Body Language_ How to read others' thoughts by their gestures Part 3

A simple but effective method of breaking the folded-arms position is to hand the person a pen, a book or something that forces him to unfold his arms to reach forward. This moves him into a more open posture and att.i.tude. Asking the person to lean forward to look at a visual presentation can also be an effective means of opening the folded-arms position. Another useful method is to lean forward with your palms facing up and say, 'I can see you have a question, what would you like to know?' or, 'What do you think?' and then sit back to indicate that it is the other person's turn to speak. By leaving your palms visible you non-verbally tell the other person that you would like an open, honest answer. As a salesman, I would never proceed with the presentation of my product until I had uncovered the prospective buyer's reason for suddenly folding his arms. More often than not, I discovered that the buyer had a hidden objection that most other sales people might never have discovered because they missed seeing the buyer's non-verbal signal that he was negative about some aspect of the sales presentation.

Reinforced Arm-Cross If as well as the full arm-cross gesture the person has clenched fists, it indicates a hostile and defensive att.i.tude. This cl.u.s.ter is often combined with clenched teeth and red face, in which case a verbal or physical attack may be imminent. A submissive palms-up approach is needed to discover what caused the hostile gestures if the reason is not already apparent. The person using this gesture cl.u.s.ter has an attacking att.i.tude, as opposed to the person in Figure 70, who has taken a defending armcross position.

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Arm Gripping Gesture You will notice that this arm-cross gesture is characterised by the hands tightly gripping the upper arms to reinforce the position and to stop any attempt to unfold the arms and expose the body. The arms can often be gripped so tight that the fingers and knuckles turn white as the blood circulation is cut off. This arm-fold style is common to people sitting in doctors' and dentists' waiting-rooms, or first-time air travellers who are waiting for the plane to lift off. It shows a negative restrained att.i.tude.

In a lawyer's office the prosecutor may be seen using a fists-clenched arm-cross while the defence may have taken the arm-gripping position.

Status can influence arm-folding gestures. A superior type can make his superiority felt in the presence of persons he has just met by not folding his arms. Say, for example, that at a company social function, the general manager is introduced to several new employees whom he has not met. Having greeted them with a dominant handshake, he stands at the social distance from the new employees with his hands by his side, behind his back in the superior palm-in-palm position (see Figure 44), or with one hand in his pocket. He rarely folds his arms to show the slightest hint of nervousness. Conversely, after shaking hands with the boss, the new employees take full or partial arm-fold gestures because of their apprehension about being in the presence of the company's top man. Both the general manager and the new employees feel comfortable with their respective gestures as each, is signalling his status relative to the other. But what happens when the general manager meets a young, up-and-coming executive who is also a superior type and who may even feel that he is as important as the general manager? The likely outcome is that after the two give each other a dominant handshake, the young executive will take an arm-fold gesture with both thumbs pointing vertically upwards (Figure 73). This gesture is the defensive version of both arms being held horizontally in front of the body with both thumbs up to show that the user is 'cool', a gesture characterised by Henry Winkler who played the Fonz in the television series Happy Days. The thumbs-up gesture is our way of showing that we have a self-confident att.i.tude and the folded arms give a feeling of protection.

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Sales people need to a.n.a.lyse why a buyer may have taken this gesture to know whether their approach is effective. If the thumbs-up gesture has come towards the end of the sales presentation and is combined with many other positive gestures used by the buyer, the sales person can move comfortably into closing the sale and asking for the order. If, on the other hand, at the close of the sale the buyer moves into the fist-clenched arm cross position (Figure 71) and has a poker face, the sales person can be inviting disastrous consequences by attempting to ask for the order. Instead it is better if he quickly goes back to his sales presentation and asks more questions to try to discover the buyer's objection. In selling, if the buyer verbalises, 'No', it can become difficult to change his decision. The ability to read body language allows you to see the negative decision before it is verbalised and gives you time to take an alternative course of action.

