The Spook's Bestiary Part 1

THE LAST.

APPRENTICE.

THE SPOOK'S BESTIARY.

JOSEPH DELANEY.

To Mariea".

J.D.

To Annea".

J.H.

To the Reader.

My name is John Gregory and I've walked the length and breadth of the County for more years than I care to remember, defending it against ghosts, ghasts, boggarts, witches, and all manner of things that go b.u.mp in the night. The trade I follow is that of a spook, and all those who practice our craft must be the seventh son of a seventh son, with the ability to see and talk to the dead, and with a degree of immunity against witches.

Each spook takes on and trains apprentices so that the fight against the dark may go on from generation to generation. And an important part of what we do is accrue, record, and share knowledge so that we may learn from the past. What follows is my Bestiarya"my personal account of the denizens of the dark I've encountered, together with the lessons I have learned and the mistakes I have made. I have held nothing back, and my hope is that the spook who follows me will continue to keep this record of the practical ways in which we deal with the dark.

The fight will go on, and there are always new things to learn about our enemiesa"and, indeed, new types of enemy to face. But we must take heart from the fact that the record shows we are always finding ways to deal with each fresh threat. As long as I can see and am able to hold a pen, I will continue to augment this store of knowledge. Let this Bestiary grow and be added to by each new spook who follows my path.

John Gregory.

of Chipenden.

The Dark.

We can only speculate as to how the dark originated. Perhaps it was there from the moment the universe was first created, a force to balance against the light, each striving from that first instant to gain the upper hand. One other possibility is that it was a tiny seed of possibility that grew stronger as its roots developed and fed upon human wickedness. For there is no doubt in my mind that human involvementa"especially the wors.h.i.+p of and contact with the servants of the dark for personal gaina"is strengthening it now.

Whatever the truth, the dark is still growing in power, and its denizens threaten to plunge the whole world into a long age of terror and bloodshed.

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE DARK.

(General preparations and remedies).

1. It is important to prepare the mind. To conquer one's fear is difficult, but that is the first thing that must be done. The dark feeds upon human fear, which enables it to grow stronger. It helps to breathe slowly and deeply and focus on the task at hand. A spook must be prepared to die if necessary. Once that is accepted, the fear often fades into insignificance. Our duty to the County is more important than our own lives.

2. It is beneficial to fast: This clears the mind and makes us less susceptible to dark magic. However, a balance must be struck because our work is often physically demanding. When the dark threatens, I keep up my strength by eating very small pieces of County cheese.1 3. Fortunately there are many substances that cause pain and eventual destruction to the creatures of the darka"or, at the very least, limit their capacity to do harm. The combination of salt and iron is particularly effective against boggarts and witches and can be used either to slay or bind them. Rowan is the most effective wood against witches, and a silver alloy can hurt even the most powerful of the dark's servants. Hence a spook's use of a rowan staff with a retractable silver alloy blade.

4. A silver chain, which can be used to bind a witch, is an equally useful tool. It is less effective against demons, but even there may temporarily incapacitate them until a blade can be used.

5. A spook's best weapons against the dark are common sense, courage, plus the acquisition of skills and knowledge built up over many generations. We don't use magic. Ours is a craft, a trade, and we must learn from both our mistakes and our successes.

1 I had not been working from the Chipenden house for long when I learned that the village and surrounding area are the very center of County cheese-making.a"John Gregory I'm sick to death of eating cheese. For me it's the very worst part of the job. I don't know how much longer I can put up with it.a"apprentice Andy Cuerden Andrew Cuerden left within a month of making the above observation. This trade needs discipline. He thought too much about the needs of his belly and lacked commitment.a"John Gregory An Angry Stone Chucker.

Boggarts.

Boggarts are far more numerous in the County than anywhere else on earth. There are several different types of these spirit ent.i.tiesa"some are little more than an irritation, but others can cause serious damage to property, or to people, and in some cases they may even prove deadly.

Typically boggarts make their lairs in cellars, barns, and hollow trees; most are, at the very least, an inconvenience to people nearby. They are usually invisible, but unless exceptionally powerful, they can be seen by spooks. When angry or happy they briefly show themselves to ordinary folk, taking on forms such as cats, horses, or goats. They can also leave unsettling signs of their presence. For example, a cat boggart may leave paw prints on a clean kitchen floor or claw marks on the furniture.

Unlike other boggarts, stone chuckers cannot directly materialize, but when they want to scare people, they cover themselves in something visible, like mud or leaves, so that their true multiarmed shape can be seen. A terrifying sight indeed!

