The Trouble With Tribbles Part 12

KIRK.

Why?

MCCOY.

They're getting out of hand. Do you know what these things are? They're deadly!

KIRK.

(stiffening) Deadly?

MCCOY.

Well, not in a physical sense, but the nature of the beast is such that-well, here, you hold one and see for yourself!

KIRK.

I've held a fuzzy before, Bones.

McCoy gestures with it. Kirk takes it.

KIRK.

(continuing) So?

The fuzzy purrs contentedly in his hand. Absentminded-ly he strokes it.

MCCOY.

See! It's habit forming. The thing is a parasite!

KIRK.

(self-consciously handing the fuzzy to Spock, just to be rid of it) Oh, come now, Bones. I'll admit that love is distasteful- (he glances at Spock) -but hardly harmful.

SPOCK.

I, personally .nd such open displays of emotion very distasteful.

MCCOY.

Jim, these things are absolutely useless to the running of this s.h.i.+p. But they consume food...like...like...

(he is at a loss for a comparison) ...and once they start eating, they start producing more of them...

SPOCK.

For once, I'm forced to agree with the doctor. It seems as if he is .nally learning to think in a logical manner.

MCCOY.

(eyeing Spock) Even our computerized .rst of.cer agrees, Jim.

SPOCK.

They are consuming our supplies and returning nothing.

KIRK.

Well, I wouldn't exactly say that love is a nothing...

(pause) One must be tolerant, Mr. Spock.

(another pause) But you are both correct. This morning I found four fuzzies on the bridge. I've already issued orders to keep all fuzzies off the bridge, and that no more food is to be issued for the purpose of feeding fuzzies.

(pause) If they must eat, let them eat leftovers.

MCCOY.

Jim, it's a little more complicated than that. While you've been sparring with the Klingons, the fuzzies have taken over your s.h.i.+p...

Finally, they convince Kirk to make an inspection of the s.h.i.+p. By now, there are fuzzies everywhere. They are into the .fth, sixth and seventh generations. There are fuzzies on the bridge, in the galley, etc.

Scott reports that he has fuzzies in his engine room and they're disrupting the work. The noise of forty fuzzies purring is driving his crew crazy.

The inspection of the s.h.i.+p convinces Kirk. He hadn't realized that the fuzzies were getting out of hand. He tells McCoy to get a few men together to collect all fuzzies.

22. KIRK returns to the TRADING POST to look for Cyrano. He .nds him and questions him about the fuzzies.

KIRK.

You knew about their breeding rate, didn't you?

JAYMIN.

Of course, Captain Kirk, of course. Fuzzies are my business. I discovered them on a charming little planet where they have so many natural enemies they have to breed as fast as they can just to insure the survival of the species.

KIRK.

How do you carry them without being inundated?

JAYMIN.

I don't feed my fuzzies, except maybe once a week, or less...

(pause) Only when I need to sell a few...I must admit I am surprised at the ferocity with which they breed here, but maybe it's something in the air...

(pause) Maybe you just fed them too much, that could be it, you know. I don't have that much food to spare, so I don't have that problem.

Jaymin refuses to be brow beaten by Kirk and he .nally leaves Kirk. He is behind schedule as it is, and he must be going, so, "Goodbye, Captain, it was nice talking to you."

Jayman's s.h.i.+p leaves the trading post.

23. BARIS comes up to KIRK to warn him about a strange character named Cyrano. Kirk sighs heavily. "I know. I know. I just saw him leave the trading post."

Baris is sure that Cyrano is a saboteur. Kirk starts to rea.s.sure Baris that n.o.body has been near the grain at all. Baris is insistent. Finally, Kirk gets mad and tells Baris off. He tells him that he has been a nuisance, and that he (Kirk) has enough problems without having to be an interstellar scarecrow.

24. KIRK returns to the Enterprise to .nd that the fuzzy situation is completely out of control. As he walks down the corridor, there are fuzzies everywhere.

25. IN THE GALLEY Kirk goes to the wall panel to get a sandwich and a cup of coffee and as the panel slides open, there is no food on the plate, but a fat and sa.s.sy fuzzy.