People who carry weapons or wear armour rarely use defensive arm-fold gestures because their weapon or armour provides sufficient body protection. Police officers who wear guns, for example, rarely fold their arms unless they are standing guard and they normally use the fist-clenched position to show quite clearly that n.o.body is permitted to pa.s.s where they stand.

PARTIAL ARM-CROSS BARRIERS.

The full arm-cross gesture is sometimes too obvious to use around others because it tells them that we are fearful. Occasionally we subst.i.tute a subtler version - the partial arm cross, in which one arm swings across the body to hold or touch the other arm to form the barrier, as shown in Figure 75.

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The partial arm barrier is often seen at meetings where a person may be a stranger to the group or is lacking in self-confidence. Another popular version of a partial arm barrier is holding hands with oneself (Figure 74), a gesture commonly used by people who stand before a crowd to receive an award or give a speech. Desmond Morris says that this gesture allows a person to relive the emotional security that he experienced as a child when his parent held his hand under fearful circ.u.mstances.

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DISGUISED ARM-CROSS GESTURES.

Disguised arm-cross gestures are highly sophisticated gestures used by people who are continually exposed to others. This group includes politicians, sales people, television personalities and the like who do not want their audience to detect that they are unsure of themselves or nervous. Like all arm-cross gestures, one arm swings across in front of the body to grasp the other arm but instead of the arms folding, one hand touches a handbag, bracelet, watch, s.h.i.+rt cuff or other object on or near the other arm (Figure 76). Once again the barrier is formed and the secure feeling is achieved. When cufflinks were popular, men were often seen adjusting them as they crossed a room or dance floor where they were in full view of others. As cufflinks lost their popularity, a man would adjust the band on his watch, check the contents of his wallet, clasp or rub his hands together, play with a b.u.t.ton on his cuff or use any other gesture that would allow the arms to cross in front of the body. To the trained observer, however, these gestures are a dead giveaway because they achieve no real purpose except as an attempt to disguise nervousness. A good place to observe these gestures is anywhere that people walk past a group of onlookers, such as a young man who crosses the dance floor to ask an attractive young lady to dance with him or someone crossing an open room to receive a trophy.

Women are less obvious than men in their use of disguised arm barrier gestures because they can grasp such things as handbags or purses when they become unsure of themselves (Figure 77). One of the most common versions of this is holding a gla.s.s of beer or wine with two hands. Did it ever occur to you that you need only one hand to hold a gla.s.s of wine? The use of two hands allows the nervous person to form an almost undetectable arm barrier. Having observed people using disguised arm barrier signals on many occasions, we have found that these gestures are used by almost everyone. Many well-known figures in society also use disguised barrier signals in tense situations and are usually completely unaware that they are doing so (Figure 78).

Seven.

Leg Barriers CROSSED-LEG GESTURES.

Like arm barrier gestures, crossed legs are a signal that a negative or defensive att.i.tude may exist. The purpose of crossing the arms on the chest was originally to defend the heart and upper body region and crossing the legs is an attempt to s.h.i.+eld the genital area. Crossed arms also indicate a more negative att.i.tude than do crossed legs, and the arms gesture is more obvious. Care should be taken when interpreting crossed leg gestures with women as many have been taught that this is how to 'sit like a lady'. Unfortunately for them, however, the gesture can make them seem defensive.

There are two basic crossed leg-sitting conditions, the standard leg cross and the figure 4 leg lock.

The Standard Leg-Cross Position One leg is crossed neatly over the other, usually the right over the left. This is the normal crossed-leg position used by European, British, Australian and New Zealand cultures and may be used to show a nervous, reserved or defensive att.i.tude. However, this is usually a supportive gesture that occurs with other negative gestures and should not be interpreted in isolation or out of context. For example, people often sit like this during lectures or if they are on uncomfortable chairs for long periods. It is also common to see this gesture in cold weather. When the crossed legs gesture is combined with crossed arms (Figure 80), the person has withdrawn from the conversation. A sales person would be very foolish even to attempt to ask for a decision from a buyer when he has taken this pose, and the sales person should ask probing questions to uncover his objection. This pose is popular among women in most countries, particularly to show their displeasure with a husband or boyfriend.

