After Twilight Part 8

"I've missed you." She whispered the words, afraid to break the spell between them.

"No more than I've missed you."

"Truly?"

"Truly." He drew back so he could see her face. "I've felt your sadness these past two weeks. I know how unhappy you've been." He brushed her cheek with his knuckles. "I can help you, if you'll let me."

"What do you mean?"

He took a deep breath. "I can make you forget we ever met."

Her eyes grew wide and then narrowed. "You mean hypnotize me?"

He nodded. "I've done it before."

"When?"

"Do you remember the night those three men attacked you in the parking lot?"

"Of course."

"One of them had a gun. He shot me three times."

Leanne shook her head. "That's impossible."

"You saw it all. If I hadn't erased the memory from your mind, you would have

started asking questions I couldn't answer." A faint smile curved his lips. "I can show you the bullet holes in my coat if you don't believe me."

She didn't want to believe him, but she knew somehow that it was true.

"Do you want me to make you forget that we ever met?"

He would do it if she asked, he thought bleakly, though destroying her memory of their time together would be like destroying a part of himself. And yet, he would do anything she asked, anything that would wipe the sadness from her eyes.

Slowly, Leanne shook her head. "No, I don't want to forget a single moment. I want... I want us to go on as before."

"Leanne, you don't know what you're saying."

"Yes, I do."

Jason shook his head. "No, beloved."

"You don't want me?"

"You know that's not true."

"Then why?"

"Leanne, you think you know what I am, but you don't. There's nothing romantic about being a vampire. It's a life against nature, a life against G.o.d. I could never forgive myself if I caused you harm."

"You won't. I know you won't."

"You don't know!" He pushed her away and stood up. "I never should have come here."

"Why did you?"

"Because I needed to see you one last time. Because I heard you call me and I couldn't stay away."

Rising, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek against his chest. "I love you, Jason. I couldn't bear it if you left me again."

"Leanne, you don't know how hard it is for me to hold you like this and not make you mine. You don't know how many nights I've wanted to take you in my arms and drain you of every drop of life."

His gaze seemed to probe the furthest reaches of her heart and soul. "How will you feel about me if one night I can't control what I am?"

His words gave her pause. He saw it in her eyes, heard it in the sudden sharp intake of her breath.

"I never should have come here," he said again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't go, please. Stay the night with me. Just one more night."

"Leanne..."

"Please?"

He knew he should leave her, now, before it was too late, but when he opened

his mouth to tell her he couldn't stay, the words wouldn't come. Instead, he bent his head and kissed her, kissed her with all the bittersweet longing that had tormented him for the past two weeks.

And when the kiss ended, she took him by the hand and led him into her bedroom.

He saw it all in a quick glance: the dresser and nightstand made of burnished oak, the large oval mirror that reflected her image, but not his, the double bed covered with a colorful cotton throw.

Leanne stood in the middle of the room, her heart pounding wildly in her breast as she waited for Jason to take her in his arms.

Instead, he pressed a kiss to her cheek, and when he looked at her, his eyes were filled with doubts. "Are you sure?"

She nodded, and then she reached under his s.h.i.+rt, letting her fingers slide up and down the length of his back. His skin was firm and cool beneath her hand.

With a suddenness that startled her, he swung her into his arms and covered her mouth with his, kissing her until she was breathless, weightless, aware of nothing in all the world but the iron-hard arms that held her. His face blocked everything else from her vision, and she stared up into his eyes, eyes that burned with a bright blue flame.

"Jason." She whispered his name, just his name, but it conveyed all the loneliness she'd felt during their separation, her anguish at the thought of never seeing him again, the deep void his absence had left in her life.

"I know," he said, his voice thick with unshed tears. "I know."

Gently, he placed her on the bed, his hands moving over her face, lightly tracing the outline of her lips, her brows, the delicate curve of her cheek.

"Leanne, beloved..."

He bent to kiss her again, and yet again, knowing he could never get enough of her, knowing that, if he existed for another three hundred years, he would never love like this again.

Leanne stroked his brow. It was so good to touch him again, to know that he still cared. Their separation had not been easy for him, either, she thought. There was a dark, haunted look in his eyes that had not been there before, a pain so deep it made her want to weep.

"Jason, let us go on as before."

His expression mirrored his surprise. "You can't mean that?"

"I do. I don't care that you're a..."

"You say you don't care," he remarked quietly, "yet you can't even say the word."

"Vampire. Vampire! I don't care what you are, only say you won't leave me, that you'll be a part of my life again."

"What kind of life can you have with me?" he asked in a voice filled with self-loathing. "How long will you be content with a man-a monster-who can never share the daylight with you, who can come to you only at night, who sometimes feeds on the living because he can't resist the urge to kill, because he can't always control his fiendish hunger, his rage?"

"I'll help you," she replied fervently. "I'll love you so completely you won't have to be angry anymore. And if you need to take someone's blood, you can take mine."

