Real Life In London Part 64

Gazing with enquiring eyes upon this world-within-walls,{1} they scarcely heeded the variety of salutations with which they were greeted on entering, such as nods, winks, and touches on the shoulder from one who appeared as unconscious of such familiarity as if he had for some time been wholly absorbed in the solution of a mathematical problem, or the horse-laugh of the ignorant and vulgar, by whom they found themselves surrounded. Struggling through the throng, Dashall impelled his Cousin forward, repeating as he proceeded,

"How many o'er this threshold pa.s.s that mouru, Wanting our power at pleasure to return; A moment let us pause ere we ascend The gallery that leads us to our friend; Survey the place, where all that meets your view, Is full of interest, and strangely new.

Could we but hide those grinning spikes awhile, Borne s.p.a.cious barrack we might think the pile."

"However," continued he, "I perceive we are quizzed, we will just take a turn round, and probably we may meet Merrywell, if not, we will soon find him out by enquiry. You perceive, they have the accommodation of a butcher's shop, and a baker's, besides green stalls, fish stalls, and chandlers' shops, which give the place the appearance of a public market, while the racquet players and others amusing themselves in various ways, resemble that of a fair."

"Indeed," said Tallyho, "your description is just, for I have as yet seen but few sorrowful faces, every one seems to have some object in view, either of business or pleasure, almost as attractive as those without the walls."

~48~~ "And in many instances," continued Dashall, "of as much, nay, more interest. However, you perceive the

1 The walls of the King's Bench are about thirty feet high, sur-mounted by a _chevaux de frieze_, and as a place of confinement, it is of great though uncertain antiquity.

accommodation of the inmates has been studied by the founders of the College. Water is well supplied from four pumps, and were it not that the walls intercept the views, a man here might almost consider himself in his own habitation, with only one drawback."

"And what is that?" enquired Tallyho.

"Merely, that like the starling, he can't get out."

"How now," said Merry well, who had espied the entrance of his friends from the window of his apartment, and immediately descended to greet them--touching the Honourable Tom Dashall on the shoulder, while he seized Bob by the opposite arm.

"What are you a'ter, exploring the secrets of the prison-house?"

Mutual congratulations having pa.s.sed, Merrywell welcomed them to his habitation, significantly informing them at the same time, that notwithstanding his powers of entertainment were just then not what he could wish, all was right, the trick was done, that he was arranging for a house in the Rules, _pro tempore_, and that it would not be long before he should have the honour of meeting them in a way that would be more agreeable to all parties. "However," continued he, "if you can bear a confined apartment, I promise you shall have nothing else to complain of. Can you put up with pot-luck in a prison?"

"Certainly," was the reply, "our object was to spend a convivial hour with you, to wile away a little of the time, to see and learn, to take a peep at things as they are, and to form our judgments upon their existence."

"Then," replied Merrywell, "you have arrived _en bon heure_, for in this place a volume of information may be obtained, which, if judiciously applied, must prove beneficial; and while dinner is preparing, I can afford you abundance of amus.e.m.e.nt; so come along, we must move round this way to the gate again, in order to take any thing like an accurate survey, and I can furnish some anecdotes of the paraders, the players, the officers of the Court, and the visitors, which cannot fail to prove interesting. This, however, must be done with caution, for suspicion is ever active, and jealousy constantly awake within these walls; and as I mean to give you sketches of individual characters, rather than a general view of ~49~~ the society with which I am now in a.s.sociation, a little discretion may be well made use of."

"Now let us a.n.a.lyse, but not too loud, If wise, the composition of this crowd; Made up from native soil and foreign clime, Of waste and folly, accident and crime.

Here join the Speculator and the Fool, Greybeards, and youngsters rather t.i.t for school, (At least for any school but this alone, Where College vices in the shade are thrown.) Of pugilists, of haberdashers, jugglers, Horse jockeys, swindlers, Bond Street beaux, and smugglers, By hollow friends.h.i.+p some in prison thrown, By others' follies some--more by their own."

By this time they had traversed round the open walk of the prison, and on arriving at the place of entrance--

"Do you observe that small building on the right? it is called the State House, and contains the largest and most convenient rooms; it is usually devoted to the accommodation of such as are best enabled to pay; and there are persons residing here, who live as well, and in as das.h.i.+ng a style as those without the walls, or at least pay as much for their living. On the left hand you may also perceive the chapel, for the spiritual wants of those confined are not to be forgotten."

