Real Life In London Part 15

"Sure won't you hear What roaring cheer Was spread at Paddy's wedding O, And how so gay They spent the day, From the churching to the bedding O.

First book in hand came Father Quipes, With the Bride's dadda, the Bailey O, While all the way to church the pipes Struck up a jilt so gaily O.

"_Kim ap_--be after sitting fast in the front there, old Mapps, or you'll make a mud-lark of yourself." The Dustman rang his bell; and thus accompanied with an immense a.s.semblage of boys, girls, men, women, and

1 Gills--The mouth.

2 Pig's Whisper--A very common term for speed.

3 Beat to a dead stand still--Means completely unable to a.s.sist himself.

~124~~children, collected from all the courts and alleys in the neighbourhood, joining in a chorus of shouts that rent the air, poor Balaam continued to bear his load; while our party, after watching them till nearly out of sight, pa.s.sed down Harp-alley into Fleet-market," and turning to the right, very soon regained Fleet-Street, laughing heartily at the bull's cookery of mackarel b.u.t.tered with brick-dust, and very well satisfied with their spree.

Engaged in conversation upon this adventure, they found nothing of interest' or amus.e.m.e.nt to attract their notice till they arrived at the warehouse of the London Genuine Tea Company, except merely remarking the grand appearance of St. Paul's, from that situation.

"Genuine tea" said Bob; "what can that mean--Is tea any thing but tea?"

"To be sure it is," said Sparkle, "or has been--_any_thing but tea,"{l} strongly marking the latter part of the

1 Tea and Coffee--The adulteration of articles of human food is a practice of the most nefarious description, and cannot be too strongly deprecated, although it has been carried to an alarming extent. There is scarcely an article of ordinary consumption but has been unlawfully adulterated, and in many cases rendered injurious by the infamous and fraudulent practice of interested persons. Bread, which is considered to be the staff of life, and beer and ale the universal beverage of the people of this country, are known to be frequently mixed with drugs of the most pernicious quality.

Gin, that favourite and heart-inspiring cordial of the lower orders of society, that it may have the grip, or the appearance of being particularly strong, is frequently adulterated with the decoction of long pepper, or a small quant.i.ty of aqua-fortis, a deadly poison. Sugar has been known to be mixed with sand; and tobacco, for the public- houses, undergoes a process for making it strong and intoxicating; but the recent discovery of the nefarious practice of adulterating tea and coffee, articles of the most universal and extensive consumption, deserves particular reprehension.

Tea has been adulterated by the introduction of dried sloe leaves; the practice is not very new, but its extensive adoption, and the deleterious properties ascribed to them by physicians, have been, at length, successfully exposed by the conviction of many of the venders, so, it is hoped, as to prevent a repet.i.tion of the crime. The sloe leaf, though a spurious commodity when sold as tea, might afford a harmless vegetable infusion, and be recommended to the poor and frugal as a cheap succedaneum for the Chinese vegetable.

The establishment of the Genuine Tea Company on Ludgate-hill originated in the recent discoveries, promising to sell nothing but the Unadulterated Tea, and it is sincerely to be hoped has done some good.

~125~~sentence as he spoke it: "horse-beans have been converted to coffee, and sloe-leaves have been transformed into tea; hog's lard has been manufactured for b.u.t.ter; an ingenious gentleman wishes to persuade us _Periwinkles_{1} are young Lobsters; and another has proposed to extract sugar, and some say brandy, out of pea-sh.e.l.ls! London is the mart for inventions and discoveries of all kinds, and every one of its inhabitants appears to have studied something of the art of Legerdemain, to catch the eye and deceive the senses."

"Wonderful!" exclaimed Bob.

"Not more wonderful than true," continued Sparkle; "invention is always on the stretch in London. Here we have cast-iron Bridges{2}--a cast-iron Sugar-house--

1 Sparkle appears to have been rather sceptical on the subject of Periwinkles being young Lobsters, though the opinion is not very new. A gentleman, whose indefatigable research appears to be deserving of encouragement and support, has recently issued the following advertis.e.m.e.nt, inviting the curious and the learned to inspect the result of his discoveries, which seems, at least, to warrant something more than conjecture.

"J. Cleghorne having in his possession some specimens which prove, in his opinion, a circ.u.mstance before suggested, but treated by the scientific as a vulgar error, any known naturalist willing to view them, by noticing by letter, within a week, may have J. C. attend with his specimens. The subject is a curious change in the formation of Lobsters from various species of the Winkle, the Winkle being considered the larva;.

