Real Life In London Part 111

"Fine morning, gentlemen," said the friseur.

"Is there any news?" asked Sparkle.

"We have the Paris papers, Sir, regularly, and a constant supply of drawings of the newest fas.h.i.+on."

"I am more for domestic or home news," continued Sparkle.

"Not aware, Sir, of any thing particular--oh, yes; I recollect I was told last night, over at the Haunch, that the mermaid is discovered."

"What," said Tom, "discover a mermaid over a haunch!" laying down the paper.

"Beg pardon, Sir, beg pardon, a trifling mistake, Sir--nothing more--I usually pa.s.s a recreative hour, after my daily studies, at the Haunch of Venison, over the way: the landlord is an intelligent, accommodating, and agreeable sort of man, and we have many gentlemen of considerable consequence, both literary and scientific, who meet there of an evening to pa.s.s a convivial hour--to hear and impart the news; and, Sir, as I was saying, the mermaid is stated to be a fine hoax upon the credulity of John Bull, being nothing more than the body or skin of a smoke-dried old woman, ingeniously connected with the tail of a fish. I don't vouch for the truth of the report, I only state what I hear, and can only a.s.sert with confidence what I am acquainted with in my own business."

"I suspected the mermaid from the first," answered Tom, "I thought there was some deceit in it."

"There is a great deal of deceit in the world, Sir," replied the active clipper.--"A little Circa.s.sian cream, Sir--acknowledged to be the best article ever produced for the preservation and restoration of hair."

"Certainly," said Sparkle.

~~432~~~ In this way our friends obtained a portion of amus.e.m.e.nt, and a Corinthian clip from the intelligent and communicative Mr. Money, of Fleet Street notoriety, in return for which he touched their coin.

"Now," said Dashall, "we will make the best of our way and just call, by way of taking a lunch, among the lads of Newgate Market. There is a house where I have been before, in which we can have some very fine home-brewed ale, &c; and besides, according to the landlord's advertis.e.m.e.nts, he has opened an academy, and gives instruction in the art of brewing. The College of Physicians is just opposite, and I suppose this wag of a landlord has taken the hint, and opposed his beer to their physic--perhaps you may wish to carry his valuable receipt into the country with you?"

"I have no inclination to turn brewer," replied Sparkle, "but I must confess I like the idea of a little genuine beer--free from the poisonous ingredients of the public brewer."

"And so do I," continued Tallyho. "Come along, then," said Tom, "the Bell in Warwick Lane is the shop, where you may be served to a shaving."

In pa.s.sing along Warwick Lane, Bob observed he thought his friend was leading him through a not very agreeable neighbourhood.

"This place is filled with slaughter-houses, and is to be sure a great nuisance to the City; yet such places are necessary, therefore bear up a few minutes, and you will have comfortable house-room and agreeable refreshment." Entering the Bell, they were met by the landlord of the house, a round-faced, good-natured, real John-Bull-looking man, who knowing his customer Dashall, immediately ushered them into the coffee-room, where being supplied with stout and mutton-chops in high perfection, they enjoyed themselves with their regale. This done, they had an opportunity of looking about them.

In one corner sat two or three tip-top salesmen of the market, conversing on the price of meat, while they were devouring a succession of rump-steaks with most voracious and insatiable appet.i.tes. In another was a hungry author, bargaining with a bookseller of Paternoster Row, for the sale of a ma.n.u.script, by which he expected to realise a dinner.

While near them was an undertaker and a master-builder, vociferating at each other for interference ~~433~~~ with their respective trades, and so far attracting the attention of the bookseller from the work of the author, that he wished, from the bottom of his heart, "that one would build a coffin to bury the other:" while the salesmen laughed so loud at the observations of the controversialists, as almost to make them wish the subject dead without the hope of resurrection.

Bob liked the stout--ordered a replenish, and asked the landlord to partake.

"With all my heart--gentlemen--good health--real malt and hops, gentlemen--nothing else--all brewed under my own eye--good ordinary at two--excellent fare--good treatment--comfortable beds--happy to see you at all times at the Bell brewery."

Having proceeded on their journey they shortly found themselves near Bull and Mouth Street.