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The American Figure 4 Leg Lock Position This leg cross indicates that an argumentative or compet.i.tive att.i.tude exists. It is the sitting position used by many American males who have a compet.i.tive nature. This being the case, it is difficult to interpret the att.i.tude of an American during a conversation, but it is quite obvious when this gesture is used by a British citizen.

I recently addressed a series of meetings in New Zealand where the audience comprised about 100 managers and 500 sales people. A highly controversial issue was being discussed - the treatment of sales people by corporations. A salesman who was well-known to the audience and who had a reputation as a stirrer was asked to address the group. As he took the stage, the managers, almost without exception, took the defensive pose shown in Figure 80, which showed that they felt threatened by what they thought the salesman was going to say. Their fears were well founded. The salesman raged about the poor quality of management in most corporations in that industry and said he felt that this was a contributing factor to the industry's staffing problems. Throughout his speech the sales people in the audience were leaning forward showing interest, many using evaluation gestures, but the managers held their defensive positions. The salesman then changed his address to discuss what he believed the manager's role should be in relation to the sales people. Almost as if they were players in an orchestra who had been given a command by the orchestra leader, the managers s.h.i.+fted to the compet.i.tive/argumentative position (Figure 81). It was obvious that they were mentally debating the salesman's point of view and many later confirmed that this had been the case. I noticed, however, that several managers had not taken this pose. After the meeting I asked them why, and, although most said they had also disagreed with the salesman's views, they were unable to sit in the figure 4 leg lock position for such reasons as obesity and arthritis.

In a selling situation it would be unwise to attempt to close the sale and ask for the order when the buyer takes this position. The sales person would need to use an open appeal, leaning forward with palms up and saying, 'I can see you have some ideas on this. I'd be interested in your opinion', and then sit back to signify that it is the buyer's turn to speak. This gives the buyer an opportunity to tell you his opinion. Women who wear trousers or jeans are also observed sitting in the figure 4 position on occasions.

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Figure 4 Leg Clamp The person who has a hard and fast att.i.tude in an argument or debate will often lock the figure 4 into place with one or both hands, using them as a clamp. This is a sign of the tough-minded, stubborn individual who may need a special approach to break through his resistance.

Standing Leg Cross Gestures The next time you attend a meeting or function, you will notice small groups of people all standing with their arms and legs crossed (Figure 83). Observation will also reveal that they are standing at a greater distance from each other than the customary one, and that, if they are wearing coats or jackets, they are usually b.u.t.toned. If you were to question these people, you would find that one or all of them are strangers to the others in the group. This is how must people stand when they are among people whom they do not know well.

Now you notice another small group in which the people are standing with arms unfolded, palms exposed, coats unb.u.t.toned, relaxed appearance, leaning on one foot with the other pointing towards other members of the group and moving in and out of each other's intimate zones. Close investigation reveals that these people are friends or are known personally to each other. Interestingly, the people using the closed arms and legs stance may have relaxed facial expressions and conversation that sounds free and easy, but the folded arms and legs tell us that they are not relaxed or confident.

[image]The next time you join a group of people who are standing in the open friendly stance but among whom you know no-one, stand with your arms and legs tightly crossed. One by one the other group members will cross their arms and legs and remain in that position until you leave them. Then walk away and watch how, one by one, the members of the group a.s.sume their original open pose once again!

The 'Opening-Up' Procedure As people begin to feel comfortable in a group and get to know others in it, they move through an unwritten code of movements taking them from the defensive crossed arms and legs position to the relaxed open position. Studies of people in Australia, New Zealand, Canada and America reveal that the standing 'opening-up' procedure is the same in each of these countries.

Stage l: Defensive position, arms and legs crossed (Figure 84).

Stage 2: Legs uncrossed and feet placed together in a neutral position.

Stage 3: The arm folded on top in the arm cross comes out and the palm is flashed when speaking but is not tucked back into the arm cross position. It holds the outside of the other arm.

Stage 4: Arms unfold and one arm gesticulates or may be placed on the hip or in the pocket.