"There, in the centre, is the chapel door, With ever changing notices spread o'er: Whatever doctrines may within be taught, With words of peace that door is rarely fraught: For there, mid notices of beds for hire, Of concerts in the state-house by desire, Some ill-spelt scrawl demands the mighty debt Of half a crown, with a ferocious threat; Some traitorous agent is denounced; some spy, That blabb'd of gin, is hung in effigy; Here angry fools proclaim the petty jar, And clumsy pasquinades provoke to war."

By this time they had reached the door of the Chapel, which, by the various placards pasted against it, fully confirmed the description of Merrywell.

Bob, casting his eyes around him, discovered much for enquiry. "Who are those in the corner in close conversation together?"

"The farthest from us," replied Merrywell, "is a Jew attorney, well acquainted with all the shuffling arts of the ~50~~ place; one who can explain the whole game, from raising the wind, down to the White-was.h.i.+ng Act, for the knowledge and experience of gentlemen in these days are astonis.h.i.+ng. You would scarcely believe it, but such is the fact, there are rakes of quality and of fas.h.i.+on, who are their own farriers, horse dealers, who know every trick upon the cards and dice--cutting, shuffling, slipping, cogging, securing; who have cards and dice always at hand, and ready made to their hand; who, although they are awake to a good thing, know the odds to a nicety, and can give or take according as it may best suit their purpose, yet are not properly initiated in all requisite mysteries, till a sort of finish is given to their education, by a temporary retirement here; where they learn a sufficiency of the law to give information on all the quirks and quibbles of the arrest laws, of bailing, demurring, justifying bail, putting in bail above, of writs of error, county and Marshalsea writs, of letters of licence, the laws against usury, the bankrupt laws, and finally of acts of grace; perhaps the last and only one in their lives bearing that name: but we must walk on, or we may be overheard."

"Then," said Dashall, "you are by this time pretty well acquainted with the characters of your companions, and expect to leave the College with more information than you previously possessed."

"No doubt of it," was the reply; "but as my case was not desperate, I have not sought desperate remedies. I am at this moment supposed by certain friends of mine to be in the gay city of Paris, enjoying all the luxuries of the Thuilleries, the Louvre, the Palais Royal, and the Elysian Fields; and I doubt not I shall be able to convince an old rich uncle of mine of the fact. And as my expectations chiefly rest on him, and he cannot last long, I shall upon liberation make my approaches to him with a little of the French polish I am preparing while here. This, however, is selfish conversation."

"Yet perfectly in point," continued Dashall.

"And equally interesting too," said Bob.

"Do you see," said Merrywell, "that young man b.u.t.toned up to the chin, in what has been a blue great coat? He is one of the lecturers."

"Lecturers?" enquired Tallyho; "what, have you lectures in the College?"

~51~~ "Undoubtedly we have, on subjects of the utmost importance too.

That young man, who began the world with slender property, but who contrived by a strict adherence to ways and means to cut a das.h.i.+ng figure, and live as if he had a large fortune, is in possession of volumes of information, which he is willing to retail to such as require it. What are termed lecturers here, are needy debtors, who put up young men less knowing than themselves, for money or for a dinner; and his experience is great, for when he had worn out all quarters of the town in the way of trick, when the fas.h.i.+onable watering places were teeming with clamorous creditors, when he was expelled from all the clubs in consequence of not paying his subscriptions, nay, when he owed almost all the waiters money, he came to this place nearly pennyless, and now, by singing a good song, telling a tough story, and occasionally giving lectures to his brothers in confinement, he manages to get a good dinner daily, and seldom goes to bed sober."

"Then his ways and means are not yet exhausted; he must be a good financier, and might be made very useful to the Minister," replied Tom; "and it is really a pity such talents are not duly appreciated."

"Who is that little stout man who pa.s.sed you just now with a nod of the head?" enquired Tallyho.

