Real Life In London Part 38

"Come," said a smartly dressed Gentleman in a white hat, "we have heard a song from the other end of the room, I hope we shall be able to muster one here."

1 This gentleman, whose dress and appearance indicate something of the Dandy, is a resident in Mark Lane, and usually spends his evening at the Round Table, where he appears to pride himself upon producing the finest segars that can be procured, and generally affords some of his friends an opportunity of proving them deserving the recommendations with which he never fails to present them.

This proposition was received with applause, and, upon Tom's giving a hint, Frank Harry was called upon--the gla.s.ses were filled, a toast was given, and the bowl was dispatched for a replenish; he then sung the following Song, accompanied with voice, manner, and action, well calculated to rivet attention and obtain applause:

PIGGISH PROPENSITIES,

THE b.u.mPKIN IN TOWN.

"A b.u.mpkin to London one morning in Spring, Hey derry, ho derry, fal de rai la, Took a fat pig to market, his leg in a string, Hey derry, ho derry, fal de rai la; The clown drove him forward, while piggy, good lack!

Lik'd his old home so well, he still tried to run back--

(Spoken)--Coome, coome (said the b.u.mpkin to himself,) Lunnun is the grand mart for every thing; there they have their Auction Marts, their Coffee Marts, and their Linen Marts: and as they are fond of a tid-bit of country pork, I see no reason why they should not have" a Pork and Bacon Mart--so get on (pig grunts,) I am glad to hear you have a voice on the subject, though it seems not quite in tune with my

Hey derry, ho derry, fal de ral la.

It chanc'd on the road they'd a dreadful disaster, Hey derry, ho derry, fal de rai la; The grunter ran back 'twixt the legs of his master, Hey derry, ho derry, fal de rai la; The b.u.mpkin he came to the ground in a crack, And the pig, getting loose, he ran all the way back!

(Spoken)--Hallo, (said the clown, scrambling up again, and scratching his broken head,) to be sure I have heard of sleight-of-hand, hocus-pocus and sich like; but by gum this here be a new manouvre called sleight of legs; however as no boanes be broken between us, I'll endeavour to make use on 'em once more in following the game in view: so here goes, with a

Hey derry, ho derry, &c.

He set off again with his pig in a rope,

Hey derry, ho derry, fal de rai la, Reach'd London, and now for good sale 'gan to hope Hey derry, ho derry, fal de rai la; But the pig, being beat 'till his bones were quite sore.

Turning restive, rush'd in at a brandy-shop door.

(Spoken)--The genteeler and politer part of the world might feel a little inclined to call this piggish behaviour; but certainly after a long and fatiguing journey, nothing can be more refres.h.i.+ng than a _drap of the cratur_; and deeming this the regular mart for the good stuff, in he bolts, leaving his master to sing as long as he pleased--Hey derry, he deny, &c.

Here three snuffy Tabbies he put to the rout,

Hey derry, ho derry, fal de rai lft, With three drams to the quartern, that moment serv'd out, Hey derry, ho derry, fal de rai la; The pig gave a grunt, and the clown gave a roar, When the whole of the party lay flat on the floor!

(Spoken)--Yes, there they lay all of a lump; and a precious group there was of them: The old women, well prun'd with snuff and twopenny, and bang-up with gin and bitters--the fair ones squalled; the clown growled like a bear with a broken head; the landlord, seeing all that could be seen as they roll'd over each other, stared, like a stuck pig! while this grand chorus of soft and sweet voices from the swinish mult.i.tude was accompanied by the pig with his usual grunt, and a

Hey derry, ho derry, &o.

The pig soon arose, and the door open flew,

Hey derry, ho derry, fal de ral la, When this scrambling group was expos'd to my view, Hey deny, ho derry, fal de ral la; He set off again, without waiting for Jack, And not liking London, ran all the way back!

(Spoken)--The devil take the pig! (said the b.u.mpkin) he is more trouble than enough. "The devil take you (said Miss Sukey Snuffle) for you are the greatest hog of the two; I dare say, if the truth was known, you are brothers."--"I declare I never was so exposed in all my life (said Miss Delia Doldrum.) There's my beautiful bloom petticoat, that never was rumpled before in all my life--I'm quite shock'd!"--"Never mind, (said the landlord) n.o.body cares about it; tho' I confess it was a shocking affair."--'I wish he and his pigs were in the horse-pond (continued she, endeavouring to hide her blushes with her hand)--Oh my--oh my!'--"What?"

(said Boniface)--'Oh, my elbow! (squall'd out Miss Emilia Mumble) I am sure I shall never get over it.'--"Oh yes you will (continued he) rise again, cheer your spirits with another drop of old Tom, and you'll soon be able to sing

Hey derry, ho derry, &c.

