The Trouble With Tribbles Part 26

Mr. Scott, just what was it they said that made the .ght break out?

SCOTT.

They called the Enterprise a garbage scow.

(pause, then remembering to add) ...sir.

KIRK.

I see. And that's when you hit the Klingon?

SCOTT.

Yes, sir.

(of course) KIRK.

(comparing the two insults) You hit the Klingon because he insulted the Enterprise...? Not because he...?

SCOTT.

Well, Captain-this was a matter of pride!

Kirk reacts.

KIRK.

(pause) That's all, Scotty...

(Scott starts to go) Oh-and Scotty...

(Scott pauses) You're restricted until further notice.

SCOTT.

Yes, sir...Thank you, sir...

(pause) It'll give me a chance to catch up on my technical journals.

Scott exits. Kirk stares after him regretfully. Scott is a good of.cer. Kirk does not like to have to discipline him. Kirk is also slightly amused at the whole incident.23 CUT TO:.

52A INT. MCCOY'S LAB-SPOCK AND McCOY24 52A There are a number of tribbles in evidence on the counter, some of them feeding at a small dish. McCoy is examining one. Spock is regarding them with a jaundiced eye. McCoy glances sharply at him.

MCCOY.

What's the matter, Spock?

SPOCK.

There is something disquieting about these creatures.

MCCOY.

Oh? Don't tell me you've got a feeling, Spock?

SPOCK.

Of course not, Doctor. They remind me somewhat of the lilies of the .eld. They toil not, neither do they spin...25 but they seem to eat a great deal. I see no practical use for them.

MCCOY.

Does everything have to have a practical use for you? They're...nice. They're furry and soft. They make a pleasant sound.

SPOCK.

So would an ermine violin, Doctor, but I see no advantage in one.

MCCOY.

It is a human characteristic to be fond of lower animals... especially if they are attractive in some way.

SPOCK.

I am aware of human characteristics, Doctor. I am frequently inundated by them. However, I have trained myself to put up with practically anything.

MCCOY.

Spock, I don't know much about tribbles, yet; but I've found out one thing about them. I like them better than I do you.26 SPOCK.

They do, indeed, have at least one redeeming factor.

(pointed, at McCoy) They do not talk too much. If you will excuse me, sir.

Spock leaves. McCoy glares after him.

DISSOLVE:.

53 INT. BRIDGE-ON KIRK 53.

stepping out of bridge elevator. He is gently kicking some tribbles out of the way. He goes to his chair, still preoccupied with something. Almost without noticing it, he has to scoop three or four tribbles off his chair before he can sit down.

He sits in the chair, absentmindedly stroking a tribble that is perched on the chair arm. Suddenly he realizes, there are tribbles all over the bridge.

Kirk brushes the tribble away, and activates his intercom: KIRK.

Dr. McCoy, get up here, right away.

Kirk gets out of his chair and makes a circuit of the bridge...starting with Lieutenant Uhura and circling around counter-clockwise. He brushes tribbles off consoles, out of chairs, down from shelves, etc.

KIRK.

(continuing) Lieutenant Uhura, how did all of these tribbles get into the bridge?

UHURA.

I don't know, Captain. They seem to be all over the s.h.i.+p.

Kirk steps down into the center of the bridge and moves over to the central console. He brushes a tribble off it. He crosses to the other side, as Bones ENTERS.

MCCOY.

You wanted to see me, Jim?

KIRK.

Yes, I did.

(he holds up a tribble) MCCOY.

Don't look at me. It's the tribbles who are breeding... If we don't get them off the s.h.i.+p we'll be hip deep in them!

KIRK.

Explain yourself, Doctor.

MCCOY.

The nearest thing I can .gure out is that they're born pregnant. It seems to be a great timesaver...

KIRK.

(sourly) Really?

MCCOY.

From all I can .nd out, they seem to be bis.e.xual, reproducing at will.

(glancing around) And they have a lot of will.

Spock comes over.

SPOCK.

Captain, for once I am forced to agree with Doctor McCoy, though his way of putting it is most imprecise. They are consuming our supplies and returning nothing. I am running computations on their rate of reproduction, and although all of the .gures are not yet in, I must confess I am somewhat alarmed by the direction they are taking.

UHURA.

They do give us something, Mr. Spock. Their love.

(on Spock's raised eyebrows) Cyrano Jones says that a tribble is the only love money can buy.

Spock gives her the stare. Kirk, amused, steps in.

KIRK.

Lieutenant...too much of anything...

(eyeing Spock) .... even love...is not necessarily a good thing.

(pause) Have a maintenance crew start clearing the whole s.h.i.+p... Then contact Commander Lurry. Tell him I'm beaming over. Ask him to .nd Cyrano Jones.

Uhura nods and turns to her console...Kirk and Spock start for the elevator, but pause long enough to remove some of the tribbles that have crawled back up onto the consoles.

DISSOLVE TO:.

54 s.p.a.cE STATION SHOT 54.

Enterprise nearby.

55 INT. LURRY'S OFFICE 55.

Lurry is standing. Cyrano Jones is sitting in a chair. Kirk is staring at him. Spock is standing thoughtfully.

CYRANO.

Captain Kirk, I am mysti.ed at your tone of voice. I have done nothing to warrant such severe treatment.

KIRK.

Really?

SPOCK.

Surely you realized what would happen if you transferred the tribbles from their predator-.lled en-vironment into an environment in which their natural multiplicative proclivities would have no restraining factors.

CYRANO.

Yes, I...

(take) Would you mind trying that on me again?

SPOCK.

By removing them from their natural habitat, you have, so to speak, removed the cork and let the genie escape.

CYRANO.

If you mean do I know they breed fast, of course I do. That's how I maintain my stock. But breeding animals is not against regulations...only breeding dangerous ones...Tribbles are not dangerous.