The Nanny Diaries Part 15

"Theymaynotbeblack,youknow.You shouldreallytrytothinkoutsidethebox. heycouldbepastel or tigerprintor see-through?

"See!You enjoythisconversation waytoomuch,"I admonish.

"So thenwhatareyoudoingifyou're notmakingreservationsor huntingpanties?"

"Trying towrite a paperonJeanPiaget."

"Ah,yes,Jean."

"What,youhaven't heardof him?Andtheycallthatpileof bricksanIvy League."

"Not anIvy League,dahling,theIvy League?hesays,affecting aThurstonHowell III lockjaw.

"Right.Well, he's thegrandfatherof childpsychology,soto speak. I'm writing on his theoryof egocentrism. ow children see the physical world exclusively from theirown,limited perspective."

"Soundslikeyourboss."

"Yes, and interestingly, she can't wash her hair by herself, either. There's probably some sort of study here. Ugh! I'm just in total procrastination mode. Being given the luxury of a whole free afternoon makes me feel like I have time to dawdle.Anyway, enough about me, to what do I owe the pleasure of thisphonecall?"

Thephonebeepsloudly,interruptinghim.

". boutthisinterns.h.i.+p.Thisguycame tospeaktodayanditwasprettyamazing. He?

BEEP.

". arcrimes inCroatia. Sothere's atribunalatTheHagueto prosecutewarcriminals?

BEEP. Nomachinetoprotectmenow.

"I'm sorry! Holdononesec?" I presstheflashb.u.t.tonandhold mybreath.

"Nanny! I'm so glad I caught you." Mrs. X's voice brings me back from my midday rendezvous. "I'm thinking Petrossian because it's really mostly caviar and I think most people expect a full meal for this occasion. But that's fine for us! Have you already called them? You should call them next. Can you? Call themrightnow?"

"Sure. I'm holdingwith LeCirqueontheotherlineso?

"Oh!Fabulous!Okay.Well, seeiftheyeven havesomethingbythekitchen,we'll takethat."

"Great.I'll letyouknow."

"Wait! Nanny! Well, don't say the kitchen thing right away, see if they have something better and then, youknow,ifthereisn't anythingbetter,thenaskaboutthekitchen."

"Oh,okay,sure, I'll keep at it. I'll letyouknowa.s.soonasI find something."

"Allright.You knowyou canreachme onmycell, too."I sensesheisgetting ready,onceagain,togive me hernumber.

"Okay, great. I've got your numbers right here. Bye." I click back over. "Sorry, where were we?

Something aboutcriminals?" I move tomybedandliftGeorgeontomystomach.

"Yeah, so I think I'm going to apply for this interns.h.i.+p atThe Hague for the summer.After this cla.s.s on the conflict in Croatia it would be amazing to get closer to it, you know? To be able to do something. I mean,it's totallycompet.i.tive, butI thinkI mightgive it ashot."Swoon.

"I'm swooning."

"Good." There is a warm silence between us. "Anyway, as soon as I got out of cla.s.s, I had to call and tellyouabout.i.t."

"Nowthat's thepartI like."

"It sucksthatyouhavetoworkValentine's. I reallywanttohangoutwith you."

"Yeah,well,I'm nottheonegoingtoCanciinforspringbreak."

"Come on,howwasI supposedtoknowI wasgoingtomeetyou?"

"Don't even trytousenotbeingpsychic as a defense."

Despite the many phone calls, talking is about as far as we've gotten since the museum. First he had exams, then I had Grayer's flu. ot exactly s.e.xy. Two weekends ago he came down for the night, but Charlene's flight was canceled and I ended up making a romantic dinner for four. I thought of going up there, but he has three roommates and I refuse to have my first night with him be (a) punctuated by the sounds of Marilyn Manson blaring through the wall at three A.M. and (b) followed by a morning of watchingthemmakecoffee,usingtheir underwearas a filter. Killing me.