Stage 5: One person leans back on one leg and pushes the other forward to point at the person whom he finds the most interesting (Figure 85).

Alcohol can speed up this process or eliminate some of the stages.

Defensive or Cold?

Many people claim that they are not defensive but cross their arms or legs because they feel cold. This is often a cover-up and it is interesting to note the difference between a defensive stance and the way a person stands when he or she feels cold. First of all, when someone wants to warm his hands he normally thrusts them into the armpits rather than tucking them under the elbows, as is the case with a defensive arm-cross. Secondly, when a -person feels cold he may fold his arms in a type of body hug and when the legs are crossed they are usually straight, stiff and pressed hard against each other (Figure 86), as opposed to the more relaxed leg posture of the defensive stance or position.

People who habitually take a crossed arms or legs position prefer to say that they are cold or comfortable rather than to admit that they could be nervous, shy or defensive.

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The Ankle-Lock Gesture Crossing or folding the arms or legs suggests that a negative or defensive att.i.tude exists, and this is also the case with the ankle lock gesture. The male version of the ankle lock is often combined with clenched fists resting on the knees or with the hands tightly gripping the arms of the chair (Figure 87). The female version varies slightly; the knees are held together, the feet may be to one side and the hands rest side by side or one on top of the other resting on the upper legs (Figure 88).

During more than a decade of interviewing and selling to people, our observation has revealed that, when the interviewee locks his ankles, he is mentally 'biting his lip'. The gesture is one of holding back a negative att.i.tude, emotion, nervousness or fear. For example, a lawyer friend of mine told me that he had often noticed that, just prior to a court hearing, the people who were involved in the case nearly always sat with their ankles tightly locked together. He also found that they had been waiting to say something or had been trying to control their emotional state.

When interviewing prospective employees, we noted that most interviewees locked their ankles at some point during the interview, indicating that they were holding back an emotion or att.i.tude. In the initial stages of our research with this gesture, we found that asking questions about the interviewee's feelings was often unsuccessful in unlocking his ankles and thus his mind. We soon discovered, however, that if the interviewer walked around to the interviewee's side of the desk and sat beside him, removing the desk barrier, the interviewee's ankles would often unlock and the conversation took on an open, more personal atmosphere.

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[image]We were recently advising a company on the effective use of the telephone to contact customers when we met a young man who had the unenviable job of calling customers who had not paid their accounts. We watched him make a number of calls and, although he sounded relaxed, we noticed that his ankles were locked together beneath his chair. I asked, 'How do you enjoy this job?' He replied, 'Fine! It's a lot of fun.' This verbal statement was however, inconsistent with his non-verbal signals, although he did sound quite convincing. 'Are you sure?' I asked. He paused for a moment, unlocked his ankles, turned towards me with open palms and said, 'Well, actually, it drives me crazy!' He then told me that he had received several calls from customers who had been rude to him and he had been holding back his feelings so as not to transmit them to the other customers. Interestingly, we have noticed that sales people who do not enjoy using the telephone sit in the locked ankles position.

Leaders in the field of negotiating techniques, Nierenberg and Calero, found that whenever one party locked his ankles during a negotiation it often meant that he was holding back a valuable concession. They found that, by using questioning techniques, they could often encourage him to unlock his ankles and reveal the concession.

There are always people who claim that they habitually sit in the ankle lock position, or for that matter, any of the negative arm and leg cl.u.s.ters, because they feel comfortable. If you are one of these people, remember that any arm or leg position will feel comfortable when you have a defensive, negative or reserved att.i.tude. Considering that a negative gesture can increase or prolong a negative att.i.tude, and that other people interpret you as being defensive or negative, you would be well advised to practise using positive and open gestures to improve your self-confidence and relations.h.i.+ps with others.

Women who were teenagers during the mini-skirt era crossed their legs and ankles for obvious, necessary reasons. Through habit, many of these women still sit in this position, which may make others misinterpret them; people may react toward these women with caution. It is important to take female fas.h.i.+on trends into consideration, particularly how these may affect the woman's leg positions, before jumping to conclusions.

