Taboo Diary Part 2

Mom couldn't bring herself to add the fact that I might kill myself if I didn't get to sleep with her. My mind was working overdrive with sad thoughts. Thinking back to the movie scenes that touched me the most, my nose started to run a bit. Bingo. The back of my throat started swelling a bit in tandem with my sinuses. My body had cooperated and I was ready.

With a broken, quiet voice, I started what I hoped would go down as my finest moment. 'I don't want to kill myself mom.' I paused a second to compose myself. 'My feelings for you .. have been growing over the years .... and I just can't control my mind anymore.' I sniffled a few times more and continued, 'I was really happy with Lisa at first but I started to compare her against you ........and.. and, there was no way she could compare with you. It's not just your body. I think you are the perfect woman in every way.'

My mother, for the first time sensing the seriousness of our conversation, looked around to ensure n.o.body else was within ear shot.

We had been talking very low indeed and the next closest people were at least 50 feet away. Seemingly comfortable that we were talking in private, my mother started in again.

'What you are feeling for me might feel natural for you, but it will pa.s.s in time. You just need to find the right girl.'

This wasn't going to well, so I needed to be bold. I slowly reached over and grabbed my mom's hand. She pulled back a bit and I pounced.

'Why do you always reject me?', I almost cried, in the softest voice I could muster.

My mother showed shock in her forehead and I wished I could see those eyes. 'How can you say that? I have never rejected you. I've done everything I possibly could and have always loved you.' She seemed genuinely offended.

I had to tread carefully. 'I never ask you for anything.....I can't help my feelings for you. Any more than you can help your opposite feelings.' I hoped to be able to twist her.

'It's not like that honey. What you want is wrong, and even those people that want such things are able to suppress such feelings because they know it is wrong.'

I continued to sniffle, actually feeling sad that my plan might not work. 'What is wrong with s.e.x? If everybody does it.... what's the big deal. Why in the world would it be wrong for family members to have s.e.x if they both want it? In ancient times, it was normal for parents to actually teach their children about s.e.x by way of incest.'

'G.o.d James, what have you been reading? I thought we raised you better than this.'

'Dad had an incest tape and I know both of you used to watch it.' This was one of my potential aces and I prayed it would be a winner.

Mom took off her gla.s.ses and looked positively shocked. She started to speak several times but paused to collect her thoughts. Finally, 'What your father and I do in our spare time is none of your business and is beside the point.'

There it was; a typical parent response that proved she had no legitimate argument. Time to pounce.

'If incest is so wrong, then neither of you would have ever had that tape.' This conversation was getting out of hand and I realized if anyone had overheard it, they would have found it unbelievable. I reached for her hand again, and although she started to pull back, she relented. I decided to go for broke. The tears flowed full force and I was a sniveling mess in a matter of seconds. Mom relaxed so I grabbed her like a child would and hugged her tight. By chance, my face ended up in her chest. I felt her arms wrap around me and I cried as I had a dozen years before. I opened my eyes and saw my mother's jewels. They were getting wet from my tears. Would she notice if I took a lick? No chances this late in the game.

I heard, 'there, there.' I guess mom's never tire of comforting their children.

I blubbered on, 'I just ...... want to experience ... what I know will be the best moment of my ... life.'

Mom had no response for it. I pushed the matter.

'You always .... taught me to go for .... what I wanted. I want you ... more than anything. Why can't you do .. this one thing for me??' I had to pause a few seconds to let her mind work. 'I don't want to go on .... without experiencing you.'

She responded instantly, 'G.o.d dammit James, don't say that. You know I can't do what you are asking.'

I went for broke and pulled away from her. I turned away and tried cleaning myself up. She tried helping me but I shrugged her off. I continued a few sniffles to feed her guilt.

'Can we go home now?', I said with a quiet, distant voice. I did not stare at her as I asked.

'We need to resolve this James.'

'It's already been resolved', I said quietly.

'James, don't do this now. We need to go see a specialist and work out our feelings.'

I turned on her harshly, 'You seem to have already worked out your feelings mom. I'll take care of mine my own way.'

'Please James, be reasonable about this. You are not a child.'

'Exactly, so stop treating me like one. I'm ready to leave.' At that, I grabbed a few things and walked ahead towards the car.

At the car, I watched my mothers awesome body approach. My present course was a toss up but I had to stay on target. Her face and eyes were red and I knew she wouldn't keep her emotions held up for long.