BEEP.

"s.h.i.+t. Sorry! Holdononemoretime."I click over. "h.e.l.lo??"I say, bracingmyself.

"So? Isitbythekitchen?" Sheisslightlybreathless.

"What?No,um, I'm still onholdwith them."

"Petrossian?"

"No,LeCirque. I'll callyoujusta.s.soonas1 getthrough."

"All right. But remember, don't start with the kitchen question.And I was thinking that you should try '21', it's unromantic. Maybe they'll still have something. So '21' next, okay? Well, Petrossian would be nextandthen'21'.Yes, '21'ismythirdchoice."

"Great!I shouldgetbacktoLe Cirque."

"Yes, yes. Call metheminuteyouknow."

"Bye!" Deepbreath.Click over. "Yes, hangingout. Thatwould workforme."

"Good to know. Hey, I've got to run to my next cla.s.s. Listen, I'll definitely be home inApril for a few days, we'll figuresomethingout. Goodluckwith Jean."

"Hey!" I catchhim beforehehangsup. "I thinkTheHagueis reallygreat."

"Well, I thinkyou're reallygreat. I'll callyou later. Bye."

"Bye!" I hang up andGeorge stretches from where he has been curled up by myheadand jumps offthe bedontothefloor.

Thephoneringsagain.I stareatthemachine.

"... CharleneandNan.Pleaseleave amessage."

"This is your mother. You may not recognize me as it is not two in the morning and you do not have a suffocating childonyourlap,butI a.s.sureyouthatI am oneandthesame. Listen,bud,today,tomorrow, nextweek,we will havethis conversation.In themeantimeI leaveyouwith twolittle wordsof wisdom regarding this job of yours. 'Not okay.' I love you. Over and out." Right, this job of mine. What to do aboutthisreservationthing?

"Grandma?"

"Darling!"

"I need to get a table for two for Valentine's dinner anywhere that they don't have paper place mats.

Whatcanyoudoforme?"

"Going right for the jackpot today, are we? Can't we start with something smaller, like an afternoon wearingthecrownjewels?"

"I know, it's for Grayer's mom. It's a long story, but she's going to hunt me until I get her a seat somewhere."

"Thatearm.u.f.fswoman?Shedoesn't deservethecrumbs offyourplate."

"I know,butcanyoupleasejustwaveyour magicwandforme?"

"Hmm, callMauriceatLutece andtell him I'll sendhimtherecipeforthecheesecakenextweek."

"You rock,Grandma."

"No,darling,I swing. Love you."

"Love you,too."Onemore callandit's backtolespet.i.tes ego-centrics. The city is on Valentine's overdrive as I walk over to ElizabethArden to meet my grandmother. Since the last Christmas decoration came down in January every store has had a Valentine's theme in the window; even the hardware store has a red toilet-seat cover on display. In Februaries past I would wait with exasperation on line behind men and women buying oysters/champagne/condoms, when I only wanted to pay for my grapefruit/beer/Kleenex and get on with my life. This year, I've got nothing but patience.

This is the very first Valentine's Day on which I have not been single. However, in observance of the traditionalsurvivalagendafortheone-day-when-being-single-is-just-not-okay,SarahandI mailedeach otherTigerBeatpinupsandI am accompanyingGrandma toour annualpampering.

"Darling, Saint Valentine's Rule Number One," she imparts as we sip our lemon water and admire our lacquered toes. "It's more important to show yourself a little love than to have a man who gives you somethinginthewrongsizeandcolor."

"Thanksforthepedicure,Gram."

"Anytime, darling. I'm going to go back upstairs for my seaweed wrap. Let's just hope they don't forget me likelasttime. Really,theyshouldput a little buzzerinyourhand.Imaginebeingfound,covered in seaweed and wrapped in a tarp by some poor janitor. Rule Number Two: Never take the last appointmentoftheday."

1 thank her profusely, bundle up, bid her farewell, and go to pick up my hot date from nursery school.