By mutual consent the old women all swore,

Hey derry, ho derry, fal de rai la, That the clown was a brute, and his pig was a boar, Hey derry, ho derry, fal de rai la; He paid for their liquor, but grumbled, good lack, Without money or pig to gang all the way back.

(Spoken)--By gum (said he to himself, as he turn'd from the door) if the Lunneners likes country pork, country pork doant seem to like they; and if this be the success I'm to expect in this mighty great town in search of the Grand Mart, I'll come no more, for I thinks as how its all a flax; therefore I'll make myself contented to set at home in my own chimney corner in the country, and sing

Hey derry, ho derry, &c.

This song had attracted the attention of almost every one in the room; there was a spirit and vivacity in the singer, combined with a power of abruptly changing his voice, to give effect to the different pa.s.sages, and a knowledge of music as well as of character, which gave it an irresistible charm; and the company, who had a.s.sembled round him, at the close signified their approbation by a universal shout of applause.

All went on well--songs, toasts and sentiments--punch, puns and witticisms, were handed about in abundance; in the mean time, the room began to wear an appearance of thinness, many of the boxes were completely deserted, and the Knights of the Bound Table were no longer surrounded by their Esquires--still the joys of the bowl were exhilarating, and the conversation agreeable, though at times a little more in a strain of vociferation than had been manifested at the entrance of our party. It was no time to ask questions as to the names and occupations of the persons by whom he was surrounded; and Bob, plainly perceiving Frank Harry was getting into Queer Street, very prudently declined all interrogatories for the present, making, however, a determination within himself to know more of the house and the company.

Mortimer also discovered symptoms of lush-logic, for though he had an inclination to keep up the chaff, his dictionary appeared to be new modelled, and his lingo abridged by repeated clips at his mother tongue, by which he afforded considerable food for laughter.

Perceiving this, Tallyho thought it prudent to give his Cousin a hint, which was immediately taken, and the party broke up.~292~~

CHAPTER XIX

"O there are swilling wights in London town Term'd jolly dogs--choice spirits--alias swine, Who pour, in midnight revel, b.u.mpers down, Making their throats a thoroughfare for wine.

These spendthrifts, who life's pleasures thus outrun, Dosing with head-aches till the afternoon, Lose half men's regular estate of Sun, By borrowing too largely of the Moon:

And being Bacchi plenus--full of wine-- Although they have a tolerable notion Of aiming at progressive motion, Tis not direct, 'tis rather serpentine."

UPON leaving the house, it was quickly discovered that Mortimer was at sea without a rudder or compa.s.s, but was still enabled to preserve the true line of beauty, which is said to be in a flowing curve; Merry well was magnanimous, Frank Harry moppy, and all of them rather muggy. Harry was going Eastward, and the remainder of the party Westward; it was half-past one in the morning--the weather had cleared up as their brains had been getting foggy.

Tom proposed a rattler.

Frank Harry swore by the Baccha.n.a.lian divinity they might ride in the rumble-tumble if they liked, but none of it for him, and began to stammer out

How sweet in--the--wood-lands Wi--ith ii--eet hound--and horn-- To awaken--shrill--[hiccup)--echo, And taste the--(hiccup)--fresh morn.

During this time, having turned to the right on leaving the Woolpack, instead of the left, they were pursuing their way down Gracechurch Street, in a line with London Bridge, without discovering their mistake; nor were ~293~~ they aware of the situation they were in till they reached the Monument.

"Zounds!" said Tom, "we are all wrong here."

"All right," said Merrywell--"all right, my boys--go it, my kidwhys."

Bob hearing his Cousin's exclamation, began to make enquiries.

"Never mind," said Tom, "we shall get housed presently--I have it--I know the shop--it is but seldom I get out of the way, so come along--I dare say we shall see some more fun yet."

Saying this, he led the way down Thames street and in a short time introduced them to the celebrated house in Dark-House Lane, kept open at all hours of the night for the accommodation of persons coming to market, and going off by the Gravesend boats and packets early in the morning.

On entering this house of nocturnal convenience, a wide field for observation was immediately opened to the mind of Dashall: he was no novice to the varieties of character generally to be found within its walls; and he antic.i.p.ated an opportunity of imparting considerable information to his Cousin, though somewhat clogg'd by his companions; being known however at the bar, he found no difficulty in providing them with beds: which being accomplished,

"Now," said Tom, "for a new scene in Real Life. Here we are situated at Billingsgate, on the banks of the Thames; in another hour it will be all alive--we will refresh ourselves with coffee, and then look around us; but while it is preparing, we will take a survey of the interior--b.u.t.ton up--tie a silk handkerchief round your neck, and we may perhaps escape suspicion of being mere lookers on; by which means we shall be enabled to mingle with the customers in the tap-room, and no doubt you will see some rum ones."

They now entered the tap or general room, which exhibited an appearance beyond the powers of description.