All boggarts use ley lines1 to travel from place to place, and when mobile they are called free boggarts. Sometimes disturbances to the leys, such as an earthquake hundreds of miles away, cause a boggart to become naturally bound and trapped in one location, unable to escape. Angered, this boggart immediately becomes very disruptive, and a spook may be required to drive it away.

All boggarts can understand human language, but most communicate with actions rather than words. If they are displeased, they show it by throwing and breaking things or being disruptivea"for example, by digging up rows of potatoes after they have been planted, or opening gates to allow livestock to escape. If pleased, they may clean out a cowshed or wash and dry plates, placing them carefully back on the rack afterward.

Boggarts that talk, however, are difficult to deal with. Speech indicates a higher than usual intelli-gence. These creatures, combining this attribute with malicious behavior, are to be feared and dealt with very carefully indeed. It is usually necessary to slay them.

TYPES OF BOGGARTS.

Bone Breakers.

Bone breakers feed on the marrow in bones. Mostly they feast on dead animals, but they sometimes acquire a taste for the skeletons of recently buried people. This can be very upsetting for relatives of the deceased (and makes a lot of work for the poor s.e.xton, who has to clear up the fragments of flesh and bone left behind in the graveyard). Worse still, bone breakers sometimes attack the living, wrenching bones from flesh while their victim is fully conscious. This is rare, but it does happen.

Henry Horrocks, the Spook who would, years later, become my own master, once had an apprentice killed by a bone breaker. I happened to pa.s.s by just as Henry was about to bury the poor lad, who was lying by the graveside. I've never seen such a look of terror on a dead face. The boggart had really only wanted the thumb bone but had torn the lad's hand off at the wrist. He'd died of shock and loss of blood. It's a sight that I'll take with me to my own grave. The boggart was being controlled by a witch, who used it to gather thumb bones for her magic rituals. When two creatures of the dark cooperate like this, the danger is greatly increased. Even an experienced spook such as Henry can miscalculatea"hence the demise of his poor apprentice.

Church Movers.

These usually carry away the foundations of churches that are in the process of construction and place them elsewhere. There are many locations in the Countya"for example, at Leyland and Rochdalea"where the new site chosen by the boggart has been accepted. The aim of the boggart is to remove the church from land where it has made its home, thus keeping people away. They rarely move the foundations of taverns, houses, or farm buildings, so it may be that, being creatures of the dark, the act of wors.h.i.+p annoys them, causing a disturbance that they cannot tolerate.

Grave Wreckers.

These boggarts smash tombstones, disinter corpses, and break coffins into tiny pieces. Like most of their kind, they feed on terror, but additionally draw extra strength from the outraged grief of the bereaved. They also collect bones, often hiding those they have stolen in deep caverns, where they are never seen again. Unlike bone breakers, they never feed on them, and as yet no spook has been able to discover why they do it and what purpose it serves.

Hairy Boggarts.

These take on the shapes of animals such as black dogs, horses, goats, and cats. Goat boggarts and dog boggarts tend to be untrustworthy and malevolent. Cat and horse boggarts,2 by contrast, can be friendly. They may even help with household and farmyard ch.o.r.es in exchange for being allowed to share a location undisturbed.

Very rarely, boggarts of this type can take any form they choose, usually in order to terrify their victim and grow stronger by feeding on that fear. I once had to deal with a boggart that took on the best-known shape of the Devil, complete with horns, tail, and cloven hooves. It could also talk, making it very dangerous indeed.

Hairy Boggart.

Hall Knockers.

Hall knockers frighten people by rapping on walls, banging doors, and generally causing a nuisance. If all your doors and windows are closed up tight when you go to bed, but you are still woken by slamming or rattling or loud noises in the night, then it's likely you are sharing your house with a hall knocker. They are very unpredictable and can be exceptionally dangerous. They may be stable for years, then change without warning into stone chuckers.

One of the most notorious County hall knockers was located in Staumin. It caused severe disruptions in and around the church and manor house for many years. It was eventually bound by a priest. But he was no ordinary member of the clergy. A fully trained spook, who had taken holy orders afterward, he was one of my previous apprentices, Father Robert Stocks.3 Rippers.

Without doubt the most dangerous category of all boggarts is the ripper. These begin as cattle rippers, which drink the blood of animalsa"usually cattle, horses, sheep, or pigs. They can cause the farmer real hards.h.i.+p by preventing his stock from thriving, but eventually this type of boggart starts to kill, draining its chosen animal slowly, visiting it many times until the final encounter, when it drinks until the animal's heart stops.

