Tartuffe Or the Hypocrite Part 18

MR. LOYAL (to Dorine, at the back of the stage) Good day, good sister. Pray you, let me see The master of the house.

DORINE He's occupied; I think he can see n.o.body at present.

MR. LOYAL I'm not by way of being unwelcome here.

My coming can, I think, nowise displease him; My errand will be found to his advantage.

DORINE Your name, then?

MR. LOYAL Tell him simply that his friend Mr. Tartuffe has sent me, for his goods ...

DORINE (to Orgon) It is a man who comes, with civil manners, Sent by Tartuffe, he says, upon an errand That you'll be pleased with.

CLEANTE (to Orgon) Surely you must see him, And find out who he is, and what he wants.

ORGON (to Cleante) Perhaps he's come to make it up between us: How shall I treat him?

CLEANTE You must not get angry; And if he talks of reconciliation Accept it.

MR. LOYAL (to Orgon) Sir, good-day. And Heaven send Harm to your enemies, favour to you.

ORGON (aside to Cleante) This mild beginning suits with my conjectures And promises some compromise already.

MR. LOYAL All of your house has long been dear to me; I had the honour, sir, to serve your father.

ORGON Sir, I am much ashamed, and ask your pardon For not recalling now your face or name.

MR. LOYAL My name is Loyal. I'm from Normandy.

My office is court-bailiff, in despite Of envy; and for forty years, thank Heaven, It's been my fortune to perform that office With honour. So I've come, sir, by your leave To render service of a certain writ ...

ORGON What, you are here to ...

MR. LOYAL Pray, sir, don't be angry.

'Tis nothing, sir, but just a little summons:-- Order to vacate, you and yours, this house, Move out your furniture, make room for others, And that without delay or putting off, As needs must be ...

ORGON I? Leave this house?

MR. LOYAL Yes, please, sir The house is now, as you well know, of course, Mr. Tartuffe's. And he, beyond dispute, Of all your goods is henceforth lord and master By virtue of a contract here attached, Drawn in due form, and una.s.sailable.

DAMIS (to Mr. Loyal) Your insolence is monstrous, and astounding!

MR. LOYAL (to Damis) I have no business, sir, that touches you;

(Pointing to Orgon) This is the gentleman. He's fair and courteous, And knows too well a gentleman's behaviour To wish in any wise to question justice.

ORGON But ...

MR. LOYAL Sir, I know you would not for a million Wish to rebel; like a good citizen You'll let me put in force the court's decree.

DAMIS Your long black gown may well, before you know it, Mister Court-bailiff, get a thorough beating.

MR. LOYAL (to Orgon) Sir, make your son be silent or withdraw.

I should be loath to have to set things down, And see your names inscribed in my report.

DORINE (aside) This Mr. Loyal's looks are most disloyal.

MR. LOYAL I have much feeling for respectable And honest folk like you, sir, and consented To serve these papers, only to oblige you, And thus prevent the choice of any other Who, less possessed of zeal for you than I am Might order matters in less gentle fas.h.i.+on.

ORGON And how could one do worse than order people Out of their house?

MR. LOYAL Why, we allow you time; And even will suspend until to-morrow The execution of the order, sir.

I'll merely, without scandal, quietly, Come here and spend the night, with half a score Of officers; and just for form's sake, please, You'll bring your keys to me, before retiring.

I will take care not to disturb your rest, And see there's no unseemly conduct here.

But by to-morrow, and at early morning, You must make haste to move your least belongings; My men will help you--I have chosen strong ones To serve you, sir, in clearing out the house.

No one could act more generously, I fancy, And, since I'm treating you with great indulgence, I beg you'll do as well by me, and see I'm not disturbed in my discharge of duty.

ORGON I'd give this very minute, and not grudge it, The hundred best gold louis I have left, If I could just indulge myself, and land My fist, for one good square one, on his snout.

CLEANTE (aside to Orgon) Careful!--don't make things worse.

DAMIS Such insolence!

I hardly can restrain myself. My hands Are itching to be at him.

DORINE By my faith, With such a fine broad back, good Mr. Loyal, A little beating would become you well.

MR. LOYAL My girl, such infamous words are actionable.

And warrants can be issued against women.

CLEANTE (to Mr. Loyal) Enough of this discussion, sir; have done.

Give us the paper, and then leave us, pray.

MR. LOYAL Then _au revoir_. Heaven keep you from disaster!

ORGON May Heaven confound you both, you and your master!

SCENE V

ORGON, MADAME PERNELLE, ELMIRE, CLEANTE, MARIANE, DAMIS, DORINE

ORGON Well, mother, am I right or am I not?

This writ may help you now to judge the matter.

Or don't you see his treason even yet?

MADAME PERNELLE I'm all amazed, befuddled, and befl.u.s.tered!

DORINE (to Orgon) You are quite wrong, you have no right to blame him; This action only proves his good intentions.

Love for his neighbour makes his virtue perfect; And knowing money is a root of evil, In Christian charity, he'd take away Whatever things may hinder your salvation.