We got in the car and she just sat there for a few moments, trying to keep from crying. Composing herself, we took the short ride back home.

Neither of us talked. I took occasional glances at her legs. I made no effort to hide my erection. She looked at me a few times but I don't know if she saw the excitement in my pants.

Once home, she went straight to the bathroom. I went for my video, needing to take the edge off. If something was going to happen tonight, I wanted to be able to last more than a few seconds.

Mom was in the bathroom for an eternity. I grabbed a large sports bag and slowly started putting clothes in it. When I was nearly done, I stopped and waited around, expecting to be enlightened with a brilliant plan. Nothing better came to mind. I finally heard the bathroom door open. I slammed my closet door and grabbed the last items of clothes to put in the bag. Mom was standing in the door as I turned around with my bag.

'Where are you going?' she said, a slight fear in her voice.

'Somewhere I can be happy .. somewhere that I am not constantly reminded of you.' I said this as casually and matter of factly as I could, with no hint of anger.

'Jesus James .. This .. This can't be as bad as you think. Let's wait until your father gets home tomorrow and work this out.'

I laughed. 'Great .. Hey dad, guess what, I want to sleep with your wife. That should go over great. I guess I wouldn't have to worry about killing myself then.'

'Don't joke about this,' she pleaded. I started feeling bad at how much I was hurting her. Staring at her t.i.ts swiftly cured my guilt.

She was lost in her own thoughts and paid no attention to my wandering eyes.

'If I stay here any longer, I'm either going to go crazy or lose control of myself.' That last part caught her attention and she straightened up, slightly defensive.

'If you want to go, it's your choice. Where do you plan on going and how do you expect to live?' I could hear the fear in her voice and I hoped she was bluffing.

'Thanks for caring mom,' I said as I strode to hear. I stood in front of her. 'Do I get a goodbye hug or am I that repulsive.' I was going a bit far but what the h.e.l.l.

Mom was taken aback and started tearing up. She grabbed me tightly and hugged hard enough to cut off my air. I dropped my bag and hugged her back. After a few seconds I realized her huge t.i.ts were mashed against me stomach. I got instant wood that struggled to reach out to her. I knew she could feel it against her flat belly but she didn't let up. I rested my cheek against the top of her head and felt her start to shake. She loosened up and stepped back. After what seemed a lifetime, she looked up at me with the saddest face I'd ever seen on her. My heart nearly broke at that moment. She arched up on her feet, kissed me on the cheek, and walked out of my room. After a moments pause, my heartache let up and the power of my erection took over. From my psychology teachings, I realized my mother was probably more vulnerable than she ever would be. Although I always wanted my fantasy to mirror my movie, I now knew that I wanted to be in her any way I could. I shook my head, cracked my neck, loosened up my arms, and felt this must be how the star quarterback feels going into his first big game. Would I be the hero or the goat.

I walked out of my room and towards my mom's room. I seemed to walk for hours and I could hear a deep pounding in my head. Nervousness started to rack my body and I feared I couldn't go through with it. As I entered the room, mom was sitting on the side of her bed. She looked up at me, first with hope, then with resignation as she saw in my face what I wanted. I said nothing as I walked up to her. Just inches in front of her, I kneeled down to my knees. I bent down into her and grabbed her around the waste with both hands, and hugged her. 'Mom ...

I'm so sorry.' I got carried away in this moment and my nervousness caused me to shake. I felt her put her hand on the back of my head, rubbing it as she had when I was a child. A few moments pa.s.sed and I slowly moved my head from her belly to her waist. It was hard for me to move as I loved the weight of one her b.r.e.a.s.t.s laying on part of my head. I sacrificed for what I knew was a better prize below. Whether my mom knew my intentions or not, she didn't stop me. My position could still be interpreted as innocent, but not for long. My knees were several feet behind me and started to hurt from the awkward angle. I had no other way to lay against her and do what I intended.