The very worst cattle rippers sometimes kill dozens of animals in a single night. They rip open the poor creatures' bellies or slit their throats, drinking only a small amount of blood in each case. It is simply wanton killing, done for the gruesome pleasure it affords the boggart. On such occasions, the howls of the boggart can be heard across the fields as it satisfies its blood l.u.s.t. This is usually the final rogue stage, before the boggart becomes a full-blown ripper.

Rippers also drink the blood of humans, often trapping them in some way so they can't escape.4 They will take small amounts of blood over several days but always finally gorge themselves so that the victim dies. Human blood has become a great delicacy for the boggart, something to be savored. After it has tasted human blood, it will kill and kill again until a spook is summoned to deal with it.

Stone Chuckers.

These boggarts throw pebbles, stones, or even boulders. Their intention is to terrify or slay those they wish to drive away from a chosen domain. Sometimes showers of stones rain down on a village or house for weeks at a time. These attacks are often fatal, making stone chuckers one of the most dangerous boggarts to deal with. An angry stone chucker is a terrifying sight to behold, with six huge arms, each hurling rocks. They need to be artificially bound or slain.

Whistlers Feeding on fear, these boggarts attach themselves to anyone who appears susceptible. They whistle and howl down chimneys and through keyholes, using shrill, terrifying sounds as their weapon. Some victims are driven insane; others kill themselves. The wise ones send for a spook.

DEALING WITH UNKNOWN BOGGARTS.

There are four stages when dealing with an unknown boggart, which may be easily remembered by use of the acronym NIBS (Negotiation, Intimidation, Binding, and Slaying).

STAGE 1: NEGOTIATION.

The first step is to find out why a boggart is being troublesome and then make it an offer. This can simply be the respect of the people it is plaguing, or even their grat.i.tude. It is, in fact, possible to live in the same house as a boggart and for the situation to be quite comfortable. Many boggarts respond to flattery. To ill.u.s.trate this, I give below an account of my very first attempt to negotiate with a boggart.

THE CHIPENDEN BOGGART.

After the death of my master, Henry Horrocks, I'd been plying my trade from the Chipenden house for less than a month when I was summoned to deal with a boggart. It had recently begun plaguing the workers at the local wood mill. A young spook must build his reputation carefully, and I was nervous at the prospect of having to prove myself so soon and so close to home.

Once all had left for the night, I wrapped myself in my cloak and began my vigil in the large workshop with just a single candle to light the darkness. I expected to face a hall knocker because raps, bangs, and thuds had been disturbing the mill and frightening the workers who opened the premises in the morning and locked them at night. Tools and materials also seemed to have been moved and were found in unexpected places.

I'd salt in my right breeches pocket, iron in my left. When combined, they're the most effective weapon against a boggart, but I was ill at ease and not quite sure what to expect.

A hall knocker can become extremely violent, changing in the twinkling of an eye into a stone chucker. These boggarts can hurl boulders big enough to crush a man or pitch sharp shards of flint accurately enough to take out an eye, so I was ready for anything. But the first sounds I heard in the darkness told me that I was dealing with a hairy boggart.

I could hear the insistent scritch-scratch of sharp claws against wood, and as I watched, the boggart slowly began to materialize, taking on the shape of a large ginger tomcat.

I was both pleased and relieved, to say the least. Cat boggarts have a tendency to be benign and are more amenable to reason than their goat and dog counterparts. So I called out to it loudly but firmly, attempting to fill my voice with as much confidence as possible.

"Get you gone! Those who work here neither respect nor appreciate your worth. The ley is open, so move along! Choose a place where you'll be more comfortable! Find a location where you'll be welcome!"

No sooner had I spoken than the image of the large ginger cat faded and then disappeared altogether. For a few seconds, a loud purring filled the workshop, vibrating the floorboards and rattling the tools on the bench. Then all was silent. The boggart had gone! I was surprised at how easily it had yielded to my wishes.

It was with a sense of deep pride that I reported my success to the mill foreman the following morning. But as the proverb says, "Pride comes before a fall," and as I walked happily back to my house, already well paid for my services, little did I expect what was about to unfold.

As I lay in my bed the following night, I heard a tremendous tumult from the kitchen belowa"cras.h.i.+ng and banging and clattering. It sounded as if all the plates in the kitchen were being systematically shattered and the pots and pans hurled violently against the walls.

Downstairs, my worst fears were proved correct. The kitchen was littered with broken crockery, and all the pans and cooking utensils had been scattered about the floor. To my dismay, it seemed that the boggart had taken my words as an invitation to move into my own house! As several ley lines pa.s.s under my Chipenden dwelling, it had managed this with ease.

