The Humourous Story of Farmer Bumpkin's Lawsuit Part 10

"From Mr. Prigg's," answered a voice.

This was enough for Tim; the name of Prigg made him furious.

"Somebody from Mr. Prigg, Tom."

"Wull, let un in, Nance; bless thee soul, let un in; may be the case be settled. I hope they ain't took less nor a hundred pound. I told un not to." The door was unbolted and unbarred, and a long time it took, and then stood before Mrs. b.u.mpkin a tall pale youth.

"I've come from Mr. Prigg."

"Will er plase to walk in, sir?" said Mrs. b.u.mpkin.

By this time the master had got up from his seat, and advancing towards the youth said:-

"How do, sir; how do, sir; wark in, wark in, tak a seat, I be glad to see thee."

"I come from Mr. Prigg," said the youth, "and we want another affidavit."

"Hem!" said b.u.mpkin, "be it a pig or a eifer, sir?" He couldn't forget the old joke.

"We want an affidavit of doc.u.ments," said the youth.

"And what be the manin o' that?-affiday o' what?"

"Doc.u.ments, sir," said the mild youth; "here it is."

"Oh," said b.u.mpkin, "I got to swear un, I spoase, that's all."

"That's it, sir," said Horatio.

"Well, thee can't take oaths, I spoase."

"No, sir, not exactly."

"Wull then I spoase I must goo to --- in the marnin. And thee'll stop here the night and mak thyself comfortable. We can gie un a bed, can't us, Nancy?"

"Two, if ur wishes it," answered Mrs. b.u.mpkin.

"Devil's in it, ur doan't want two beds, I'll warrant? Now then, sir, sitten doon and mak theeself comfortable. What'll thee drink?"

"I'm too young to drink," said Horatio, with a smile.

b.u.mpkin smiled too. "I'll warrant thee be."

"I'm always too young," said Horatio, "for every thing that's nice. Mr.

Prigg says I'm too young to enjoy myself; but if you don't mind, sir, I'm not too young to be hungry. I've walked a long distance."

"Have ur now?" said Mrs. b.u.mpkin. "We ain't got anything wery grand, sir; but there be a nice piece o' pickle pork and pease-puddin, if thee doan't mind thic."

"Bring un out," said b.u.mpkin; and accordingly a nice clean cloth was soon spread, and the table was groaning (as the saying is), with a large leg of pork and pease-pudding and home-made bread; to which Horatio did ample justice.

"Bain't bad pooark," said b.u.mpkin.

"Best I ever tasted," replied Horatio; "we don't get this sort of pork in London-pork there doesn't seem like pork."

"Now look at that," said Joe; "I fed that air pig."

"So ur did, Joe," said the farmer; "I'll gie thee credit, Joe, thee fed un well."

"Ah!" said Joe; "and that air pig knowed I as well as I knows thee."

When Horatio had supped, and the things were removed, Mr. b.u.mpkin a.s.sured the youth that a little drop of gin-and-water would not hurt him after his journey; and accordingly mixed him a tumbler. "Thee doan't smoke, I spoase?" he said; to which Mrs. b.u.mpkin added that she "spoased he wur too young like."

"I'll try," answered the courageous youth, nothing daunted by his youngness.

"So thee shall-dang if thee shan't," rejoined Mr. b.u.mpkin; and produced a long churchwarden pipe, and a big leaden jar of tobacco of a very dark character, called "s.h.a.g."

Horatio filled his pipe, and puffed away as if he had been a veteran smoker; cloud after cloud came forth, and when Mr. and Mrs. b.u.mpkin and Joe looked, expecting that the boy should be ill, there was not the least sign; so Joe observed with great sagacity:

"Look at that now, maister; I bleeve he've smoked afoore."

"Have ur, sir?" asked Mr. b.u.mpkin.

"A little," said Horatio.

"Why, I never smoked afoore I wur turned twenty," said the farmer.

"I believe the right time now is fourteen," observed the youth; "it used to be twenty, I have heard father say; but everything has been altered by the Judicature Act."

"Look at that air," said Joe, "he've eeard father say. You knows a thing or two, I'll warrant, Mr. -."

Here Joe was baffled, and coming so abruptly to an end of his address, Mr. b.u.mpkin took the matter up, and asked, if he might make so bold, what the youth's name might be.

"Horatio Sn.i.g.g.e.r," answered that gentleman.

"When will this ere case be on, think'ee, sir?" inquired Mr. b.u.mpkin.

"We expect it to be in the paper every day now," said the youth; "they've tried to dodge us a good deal, but they can't dodge us much longer-we're a little too downy for em."

"It have been a mighty long time about, surely," said Mr. b.u.mpkin.

"O, that's nothing," said Horatio; "time's nothing in Law! Why, a suit to administer a Will sometimes takes 'ears; and Bankruptcy, O my eye, ain't there dodging about that, and jockeying too, eh! Crikey!"

Mr. b.u.mpkin here winked at his wife, as much as to say, "Now you hold your tongue, and see me dror un out. I'll have un."

"Will ee tak a little more gin-and-water, sir?"

"No, thankee," said the youth.

"A little more won't hurt ee-it'll do thee good." And again he filled the tumbler; while the pale boy refilled his pipe.