Hecomes runningoutatnoon,holding alarge,crookedpaperheartthatleaves a trailofglitter behindhim.

"Whatchagot there,buddy?"

"It's a Valentine. 1 made it. You can hold it." I take the heart and pa.s.s him the juice box I've been keepingwarminmypocketashesettles inthestroller.

I look down at the heart, a.s.suming it's for Mrs. X. "Mrs. b.u.t.ters spelled for me. I told her what to say andshespelledforme. Readit,Nanny,readit."

I almost can't speak. "I LOVENANNYFROM GRAYERADDISONX."

"Yup. That's whatI said."

"It's beautiful,Grover. Thankyou,"I say, startingtogetteary behindthestroller.

"You canholdit,"heoffersashegripsthejuicebox.

"You know what? I'm going to put it safely in the stroller pocket so it doesn't get hurt. We've got a specialafternoonaheadofus."

Despite the fact that.i.t's one of the coldest days of the year, I'm under strict instruction not to bring him home until after French cla.s.s. So I've made an executive decision to ignore all the usual guidelines and take him to California Pizza Kitchen for lunch and then down ThirdAvenue to the new Muppet movie.

I wasworriedhemightbescaredof thedark,buthesingsandclaps all thewaythrough.

"That was so funny, Nanny. So funny," he says, as I buckle him back into his stroller and we sing the themesong all thewayto Frenchcla.s.s.

After I drop him offwith Mme. Maxime to faire lesValentines I runacross Madisonto Barneys to pick up alittle somethingfor H. H.

"CanI help you?" thenotoriouslyb.i.t.c.hyblondebehindthe Kiehl's counter half asks, half spits. She has never been forgiven for once accusing Sarah of shoplifting thetonershewastryingtoreturn.

"No, thanks, just browsing." I set my sights on another salesperson, a tall Eurasian man in an expensive-looking black s.h.i.+rt. "Hi, I'm looking for a Valentine's present for my boyfriend." I love saying it. Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend. Yeah, I have the cutest boyfriend. My boyfriend doesn't like woolsocks. Oh,myboyfriendworksatTheHague,too!

"Okay,well, whatkindofproductsdoesheprefer?" Right,I'm back.

"Oh,I don't know. Um, hesmells nice. Heshaves. Maybe someshavestuff?"

He shows me every conceivable product an aspiring model pulling in extra cash at Barneys might ever wanttouse. ?

"Um, really? Lipliner?" I ask. "Becauseheplays lacrosse .. ."

Heshakes.h.i.+sheadatmyshortsightednessandpulls outmoreesotericpastesandlotions.

"I don't want to imply that there's anything wrong with him, you know, give him something that fixes anything. He doesn't need fixing." I finally settle on a stainless steel razor and watch him wrap it in red tissuepaperandtie aredbowaroundtheblackbox.Parfait.

I greetGrayer outsidehis cla.s.sroomwithhis coatheldout. "Bonsoir,MonsieurX. Comment 93 va?"

"Cavatresbien, Nanny.Merci beaucoup.Etvous?" heasks,wavinghis magicfingersatme.

"Oui,oui,tresbien."

Maxime leans her head out of the cla.s.sroom to the row of cubbies where I'm bundling Grayer. "Grayer is really coming along with his verbs." She smiles down at him from atop her Charles Jourdan pumps.

"But if you could take some time with him to practice the noun list each week, that would be fantastique. If eitheryouor yourhusband?

"Oh,I'm nothis mother."

"Ah,monDieu!Jem'excuse."

"Non,non,pasdeproblem," I say.

"Alors,seeyounextweek,Grayer."

I trytopushhim homequicklybecause afrigidwindis whipping downPark.

"As soonas we get upstairs," I say, crouchingin theelevator to loosenhis scarf, "I'm going to put some Vaselineonyourcheeks,okay?You're getting alittle chapped."