The Danger. Part 27

Shelaughed."Allright.What'sthenameofthedoctor?"

Itoldher,andalsotoldherI'dtelephonethedoctormyself,toexplainthe backgroundandverifyDominic'sneed.

"You'reapoppet,"Alessiasaid.

"Oh,sure.Whatwasityousaidaboutgoingracing?"

"Irodeoutwiththestringtodayandyesterday,andIcan'tunderstandwhyI didn'tdoitsooner.I'mridingworkforMikeNolandtomorrow,andhesaysif I'mfitandO.K.he'llgivemearidenextweekatSalisbury."

"Salisbury...races?"Isaid.

"Yes,ofcourse."

"And,um,doyouwantanaudience?"

"Yes,Ido."

"You'vegot.i.t."

Shesaidgoodbyehappilyandintheeveningrangmeathomeinmyapartment.

"It'sallfixed,"shesaid."Mirandasaidyourdoctorsoundedadarling,and she'stakingDominictherefirstthingtomorrow.Thenshe'scomingstraightdown heretoLambourn.I'vegotheraroominacottageownedbyaretirednanny,who Iwenttosee,andwho'spleasedwiththewholeidea,andJohnraisedno objections,absolutelythecontrary,he'spayingforeverything."

"Terrific,"Isaid,withadmiration.

"AndPopsywantsyoudownagain.AndsodoesMiranda.AndsodoI."

"Igivein,then.When?"

"Soonasyoucan."

Iwentonthefollowingdayandalsotwicemoreduringthefollowingweek.

Dominicsleptbetterbecauseofamildliquidsleepingdraughtinhisnightly bottleofmilkandprogressedtoeatingchocolatedropsand,later,mashed bananas.Theex-nannypatientlytookawayrejectedscrambledeggsandfussed overMirandainawaywhichwouldhavewornmynervesthinbutinthat love-deprivedgirlproducedagratefuldependency.

Alessiaspentmuchofeverydaywiththem,goingforwalks,shoppinginthe village,allofthemlunchingmostdayswithPopsy,sunbathinginthecottage garden.

"You'reacleverclogs,aren'tyou?"Popsysaidtomeonmythirdvisit.

"Howdoyoumean?"

"GivingAlessiasomethingsoworthwhiletodo."

"Itwasaccidental,really."

"Andencouraged."

Igrinnedather."Shelooksgreat,doesn'tshe?"

"Marvellous.Ikeepthinkingaboutthosefirstdayswhenshewa.s.sodeathlypale andshaky.She'sjustaboutbacktoheroldselfnow."

"Ha.s.shedrivenanywhereyet,onherown?"

Popsyglancedatme."No.Notyet."

"Onedayshewill."

"Andthen?"

"Thenshe'llfly...away."

IheardinmyvoicewhatIhadn'tintendedorexpectedtobethere:arawsense ofloss.Itwasallverywellmendingbirds'brokenwings.Theycouldtakeyour heartoffwiththemwhenyousetthemfree.

Shewouldn'tneedme,I'dalwaysknownit,onceherownsnowstormhadsettled.I couldhavetried,Isupposed,toturnherdependenceonmeintoaloveaffair, but.i.twouldhavebeenstupid;crueltoher,unsatisfactorytome.Sheneededto growsafelybacktoindependenceandItofindastrongandequalpartner.The clingingwiththeclung-towasn'tagoodpropositionforlong-termsuccess.

WewereallatthatmomentoutinPopsy'syard,withAlessiatakingMiranda slowlyroundandtellingherabouteachhorseastheycametoit.Dominicby thenhaddevelopedenoughconfidencetostandontheground,thoughhehungon toMiranda'sclothespermanentlywithonehandandneededliftingtoherhipat theapproachofanystranger.Hehadstillnotsaidanythingelse,butdayby day,asthefrightlevelslowlydeclined,itbecamemorelikelythathesoon would.

PopsyandIstrolledbehindthetwogirlsandonanimpulseIsquatteddownto Dominic'sheightandsaid,"Wouldyoulikearideonmyshoulders?"

MirandaencouraginglysweptupDominicandperchedhimonmewithonelegpast eachear.

"HoldontoAndrew'shair,"Alessiasaid,andIfeltthelittlefingersgripping asIstoodupright.

Icouldn'tseeDominic'sface,buteveryoneelsewa.s.smiling,soIsimplyset offveryslowlypasttheboxes,sohecouldseetheinmatesoverthehalf-doors.

"Lovelyhorses,"Mirandasaid,halfanxiously."Bighorses,darling,look."

Wefinishedthetouroftheyardinthatfas.h.i.+onandwhenIliftedDominicdown hestretcheduphisarmstogoupagain.Ihoistedhimontomyleftarm,myface levelwithhis."You'reagoodlittleboy,"Isaid.

Hetuckedhisheaddowntomyneckashe'ddonesooftenwithMiranda,andinto myreceptiveearhebreathedoneveryquietword,"Andrew."

"That'sright,"Isaid,equallyquietly,"andwho'sthat?"IpointedatMiranda.

"Mummy."Thesyllablesweren'tmuchmorethanawhisper,butquiteclear.

"Andthat?"Isaid.

"Lessia."

"Andthat?"

"Popsy."

"Verygood."Iwalkedafewstepswithhimawayfromtheothers.Heseemed unalarmed.Isaidinanormalvoice,"Whatwouldyoulikefortea?"

Therewasafairlylongpause;thenhesaid"Chocolate,"stillquietly.

"Good.Youshallhavesome.You'reaverygoodboy."

Icarriedhimfurtheraway.Helookedbackonlyonceortwicetocheckthat Mirandawa.s.stillinsight,andIreckonedthattheworstofhistroubleswere over.Nightmareshewouldhave,andboutsofdesperateinsecurity,b.u.t.thebig firststepshadbeentaken,andmyjobtheretoowasalmostdone.