"That," answered Merrywell, "is Capt. W----, a sort of walking automaton, a kind of medley of incomprehensibles, something like pedants' periods, very inanimate, and as you perceive, very round. He was formerly a b.u.t.ton maker, but having a desire to sink the shank, he enlisted under the banners of Cupid, paid his addresses to one of the Queen's maids, carried the fortress by a _coup de main_, and gained a safe lodgement in the covert way, by taking the oath of allegiance at the altar of Hymen. Spurning b.u.t.tons, he aspired to the epaulette, and was appointed paymaster to the 7th Hussars. Then he set up a coach to run to and from Maidenhead. This being one iron too many in the fire, soon became too hot for him. He defaulted for a considerable sum, and has been in quod for four years. Here comes a beau of the first order, a Colonel, and a most determined Dandy, even in confinement. Colonel R---- adheres as much to the nicety of dress in this place, as he would for a military appearance on parade. He ~52~~ is Colonel of the New Grenada Horse. I have not yet learned much of his former pursuits or his origin.

There is, however, an anecdote of him circulated, which prove the admirable fitness of such a person for such a command. It is said that when he obtained his appointment, he very significantly asked the General, what stocks he should have for his guns, meaning the gun carriages."

"That's a little too severe," cried Dashall, laughing at the same time, "it was but a _lapsus linguae_, such as might happen to any man."

"I claim no merit in the relation," was the reply; "however, it has raised many a laugh at his expence, and as I had it so you now have it.

But we have other game in view, and must not be exhausting our time in criticising immaterial points of propriety.

"Here ruin'd Lawyers, ruin'd Clients meet; Here Doctors their consumptive Patients greet, Sick of one malady that mocks all skill, Without the true specific golden pill Here finished Tailors, never to be paid, Turn eyes on many a coat themselves have made; And Bailiffs, caught by their own arts at last, Meet those their capias yesterday made fast.

There stalks a youth whose father, for reform, Has shut him up where countless vices swarm.

But little is that parent skill'd to trace The springs of action,--little knows the place, Who sends an ailing mind to where disease Its inmost citadel of health may seize."

"You entertain us with a diversity of mental dishes," said Tom; "Manacles, Mammon, and Morality, dance through the mazes of your imagination in rapid and admirable succession--I wonder you don't commence Lecturer."

"I do not conceive myself qualified, and as I have no real occasion to be a pretender, I leave it to those who have.--O! there goes a curiosity--

"If you look sharp you'll see the short knee'd breeches, Brown hat and powdered head of stalking P--tch--s."

"He is known here by the t.i.tle of Don; he has been a long resident within these walls, has seen much of Life, and is still a gay fellow. He was formerly a Member of Parliament, but not being able to overrule the Speaker, he out-run the Constable, and was seized by ~53~~ the Bailiffs.

He is, however, a jolly companion, and lives well; but to show his contempt for riches, he has actually seated his inexpressibles with the parchment t.i.tle deeds of his own estate, with impressions similar to the old song--

"Why should we quarrel for riches, Or any such glittering toys?

A tight heart and a thin pair of breeches Will go through the world, my brave boye."

"Who is that with the rackets under his arm?" enquired Bob.

"That is Baker, a sort of privileged man, who is allowed the advantages of supplying the inmates with rackets, b.a.l.l.s, &c. He lends rackets, sells b.a.l.l.s, keeps scores, and occasionally carries on the haberdashery trade."

"Then he is a shop-keeper, I suppose."

"He is a measurer of tape" replied Merry well, "by way of refreshment, or in other words, under safe circ.u.mstances, can spin out Old Tom or Blue-ruin."

"I understand," said Bob, "a little of the Cratur."

"Here," continued Merry well, "is the coach-maker to the late Christophe, King of Hayti, Mr. H---- of Long Acre notoriety. This gentleman bought a considerable estate, which, with true parental regard, he settled on his daughter, and paying for his purchase by his residence here, whether his intentions will be fulfilled or not, so as to obtain liberation by the Whitewas.h.i.+ng Act, no one at present can tell--and Colville is taking his walks--he is one of the Janitors, and Crier of the place. He has a Stentorian voice, which is a part of his business to exercise in calling the prisoners. I know but little of him, and even that is not worth knowing. He, however, has the character of being an informer, and I am not aware that he is in possession of any good qualities. I shall, therefore, rather give a slight sketch of the office he holds, than of the person.~54~~