Enquire Within Upon Everything Part 33

vi. Genteel c.o.c.kney (_by the seaside_).--_Blanche._ "How grand, how solemn, dear Frederick, this is! I really think the ocean is more beautiful under this aspect than under any other!"

_Frederick_.--"H'm--ah! Per-waps. By the way, Blanche, there's a fella shwimping. S'pose we ask him if he can get us some pwawns for breakfast to-mowaw mawning?"

vii. Stuck-up c.o.c.kney.--(_Small Swell enters a tailor's shop_.) "A--Brown, A--want some more coats!" _Snip_. "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. How many would you please to want?" _Small Swell_. "A--let me see; A--ll have eight. A--no, I'll have nine; and look here!

A--shall want some trousers." _Snip_. "Yes, sir, thank you, sir. How many would you like?" _Small Swell_.--"A--don't know exactly.

S'pose we say twenty-four pairs; and look here! Show me some patterns that won't be worn by any sn.o.bs!"

viii. c.o.c.kney Flunkey,--(_Country Footman meekly inquires of London Footman_)--"Pray, sir, what do you think of our town? A nice place, ain't it" _London Footman (condescendingly_). "Vell, Joseph, I likes your town well enough. It's clean: your streets are hairy; and you have lots of rewins. But I don't like your champagne, it's all gewsberry!"

ix c.o.c.kney Cabby (_with politeness_).--"Beg pardon, sir; please don't smoke in the keb. sir; ladies do complain o' the 'bacca uncommon. Better let me smoke it for yer outside, sir!"

x. Military c.o.c.kney.--_Lieutenant Blazer (of the Plungers)_.--"Gwood gwacious! Here's a howible go! The ifan [? word not legible] v's going to gwow a moustache! _Cornet Huffey_ (whose face is whiskerless). "Yaw don't mean that! Wall! there's only one alternative for us. We must shave!"

xi. Juvenile Low c.o.c.kney.--"Jack; Whereabouts is Amstid-am?" _Jack._ "Well, I can't say exackerley, but I know it's somewhere near 'Ampstid-'eath!"

xii. c.o.c.kney Domestic.--_Servant girl_--"Well, mam--Heverythink considered, I'm afraid you won't suit me. I've always bin brought up genteel: and I couldn't go nowheres where there ain't no footman kep'."

xiii. Another.--_Lady._ "Wish to leave! why, I thought, Thompson, you were very comfortable with me!" _Thompson (who is extremely refined)_. "Ho yes, mum! I don't find no fault with you, mum--nor yet with master--but the truth _his_, mum--the _hother_ servants is so orrid vulgar and hignorant, and speaks so hungrammaticai, that I reely cannot live in the same 'ouse with 'em--and I should like to go this day month, if so be has it won't illconvenience you!"

xiv. c.o.c.kney "Waiter.--"'Am, sir? Yessir? Don't take anything with your 'am, do you, sir?" _Gentleman._ "Yes, I do; I take the letter H!"

xv. c.o.c.kney Hairdresser.--"They say, sir, the cholera is in the Hair, sir!" _Gent (very uneasy)_. "Indeed! Ahem! Then I hope you're very particular about the brushes you use." _Hairdresser._ "Oh, I see you don't nunderstand me, sir; I don't mean the 'air of the 'ed, but the _h_air _h_of the _h_atmosphere?"

xvi. c.o.c.kney Sweep _(seated upon a donkey)_.--"Fitch us out another penn'orth o' strawberry hice, with a dollop o' lemon water in it."

xvii. Feminine Cookney _(by the sea-side.)_--"Oh, Harriet, dear, put on your hat and let us thee the stheamboat come in. The thea is tho rough!--and the people will be tho abthurdly thick!"

[ALUM FIRST DISCOVERED A.D. 1300.]

192. Correction

Londoners who desire to correct the defects of their utterance cannot do better than to exercise themselves frequently upon those words respecting which they have been in error.

193. Hints for the Correction of the Irish Brogue.

According to the directions given by Mr. B. H. Smart, an Irishman wis.h.i.+ng to throw off the brogue of his mother country should avoid hurling out his words with a superfluous quant.i.ty of breath. It is not _broadher_ and _widher_ that he should say, but the _d_, and every other consonant, should be neatly delivered by the tongue, with as little riot, clattering, or breathing as possible. Next let him drop the roughness or rolling of the _r_ in all places but the beginning of syllables; he must not say _stor-rum_ and _far-rum_, but let the word be heard in one smooth syllable. He should exercise himself until he can convert _plaze_ into _please_, _planty_ into _plenty_, _Jasus_ into _Jesus_, and so on. He should modulate his sentences, so as to avoid directing his accent all in one manner--from the acute to the grave. Keeping his ear on the watch for good examples, and exercising himself frequently upon them, he may become master of a greatly improved utterance.

[TEA FIRST USED IN ENGLAND A.D. 1698.]