The only advantage J. C. desires from the communication is, the credit of advancing his proofs, and the stimulating further enquiry.--A line addressed to J. Cleghorne, Architectural Engraver, No. 19, Chapman-street, Black-road, Islington, will have immediate attention."

It is sincerely to be hoped that proper notice will be taken of this advertis.e.m.e.nt, for in times of general scarcity like the present, such a discovery might be turned to great national advantage, by the establishment of proper depots for the cultivation of lobsters, as we have preserves for game, &c.

2 Cast-iron has become an object of general utility. The Southwark or New London Bridge consists of three arches, the centre of which is a span of 240 feet, and the other two 210 feet each; the Vauxhall Bridge consists of nine arches, over a width of 809 feet; and it is a fact, that a Sugar-house is building with cast-iron floors, window-frames, and rafters, to prevent fire. Cast-iron holds fire and resists fire; but it is probable that all its properties and powers are not yet discovered, and that we may some day or other witness the ascension of a cast-iron balloon inflated with steam!

~126~~coaches running, and barges, packets, and sailing-boats navigated, by Steam{1}--St. Paul's, as you perceive, without its ball--smoke burning itself, and money burning men's consciences."

"Well done, Sparkle!" cried Tom; "your ideas seem to flow like gas, touch but the valve and off you go; and you are equally diffusive, for you throw a light upon all subjects."

Bob was now suddenly attracted by a full view of himself and his friends at the further end of Everington's{2}

1 Steam--Here is a subject that evaporates as we approach; it soars beyond finite comprehension, and appears to be inexhaustible--every thing is done by it--machinery of every kind is set in motion by it--a newspaper of the most extensive circulation in the kingdom is printed by it, and the paper supplied sheet by sheet to receive the impression.

Tobacco is manufactured, and sausage-meat cut, by steam-- nay, a celebrated Vender of the latter article had a.s.serted, that his machinery was in such a state of progressive improvement, that he had little doubt before long of making it supply the demands of his customers, and thereby save the expense of a Shopman; but, it is much to be regretted, his apparatus made sausage-meat of him before the accomplishment of his project.

Considering the increasing, and by some Philosophers almost overwhelming population of the country at the present moment, it is certainly an alarming circ.u.mstance, that when employment is so much required, mechanical science should so completely supersede it to the injury of thousands, independent of the many who have lost their lives by the blowing up of steam-engines. It is a malady however which must be left to our political economists, who will doubtless at the same time determine which would prove the most effectual remedy--the recommendation of Mr. Malthus to condemn the lower orders to celibacy--the Jack Tars to a good war--or the Ministers to emigration.

2 If an estimate of the wealth or poverty of the nation were to lie formed from the appearance of the houses in the Metropolis, no one could be induced to believe that the latter had any existence among us. The splendour and taste of our streets is indescribable, and the vast improvements in the West are equally indicative of the former.

The enormous increase of rents for Shops, particularly in the leading thoroughfares of London, may in a great measure be attributed to the Linen-drapers. The usual method practised by some of these gentry, is to take a shop in the first-rate situation, pull down the old front, and erect a new one, regardless of expense, a good outside being considered the first and indispensable requisite. This is often effected, either upon credit with a builder, or, if they have a capital of a few hundreds, it is all exhausted in external decorations. Goods are obtained upon credit, and customers procured by puffing advertis.e.m.e.nts, and exciting astonishment at the splendid appearance of the front. Thus the concern is generally carried on till the credit obtained has expired, and the wonder and novelty of the concern has evaporated; when the stock is _sold off at 30 per cent, under prime cost for the benefit of the creditors_! This is so common an occurrence, that it is scarcely possible to walk through London any day in the year, without being attracted by numerous Linen-drapers' shops, whose windows are decorated with bills, indicating that they are actually selling off under prime cost, as the premises must be cleared in a few days.

The most elegant Shop of this description in the Metropolis is supposed to be one not a hundred miles from Ludgate-hill, the front and fitting up of which alone is said to have cost several thousand pounds. The interior is nearly all of looking-gla.s.s, with gilt mouldings; even the ceiling is looking-gla.s.s, from which is appended splendid cut-gla.s.s chandeliers, which when lighted give to the whole the brilliance of enchantment; however it is not very easy to form an idea of what is sold, for, with the exception of a shawl or two carelessly thrown into the window, there is nothing to be seen, (the stock being all concealed in drawers, cupboards, &c. ) except the decorations and the Dandy Shopmen, who parade up and down in a state of ecstasy at the reflection of their own pretty persons from every part of the premises!

