The Firing Line Part 23

He said nothing more; the chair sped on homeward. Above them the sky was salmon-colour; patches of late sunlight burned red on the tree trunks; over the lagoon against the slowly kindling west clouds of wild-fowl whirled, swung, and spread out into endless lengthening streaks like drifting bands of smoke.

From time to time the girl cast a furtive glance toward him; but he was looking straight ahead with a darkly set face; and an ache, dull, scarcely perceptible, grew in her heart as they flew on along the glimmering road.

"Of what are you thinking, brother?" she asked persuasively.

"Of something I am going to do; as soon as I reach home; I mean _your_ home."

"I wish it were yours, too," she said, smiling frankly; "you are such a safe, sound, satisfactory subst.i.tute for another brother." ... And as he made no response: "What is this thing which you are going to do when you reach home?"

"I am going to ask your mother a question."

Unquiet she turned toward him, but his face was doggedly set forward as the chair circled through the gates and swept up to the terrace.

He sprang out; and as he aided her to descend she felt his hand trembling under hers. A blind thrill of premonition halted her; then she bit her lip, turned, and mounted the steps with him. At the door he stood aside for her to pa.s.s; but again she paused and turned to Hamil, irresolute, confused, not even daring to a.n.a.lyse what sheer instinct was clamouring; what intuition was reading even now in his face, what her ears divined in his unsteady voice uttering some commonplace to thank her for the day spent with him.

"What is it that you are going to say to my mother?" she asked again.

And at the same instant she knew from his eyes--gazing into them in dread and dismay.

"Don't!" she said breathlessly; "I cannot let--" The mounting wave of colour swept her: "Don't go to her!--don't ask such a--a thing. I am--"

She faltered, looking up at him with terrified eyes, and laid one hand on his arm.

The frightened wordless appeal stunned him as they stood there, confronting one another. Suddenly hope came surging up within her; her hand fell from his arm; she lifted her eyes in flushed silence--only to find hopeless confirmation of all she dreaded in his set and colourless face.

"Mr. Hamil," she said tremulously, "I never dreamed--"

"No, you didn't. I did. It is all right, s.h.i.+ela."

"Oh--I--I never, never dreamed of it!"--shocked and pitifully incredulous still.

"I know you didn't. Don't worry." His voice was very gentle, but he was not looking at her.

"Is it my--fault, Mr. Hamil?"

"Your fault?" he repeated, surprised. "What have _you_ done?"

"I--don't know."

He stood gazing absently out into the flaming west; and, speaking as though unaware: "From the first--I realise it now--even from the first moment when you sprang into my life out of the fog and the sea--s.h.i.+ela!

s.h.i.+ela!--I--"

"Don't!" she whispered, "don't say it." She swayed back against the wall; her hand covered her eyes an instant--and dropped helpless, hopeless.

They faced each other.

"Believe that I am--sorry," she whispered. "Will you believe it? I did not know; I did not dream of it."

His face changed as though something within him was being darkly aroused.

"After all," he said, "no man ever lived who could kill hope."

"There is no hope to kill--"

"No chance, s.h.i.+ela?"

"There has never been any chance--" She was trembling; he took both her hands. They were ice cold.

He straightened up, squaring his shoulders. "This won't do," he said.

"I'm not going to distress you--frighten you again." The smile he forced was certainly a credit to him.

"s.h.i.+ela, you'd love me if you could, wouldn't you?"

"Y-yes," with a s.h.i.+ver.

"Then it's all right and you mustn't worry.... Can't we get back to the old footing again?"

"N-no; it's gone."

"Then we'll find even firmer ground."

"Yes--firmer ground, Mr. Hamil."

He released her chilled hands, swung around, and took a thoughtful step or two.

"Firmer, safer ground," he repeated. "Once you said to me, 'Let us each enjoy our own griefs unmolested.'" He laughed. "Didn't you say that--years ago?"

"Yes."

"And I replied--years ago--that I had no griefs to enjoy. Didn't I?

Well, then, if this is grief, s.h.i.+ela, I wouldn't exchange it for another man's happiness. So, if you please, I'll follow your advice and enjoy it in my own fas.h.i.+on.... s.h.i.+ela, you don't smile very often, but I wish you would now."

But the ghost of a smile left her pallor unchanged. She moved toward the stairs, wearily, stopped and turned.

"It cannot end this way," she said; "I want you to know how--to know--to know that I--am--sensible of w-what honour you have done me. Wait! I--I can't let you think that I--do not--care, Mr. Hamil. Believe that I do!--oh, deeply. And forgive me--" She stretched out one hand. He took it, holding it between both of his for a moment, lightly.

"Is all clear between us, Calypso dear?"

"It will be--when I have courage to tell you."

"Then all's well with the world--if it's still under-foot--or somewhere in the vicinity. I'll find it again; you'll be good enough to point it out to me, s.h.i.+ela.... I've an engagement to improve a few square miles of it.... That's what I need--plenty of work--don't I, s.h.i.+ela?"

The clear mellow horn of a motor sounded from the twilit lawn; the others were arriving. He dropped her hand; she gathered her filmy skirts and swiftly mounted the great stairs, leaving him to greet her father and Gray on the terrace.

"h.e.l.lo, Hamil!" called out Cardross, senior, from the lawn, "are you game for a crack at the ducks to-morrow? My men report Ruffle Lake full of coots and blue-bills, and there'll be bigger duck in the West Lagoons."

"I'm going too," said Gray, "also s.h.i.+ela if she wants to--and four guides and that Seminole, Little Tiger."

Hamil glanced restlessly at the forest where his work lay. And he needed it now. But he said pleasantly, "I'll go if you say so."