He gazed into the depths of her eyes, eyes filled with trust and hope, and for a moment he let himself believe that such a life was possible.

Knowing it was wrong, knowing that to touch her now would only bring them both pain later on, he kissed her.

Kissed her because he loved her so much, wanted her so much, needed her so desperately.

He began to undress her then, his hands moving reverently over her body as he reacquainted himself with the gentle contours of her body, the softness of her skin.

He closed his eyes, his joy so fierce it was almost agony, as she rid him of his clothes. She explored his hard-muscled body freely, letting her fingertips glide over the width of his shoulders, down his flat belly, the length of his thighs.

His response to her touch was instant, bringing a smile to her lips and a warm glow of pleasure to her eyes. He groaned softly as he drew her up against him, the lush curves of her body filling the emptiness in his.

His mouth covered hers again in a long, hungry kiss, and he knew if he held her and kissed her for the rest of his life, it wouldn't be enough.

Trembling with the need to merge his flesh with hers, he rose over her, wondering what miracle had brought her into his life. Surely, he had done nothing to deserve her love, her trust. He was a creature of the night, a man who had been cursed, but now felt blessed beyond belief.

Her arms wrapped around him as she lifted her hips in welcome invitation, taking him deep within herself, cheris.h.i.+ng him, loving him, until he wanted to weep with the wonder of it. She whispered that she adored him, and her words fell on his heart like suns.h.i.+ne, chasing the darkness from his soul, filling him with warmth and light, making him forget, for a moment, that he was more monster than man.

He held her tight as her body convulsed beneath him, felt his self-control begin to slip as he watched the pulse that throbbed in her throat. A red mist veiled his eyes, reminding him that he wasn't a man, but a monster masquerading in human form, a fiend who had no right to love this woman.

He gazed into her eyes, eyes so like Jolene's, and into his memory came an image of his wife, her beauty fading, her health deteriorating, as time and disease ravaged her face and body while he stayed forever young. He could not endure the agony of watching Leanne grow old, could not bear the thought that she would die and leave him alone.

Neither could he bear the thought of being parted from her again, and yet he knew that, if he stayed, it would be only a matter of time before he succ.u.mbed to the awful craving for her blood, a need that even now was raging through him, as hot and fierce as his desire for her flesh.

As surely as he knew he must shun the sunlight or perish, he knew that he would force the Dark Gift on Leanne rather than watch her die. And he knew, just as surely, that she would hate him for it forever.

Painful as it would be, it would be better to leave her now, before he did something they would both regret, before her love turned to loathing.

He held her close, listening to the soft sound of her breathing as she fell asleep in his arms.

He had always feared dying, feared the prospect of an eternity, writhing in the flames of h.e.l.l, but he feared it no longer.

h.e.l.l was not a place awaiting his soul, he thought in despair. h.e.l.l would be waiting for him when he kissed her good-bye.

He held her until the last moment, until he could feel the sunrise trembling on the brink of the horizon, feel the promised heat of it.

She murmured sleepily as he drew the covers over her, then bent and kissed her one last time.

And still he lingered, imprinting her image on his mind that he might carry it with him through all the endless days and nights of eternity.

Tomorrow night he would leave Los Angeles. It was the only way to keep from seeing her-the only way to keep her safe.

Chapter Ten.

He had left her again. There was no note this time, no written words of farewell.

With grim certainty she knew he would never come back.

With equal certainty she knew she would not let him go.

It was Monday, and there were no performances scheduled. She straightened her apartment, wrote Jennifer a short letter that would account for her absence but explained nothing. Next, she penned a letter to her parents, telling them she loved them, saying she'd met a man and they were on their way to Europe for an extended holiday.

She took a long, hot bubble bath, shaved her legs, washed her hair, and then she stood in front of the full-length mirror that hung on the back of the bathroom door, studying her face and figure, knowing that, if her plans went as intended, she'd never see her face again-wondering, in a distant part of her mind, how a woman applied lipstick and mascara without the benefit of a looking gla.s.s.

Before she could lose her courage, she ran down the stairs to the garage, got into her car, and drove toward Jason's house.

She lingered on the porch, watching the sun go down in a blaze of color, imprinting the image on her mind.

And then, resolutely, she turned her back on the myriad colors splashed across the sky. Taking a deep breath, she took the heavy bra.s.s key from her pocket and opened the front door.

The inside of the house was as still as death.

Her footsteps made no sound as she made her way to the service porch, but she was sure the thudding of her heart could be heard as far away as Catalina.

As she'd done once before, she sat down and waited for him to rise, wondering, as she did so, if there was some kind of vampire law that would prohibit them from sleeping in a bed.

She felt her heartbeat increase as the bas.e.m.e.nt door swung open, and then she forgot everything else but her love for Jason, and her reason for being there.

So, he thought, he had not imagined her presence, after all.

"Leanne," he said after a lengthy silence. "Why are you here?"