This concealment of the stock has occasioned some laughable occurrences. It is said that a gentleman from the country accidentally pa.s.sing, took it for a looking-gla.s.s manufactory, and went in to inquire the price of a gla.s.s.

The Shopmen gathered round him with evident surprise, a.s.sured him of his mistake, and directed him to go to Blades,{1} lower down the Hill. The Countryman was not disconcerted, but, after surveying them somewhat minutely, informed them it was gla.s.s he wanted, not cutlery; but as for blades, he thought there were enow there for one street, at least.

Another is said to have been so pleased with a row of grotesque Indian-China jars, which embellish one side of the entrance, and which he mistook for _pots de chambre_, that after returning home and consulting his rib, he sent an order per post for one of the most elegant pattern to be forwarded to him!

There is a similar Shop to this, though on a smaller scale, to be seen in a great leading thoroughfare at the West end of the Town; the owner of which, from his swarthy complexion and extravagant mode of dress, has been denominated The Black Prince, a name by which he is well known in his own neighbourhood, and among the gentlemen of the cloth. This dandy gentleman, who affects the dress and air of a military officer, has the egregious vanity to boast that the numerous families of rank and fas.h.i.+on who frequent his shop, are princ.i.p.ally attracted to view his elegant person, and seems to consider that upon this princ.i.p.ally depends the success of his trade.

1 A large Gla.s.s-manufacturer.

128--shop, and without observing the other persons about him, saw himself surrounded with spectators, unconscious of being in their company. He look'd up--he look'd down--he gazed around him, and all was inconceivable light. Tom's allusion to the gas flashed upon him in a moment--"What--what is this?" said he--"where, in the name of wonder, am I?" A flash of lightning could not have operated more suddenly upon him.

"Why," said Sparkle, "don't you see?

"You are not here, for you are there,"

pointing to his reflection, in the looking-gla.s.s.

"Egad," said Bob, under evident surprise, and perhaps not without some apprehension they were playing tricks with him--"I wish you would explain--is this a Drawing-room, or is it the _Phantasmagoria_ we have heard so much of in the country?"

"No, no, it is not the Phantasmagoria, but it forms a part of metropolitan magic, which you shall be better acquainted with before we part. That is no other than a Linen-draper's shop, '_papered_,' as an Irishman one day remarked, 'vvid nothing at all at all but looking-gla.s.s, my dear '--one of the most superb things of the kind that perhaps ever was seen--But come, I perceive it is getting late, let us proceed directly to Dolly's, take our chop, then a _rattler_,{1} and hey for the Spell."{2}

Bob appeared almost to be spell-bound at the moment, and, as they moved onward, could not help casting

"One longing, lingering look behind."

1 Rattler--A coach.

2 Spell--The Play-house; so denominated from its variety of attractions, both before and behind the curtain.

CHAPTER X

"What various swains our motley walls contain!

Fas.h.i.+on from Moorfields, honour from Chick-lane; Bankers from Paper-buildings here resort, Bankrupts from Golden-square and Riches-court; From the Haymarket canting rogues in grain, Gulls from the Poultry, sots from Water-lane; The lottery cormorant, the auction shark, The full-price master, and the half-price clerk; Boys, who long linger at the gallery-door, With pence twice live, they want but twopence more, Till some Samaritan the twopence spares, And sends them jumping up the gallery-stairs.

Critics we boast, who ne'er their malice baulk, But talk their minds--we wish they'd mind their talk; Big-worded bullies, who by quarrels live, Who give the lie, and tell the lie they give; Jews from St. Mary-Axe, for jobs so wary, That for old clothes they'd even axe St. Mary; And Bucks with pockets empty as their pate, Lax in their gaiters, laxer in their gait.

Say, why these Babel strains from Babel tongues?

Who's that calls "Silence" with such leathern lungs?

He, who, in quest of quiet, "Silence" hoots, Is apt to make the hubbub he imputes."

IN a few minutes they entered Dolly's, from whence, after partaking of a cheerful repast and an exhilarating gla.s.s of wine, a coach conveyed them to Drury-lane. ',