Spencer and Bruce are very professional yet no bulls.h.i.+t guys and they never look away from anybody, so it's obvious he doesn't want to get dragged into this.

"He looked p.i.s.sed," I say, finis.h.i.+ng his sentence. Spencer's brown eyes shoot back up to mine and he nods slowly. My mouth drops open when I turn around and notice a hole in the wall right outside of our door. I take a sharp intake of breath and look at Spencer for confirmation, which he gives me by nodding gravely.

I half-heartedly eat my chocolate chip pancakes and bacon, tossing most of it aside because of my complete lack of appet.i.te. I pace around for an hour before I call Cole's cell phone and get no answer. I call Aubry and get no answer from him either, which makes me even antsier. Next I call Aimee, but she says she hasn't heard from Cole and last spoke to Aubry earlier in the morning before she left the house. After hanging up with her, I growl in frustration and decide to sit on the balcony and wait for him to come back. Another couple of hours pa.s.ses, and I've called Aubry, Cole and Bruce a total of thirty times. I'm jittery and chewing on my fingers at this point, and decide to call Greg.

"'Sup, Cowboy?" he says as he answers the phone.

"Have you talked to Cole or Aubry today?" I ask desperately.

"No, why? Did something happen?" he asks in an edgy voice.

"No. I don't know," I reply before I begin to hyperventilate.

"Holy s.h.i.+t. What happened? Are you okay? What the f.u.c.k happened?"

"I'm not okay," I whisper. "I messed up, Greg. I messed up bad."

I tell Greg what happened last night and this morning, grateful that unlike Becky, he listens without interrupting my story. When I'm done, I sniffle and wipe my nose with the sleeve of my s.h.i.+rt.

"d.a.m.n, Cowboy...you really f.u.c.ked up," Greg says with a whistle.