Waste Part 15

AMY _blazes into desperate rebellion._

AMY. There's no child because I haven't chosen there shall be and there shan't be because I don't choose. You'd have me first your plaything and then Nature's, would you?

TREBELL. [_A little abashed._] Come now, you knew what you were about.

AMY. [_Thinking of those moments._] Did I? I found myself wanting you, belonging to you suddenly. I didn't stop to think and explain. But are we never to be happy and irresponsible ... never for a moment?

TREBELL. Well ... one can't pick and choose consequences.

AMY. Your choices in life have made you what you want to be, haven't they?

Leave me mine.

TREBELL. But it's too late to argue like that.

AMY. If it is, I'd better jump into the Thames. I've thought of it.

_He considers how best to make a last effort to bring her to her senses. He sits by her._

TREBELL. Amy ... if you were my wife--

AMY. [_Unresponsive to him now._] I was Justin's wife, and I went away from him sooner than bear him children. Had I the right to choose or had I not?

TREBELL. [_Taking another path._] Shall I tell you something I believe? If we were left to choose, we should stand for ever deciding whether to start with the right foot or the left. We blunder into the best things in life.

Then comes the test ... have we faith enough to go on ... to go through with the unknown thing?

AMY. [_So bored by these metaphysics._] Faith in what?

TREBELL. Our vitality. I don't give a fig for beauty, happiness, or brains.

All I ask of myself is ... can I pay Fate on demand?

AMY. Yes ... in imagination. But I've got physical facts to face.

_But he has her attention now and pursues the advantage._

TREBELL. Very well then ... let the meaning of them go. Look forward simply to a troublesome illness. In a little while you can go abroad quietly and wait patiently. We're not fools and we needn't find fools to trust in. Then come back to England....

AMY. And forget. That seems simple enough, doesn't it?

TREBELL. If you don't want the child let it be mine ... not yours.

AMY. [_Wondering suddenly at this bond between them._] Yours! What would you do with it?

TREBELL. [_Matter-of-fact._] Provide for it, of course.

AMY. Never see it, perhaps.

TREBELL. Perhaps not. If there were anything to be gained ... for the child.

I'll see that he has his chance as a human being.

AMY. How hopeful! [_Now her voice drops. She is looking back, perhaps at a past self._] If you loved me ... perhaps I might learn to love the thought of your child.

TREBELL. [_As if half his life depended on her answer._] Is that true?

AMY. [_Irritably._] Why are you picking me to pieces? I think that is true.

If you had been loving me for a long, long time--[_The agony rushes back on her._] But now I'm only afraid. You might have some pity for me ... I'm so afraid.

TREBELL. [_Touched._] Indeed ... indeed, I'll take what share of this I can.

_She shrinks from him unforgivingly._

AMY. No, let me alone. I'm nothing to you. I'm a sick beast in danger of my life, that's all ... cancerous!

_He is roused for the first time, roused to horror and protest._

TREBELL. Oh, you unhappy woman! ... if life is like death to you....

AMY. [_Turning on him._] Don't lecture me! If you're so clever put a stop to this horror. Or you might at least say you're sorry.

TREBELL. Sorry! [_The bell on the table rings jarringly._] Cantelupe!

_He goes to the telephone. She gets up cold and collected, steadied merely by the unexpected sound._

AMY. I mustn't keep you from governing the country. I'm sure you'll do it very well.

TREBELL. [_At the telephone._] Yes, bring him up, of course ... isn't Mr.

Kent there? [_then to her._] I may be ten minutes with him or half an hour.

Wait and we'll come to a conclusion.

KENT _comes in, an open letter in his hand._

KENT. This note, sir. Had I better go round myself and see him?

TREBELL. [_As he takes the note._] Cantelupe's come.

KENT. [_Glancing at the telephone._] Oh, has he!

TREBELL. [_As he reads._] Yes I think you had.

KENT. Evans was very serious.

_He goes back into his room._ AMY _moves swiftly to where_ TREBELL _is standing and whispers._

AMY. Won't you tell me whom to go to?

TREBELL. No.

AMY. Oh, really ... what unpractical sentimental children you men are! You and your consciences ... you and your laws. You drive us to distraction and sometimes to death by your stupidities. Poor women--!

_The Maid comes in to announce_ LORD CHARLES CANTELUPE, _who follows her._ CANTELUPE _is forty, unathletic, and a gentleman in the best and worst sense of the word. He moves always with a caution which may betray his belief in the personality of the Devil. He speaks cautiously too, and as if not he but something inside him were speaking. One feels that before strangers he would not if he could help it move or speak at all. A pale face: the mouth would be hardened by fanaticism were it not for the elements of Christianity in his religion: and he has the limpid eye of the enthusiast._