Her legs slowly gave way to the pressure from my chest. By the time I had manipulated my head into her lap, with one of my ears over her presumably lovely mound, her legs had opened up a little and my armpits were now resting on her knees. I could feel her body tremble and shake from her soft crying. I continued to shake slightly but kept my tight grip around her waste. I finally felt her bend a bit and she kissed the side of my head. I slowly turned my head and although I could feel her stiffen and she stopped rubbing my head, she didn't prevent my movement. Eventually, my nose was buried against her lower belly while my mouth was just inches and two layers of cloth from my dream. I wanted to stay in my awkward position forever, but the pressure on my knees and neck were getting uncomfortable. I couldn't rush myself as I felt I was on my journeys last lap. I thought I smelt the slightest hint of my mothers sweetness and wondered if she was getting wet. Was she excited or petrified of what she considered impossible? I had to do something. I slowly released my hands and angled them to the side of her hips. Slowly as I could, I knifed my hands along her hips and onto her a.s.s. It was beyond any experience I ever had and I felt I would c.u.m at any moment. She didn't resist so I continued to wedge them between her a.s.s and the bed. As I got them under her, I pulled down as soft and as slow as I could and hoped she appreciated my care. Eventually my middle fingers touched each other and I could have cupped both her a.s.s cheeks -- oh how I wanted to. She was letting me go this far; I had to continue on the successful path.

As I slid my hands toward me, I pushed slightly with my forehead on her belly. I was in no position to exert pressure but I did the best I could. Eventually, as my hands came up and under the back of her legs I pulled up slightly while still pus.h.i.+ng with my head. She slowly sank back at her waist and I inched my knees up to allow better leverage and to continue pressure with my head. Eventually she laid back with a long sigh. 'Ohhh G.o.ddd,' were the words I'd been waiting to hear. Near my moment of triumph, a calmness overtook me and everything became crystal clear. All of my s.e.xual readings came back in a flood. I wanted to please her beyond any pleasure she had ever experienced. I prayed my many months of study would pay off with my mom's ultimate o.r.g.a.s.m. With mom laying on her back and her a.s.s at the edge of the bed, I worked my way in between her legs. I pushed my stomach into her mound. I flexed my stomach muscles as I pushed in harder, and heard her moan. I couldn't believe I was going to do this. I backed of a bit and pushed back in again, exciting another light moan from her. Her eyes were closed and she looked as if she was asleep. I pulled back again and noticed her shorts were much darker over her p.u.s.s.y. This excited me to a new level and I quickly e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed. Oh, how I wished that would have occurred inside her. Soon. I decided slow was good and stood up. Stretching out my muscles was a great relief. I leaned over my mom, looped my hands under her back and struggled to pull/push her farther onto the bed. She pushed off with her legs and arms and I knew she wanted it. Once onto the bed, I slid on top of her, needling myself in between her legs. She let out a few deep sighs and looked like she was trying to catch her breath. She still had not looked into my eyes, but that was a small sacrifice to get to my treasure. I tried centering my weight onto my belly and again rubbed it onto her p.u.s.s.y mound. I had read that this puts pressure on the c.l.i.t and gets women into the right mood without direct stimulation. It seemed to be working as mom let out several deep, but soft moans. I got another erection but I wanted her primed to perfection. I pushed up with my arms and started moving my whole body in circles, while laying between her legs. She responded even more and I was feeling c.o.c.ky. All my reading was paying off. I laid back down on her, cupped my hands under her a.s.s and pulled up a bit. 'Umm,' told me the increased pressure was working. I slid my hands down under her supple legs and pulled up a bit, bringing her knees along my sides. G.o.d, her skin was on fire. I pulled myself farther up and finally my c.o.c.k made contact with her wonderful soft flesh. Even between our layers of clothes, I was as hard as a diamond. Mom started moaning more and she started bucking against me. I wanted to give her an o.r.g.a.s.m but I never thought it would come so quick. Her breathing started picking up and the moans subsided. She moved her hands to my back and grabbed my hips. She pulled me into her even tighter and then wrapped her long, lovely legs around me. I could feel my own o.r.g.a.s.m building again as she started moaning even louder. The sound of her moans were intoxicating and I started shooting my load into my pants. She started bucking harder and my arms could no longer stay extended. I dropped my chest onto hers and wrapped my arms around her back. The feel of her soft, large b.r.e.a.s.t.s were beyond anything I ever imagined. I couldn't wait to feel and taste them. There would be time for that later. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and clamped on lightly with her mouth. I was in heaven and already felt my d.i.c.k stirring again. After a few more intense moments, mom let out the most lovely, soft scream my ears had ever had the pleasure of experiencing. She remained clamped onto my body with her arms and legs and was suckling on my neck. A few seconds later, she bucked one last time and let go, going completely limp under me. Her head turned to the side, her eyes closed. I had never seen her more beautiful and wanted to enter her right then. I heard a soft growling sound and it didn't click in my mind for several seconds. I realized, and mom a second later, the sound was our electric garage opener. She turned towards me with a look of shock I will never forget. My erection died a quick death and I almost p.i.s.sed my pants. Mom was quicker than me, and she struggled to push me off.