I was really angry, and my first thought was to finish this malicious boggart off with salt and iron. But the wise teachings of my dead master prevailed. After all, the boggart was now in a fresh location, and the process of dealing with it should begin anew. It was only proper that I should try negotiation once more.

That night, in total darkness, I waited patiently in the kitchen for the hairy boggart to make its presence felt. Just before midnight, I heard a pan clatter across the stone floor.

"Why do that?" I asked in a calm and reasonable voice. "What have I done to hurt you? Why don't you just move on again and find somewhere more to your liking?"

A deep, throbbing growl of displeasure filled the darkness, making the hairs on the back of my neck rise and goose pimples stand up on my arms. I sensed that I was in the presence of a very powerful boggart, one that had just informed me, in no uncertain terms, that it had no intention of following my advice. Despite the fact that most cat boggarts are benign, on rare occasions some have shown themselves to be malevolent; a few are very dangerous indeed. If provoked, they can kill, delivering a blow hard enough to shatter a skull or tear out a throat with one swift slash of their sharp claws.

It was then that I had a sudden flash of inspiration. My master had told me that far to the south of the County, an old spook had once reached a comfortable accommodation with a boggart. In return for certain concessions, it had agreed to keep his house clean and tidy. So why didn't I attempt to do the same?

"Sounds like you don't much want to move on again. Well, I can tell you, I don't much want to move either, so we've reached a deadlock. We could fight it out until one of us is destroyed, but I think there's a better way to settle this. You and I need to come to an arrangement. Life could be very comfortable for both of us," I suggested. "Perhaps you could stay here and keep things tidy; also cook and clean for me. You'd never have to worry about being hunted and hounded by another spook, and on top of that I'd make sure you were well rewarded in other ways."

The boggart began to materialize again, taking the form of the large ginger tomcat. It glowed in the dark, and its fur was standing on end. Was it preparing to attack?

I thrust my hands into my pockets and pulled out two handfuls of what I'd stored there: salt in my right hand, iron filings in my left. The boggart saw my intention and let out a warning growl.

"Accept my offer or suffer the consequences!" I warned in reply.

For a moment we faced each other. Then the boggart slowly faded away. I waited in the darkness for almost an hour, just in case it returned. Finally I went off to bed, tired and worried. I felt I should have reacted faster and slayed the creature there and then.

But the following morning, there was a surprise waiting for me in the kitchen. A cozy fire was burning in the grate, and a hot meal was laid out on the table: bacon, eggs, and sausages, cooked to perfection. I ate with relish, but when I stood to leave the table, I heard a low angry growl. Thinking quickly, I realized my mistake and put it right immediately.

"My compliments to the cook," I said hastily. "That was just about the best breakfast I've ever tasted!"

At once there came a deep purring from beneath the table and I felt a big cat rub itself against my ankles. So far, so good. This boggart certainly appreciated flattery!

For a while things continued in the same way. Each morning an appetizing breakfast was waiting for me, and this was eventually extended to suppers as well. This continueda"until, very gradually, things began to change and the quality of the cooking started to deteriorate. Some mornings the bacon would be burned or the eggs underdone. Then there came a time when no breakfast was waiting; that night, once again, I heard the sound of plates being smashed downstairs.

By the time I reached the kitchen door, the sounds had stopped, but I could hear the scritch-scratching of the boggart's sharp claws. I waited until there was silence, then, carrying a candle, finally entered that room. There, etched deeply into the wooden chopping block, were the words: Quickly I realized my folly. I had promised a reward but had failed to deliver. In that instant the candle blew out and the door slammed shut behind me. I was in grave danger.

I had salt and iron in my pockets, but this was a powerful boggart that had chosen not to show itself, so I had no means of locating my target. I reached for the door handle, and as I began to turn it, I felt a tremendous blow to my head that knocked it back hard against the frame. Befuddled and in pain, I stumbled to my knees. Then came the sharp sting of claws being raked down my right cheek. I was close to panic and scrambled to my feet, my heart racing with fear.

Somehow I managed to get the door open and stagger out of the room. There I looked in the mirror, examining the livid scratches on my face and listening to the smas.h.i.+ng of crockery from the kitchen.

With the pain burning my right cheek, a lump the size of an egg on my head, and a raging headache, I had the whole night to consider my folly. I had, of course, promised a reward but allowed it to slip from my mind. Now the need to fulfill that promise was urgent. So I thought things through very carefully and by morning had an idea of how to proceed.