The Comedy of Errors Part 7

_Bal._ Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.

_Ant. E._ Ay to a n.i.g.g.ardly host and more sparing guest: But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.

But, soft! my door is lock'd.--Go bid them let us in. 30

_Dro. E._ Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn!

_Dro. S._ [_Within_] Mome, malt-horse, capon, c.o.xcomb, idiot, patch!

Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch.

Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store, When one is one too many? Go get thee from the door, 35

_Dro. E._ What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.

_Dro. S._ [_Within_] Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on's feet.

_Ant. E._ Who talks within there? ho, open the door!

_Dro. S._ [_Within_] Right, sir; I'll tell you when, an you'll tell me wherefore.

_Ant. E._ Wherefore? for my dinner: I have not dined to-day. 40

_Dro. S._ [_Within_] Nor to-day here you must not; come again when you may.

_Ant. E._ What art thou that keepest me out from the house I owe?

_Dro. S._ [_Within_] The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.

_Dro. E._ O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my name!

The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame. 45 If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or thy name for an a.s.s.

_Luce._ [_Within_] What a coil is there, Dromio? who are those at the gate?

_Dro. E._ Let my master in, Luce.

_Luce._ [_Within_] Faith, no; he comes too late; And so tell your master.

_Dro. E._ O Lord, I must laugh! 50 Have at you with a proverb;--Shall I set in my staff?

_Luce._ [_Within_] Have at you with another; that's, --When? can you tell?

_Dro. S._ [_Within_] If thy name be call'd Luce, --Luce, thou hast answer'd him well.

_Ant. E._ Do you hear, you minion? you'll let us in, I hope?

_Luce._ [_Within_] I thought to have ask'd you.

_Dro. S._ [_Within_] And you said no. 55

_Dro. E._ So, come, help:--well struck! there was blow for blow.

_Ant. E._ Thou baggage, let me in.

_Luce._ [_Within_] Can you tell for whose sake?

_Dro. E._ Master, knock the door hard.

_Luce._ [_Within_] Let him knock till it ache.

_Ant. E._ You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.

_Luce._ [_Within_] What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town? 60

_Adr._ [_Within_] Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?

_Dro. S._ [_Within_] By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.

_Ant. E._ Are you, there, wife? you might have come before.

_Adr._ [_Within_] Your wife, sir knave! go get you from the door.

_Dro. E._ If you went in pain, master, this 'knave'

would go sore. 65

_Aug._ Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would fain have either.

_Bal._ In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.

_Dro. E._ They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.

_Ant. E._ There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.

_Dro. E._ You would say so, master, if your garments were thin. 70 Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in the cold: It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold.

_Ant. E._ Go fetch me something: I'll break ope the gate.

_Dro. S._ [_Within_] Break any breaking here, and I'll break your knave's pate.

_Dro. E._ A man may break a word with you, sir; and words are but wind; 75 Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.

_Dro. S._ [_Within_] It seems thou want'st breaking: out upon thee, hind!

_Dro. E._ Here's too much 'out upon thee!' I pray thee, let me in.

_Dro. S._ [_Within_] Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin.

_Ant. E._ Well, I'll break in:--go borrow me a crow. 80

_Dro. E._ A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?

For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather: If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together.