The struggle only lasted a second as I got up and darted out of the room, moving faster than at anytime in my life. I couldn't get my footing at the end of the hall and crashed into the wall prior to turning into my room. I felt no pain as my nerves were in complete shock. I was out of breath and felt I might slip into hyperventilation. My wits came back and my shock turned to relief, then regret, and finally anger. What the h.e.l.l had happened? Why the f.u.c.k had he come back early, right when my dream was a reality. I smacked myself to ensure I wasn't dreaming. No such luck. The greatest experience in my life had ended so abruptly. I heard the door from the garage close. That f.u.c.ker had just ruined all I had worked for.

Although I thought of dad as the compet.i.tion, I never wanted to kill him until now. I started second guessing myself and regretted moving so slowly. How long had I wasted working into her? Ten, twenty minutes? She was ready to go as soon as she laid back. I could have f.u.c.ker her twice since then. My G.o.d, what a disaster. I wondered what mom was up to. I had moved so quickly, my heart pounding so loudly inside my head, I didn't even hear her. I snuck over to my door and saw that the bathroom door was closed. At that second, my father walked up to it and knocked.

'Hey babe, are you in there?' I heard a soft affirmative and he opened the door. I heard the faint sound of a shower and applauded mom's quick thinking. Again my anger returned. That should be me in the bathroom with her. More to the point, that should be me in the shower with her, f.u.c.king one more time. Dammit, how could my luck end so badly. The pounding in my head drowned out their brief conversation, but I saw as dad left the bathroom, went towards the living room, and came back towards his bedroom with his bag. His bedroom!! That was my bedroom just five minutes ago. Those were my t.i.ts and a.s.s and I didn't even get them! Had there been a gun in the house, I might have blown my father away right then. I should blow myself away for being so stupid. I just had to be the smart guy -- had to impress her with my smooth moves and knowledge. I'll never forgive myself.

My father walked back out towards the living room and I heard the sounds of the television. Of course he wouldn't see how I am. It'd probably take months for him to forgive me for skipping out on the trip. How long would it take me for getting mom off?? Ha! I realized I'd given her a supreme o.r.g.a.s.m. While spying on my parents, I had never witnessed an o.r.g.a.s.m from my sweet mother. If she had one, she didn't show it. Definitely not like the one she just got from her son.

I wondered if she'd ever experienced such intensity - and I hadn't even f.u.c.ked her. If there was any justice, I'd be able to show her that what she just experienced was an appetizer. My anger slowly faded as I realized all was not lost. Mom had let me go that far and everything was different now. Her earlier arguments no longer held any water and I knew it was only a matter of time before I took my prize.

Yes, time to plan the final act.

9 Aug Surprisingly, I slept quite well last night. I am hungry as h.e.l.l thought because I didn't have the b.a.l.l.s to go eat dinner and face mom with dad there. I'm sure she was thankful I wasn't there either. Dad was no idiot and he would see something was wrong. Last night, I slipped outside my room and listened to their conversation. Her voice sounded normal and I had to applaud her again for being such a cool customer under these circ.u.mstances. From what I gathered, my father got into an argument with his mother and she told him he should just leave. He decided it wasn't worth staying the extra day and came on home. d.a.m.n him and d.a.m.n his mother. Since I was so hungry and knew mom and I couldn't avoid each other forever, I went for some breakfast.

Still, I was relieved that she wasn't there. Dad was watching television and actually made a friendly greeting to me. I got some breakfast and made small talk with him. Mom had gone out shopping and would be back in a few hours. Why couldn't dad have gone shopping for a few hours - enough time for me to finish the deed. He lent me his car and I went to the gym to burn off my excess energy and collect my thoughts.

When I got back, mom was making sandwiches. She didn't look at me as I came in but asked if I was hungry. I was hungry for those two wonderful globes of hers but she was wearing an extremely baggy s.h.i.+rt that somehow hid those beauties. We all ate lunch together but mom eyes never met mine for anything more than a split second. This could not last long or I would go crazier than before. I spent the next few hours watching TV and dreaming of all the possibilities.