194. Hints for Correcting the Scotch Brogue.

The same authority remarks that as an Irishman uses the closing accent of the voice too much, so a Scotchman has the contrary habit, and is continually drawling his tones from the grave to the acute, with an effect which, to southern ears, is suspensive in character. The smooth guttural _r_ is as little heard in Scotland as in Ireland, the trilled _r_ taking its place. The subst.i.tution of the former instead of the latter must be a matter of practice. The peculiar sound of the _u_, which in the north so of ten borders on the French _u_, must be compared with the several sounds of the letter as they are heard in the south; and the long quality which a Scotchman is apt to give to the vowels that ought to be essentially short, must he clipped. In fact, aural observation and lingual exercise are the only sure means to the end; so that a Scotchman going to a well for a bucket of water, and finding a countryman bathing therein, would not exclaim, "Hey, Colin, dinna ye ken the water's for drink, and nae for bathin'?"

195. Of Provincial Brogues

it is scarcely necessary to say much, as the foregoing advice applies to them. One militiaman exclaimed to another, "Jim, you hain't in step" "Bain't I?" exclaimed the other; "well, change yourn!" Whoever desires knowledge must strive for it. It must not be dispensed with after the fas.h.i.+on of Tummus and Jim, who held the following dialogue upon a vital question:--_Tummus_. "I zay, Jim, be you a purtectionist?" _Jim_. "E'as I be." _Tummus_. "Wall, I zay, Jim, what _be_ purtection?" _Jim_. "Loa'r, Tummus, doan't 'ee knaw?" _Tummus_.

"Naw, I doan't." _Jim_. "Wall, I doan't knaw as can tell 'ee, Tummus, _vur I doan't exakerly knaw mysel'!_"

196. Rules of p.r.o.nunciation.

i. C before _a, o_, and _u_, and in some other situations, is a close articulation, like _k_. Before _e, i_, and _y, c_ is precisely equivalent to _s_ in _same, this_; as in _cedar, civil, cypress, capacity_.

ii. E final indicates that the preceding vowel is long; as in hate, mete, sire, robe, lyre, abate, recede, invite, remote, intrude.

iii. E final indicates that _c_ preceding has the sound of _s_; as in _lace, lance;_ and that _g_ preceding has the sound of _j_, as in _charge, page, challenge_.

iv. E final, in proper English words, never forms a syllable, and in the most-used words, in the terminating unaccented syllable it is silent. Thus, _motive, genuine, examine, granite_, are p.r.o.nounced _motiv, genuin, examin, granit_.

v. E final, in a few words of foreign origin, forms a syllable; as _syncope, simile_.

vi. E final is silent after _l_ in the following terminations,--_ble, cle, dle, fle, gle, kle, ple, tle, zle;_ as in _able, manacle, cradle, ruffle, mangle, wrinkle, supple, rattle, puzzle_, which are p.r.o.nounced _a'bl, mana'cl, cra'dl, ruf'fl man'gl, wrin'kl, sup'pl, puz'zl_.

vii. E is usually silent in the termination _en_; as in _token, broken;_ p.r.o.nounced _tokn, brokn_.

viii. OUS, in the termination of adjectives and their derivatives, is p.r.o.nounced _us;_ as in _gracious, pious, pompously_.

ix. CE, CI, TI before a vowel, have the sound of _sh;_ as in _cetaceous, gracious, motion, partial, ingratiate;_ p.r.o.nounced _cetashus, grashus, moshun, parshal, ingras.h.i.+ate._

x. SI, after an accented vowel, is p.r.o.nounced like _zh;_ as in _Ephesian, confusion;_ p.r.o.nounced _Ephezhan, confuzhon_

xi. When CI or TI precede similar combinations, as in p.r.o.n_u_n_ci_a_ti_on, nego_ti_a_ti_on, they should be p.r.o.nounced _ze_ instead of _she_, to prevent a repet.i.tion of the latter syllable; as _p.r.o.nunceashon_ instead of _p.r.o.nunsheashon._

xii. GH, both in the middle and at the end of words ia silent; as in _caught, bought, fright, nigh, sigh;_ p.r.o.nounced _caut, baut, frite, ni, si._ In the following exceptions, however, _gh_ are p.r.o.nounced as _f:--cough, chough, clough, enough, laugh, rough, slough, tough, trough._

xiii. When WH begins a word, the aspirate _h_ precedes _w_ in p.r.o.nunciation; as in _what, whiff, whale;_ p.r.o.nounced _hwat, hwiff, hwale, w_ having precisely the sound of _oo_, French _ou_. In the following words _w_ is silent:--_who, whom, whose, whoop, whole._

xiv. H after _r_ has no sound or use; as in _rheum, rhyme_; p.r.o.nounced _reum, ryme_.

xv. H should be sounded in the middle of words; as in fore_h_ead, ab_h_or, be_h_old, ex_h_aust, in_h_abit, un_h_orse.

xvi. H should always be sounded except in the following words:--heir, herb, honest, honour, hospital, hostler, hour, humour, and humble, and all their derivatives,--such as humorously, derived from humour.

xvii. K and G are silent before _n_; as _know, gnaw;_ p.r.o.nounced _no, naw._

xviii. W before _r_ is silent; as in _wring, wreath;_ p.r.o.nounced _ring, reath._

xix. B after _m_ is silent; as in _dumb, numb;_ p.r.o.nounced _dum, num._

xx. L before _k_ is silent; as in _balk, walk, talk;_ p.r.o.nounced _bauk, wauk, tauk._

xxi. PH has the sound of _f;_ as in _philosophy;_ p.r.o.nounced _filosofy._