That is the last straw. Kirk gets mad. If we thought he was mad before, that was nothing compared to this.

He calls for the crew of men a.s.signed to collect fuzzies. Smith was one of them. Smith said that they started in the galley. Kirk asks him to look around the galley and what do you see? Fuzzies! That's what you see!

The galley is literally crawling with the fuzz b.a.l.l.s.

The Mess Of.cer steps in and asks Kirk to come and look at something. Kirk steps into an area where one of the food processing panels has been opened. There are fuzzies all over the machinery.

But that is not all. He opens a bin that is supposed to be full of white .our. Kirk stares into it, aghast. The bin is full of fuzzies, squirming and seething and mewling.

Kirk stares into it, aghast. The grain in the warehouse! If the fuzzies could do this...

He calls for Spock. "Meet me in the transport room."

END ACT THREE.

ACT FOUR.

26. IN THE TRANSPORT ROOM while he is waiting for Spock, Kirk issues orders for a general alert. Every crew member is to bring every fuzzy on the s.h.i.+p to the transport room where they will be transported into open s.p.a.ce.

The fuzzies are now recognized as vermin that must be destroyed.13 27. AT THE TRADING POST Lurry meets Kirk and Spock. As they move through the trading post, there are more fuzzies here than we have seen throughout the whole show.

Lurry says that it is a plague. The fuzzies are increasing geometrically. Every twelve hours there are ten times as many.

The proprietor of the store where Uhura bought the .rst fuzzy is near tears. He can't even sweep them out of his shop. There are just too many.

28. AT THE WAREHOUSE-Baris is with them now. He is complaining and whining. He is sure that his grain has been sabotaged. Kirk asks him if the warehouse is secure. Baris says that it has been locked and n.o.body or nothing could get in.

Kirk says, "Then you have nothing to worry about, but just to make sure..."

He orders the warehouse door opened. If the fuzzies have gotten to the grain, there should be thousands of them on the other side of that door.

They have and there are.

When the door swings open, as many fuzzies as there are in existence come stumbling out as if they have been stacked up on the other side.

The interior of the warehouse is never shown-but the huge number of fuzzies inside the warehouse is suggested by the great number of fuzzies that tumble out of the door.

BARIS.

(aghast) There must be thousands.

KIRK.

Hundreds of thousands.

SPOCK.

One million, seven hundred and seventy-one thousand, .ve hundred and sixty-one.

Kirk looks at him. ("Oh really?") SPOCK.

(continuing) That's a.s.suming one fuzzy with an average litter of ten, every twelve hours for a period of three days.

KIRK.

(knowingly) Oh.

Kirk looks back into the warehouse.

KIRK.

There's how they got in...

(pointing) That vent...

CLOSE SHOT OF VENT with fuzzies hanging out of it ANGLE KIRK.

(continuing) Mr. Spock...

(Spock looks up) We have two things to do.

(pause) First, capture Cyrano Day Jaymin...

(another pause) and second... close that door.

29. INT. BRIDGE The Enterprise is chasing Cyrano's s.h.i.+p. Because of their greater power, it is only a matter of time before they capture him and beam him aboard. They take his s.h.i.+p in tow.

30. BACK AT THE TRADING POST they .nd that there is a surprise for them. Cyrano is actually innocent of plotting to destroy the grain.

They .nd that the 1,771,561 fuzzies in the warehouse have died. Indeed, many of the older ones (on the bottom of the pile) were already dead, but undiscovered.

McCOY takes a dead fuzzy and a sample of the grain that is left.

31. Almost immediately, McCoy reports that the fuzzies have been poisoned. There is a virus in the grain that tests out as harmless, but has the peculiar property of turning into an inert material when it is taken into a living body, such as a fuzzy. It is not a poison in itself, but rather-like carbon monoxide-it can kill by suffocation. That is what killed the fuzzies.

Further tests show that if this grain had been used for seed, the virus would have been present in all of the crops raised. Apparently, the grain had been tampered with before it reached the post. The fuzzies have inadvertently saved many human lives.