10 Aug Mom successfully avoided me for the remainder of yesterday and dinner was a repeat of lunch. I slept awful, hopeful mom would sneak into my room and fulfill what I now felt was a prophecy. Again my hopes were warped by my media-based upbringing - mom was much too sensible to risk such a thing. Maybe she already regretted the whole incident and won't allow anything further to occur. I can't think so negatively.

I've got to believe she'll come back for more, desperate for what she too didn't experience.

Today was more of the same and life is getting into a routine. I am putting every bit of myself into the gym.

12 Aug Mom hasn't been back to the gym yet and I can't say I'm surprised. She has avoided being alone with me in the house, never coming home before my father, and leaving for work the same time he does. For the time being, I am content with the gym. I know the fire in her must be burning as it is in me. Whereas the gym is my release, I think she has none.

14 Aug Last night, my dad's mom finally pa.s.sed away. He got pretty broken up that he wasn't there for her but what the h.e.l.l, he couldn't stand her.

Briefly, I thought mom and me would get a chance to finish but she shocked me by suggesting we all go to the funeral. I guess she knew that if she didn't go, I'd find a way to skip out of it too.

17 Aug Today was the funeral. Not much of the family showed up, proof that grandmother won't be missed much. My father was the only one of us who showed any emotion. I myself was checking out mom in her black dress.

I felt some pangs of guilt after realizing we were at a funeral, but remembering the wonderful day just over a week ago cleared away any regrets. Mom had to know I was watching her at every opportunity but she still failed to keep eye contact with me. This was back to a game; one that I fully intended on winning and going home with the head cheerleader.

18 Aug Last night we stayed at a motel. Since dad was too cheap to spring for a room for me, I got to sleep in a double bed just a few feet from them. I was in bed early so that I could focus all my attention on mom when she came out in her nightie. Dad went in the bathroom as she came out and I made no attempt to avert my eyes. When the bathroom door closed, she finally met my gaze, giving me a half smile of regret and heartache. I thought of something to say but nothing proper came to mind. As I was searching for the right words she said, 'Not here.

We'll talk at home.' The sound of her voice was joy to my heart. I nodded acceptance but continued to stare at her as she settled in with a book. As dad entered the room, I turned over and readied for sleep.

Once he was settled in, I heard a few kisses. My stomach turned from the thought, wis.h.i.+ng I could kiss her whole body.

We got a late start and didn't get home until the afternoon. I wanted to talk to mom as soon as possible but dad's presence was making it impossible. For dinner, mom said we should get some Chinese. My father was watching a baseball game so mom asked if I wanted to go with her.

I agreed instantly, knowing I sounded like an eager child. Neither of us said a thing as we got in the car and left. I wanted to touch and feel her so bad but restrained my h.o.r.n.y urges. Mom broke the ice and I was regretting what she might say.

'I'm .. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you the past week. What happened was crazy and .. and .. I have been trying to cope with it.' She paused for a few moments, concentrating on the traffic. 'I'm not going to pretend what happened was a terrible mistake. It happened and both of us made it happen. I'm still .. not sure how it happened or why I didn't stop it, but it did and we can't change it.' She paused a few more seconds, seemingly at the end of her prepared speech.

'Mom ..', I started.

'Please James, let me finish first. I won't lie to you and pretend I was not caught up in what happened. We both know it was a very intense experience -- one that ... never should have happened. I know you must be frustrated and confused and I can't blame you.'

'Mom, the only frustration I have .. is .. that my dream .......

didn't .. wasn't complete.' I was at a loss for words but that was the best I could come up with. I couldn't let her shut me out after I came so close.

'Honey, you know if you get what you want .. we won't be able to just shut it off and return to normal as if nothing happened. We already can't but what you want will make it even worse.'

We arrived at the Chinese joint and the conversation ended as we went in and ordered the take-out. We went back to the car to continue in private while we waited. I didn't wait for her.

'I want you more than ever', putting every bit of sincerity into my voice. For once, I was completely telling the truth.

She had no response. The words felt foolish and fake but I couldn't think of anything better, 'Just come to me one night and fulfill my fantasy.' I paused to control my breaking voice. 'That is all I ask and I will not ask for anything more if that is what you want .. just please do this one thing for me mom.' Six months ago, I could never have dreamed of saying such a thing to anyone, let alone my own mother. How my life had changed and I had no idea where it was heading.

She found her thoughts, 'What we did has changed everything forever. I have already considered leaving your father -- I never cheated on him and I don't think I can stand to live a lie, knowing I betrayed his trust in me.' I couldn't believe my mother would go to such lengths, but it didn't change my resolve.