"Howoldareyou,Dominic?"Iasked.

Hethoughtabit."Three,"hesaid,moreaudibly.

"Whatdoyouliketoplaywith?"

Apause."Car."

"Whatsortofcar?"

Hesang"Dee-dahdee-dahdee-dah"intomyearveryclearlyontwonotes,an exactimitationofapolicecar'ssiren.Ilaughedandhuggedhim."You'lldo,"

Isaid.

Alessia'sreturntorace-ridingwasinsomerespectsunpromisinga.s.shecame backwhite-facedafterfinis.h.i.+nglast.

Theraceitself,afive-furlongsprintfortwo-year-olds,hadseemedtometobe overinaflash.Hardlyhadshecantereddowntothestart,abentfigurein s.h.i.+ningredsilks,thanthefieldofeighteenwereloadedintothestallsand setrunning.Theredsilkshadshownbrieflyandbeenswamped,smotheredbya rainbowwavewhichleftthemslowinginthewake.Thejockeysatbackontoher saddlethemomentshepa.s.sedthewinningpost,stoppinghermounttoawalkin veryfewstrides.

Iwenttowhereallexceptthefirstfourfinisherswerebeingdismounted,where glum-facedlittlegroupsofownersandtrainerslistenedtotaleaftertaleof woeanddisasterfromimpersonaljockeyswhosemindswerealreadyonthefuture.

Iheards.n.a.t.c.hesofwhattheyweresayingwhileIwaitedun.o.btrusivelyfor Alessia.

"Wouldn'tquickenwhenIaskedhim..."

"Couldn'tactonthegoing..."

"Gotb.u.mped...shutin...squeezedout."

"Stillababy..."

"Hangingtotheleft..."

MikeNoland,withoutaccompanyingowners,noncommittallywatchedAlessia approaching,thenpattedhishorse'sneckandcriticallyinspecteditslegs.

Alessiastruggledtoundothebucklesonthegirths,aserviceNolandfinally performedforher,andallIheardhersaytohimwas"Thanks...Sorry,"whichhe receivedwithanodandapatontheshoulder:andthatseemedtobethat.

Alessiadidn'tspotmestandingthereandhurriedawaytowardstheweighing room;anditwasagoodtwentyminutesbeforesheemerged.

Shestilllookedpale.Alsostrained,thin,shaky,andmiserable.

"Hi,"Isaid.

Sheturnedherheadandstoppedwalking.Managedasmile."h.e.l.lo."

"What'sthematter?"Isaid.

"Yousaw."

"Isawthatthehorsewasn'tfastenough."

"YousawthateverytalentIusedtohaveisn'tthereanymore."

Ishookmyhead."Youwouldn'texpectaprimaballerinatogivetheperformance ofalifetimeifshe'dbeenawayfromdancingforthreemonths."

"Thisisdifferent."

"No.Youexpectedtoomuch.Don'tbeso...socrueltoyourself."

Shegazedatmeforawhileandthenlookedaway,searchingforanotherface.

"HaveyouseenMikeNolandanywhere?"shesaid.

"Notsincejustaftertherace."

"He'llbefurious."Shesoundeddesolate."He'llnevergivemeanotherchance."

"Didheexpecthishorsetowin?"Iasked."Itstartedatabouttwelvetoone.

Nowherenearfavorite."

Herattentioncamebacktomyfacewithanotherflickeringsmile."Ididn'tknow youbetted."

"Ididn't.Idon't.Ijustlookedatthebookies'boards,outofinterest."

ShehadcomefromLambournwithMikeNoland,andIhaddrivenfromLondon.When I'dtalkedtoherbeforeshewenttochangefortheraceshe'dbeennervously expectant:eyeswide,cheekspink,fullofsmallmovementsandhalfsmiles, wantingamiracle.

"Ifeltsickintheparadering,"shesaid."I'veneverbeenlikethatbefore."

"Butyoudidn'tactuallyvomit..."

"Well,no."

"Howaboutadrink?"Isuggested."Orahugesandwich?"

"Fattening,"shesaidautomatically,andInoddedandtookherarm.

"Jockeyswhosetalentshavevanishedintothinaircaneatallthesandwiches theywant,"Isaid.

Shepulledherarmawayandsaidinexasperation,"You...Youalwaysmakepeople seethingsstraight.Allright.I'lladmit.i.t.Noteveryvestigeoftalentis missing,butImadearottenshowing.Andwe'llgoandhavea...asmallsandwich, ifyoulike."

Someofthebluesweredispersedoverthefood,butnotall,andIknewtoo littleaboutracingtojudgewhetherheropinionofherselfwasfair.She'd lookedfinetome,b.u.t.thensowouldalmostanyonehavedonewhocouldstandin thestirrupswhilehalfatonofthoroughbredthunderedforwardatoverthirty milesanhour.

"MikedidsaysomethingonthewayhereaboutgivingmearideatSandownnext weekifeverythingwasO.K.today,andIdon'tsupposehewill,now."

"Wouldyoumindverymuch?"

"Yes,ofcourse,"shesaidpa.s.sionately."OfcourseI'dmind."Sheheardboth theconvictionandthecommitmentinhervoice,andsodidI.Herheadgrew still,hereyesbecamemorepeaceful,andhervoice,whenshespokeagain,was lowerinpitch."Yes,I'dmind.AndthatmeansIstillwanttobeajockeymore thananythingonearth.ItmeansthatI'vegottoworkhardertogetback.It meansthatImustputtheselastthreemonthsbehindme,andgetonwith living."Shefinishedtheremainsofanotverygoodchickensandwichandsat backinherchairandsmiledatme."IfyoucometoSandown,I'lldobetter."