The Lonely Way-Intermezzo-Countess Mizzie Part 44

WEGRAT

Of course, she was very reserved--especially of late, since the death of her mother.... I wonder if it could be that?... Would you think that possible, Doctor?

REUMANN (_shrugs his shoulders_)

FELIX

Did any one of us really know her? And who takes a real interest in another person anyhow?

REUMANN

It is apparently fortunate that such is the case. Otherwise we should all go mad from pity or loathing or anxiety. (_Pause_) Now I must get around to my patients. There are a few calls that cannot be postponed.

I shall be back by dinner-time. Good-by for a while. (_He goes out_)

WEGRAT

To think that you can watch a young creature like her grow up--can see the child turn into girl, and then into a young lady--can speak hundreds of thousands of words to her.... And one day she rises from the table, puts on hat and coat, and goes ... and you have no idea as to whether she has slipped away--if into nothingness or into a new life.

FELIX

But whatever may have happened, father--she wanted to get away from us.

And in that fact, I think, we should find a certain consolation.

WEGRAT (_shakes his head in perplexity_)

Everything is fluttering away--willingly or unwillingly--but away it goes.

FELIX

Father, we can't tell what may have happened. It's conceivable, at least, that Johanna may have formed some decision which she does not carry out. Perhaps she will come back in a few hours, or days.

WEGRAT

You believe ... you think it possible, do you?

FELIX

Possible--yes. But if she shouldn't come--of course, father, I shall give up the plan of which I told you yesterday. Under circ.u.mstances like these I couldn't think of going so far away from you for such a long time.

WEGRAT (_to Julian_)

And now he's going to sacrifice himself for my sake!

FELIX

Perhaps I could arrange to have myself transferred here.

WEGRAT

No, Felix, you know very well that I couldn't accept such a thing.

FELIX

But it's no sacrifice. I a.s.sure you, father, that I stay with you only because I _can't_ go away from you now.

WEGRAT

Oh, yes, Felix, you can--you will be able. And you are not to stay here for my sake--you mustn't. I could never be sure that it would prove of any help to me to have you give up a plan which you have taken hold of with such enthusiasm. I think it would be inexcusable of you to draw back, and wicked of me to permit it. You must be happy at having found a way at last, by which you may reach all you have longed for. It makes me happy, too, Felix. If you missed this opportunity, you would regret it all your life.

FELIX

But so much may have changed since yesterday--such a tremendous lot--for you and for me.

WEGRAT

For me, perhaps.... But never mind. I won't stand it--I will not accept such a sacrifice. Of course, I might accept it, if I could find it of any special advantage to myself. But I shouldn't have you any more than if you were gone away ... less ... not at all. This fate that has descended on us must not add to its inherent power what is still worse--that it makes us do in our confusion what is against our own natures. Sometime we always get over every disaster, no matter how frightful it be. But whatever we do in violation of our innermost selves can never be undone. (_Turning to Julian_) Isn't that true, Julian?

JULIAN

You are absolutely right.

FELIX

Thanks, father. I feel grateful that you make it so easy for me to agree with you.

WEGRAT

That's good, Felix.... During the weeks you will remain in Europe we shall be able to talk over a lot of things--more perhaps than in the years gone by. Indeed, how little people know about each other!... But I am getting tired. We stayed awake all night.

FELIX

Won't you rest a while, father?

WEGRAT

Rest.... You'll stay at home, Felix, won't you?

FELIX

Yes, I shall wait right here. What else is there to do?

WEGRAT

I'm racking my brain until it's near bursting.... Why didn't she say anything to me? Why have I known so little about her? Why have I kept so far away from her? (_He goes out_)

FELIX

How that man has been belied--all his life long--by all of us.