The Foot Lock This gesture is almost exclusively used by women. The top of one foot locks around the other leg to reinforce a defensive att.i.tude and, when this gesture appears, you can be sure that the woman has become a mental recluse or has retreated like a tortoise into her sh.e.l.l.

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A warm, friendly, low-key approach is needed if you eventually hope to open this clam. This position is common to shy or timid women.

I recall an interview in which a new salesman was trying to sell insurance to a young married couple. The sale was unsuccessful and the new salesman could not understand why he had lost it, because he had followed the sales track perfectly. I pointed out that he had failed to notice that the woman was sitting with a tight foot lock position throughout the interview. Had the salesman understood the significance of this gesture, he could have involved her in the sales presentation, and might have achieved a better result.

Eight.

Other Popular Gestures and Actions Straddling a Chair Centuries ago, men used s.h.i.+elds to protect themselves from the spears and clubs of the enemy, and today, civilised man uses whatever he has at his disposal to symbolise this same protective behaviour when he is under physical or verbal attack. This includes standing behind a gate, doorway, fence, desk, the open door of his motor vehicle and straddling a chair (Figure 91). The back of the chair provides a s.h.i.+eld to protect his body and can transform him into an aggressive, dominant warrior. Most chair straddlers are dominant individuals who will try to take control of other people or groups when they become bored with the conversation, and the back of the chair serves as good protection from any 'attack' by other members of the group. He is often discreet and can slip into the straddle position almost unnoticed.

The easiest way to disarm the straddler is to stand or sit behind him, making him feel vulnerable to attack and forcing him to change his position, becoming less aggressive. This can work well in groups because the straddler will have his back exposed; this forces him to change position.

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But how do you handle a one-to-one confrontation with a straddler on a swivel chair? It is pointless to try to reason with him, particularly when he is on a swivelling merrygo-round, so the best defence is non-verbal attack. Conduct your conversation standing above and looking down upon the straddler and move within his personal territory. This is very disconcerting to him and he may even fall backwards off his chair in an attempt to avoid being forced to change position.

If you have a straddler coming to visit you and his aggressive att.i.tude annoys you, be sure to seat him on a fixed chair that has arms to stop him from taking his favourite position.

Picking Imaginary Lint When a person disapproves of the opinions or att.i.tudes of others but feels constrained in giving his point of view, the non-verbal gestures that occur are known as displacement gestures, that is, they result from a withheld opinion. Picking imaginary pieces of lint from the clothing is one such gesture. The lintpicker usually looks away from the other people towards the floor while performing this minor, irrelevant action. This is one of the most common signals of disapproval and when the listener continually picks imaginary pieces of lint off his clothing it is a good indication that he does not like what is being said, even though he may be verbally agreeing with everything.

Open your palms and say, 'Well, what do you think?' or, 'I can see you have some thoughts on this. Would you mind telling me what they are?' Sit back, arms apart, palms visible, and wait for the answer. If the person says he is in agreement with you but continues to pick the imaginary lint, you may need to take an even more direct approach to discover his hidden objection.

HEAD GESTURES.

This book would not be complete without a discussion of the basic head movements, the two most widely used being the head nod and the head shake. The head nod is a positive gesture used in most cultures to signify, 'Yes', or affirmation. Research conducted with people who have been deaf, dumb and blind from birth shows that they also use this gesture to signify the affirmative, which has given rise to the theory that this may be an inborn gesture. The headshake, usually meaning 'No', is also claimed by some to be an inborn action; however, others have theorised that it is the first gesture a human being learns. They believe that when the newborn baby has had enough milk, he shakes his head from side to side to reject his mother's breast. Similarly, the young child who has had enough to eat uses the head shake to reject his parent's attempt to spoonfeed him.

One of the easiest ways to uncover a disguised objection when dealing with others is to watch if the person uses the headshake gesture while verbalising his agreement with you. Take, for example, the person who verbalises, 'Yes, I can see your point of view', or, 'I really enjoy working here', or, 'We'll definitely do business after Christmas', whilst shaking his head from side to side. Even though this may sound convincing, the head shake gesture signals that a negative att.i.tude exists and you would be well advised to reject what the person has said and to question him further.