'If you are going to leave him, what further ... harm ... damage will being with me cause?'

I had the slightest thought that mom meant to leave dad to be with me but she dispelled that quickly, 'honey, if we go beyond what already .. happened, ... I ... I won't be able to live with myself. If we do what you want .. my life as a .. mother and wife, are ....... over ...

forever. The only way I know it won't happen again is to leave not just your father, .. but .. you too. I could not stand to see you knowing what we had done.' A long pause. 'I already believe that leaving is my only option to maybe getting my life back to ... some kind of normality. I can't live in such a fantasy world and I don't want to live with the constant guilty that seeing you and your father bring me.'

I felt really bad, never realizing the full extent of damage my plan would and had caused. I thought my parents' life would carry on, albeit with a deep, dark secret. In one fell swoop, I had wrecked our entire family and might never have a family to go back to once I left home.

I think mom saw my concentrated look and I snapped back to reality.

'Mom, I'm so sorry'. I truly was and could not ask for forgiveness for what I put into motion. I started crying. After a few moments, she hugged me sideways in the car and I cried into her shoulder. I recovered in a minute. Mom went back into the restaurant to pickup our food. Guilt flooded as I watched the sway of her a.s.s. I still wanted it -- I still needed it. Was I willing to give up the only life I knew -- give up any future contact with my family for what I hoped would be the most erotic experience of my lifetime? I knew I could not grasp the vastness of my future and the hurt and loneliness of not having my family, but I wanted her more than anything -- wanted her more than life itself. It had to be worth it -- otherwise, why would it be so forbidden in society. I watched those great hips sway from the front.

The full bounce of her t.i.ts under her s.h.i.+rt. Another uncontrollable hard-on. Mom slid a few bags to me as she entered the car. As I placed them in the floor board, she handed the rest to me. Her eyes dropped quickly to my pants, since they were loose enough to make a very obvious tent pole. She looked up at me with no change in expression. I took the remaining bags and we went home. We managed silence for the return trip. At dinner, my father carried the conversation for both of us. Mom stared at me on occasion but neither of us bothered with small talk. Later, while cleaning up, my hand brushed her hip and sent a shock through my whole body. I had to have it. Couldn't she see?

That night, I listened from the hallway, hoping to hear if my mom broke the news to dad. I couldn't hear over the noise of the television, but a.s.sumed it would get loud, at least on his end, if she told him she was leaving him. He went to their bedroom first as she setup the coffee machine for the next morning. I waited at the corner of the hallway as she came through, turning out the lights.

I whispered, 'Mom .... if you are leaving anyway, please do this for me.' I gave her no chance to reply and could not see her expression in the darkened hallway. I turned immediately and went to my room. I prayed and hoped she would visit me tonight. After about ten minutes, I got restless and snuck outside to spy on my parents. Mom was reading her book while was lying in bed, apparently asleep. After a few minutes, he rolled over, apparently deciding it was time for his weekly f.u.c.k. The b.a.s.t.a.r.d. He started touching mom but she made no attempt to stop reading. They exchanged a few word and he rolled back over. Mom looked up and over towards the window. I ducked, hoping I hadn't been spotted, and quickly made my way back into the house and into my room. Hoping tonight was the night, I went to the bathroom. I dropped my d.i.c.k in the sink, cleaning it for that beautiful mouth I hoped would soon be wrapped tightly around me.

I laid in bed, unable to sleep. Sticking to the fantasy, I was naked on top of my bed. It was getting a bit chilly, but if I was going through with a once in a lifetime experience, I wanted it perfect down to the last little detail. Time crept by and every time I thought 10 minutes had pa.s.sed, it was only 5. I don't know when it happened, but it was surreal. I felt something, heard a slurping and popping noise.

Fearful I was dreaming again, I waited. Was this real? Was mom fulfilling my fantasy. My mind drifted and curious images warped through my mind. I tried opening my eyes but couldn't. Just then, I started falling. I reached out for my bed but nothing. I kept falling.

I turned over and saw the ground approaching. Fearing I would never taste the sweetness of my mother, I started yelling. In an instant, I was awake -- and alone. A few moments later the hallway light told me that I hadn't been just yelling in my dream. My father came shuffling into my room. After I a.s.sured him it was just a dream, he went back to bed. It seemed like hours before my mind and heart calmed down enough to drift into sleep.

19 Aug With morning came the realization that my story was still unfinished.