On their way to the Bull and Mouth, Sparkle made a proposal, which was cordially acquiesced in by Dashall and his cousin, and a mutual pledge was given to carry it into effect: this was no other than an agreement to take a trip over to Dublin in the course of the ensuing winter, in order to acquire some knowledge of LIFE IN IRELAND.

"I have lately," said Sparkle, "been almost convulsed with laughter, even to the danger of a locked-jaw, by the perusal of a work under this t.i.tle. The author, nephew to a late Irish chancellor, is an old acquaintance; added to which, and the genuine irresistible humour that runs throughout the work, I feel determined to visit, and have ocular demonstration of some of the places where these scenes of humour are so admirably described."

On entering Bull and Mouth Street--"Bless me," cried Bob, "this is a very confined street for such an inn."

"Hoy," cried a coachman, rattling along the street in double quick time.

"By your leave," bawled a porter with a heavy chest on his back.

"We shall certainly either be knocked down, or run over," exclaimed Tallyho.

"Never fear," said Tom, "do but keep your ogles in action, all's right enough, and we shall soon be safely housed out of the bustle; but before we enter the house we will just cast our eyes about us. On the right, after pa.s.sing the gate, is the coach-offices for receiving, booking, ~~434~~~ and delivering parcels, and taking places for pa.s.sengers by the various vehicles which start from this place. On the left is the hotel and coffee-house, where every refreshment and accommodation may be obtained. The remaining part of the building, together with several others adjoining, which almost occupy the whole of this side of the street, are devoted to stables, waggon and coach-houses, and out-offices."

[Ill.u.s.tration: page434.jpg Bull and Mouth Inn]

"It is an extensive concern then," said Tallyho, "though it stands in such an out of the way obscure situation."

"Why you are already aware that situation is not absolutely necessary to success in all cases in London," was the reply. "The extensive circulation of a name or a sign are sometimes sufficient to obtain business;--and who has not heard of the Bull and Mouth, or the name of Willan--from the former runs a considerable number of long stages and mail coaches, daily and nightly, the proprietor being a contractor with Government; and upon one occasion it is said, he was in treaty to supply an immense quant.i.ty of horses to convey troops to the coast, on the threatened invasion by Buonaparte, so that the epithet patriotic might properly be applied to him. He however is lately deceased, and supposed to have left a considerable fortune.--But come, dinner is ready--now for the parting meal, and then heaven speed ye to your destined homes."

After partaking of a hearty dinner, and a bottle or two of generous wine--"Come," said Dashall, "it is time we are alive and look out, for the yard is all in a bustle; here are lots of coaches preparing for a start, so let us get out, look around, and see what is going forward."

Upon this intimation, they sallied forth to the yard, where the confusion created by the arrival of one coach heavily laden, and the preparation of two for departure, afforded a scene for a quiet contemplatist, which however it is not easy to describe.

"Coachman," said an antiquated lady, just alighting, "I paid my fare."

"Yes Ma'am, that's all fair," said coachy.

"Mind how you hand my dear little boy out of the coach, poor little fellow he is quite dizzy with riding."

~~435~~~ "I thinks as how you had better have brought a man with you, for you want taking care of yourself," grumbled coachy, as he handed the young one out.--"There he is Ma'am--stand upon your pins, my man."

"Come Charley--Oh coachy you have got my box in your boot."

"Aye, aye, Ma'am, I know it, I wish my boot was in your box--here it is Ma'am."

"Stand bye," said a Jack Tar, "let's have a little sea room, and no squalls."

"Coachy, what a rude fellow that is, he says I squalls."

"Never mind him, Ma'am, he is as rough as the element he belongs to--thank ye Ma'am--that's the time o' day," pocketing a half-crown which she had just given him.

"Here Bill, take this lady's luggage out of the way."

"Just going off, Sir--do you go by me?"

"Yes," replied Sparkle, "how many have you inside?"

"Only four, Sir, and you two make up the number--all ready--Jem, bear up the leaders."

At this moment a hackney coach stopped at the gate, and out jumps a gentleman who immediately entered into conversation with the coachman.

"Can't do it, Sir," said coachy,--"all full--I might manage to give you an outside pa.s.sage to be sure."

"Well, well, I will make that do, perhaps you can afford an inside birth part of the journey."

"I'll see what I can do, but can't promise--now gentlemen."

"Here coachman," said the person desirous of obtaining a pa.s.sage, tipping coachy some money.