Basic Head Positions There are three basic head positions. The first is with the head up (Figure 93) and is the position taken by the person who has a neutral att.i.tude about what he is hearing. The head usually remains still and may occasionally give small nods. Hand-to-cheek evaluation gestures are often used with this position.

When the head tilts to one side it shows that interest has developed (Figure 94). Charles Darwin was one of the first to note that humans, as well as animals, tilt their heads to one side when they become interested in something. If you are giving a sales presentation or delivering a speech, always make a point of looking for this gesture among your audience. When you see them tilt their heads and lean forward using hand-to-chin evaluation gestures, you are getting the point across. Women use this head position to show interest in an attractive male. When others are speaking to you, all you need do is use the head-tilted position and head nods to make the listener feel warm towards you.

When the head is down, it signals that the att.i.tude is negative and even judgmental (Figure 95). Critical evaluation cl.u.s.ters are normally made with the head down and, unless you can get the person's head up or tilted, you may have a communication problem. As a public speaker, you will often be confronted by an audience whose members are all seated with head down and arms folded on the chest. Professional speakers and trainers usually do something that involves audience partic.i.p.ation before they begin their address. This is intended to get the audience's heads up and to get them involved. If the speaker's ploy is successful, the audience's next head position will be the head tilted.

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Both Hands Behind Head This gesture is typical of such professionals as accountants, lawyers, sales managers, bank managers or people who are feeling confident, dominant, or superior about something. If we could read the person's mind, he would be saying something like, 'I have all the answers' or, 'Maybe one day you'll be as smart as I am', or even 'Everything's under control'. It is also a gesture used by the 'know-it-all' individual and many people find it irritating when someone does it to them. Lawyers habitually use this with their peers as a non-verbal demonstration of how knowledgeable they are. It can also be used as a territorial sign to show that the person has staked a claim to that particular area. The man in Figure 96 has also taken a figure 4 leg lock position which shows that he not only feels superior but is also likely to want to argue.

There are several ways to handle this gesture, depending on the circ.u.mstances in which it occurs. If you want to discover the reason for the person's superior att.i.tude, lean forward with palms up and say, 'I can see that you know about this. Would you care to comment?' Then sit back, palms still visible, and wait for an answer. Another method is to force the man to change his position, which will in turn change his att.i.tude. This can be accomplished by placing something just out of his reach and asking, 'Have you seen this?', forcing him to lean forward. Copying the gesture is another good way to handle it. If you want to show that you agree with the other person, all you need do is copy his gestures.

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On the other hand, if the person using the hands-behind-head gesture is reprimanding you, you will non-verbally intimidate him by copying this gesture. For example, two lawyers will use the gesture in each other's presence (Figure 97) to show equality and agreement, but the mischievous schoolboy would infuriate the school princ.i.p.al if he used it in his office.

The origin of this gesture is uncertain, but it is likely that the hands are used as an imaginary armchair in which the person lies back and relaxes.

Research into this gesture showed that in one particular insurance company, twenty-seven out of thirty sales managers used it regularly in the presence of their sales people or subordinates but seldom in the presence of their superiors. When they were with their superiors, the same managers used submissive and defensive gesture cl.u.s.ters.

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AGGRESSIVE AND READINESS GESTURES.

Which gesture is used in the following situations: the young child arguing with his parent, the athlete waiting for his event to begin and the boxer in the dressing-room waiting for the bout to start?

In each instance, the individual is seen standing with the hands-on-hips pose, for this is one of the most common gestures used by man to communicate an aggressive att.i.tude.

Some observers have labelled this gesture 'readiness' which in the right context is correct, but the basic meaning is aggression. It has also been called the achiever stance, related to the goal-directed individual who uses this position when he is ready to tackle his objectives. These observations are correct because in both cases the person is ready to take action about something, but it still remains an aggressive, forward-moving gesture. Men often use this gesture in the presence of women to show an aggressive, dominant male att.i.tude.

