The Trouble With Tribbles Part 24

36 INT. BAR/STORE ON s.p.a.cE STATION 36.

As the three Earthmen-Scott, Chekov and Freeman-are sitting down, they notice a group of three or four Klingons at another table in the bar, but they make a point of ignoring them. Cyrano Jones enters the bar. Spotting the Earthmen at their table, he moves towards them...

CYRANO.

Ah, friends, can I interest you in a tribble...?

He is holding one at Mr. Scott's shoulder. Scotty turns and looks straight into the tribble's absence of a face. He shudders.

SCOTT.

No, thank you.

CYRANO.

(looking around) Perhaps one of you other gents...?

No response. Cyrano shrugs, walking away, cooing at his tribble. In b.g., waitress approaches Earthmen.

37 ANGLE ON KLINGON TABLE 37.

as Cyrano approaches. He goes to Korax, one of the Klingon aides of Koloth.

CYRANO.

...Friend Klingon... May I offer you a charmin' little tribble...?

He offers the tribble. Korax stares at it.

38 CLOSE ANGLE-KORAX AND TRIBBLE 38.

The tribble reacts to the Klingon. It rears back with an angry spitting hiss. The Klingon reacts just as violently to the tribble. They hate and fear little fuzzy things.

39 ANGLE 39.

KORAX.

Get it away from me!

CYRANO.

(to tribble) Stop that!

(to Korax) I can't understand-I apologize for his bad manners...he's never done that before!

KORAX.

Take it away! Get out of here with that parasite.

CYRANO.

It's only a friendly little- KORAX.

(loudly) Take it away!

40 ANGLE AT BAR 40.

Cyrano approaches Trader and puts the tribble on the counter. As the waitress is taking down a pitcher, preparatory to using it: CYRANO.

Sir...! Would you be willin' to engage in another little transaction? One of my little tribbles in exchange for a spot of...

As he says this, Trader looks at him, and turns the pitcher upside down. Two or three tribbles tumble out onto the counter in front of Cyrano. Cyrano looks at them and his voice trails off. As the Trader moves away, Cyrano shakes his head at the tribbles.

CYRANO.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

We follow a waitress now, as she moves across the room to the Earthmen's table with a tray of drinks. She begins setting them down. In front of Mr. Scott, she puts a small bottle of Scotch and a gla.s.s.

In front of Chekov, she puts a small bottle of vodka and a gla.s.s. The other crewmen get nondescript drinks.

41 TWO SHOT-SCOTT AND CHEKOV 41.

Scott examines Chekov's drink, then looks up dead-pan, but teasing.

SCOTT.

When are you going off your milk diet, lad?

CHEKOV.

(indignant) This is vodka.

SCOTT.

Where I come from, that's soda pop.

(indicates own gla.s.s) Now this is a drink for a man.

CHEKOV.

Scotch?

Scott nods.

CHEKOV.

(continuing) A little old lady from Leningrad invented it.

Mr. Scott raises an eyebrow at this. He watches as Chekov downs his drink in one quick gulp. He shudders and downs his Scotch.

42 ANGLE ON WHOLE BAR 42.

The Klingons are laughing and joking amongst themselves. Korax suddenly rises and goes to Cyrano at the bar. Cyrano is contemplating an empty gla.s.s that the bartender has left on the bar. Korax steps up and pours something into it from his own bottle. Cyrano looks up. There are tribbles on the bar.

KORAX.

(loudly) The Earthers like those fuzzy things, don't they...?

He points at the tribbles on the bar, but they hiss and shrink away.

43 ANGLE 43.

KORAX.

(loud and obnoxious) Frankly, I never liked Earthers...They remind me of Regulan Blood Worms...

44 ANGLE ON CHEKOV AND SCOTT 44.

CHEKOV.

That Cossack- SCOTT.

Easy, lad-you've got to learn to be forgiving...

45 ANGLE ON KORAX-CAMERA DOLLIES 45.

WITH HIM.

KORAX.

(moving towards the Earthmen) No-I just remembered-there is one Earthman who doesn't remind me of a Regulan Blood Worm-that's Kirk. A Regulan Blood Worm is soft and shapeless-but Kirk isn't soft...

Chekov is seething. Korax is being sarcastic.

KORAX.

(continuing) Kirk may be a swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of G.o.dhood, but he's not soft...

Chekov tries to stand, but Scott holds him down with a hand on his shoulder.

SCOTT.

(gently) Take it easy, lad. Everybody's ent.i.tled to an opinion...

KORAX.

That's right...and if I think that Kirk is a Denebian Slime Devil...well, that's my opinion too...

(he smiles) Chekov makes for the Klingon, only Scott has hold of Chekov's arm and jerks him quickly and awkwardly back down into his chair. As the Klingon laughs: SCOTT.

Don't do it, mister! That's an order!

CHEKOV.

But you heard what he called the captain!

SCOTT.

It's not worth it, lad! It's not worth .ghtin' for-We're big enough to take a few insults-Drink your drink.

He starts to pour Chekov another drink, but the vodka bottle is empty, so he pours the ensign a drink of Scotch instead. Chekov downs it without looking at it. His attention is still on Korax. After a bit, he does a take and looks at Scott with a peculiar expression on his face.

KORAX.

(laughing) Of course, I'd say that Captain Kirk deserves his s.h.i.+p...

Scott is listening now.

KORAX.

(continuing) We like the Enterprise-we really do...

(to Scott) That sagging old rust bucket is designed like a garbage scow! Half the quadrant knows it-that's why they're learning to speak Klingonese!

He laughs as do his fellow Klingons.

CHEKOV.

Mr. Scott!

SCOTT.

(deceptively pleasant) Laddy, don't you think you should rephrase that?

KORAX20.

You're right-I should...I didn't mean that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage...I meant that it should be hauled away AS garbage...!

Something snaps. Perhaps it is the swizzle stick in Scott's hands. Without a word, Scott stands up and belts the Klingon across the chops. The Klingon is hurled clear across the room and onto the table of his friends. It collapses onto the .oor with him in the center of it.

46 SERIES OF SHOTS 46.

as the Klingons rise and face the Earthmen. The Earthmen face the Klingons. At the bar, Cyrano looks up. The attendant starts to move to the wall panel and: ALL h.e.l.l BREAKS LOOSE! The Klingons and the Earthmen attack each other with a ferocity that is unparalleled in barroom brawls. Cyrano watches calmly. Trader is at the wall panel yammering into it, but the noise of the .ght keeps us from hearing what he has to say. Casually, Cyrano helps himself to a bottle and pours himself a drink.

As the .ght continues, the violence and ferocity of it should be very great. Cyrano watches calmly as World War III rages about him. The punch line of this whole sequence is that he is able to walk out of the bar untouched.

Perhaps, as he walks out, we can see that he has also managed to appropriate a few bottles.