It is interesting to note that birds fluff their feathers to make themselves appear bigger when they are fighting or courting; humans use the hands-on-hips gesture for the same purpose, that is, to make themselves appear bigger. Males will use it as a non-verbal challenge to other males who enter their territory.

It is also important to consider the circ.u.mstances and gestures immediately preceding the hands-on-hips pose to make a correct a.s.sessment of the person's att.i.tude. Several other gestures can further support your conclusion. For example, is the coat open and pushed back on to the hips, or is it b.u.t.toned when the aggressive pose is taken? Closed coat readiness shows aggressive frustration, whereas coat open and pushed back (Figure 98) is a directly aggressive pose because the person is openly exposing his heart and throat in a non-verbal display of fearlessness. This position can be further reinforced by placing the - feet evenly apart on the ground or by adding clenched fists to the gesture cl.u.s.ter.

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The aggressive-readiness cl.u.s.ters are used by professional models to give the impression that their clothing is for the modem, aggressive, forward-thinking woman. Occasionally the gesture may be done with only one hand on the hip and the other displaying another gesture (Figure 99). Critical evaluation gestures are often seen with the hands-on-hips pose.

Seated Readiness One of the most valuable gestures that a negotiator can learn to recognise is seated readiness. In the selling situation, for example, if the potential buyer were to take this gesture at the end of the sales presentation and the interview had progressed successfully up to that point, the sales person could ask for the order and expect to get it. Video replays of insurance sales people interviewing potential buyers revealed that, whenever the seated readiness gesture followed the chinstroking gesture (decision-making), the client bought the policy. In contrast to this, if, during the close of the sale, the client took the arms-crossed position immediately following the chin-stroking gesture, the sale was usually unsuccessful. Unfortunately, most sales courses teach sales people always to ask for the order with little regard for the client's body position and gestures. Learning to recognise such gestures as readiness not only helps make more sales but helps to keep many more people in the selling profession. The seated readiness gesture is also taken by the angry person who is ready for something else - to throw you out. The preceding gesture cl.u.s.ters give the correct a.s.sessment of the person's intentions.

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The Starter's Position The readiness gestures that signal a desire to end a conversation or encounter are leaning forward with both hands on both knees, Figure 101) or leaning forward with both hands gripping the chair (Figure 102). Should either of these occur during a conversation it would he wise for you to take the lead and terminate it. This allows you to maintain a psychological advantage and to keep the control.

s.e.xual Aggressiveness Thumbs tucked into the belt or the tops of the pockets is the gesture display used to show a s.e.xually aggressive att.i.tude. It is one of the most common gestures used in television Westerns to show viewers the virility of their favourite gunslinger (Figure 103). The arms take the readiness position and the hands serve as central indicators, highlighting the genital region. Men use this gesture to stake their territory or to show other men that they are unafraid. When it is used in the presence of females, the gesture can be interpreted as, 'I am virile, I can dominate you'.

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This gesture, combined with expanded pupils and one foot pointing toward a female, is easily decoded by most women. It is this gesture that non-verbally gives the game away for most men, as they unwittingly tell the woman what is on their mind. This cl.u.s.ter has always been predominantly male, but the fact that women wear jeans and trousers has allowed them to use the same cl.u.s.ter (Figure 104), although they usually only do it when wearing pants or trousers. When wearing dresses or the like, the s.e.xually aggressive female displays one thumb tucked into a belt or pocket (Figure 104).

Male-Male Aggression Figure 105 shows two men sizing each other up, using the characteristic hands-on-hips and thumbs-in-belt gestures. Considering that they are both turned at an angle away from each other and the lower halves of their bodies are relaxed, it would be reasonable to a.s.sume that these two males are unconsciously evaluating each other and that an attack is unlikely. Their conversation may be casual or friendly but a completely relaxed atmosphere will not exist until their hands-on-hips gestures cease and open palm gestures are used.

If these two men had been directly facing each other with their feet planted firmly on the ground, a fight would be likely to occur (Figure 106).